A/N: Wow. It's been six years since I last uploaded a story so this is obviously my first foray into the world of Bones fan fiction. This is another post finale fic, dealing with some issues I think B&B would likely have that we are probably never going to get to see. Not that I'm complaining because I understand why the time jump was necessary.
I'd like to thank my good friends and fellow fic writers, LostLightAngel and Petsuchos Isis, for inspiring me to actually complete something for once (and for nagging me to post it).
Disclaimer: Bones, sadly, is not mine.
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Accepting Change and Learning to Trust
A baby.
She was pregnant. With Booth's baby.
Brennan sat in her office, attempting to type a report, feeling like her world had turned upside down and three days were not enough for it to turn right side up again.
Everything had changed so fast. For so long she and Booth had been just partners. But that line had been obliterated in the past few weeks as they'd gone from partners to lovers to expectant parents.
And it all started after the tragedy of losing Vincent, when the pair agreed too much time had been wasted and no more could be spared. She would forever regret that.
Booth had been happy, ecstatic even, when she told him she told him she was pregnant, and she felt a metaphorical weight lifted from her shoulders. However, his joy wasn't enough to quell her doubts about how much their lives were going to change.
He believed love was transcendent and eternal, and after several years, she believed so as well. Even though she had no real experience with the emotion, she was certain that's what she felt for Booth. There would be no more pretending, no more ignoring what was so clear to everyone else. And now that they were together she was doing everything in her power to make the relationship last. Yet a part of her remained terrified that she could never be the type of person that Booth wanted or needed.
So much of her personal happiness depended on her relationship with Booth to the point where she doubted her ability to be happy without him.
Brennan hated that feeling.
The sudden chiming of her phone brought Brennan out of her pensive state. It was a text from Booth, as usual, asking if she wanted lunch. Despite not being very hungry, she agreed, thinking perhaps getting out of the lab for a while would do some good.
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"I can hear you thinking over there, Bones" Booth sighed when he realized the conversation had become one-sided.
"You know that's impossible, Booth." Brennan turned her attention back to him.
"And you know it's only an expression. Are you okay? You haven't touched your food, or mine, for that matter."
"I'm fine, Booth." In an effort to prove nothing was wrong, Brennan reached over and snatched a fry off of Booth's plate. He was not convinced.
"See, you say that, but I don't believe it. Come on, Bones. What's really going on in that genius brain of yours?"
Brennan sighed, knowing Booth was not going to let the issue go.
"I've been thinking about how much things have changed." Her hand came to rest on her still flat stomach. "About how much more they're going to." Brennan looked sad, scared even. Booth's initial thought was hormones but he was afraid to ask. He figured it would either upset her more, or make her angry.
However, Booth sensed she was holding back and he never liked seeing her upset, regardless of the reasons. He also knew this was a conversation far too personal to have in the middle of the crowded Diner. So he threw a few bills on the table to cover their meals and led Brennan back to the SUV.
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They rode back to the Jeffersonian in silence. Booth snuck glances at Brennan the entire way, still trying to get a read on why she was acting so un-Bones like. Once parked, Brennan remained seated. That she didn't immediately go back to the safety of the lab was a good sign. Yet her silence indicated that Booth would have to be the one to initiate any conversation.
"Bones, things have to change. Okay? You taught me that. But change can be a good thing."
"Can it, though?" She questioned.
"Yes it can. Why wouldn't it be?"
There was a pause before Brennan managed to say what had been plaguing her mind.
"I'm afraid that our relationship is based on the fact that I am carrying your child. I'm afraid of being an obligation."
Booth felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach. Her blunt delivery only making it worse.
"Bones - what - how could you even think that of me?" Brennan visibly flinched at his outburst, but he felt a rush of anger that overshadowed the concern for her feelings. "After nearly seven years have I not proven that I'm not going anywhere?"
"You have, Booth, and that is part of what scares me. I know you feel a sense of obligation to care for me as the mother of your child. I cou-"
"And is that a bad thing?" Of course he cared for her as the mother of his baby, and as his partner, friend, and woman he wanted to spend his life with. Why didn't she understand that?
"No. It's an admirable trait. You've always done right by those you care for, even when you were hurt in the process." Even when she had been the one to hurt him. "But I could never live with myself if you stayed in this relationship and were unhappy."
"That would never happen. Never." He sounded so positive, but Brennan remained skeptical.
"How can you be so sure of that?"
"I have loved you for a long time, Bones. Since long before you told me you were pregnant. And I will continue to love you forty years from now." The last part struck a nerve with Brennan.
"But what happens when I can't be the person you want me to be? You have such idealistic views on relationships, Booth. I'm not positive I can promise you one year, let alone thirty or forty." She turned her head, unable to look him in the eyes. For a moment Booth thought she was fighting back tears. Then he heard her whisper, more to herself than him. "I can't lose you."
"I don't care about that anymore." His tone was switching from angry to increasingly desperate. He needed to get his point across. He needed her to trust in him, and in them. "Believe me I learned that lesson the hard way. I don't want you to change. I'm not asking for anything you aren't positive you can give. All I want is to be with you, in the here and now." It felt like that night outside the Hoover all over again, but Booth was not going to let this situation have the same outcome. Not when there was so much more to lose.
Brennan looked back up at him.
"Do you really mean that?"
"More than anything. I love you, Bones. And now that we're together you're stuck with me." His tone was much lighter now, with just a touch of humor. It was quite effective as he could see the tension leaving Brennan's body, the fear fading from her eyes.
She nodded and gave him a slight smile. But it was enough. Booth pulled her as close as possible given the confines of the SUV and their current seated positions. Despite the awkwardness, they enjoyed the moment, knowing the other person was there and their relationship remained strong.
Booth was particularly amazed. Brennan had voiced one of her biggest fears and they'd managed to work through it without anything drastic occurring. While this was likely only the first of many issues the couple would face, Booth wasn't worried. They'd gone through worse things as partners and always managed to get through them every time. That they were now in a romantic relationship only strengthened their resolve to work through whatever problems might arise.
Brennan pulled away first, noting that she did, in fact, have to return to work. Though before she could leave Booth pulled her in for a quick kiss. It was something he did quite often and Brennan was not complaining. Finally being able to kiss and hold each other close without pretense (because guy hugs never seemed like a real thing) was an amazing feeling.
She walked back into the lab feeling happier than she had in days.
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Brennan spent the rest of the afternoon in her office finishing paperwork and responding to a mass of emails she'd been neglecting. Her lightened mood helped the time go by faster. Metaphorically, of course.
Booth picked her up promptly at six for dinner. The drive back to his apartment was filled with their usual banter which was a far cry from that afternoon.
Dinner was cooked together and afterwards they settled on the couch for a movie. Brennan only half paid attention, instead choosing to enjoy the feeling of being in Booth's arms. This was their new normal and she was okay with that. More than okay; she was finally happy and in love after years of believing she would never achieve either. True, she was still adjusting and had yet to lose the last of her imperviousness. And fears for the future were always present in the back of her mind.
But at least for tonight the world felt right side up again.