As this story begins, the time is the end of Season Five, although Brian and Justin have not met. Brian is 35 and has his own ad agency. Justin is 23 and has a degree in art from PIFA. The bashing never occurred. Brian and Justin have not influenced each other's lives, so they are on a slightly different path than they were in the series. This is AU from the series, although I tried to keep as much of their original character as possible.

This story is based on my own romantic history, at one point having two men I cared for at the same time. I'm a straight woman, but I could easily imagine 'being' Justin and his emotions.

Justin met Ethan when they were both were 18 year old freshmen in college. It had been five years since and they dated that whole time. Ethan had the same apartment all that time and Justin lived with his divorced mother, Jennifer, and his sister Molly.

When Justin first met Ethan, he was swept away by his romantic violin playing. They were friends first, finding a lot in common with their love for the arts. Later, after a few weeks of friendship, they went on their first date. After that, they were together all of the time. Justin would go over to Ethan's and they'd have nice evenings together, but Justin would go home at the end of the day. Justin knew that Ethan loved him, as he often told him so. Justin knew he had strong feelings for Ethan, which Justin assumed was love, so he readily told Ethan he loved him, too.

'They' always say, "You'll know when true love comes along." Well, unfortunately for Justin, he thought he'd found true love with Ethan. It was the strongest Justin had ever felt for anyone, so he assumed it was the real thing.

Ethan was in love with Justin. He knew that Justin was 'the guy' for him and cared about him deeply. Part of Ethan, though, was afraid to commit too much. He never asked Justin to move in with him. He never asked Justin to marry him or be his partner. Ethan thought that twenty three was too young to get tied down with one person for the rest of his life.

They continued dating those five years, finding a comfort in their routine. They'd get together, have dinner, maybe see a movie and sometimes have sex, but, at the end of the evening Justin would return home.

There was a part of Justin that realized that something was missing. He'd flirt with other guys and even went on a few dates without Ethan knowing about it. When Justin was 22 he dated a guy named Karl for a few months. Karl was a fellow visual artist and they had a great attraction to each other. Justin would make excuses to Ethan about working late on an art project and then get together for a night of passionate sex with Karl. But, their relationship became strained and Karl told Justin he was tired of playing second fiddle (pun intended) to Ethan. Justin cared a lot about Karl, but didn't want to break up with his 'steady' Ethan. Karl and Justin agreed to stop seeing each other, although they maintained a friendship afterwards. Later, Karl moved out of state.

As Justin turned 23 and college was over, he decided that it was time to start making some life decisions. He wanted to move out of his mom's house. He wanted to find out where he was with Ethan.

One evening Justin told Ethan that he'd like to move in with him. Ethan was taken aback … he was surprised that Justin suggested it. They discussed it with Jennifer and she was OK with it, but then she asked Ethan point blank what he saw for the future for him and Justin. He just stammered and didn't have much of an answer. Later, He told Justin he was upset with him for making him look bad in Jennifer's eyes. Justin was upset that Ethan didn't seem to have any kind of clear plan. Justin called off moving in with him and continued to live with his mom.

Justin took a summer intern job at a successful new ad agency in town, Kinney,Inc. He loved the job and was quite taken with its 35 year old owner, Brian Kinney. According to the guys in the art department that Justin talked to, Brian was the stud of Liberty Avenue. He would go to bars like Woody's and score with countless men. Justin was instantly attracted to Brian and found himself staring at him as he'd breeze through the hallways in his Armani suits.

After a trial period of two weeks, it was customary for Brian to review the work of the interns, so Justin was called in to a meeting with the boss. Justin was nervous; in part because of the job but also of his attraction to Brian.

Justin knocked on Brian's door. "You asked to see me, Mr. Kinney?"

"Taylor. Yes. Come in. Close the door."

Justin closed his eyes as he shut the office door. He needed to gather himself.

Brian was reviewing Justin's file. "This all looks very impressive, Mr. Taylor."

"Justin. Call me Justin."

"Justin. And you can call me Brian." Brian smiled. "I like what you've been doing for the new Liberty Air campaign. Good work. I see you have a degree from PIFA in Fine Arts."

"Yes, Mr. Kinney, I mean, Brian."

"You've spent a lot of time at the art museum, then?"

"Oh, yes. It's my second home. I love it there."

Brian leaned back in his chair. "I'd like to see the new Monet exhibit that they just opened. I really enjoy the visual arts."

Their conversation continued with Justin becoming more and more at ease. They found a lot in common with the kind of art that they enjoyed and Justin was impressed with Brian's knowledge of art and art history. Ethan seemed to be only interested in music, so Justin found it refreshing to talk to someone about visual arts for a change.

