AN: Based off Avril Levigne's song When You're Gone. Trigger Warnings.
Eight Months Ago
Emma was happily singing and dancing in the kitchen. Regina was coming home soon and there was no better feeling than the high she was on now. Her wife was coming home soon and the excitement and news she had to share with the brunette was something huge and life changing. Getting lost in thought the blonde stirred the rich pasta sauce she'd been making when the doorbell rang.
Not expecting anyone she removed the pan from the open flame burner and went to the door, it wasn't every day someone stopped by unannounced. So when she opens the door to see Killian (who was in uniform) her best friend, and her and Regina's sperm donor she was surprised to say the least.
"Killian," the smile was warm and loving having known him since before she'd met Regina, funnily enough he's the reason the two met.
However he could not return the smile. His eyes had bags under them as if he'd been awake and tormented with the worst things imaginable, "Swan," his voice was hoarse and quiet and his eyes dared not meet hers.
Frowning the blonde put her hand on his shoulder thinking something was wrong with him because never in a million years could she think of something worse than the news she was about to hear, "Are you alright?"
Shaking his head he placed his own hand on top of the one on his shoulder and gently removed it but still held tightly, "No love, I'm not, but perhaps we can discuss this inside?"
Agreeing to his request she leads him to the living room where they take residence on the couch. The first thing she noticed though was how close he sat. Killian never sat close, well this close, to her unless something was extremely wrong, "Killian, talk to me." she implored.
Raising his eyes to meet hers for the first time since he's been there the man takes a deep breath, "Swan, it's-" he shakes his head thinking about the pain he's about to put his best friend through, "It's about Regina." he went on to explain that she was MIA and nobody knew anything, but they were looking. However that did nothing to ease the fear and pain it caused her to hear those words.
And then Emma's world stopped. Those three words she never thought she'd hear or even consider hearing from her best friend. The only thing she was able to do was touch her stomach at the thought of raising their child alone. Of all the first her wife would miss; first steps, first word, saying mommy, significant others, cars, christmas', birthdays, and then she sobbed. The strangled cry that tore from her throat was of anguish and pain. It felt as though someone had reached into her chest wrenched her heart out and crushed it before her very eyes.
Catching his friend as she cried out Killian held her close. She cried for what seemed like hours. The food she'd been making was no doubt cold, her once green eyes alight with life were duller, and soon the tears stopped as she fell into a deep sleep. Laying her down on the couch Killian felt guilty. They'd chosen him to tell the woman her wife was missing. God how he hated himself in that moment but at least Emma was sleeping now. Covering the blonde u with Regina's throw he went to the kitchen to clean up.
It was when he was doing dished that he heard footsteps and turned to the doorway. Emma's eyes were red and puffy as she clung to the throw around her shoulders like a lifeline, "I'm Pregnant," she whispered and in that moment he swore to be there for his friend and godchild come hell or highwater.
~~XXX~~
Emma awoke alone again as had been the usual for the past few months. It never got any easier knowing they'd quickly written off Regina as KIA and it never would. On top of all the pregnancy hormones Emma was a mess. She cried the day she found out the gender of her baby, a boy, and hadn't stopped until Killian and Ruby had taken her home and put her to bed. In fact everyone of her and Regina's friends had been so attentive around her that she was sick of it. Sick of all the pitying looks and the "I'm sure Regina would have loved this" comments. She was just so tired of it all.
Gently getting up from the bed the blonde waddled over to the closet ready to start her day but when she opened the door and Regina's suits hung neatly on her side as well as her old ARMY sweater Emma plucked it from the hanger bringing it to her face. It still smelled like her, like lavender and vanilla. She missed that. Teasing her lover because she was so strong and in charge yet smelled so sweet and calm. Forgoing changing into actual clothes Emma just donned the sweatshirt and left her pajama pants on before making her way down to the kitchen.
Upon entering Killian, who'd moved in, was making pancakes and Ruby who was sitting at the table reading the newspaper was sipping on coffee, "Hello love," the man greeted handing her a plate of flapjacks before taking his own and handing Ruby hers.
"Morning," she replied sleepily digging into her pancakes topped with pickles, syrup, and chocolate. (Ruby and Killian had gotten used to her strange cravings.)
"Oh, Emma I have to run into town today with Killian to pick some things up and Mary wanted to stop by." Nodding her head the blonde silently accepted the news. She didn't like being babied but if it made them feel better who was she to stop them, at least these two didn't do the pitying looks and comments about her deceased wife. The only problem she was going to have that day was Mary-Margaret coming over. Of all the people it had to be her. Don't get her wrong she liked Mary, but she was such a naive girl trapped in a woman's body.
"As long as she doesn't bring up certain topics I'm sure I'll be fine." she then spoke confirming the day's plans.
It was around two when Mary showed up to the house while Killian and Ruby had left a few hours earlier. Emma had been in the middle of watching Arrow when the pixie haired woman let herself in. She actually let herself in. Not in the mood for an argument she let it go knowing stress wasn't good for the baby.
"Hi Emma."
"Mary," she nodded in greeting turning her attention back to the show trying to ignore the woman who decided it was best to sit right next to her.
"So what are you watching?"
At first she pretended to be too invested in the show, but the woman had a way of making herself known wherever she was, "Emma? Emma? Emmmma?"
"What!?" she finally paused the show turning to look at her guest/
Not picking up on the slight aggression coming from the blonde Mary smiled, "I asked what you were watching."
"It's called Arrow," she informed, "Regina and I watched it all the time when she was home."
"Oh honey," and there it was. Every time she brought her up Mary would look at her with pity and her voice would get so apologetic, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring her up."
"You didn't bring her up I did," Emma shot back pressing play on the show.
"Still," Mary decided to talk over the show, "It must be hard knowing she won't be here-"
That was the last straw. Standing from her spot on the couch Emma looked down on the raven haired woman, "Well of course it's going to be hard! It's already hard knowing when I wake up she won't be there but rather cold sheets. It'll be even harder when he's born and I have nobody to share moments with that should be shared with my wife! So don't you dare start this shit now!" she yelled hands going to her swollen belly, "Do you honestly think I haven't thought about these things?" she questioned the woman now cowering on the couch, "Or is it some wiring in your brain that makes you question me about her every time your here?" she cries, "Because I can't take that pitying look in your eyes any more and I hate it."
Realizing she had unintentionally worked the blonde up Mary tried to soothe her, "Emma please calm down, think of the baby, what would Regina say?"
And that right there seemed to make everything spiral out of control as Emma slapped the woman then doubled over in pain clutching at her sides, "Oh, god," she breathed noticing the blood trickling down her legs...
AN Thoughts?