Brian had noticed Justin around the office and found the young man to be very attractive. He thought frequently about how he'd like to have Justin in his bed. He regretted that he could only offer Justin a summer job, but that's all the ad company needed for now. After their first meeting he found Justin very easy to talk to and was glad to have him around. They'd run into each other and chat while getting coffee in the break room. There was a little bit of flirtation, too.

After a couple of months of these talks, Brian decided he wanted to get to know Justin better. Something told him that Justin wasn't the kind of guy that he could just ask to come home with him. He could tell that Justin was attracted to him, but he wasn't going to just fall into Brian's bed, either. There was something about the young blond that Brian knew was different. Justin couldn't be treated like the tricks he would encounter at Babylon. This kid was special and he needed to treat him with more respect.

Things were changing in Brian's life, whether he liked it or not. He'd just turned 35; an age he'd never thought he'd reach. His friend Lindsay had their son, Gus, five years before. She and her lesbian partner, Mel, were married and raised Gus together. His best friend, Michael, was now married to Ben and they'd adopted a teenage boy named Hunter. Michael was also the biological father for Mel's daughter, Jenny Rebecca. Even his friends Ted and Emmett had each recently gotten boyfriends. Michael's mom, Debbie, whom Brian called 'Ma', was engaged to Carl.

Another thing that made Brian re-evaluate his life was a bout with testicular cancer. He'd fought it and was cancer free, but the loom of mortality was ever present. Then there was the bombing of Babylon during a Prop 14 fundraiser. That shook everyone in their community to their very core. Five people had died and many were injured, including Michael. Lindsay and Mel decided to pack up and move to Toronto to get away from the homophobic tone of Pittsburgh. The new mayor, Jim Stockwell, was promoting his 'family friendly' initiative, which meant things were getting tougher for the gays in town. There were fewer and fewer places for public sexual encounters like the baths. Babylon never reopened. Drug crackdowns happened all of the time, too. Brian hated Stockwell, but he'd reluctantly took on his ad campaign for the money. Nobody had been there to tell him to stop Stockwell from getting elected.

All these changes made Brian feel more and more like a loner. It seemed to him that everyone was pairing up and going off to have a family. Part of him shuddered at the thought, but he could also see the happiness that his friends had in their lives. It was almost enough for Brian to consider changing his ways. Almost.

Brian never went on dates. He had only been on one date in his life and ended up fucking the waiter. Conversations with Justin, however, made him rethink his 'no dating' policy and he decided to ask Justin to attend the Monet exhibit with him. Brian was going to go anyway, so why not have someone with him that would appreciate it?

Justin agreed to the date. Brian gave Justin his address to meet him at the loft before they went to the art museum. Justin was impressed with the loft and Brian's decorating taste. They had a nice evening at the exhibit and went for a drink afterwards at a bar near the museum. Brian drove Justin back to the loft. After they exited the Corvette, Brian walked with Justin.

Brian asked, "Would you like to come up and have a beer?"

Justin nervously responded, "No, thanks. I'd better get home."

"Are you sure?" Brian moved a little closer, pinning Justin up against the young man's car.

"Yeah, thanks, though. And thanks for a nice evening." Justin put his hands on Brian's shoulders and they pulled together as their lips met. The first kiss was simple and tender. A second one turned more passionate and Justin stopped it before it went too far. "Good Night." He smiled, got into his car and drove off. Brian was smiling, too. He could tell with that kiss that Justin was more than interested in him. Brian was feeling things that he'd not felt before. Justin evoked emotions in him that he couldn't describe. It both warmed his heart and scared the shit out of him at the same time.

The summer internship continued with Justin working diligently for Kinney,Inc. He even came up with a new name for the company; he suggested to Brian that he called it Kinnetik and showed him a new logo. Brian liked the idea so much that he initiated the change and incorporated the logo on their letterhead and advertisements.

Brian and Justin went on a couple more dates before the summer was over. They mutually decided to keep it casual as they still worked together. Brian found it great to have Justin at the office because he could talk to him about work frustrations and make sense of it to help Brian with his problems.

On Justin's last day of internship he went to Brian's office for his final review. "You needed to see me, Brian?"

"Justin, come in. Close the door."

As Justin sat down, Brian closed the blinds to the office. "Justin, no intern has changed this company as much in one summer as you have. You gave us a new name and new logo for starters. Your work on the Liberty Air campaign was outstanding. And, on personal note, you've made changes in me." He sat on the edge of his desk and pulled Justin up to him. "I've never been interested in dating a guy before I met you. You're special to me. I'd like to keep seeing you."

Justin ran his hands along Brian's lapels. "I'd like that, too." They kissed.

Brian asked. "Can I see you this weekend? Since I'm not your boss any more that opens up other possibilities. Would you like to come over to my place Saturday night and … explore those possibilities?"

"Yes." They kissed again with more passion. Justin could feel himself falling for Brian. There were feelings coursing through him that he realized he'd never felt before. They went beyond lust and desire. He wondered if this was what it was like to fall in love.

Justin cleared Saturday evening by making up lies to tell his mother and Ethan. Justin wanted to spend the night with Brian to 'explore the possibilities' and also to tell him about Ethan.

Justin made a date to be at Brian's loft at 7 pm. Brian buzzed him in and they kissed hello. Dinner was set out. Brian poured some wine and they sat and ate. After dinner, they moved to the couch.

Justin took Brian's hands in his own. "There's something I need to tell you about. For the last few years, I've been dating this guy, Ethan. I'm still seeing him."

"How long is a few years?"

"Five."

"That's a long time. Are you in love with him?" Brian asked.

"I thought I was, but now I'm not so sure."

"Why not?"

"Because I think I'm falling in love for the first time – with you." Justin's blue eyes looked into Brian's hazel eyes. Justin needed to know if Brian felt anything for him. He needed his support right now.

Brian was somewhat surprised that Justin had been dating a guy for that long. This was all news to him.

He was feeling things for Justin that he'd never felt before. Even though they had only dated a few times; there was the whole summer of conversations at work and other casual encounters. He knew that Justin was different and that he wanted the young man to himself. He continued to hold Justin's hands.

Brian had many questions to ask. "So, this guy Ian…"

"Ethan."

"Whatever. Do you live with him?"

"No."

"Are you partners? Are you planning on getting married?"

"I don't know."

"What do you know?"

"I know that I care about you and want to keep seeing you. I also know that with all of my history with Ethan I can't just leave him. He doesn't know that I've been seeing you."

"So, what do you want to do?"

"I'm going to get my own place so I can see who I want to see – when I want to see him."

"That sounds like a good idea."

"I just got a job at the graphics design place, EffectiveSigns, just north of here, designing signs and posters. I'm looking at apartments close to the job. I'll be making enough money to pay rent, buy food, and purchase art supplies for my paintings. I just want to get a simple one bedroom apartment. My mom is a real estate agent so she's helping me."

Brian was still holding Justin's hands. "So, where does this leave us?"

"I want to be able to see you … if you're still interested."

"I'm still interested." Brian took Justin in his arms and kissed him. Then he stood up and took Justin's hand in his and led him to the bedroom. He removed his shirt and they kissed. Then Justin took off his own shirt and lay on the bed. Brian took off the rest of his clothes in full view of Justin's watchful eye. He crawled up Justin's body, kissing as he progressed. As their lips met, the kisses were passionate and sensual.

Justin paused and looked at his lover's hazel eyes. "I can be with you, but, just not … all the way, OK?"

"That still leaves a lot of things we can do. I want to explore every one of them."

"Me, too."

Brian held Justin in his arms and looked into his blue eyes. "Can you stay with me tonight?"

"Yes. I would love to."

And so began a night of lovemaking like Justin had never experienced before.

In the morning, Justin showered and dressed. He kissed Brian and they made plans to phone later in the day.

That day, after work, Justin met Ethan at Ethan's apartment. Justin had something to talk to him about.

"Ethan, I'm thinking of getting my own place, my own apartment."

"I thought you were happy at your mom's. Why do you need to get your own place?"

"I have to figure out what I want to do, where I'm going … who I'm seeing."

"What do you mean, who you're seeing?"

"Ethan, I have to tell you, I've been seeing another guy."

"Who?"

"It's someone I worked with at Kinney, Inc., or rather, Kinnetik."

"What's his name?"

"Brian … Kinney."

"The boss! You've been dating the boss?"

"We've only been out three or four times."

"Have you fucked him?"

"No!" Justin snapped. Then thoughts of the night before flashed in his mind. Everythingbutthat, he thought.

"Why did you start to see someone else? I thought you were with me."

"It started as just friends going out. We went to an art exhibit, then just a couple of times after that. Then … I … I started to have deeper feelings for him."

"How long has this been going on?"

"The first date was about half way through summer."

"Christ, Justin! What happened to us?"

"I don't know. I wanted to make a change when I suggested we move in together. That fell apart. Now I want to be on my own and make up my own mind. I don't want to live with my mom any more. I want to make it by myself."

"So you're still going to see him, too?"

"Yes."

"Do you love him?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love me?"

"I always thought so … I think so … I don't know."

"I love you, Justin. I was going to ask you to live with me. I was going to ask you to marry me."

Justin was shocked. "What?"

"I bought rings for us two weeks ago. I was waiting for the right time to propose." He pulled the box out of the drawer and showed the rings to Justin.

"Ethan, I had no idea."

"So, forget about him and keep seeing me. Move in with me. When the time is right, we'll get engaged."

Justin had so many thoughts going through his head. He'd been with Ethan for so long; it seemed the most natural thing in the world to be with him. Justin had always thought that Ethan was the guy for him, the one he'd end up with and spend the rest of his life with. There was a part of him that wondered if someone else, maybe Brian, would be better for him. But that part of him wasn't foremost in his mind when he saw Ethan look in his eyes.

Justin finally spoke. "I … I want to be with you. I'll break it off with Brian."

"Good. I love you, Justin."

"I love you, too, Ethan."

Justin had to meet with Brian to end their relationship. He hated doing that to him, but he felt that Ethan was the natural choice. Justin had been with Ethan for so long he couldn't imagine life without him.

Justin phoned Brian and asked him to meet him at a coffee shop near Kinnetik. Brian thought it was just a casual coffee date and maybe Justin would have news about his new apartment.

Brian walked into the shop and saw Justin sitting and waiting for him.

They hugged and Brian sat down. "So, what's up? Did you find a place?"

Justin didn't want to break up with Brian, but he had to end this now.

"I told Ethan about getting my own place. When he pressed me for why, I told him I needed time and a place to figure out what and who I wanted. I told him about you. Then, he said the most amazing thing. He says he's going to ask me to move in with him and marry him. I realize that he's all I ever wanted. I've been with him all of these years. He must be the one."

Brian was devastated. Just when he thought he was finding someone that he could date and, dare he say it, have for a partner or boyfriend or whatever the hell you want to call it – that person was pulling away from him. His heart ached a little and his walls went up again.

"You don't sound too sure."

"I … I … think I have to stay with him to find out."

"So, he's made all of these promises and you're falling for it. … You love struck schoolboy. Good luck with that." Brian rose to leave. "I have to go. Goodbye."

As Brian walked back to the office he thought to himself that the whole dating and love thing was a bunch of shit and vowed, once again, to never let another heart touch his. He was BrianfuckingKinney and he didn't need anyone. All of his friends might have fallen victim to love and experienced their share of heartache associated with it, but he was done with all of it.

That night and for every night that week Brian went to bars and scored with as many guys as he could. He took drugs more than usual and tried to drown the rest of his feelings in alcohol. He consoled himself with the fact that at least he hadn't really fallen in love with Justin. But there was a voice from inside telling him that he had.

Justin happily told his mother about Ethan's promise and potential proposal. Jennifer helped her son pack some of his things to get him started at Ethan's. Justin moved in with Ethan.

For the first couple of days things were very happy for Justin. He was enjoying this new cohabitation with Ethan and they seemed compatible. But there was this hollow place in Justin's heart. He couldn't get Brian out of his mind. He was always wondering if he made the right choice. Brian made him so hot and made him feel such strong feelings. Was it a fire that was just burning hot and then would fizzle out? Or was it the beginning of a love that would last him the rest of his life?

Ethan told Justin that he had a nice restaurant to take him to the upcoming Saturday night. He'd made reservations and seemed very excited about the dinner. Justin suspected that Ethan was planning on proposing Saturday night. At first, he was happy at the notion, but then there was also the dread and worry – was he doing the right thing? Did he choose the right man?

Friday night Justin couldn't sleep. He looked over at Ethan sleeping and thought how heartbroken Ethan would be if he left him. But, Justin also had to consider his own future and what would make him happiest. Justin had tried to forget Brian, but went to sleep at night fantasizing about him and woke up in the morning wishing he was there. Brian was unforgettable.

Saturday morning Ethan went out to play violin on a street corner for a while to get some extra money. After he went out, Justin started packing. He was leaving Ethan. He couldn't live the lie anymore. Even if Brian wasn't the guy he's going to be with for the rest of his life, he'd rather take a chance with Brian than spend any more time with Ethan.

When Ethan returned, Justin was sitting on the couch waiting for him.

Ethan put his violin case down. "Hey, Justin."

"Hey." Justin replied coolly.

Ethan could sense that something was up. "You look … concerned."

"I've been thinking about my life and what I want to do."

"And …?"

"I'm leaving you. I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore."

"No! No, you can't do this! I told you – I'll marry you. We can always be together."

"I love you, Ethan, but I'm not inlove with you. I know those seem like just words, but there's a big difference."

"And, I suppose that you're inlove with him?"

"I don't know if I do, but I'm going to have to be with him to find out."

"You can come back to me – I'll wait for you to …"

"No, Ethan. It's over. If I'm not in love with you after all of this time I'm not going to now. It just won't work. I have to go."

"Justin, I … "

"I'm sorry, Ethan." And, with that, Justin slung his bag over his shoulder and left.

Justin paced outside of Brian's building. He finally got the nerve and rang the buzzer.

"Yeah."

"It's me, Justin. I need to talk to you."

"I thought you were with your boyfriend now."

"C'mon, Brian. I need to see you."

Justin heard the buzzer and entered the building.

By the time Justin opened the elevator door on Brian's floor, he was standing in the doorway to the loft.

Justin nervously approached him. "Hey."

Brian sized him up and walked into the loft saying, "What the fuck is going on? You left, remember?"

Justin silently entered the loft and closed the door.

Brian turned around when he heard the door close. "Why don't you go home to your boyfriend?"

Justin took a deep breath and then said, "I broke it off with him. I packed what little I had at Ethan's and I left him."

"You did? I thought he was IT for you."

"So did I, but I realized that he's not the one I'm in love with. … I love you."

"When did you make this realization?"

"I told myself that I had to forget you, but I couldn't. When I think about you, I feel my heart squeeze in my chest. I think about you all day."

Brian moved closer to Justin until they were an arm's length apart.

Justin continued. "I realize that, for the first time in my life, I'm in love. Sure, I care about Ethan, but I'm not inlove with him. If I haven't fallen in love with him after five years together, I never will."

Brian put his hands on Justin's shoulders.

Justin looked into Brian's hazel eyes. "I told him I was leaving him. I put my stuff in my car and drove over here. I'm all yours. If you still want me."

Brian listened to all that Justin had to say. He held Justin's face in his hands. Justin slipped his hands around Brian's waist and looked up at him hopefully. Brian gave him a gentle kiss and then hugged him. He pulled back and looked deep into the eyes looking back at him with great love and adoration. They kissed again, this time with great passion.

Brian broke the kiss to speak sincerely to Justin. "I still want you."

"Oh, Brian." They kissed again. Justin backed slowly toward the bedroom.

Brian stopped him. "Wait."

"What?"

"Go get your things."

"Why?"

Brian spoke as he lips met Justin's neck and breathed into his ear. "You're moving in here with me. I don't just want you right now. I want to wake up in the morning seeing your face. I want to go to bed at night holding you and making love to you."

Justin looked into Brian's hazel eyes. "I don't know what to say."

"Yes would be a good choice."

The blond smiled. "Yes. I'll go get my things." He ran downstairs and got his bag. When he returned to the loft, Brian had cleared a drawer for him in his dresser. Justin sat his bag down. "Thanks for taking me in. I really didn't want to move back with my mom."

"You belong here with me." Brian held him in his arms. "I don't know where we're going. I'm not making any promises … it's not like me to do that."

"I know." Justin responded.

"But, I will tell you that you're welcome here and I want to be with you so we can figure this out."

"Brian … make love to me. I give myself completely to you now."

Brian kissed Justin and they started to remove their clothes. Within minutes, they were naked on the bed in each other's arms. He placed kisses all over Justin's body and satisfied his lover in many ways. Justin was swept away by the passion that he felt for Brian and knew that he had never known anyone that could capture his heart like he could.

After a week of living together, Brian took Justin to Woody's. Justin knew Ted from work and they said hello. Ted introduced Justin to Blake, and then Brian introduced Justin to the rest of 'the gang'. Michael and Ben were there, along with Emmett. They had a few beers and played some pool. Brian and Justin were very affectionate towards each other, which was something Brian's friends weren't used to seeing.

At one point, Justin was at the bar with just Emmett and Michael.

Michael asked, "So, how long have you known Brian?"

"It's about four months now. Since the beginning of summer."

Emmett asked, "Where did you meet?"

"I was working for Kinney, Inc, which I suggested, by the way, be renamed to Kinnetik."

"Oh, you're the intern that suggested the name change. Cool." Michael said.

"Brian is quite a guy." Emmett hesitated, but then pushed on. "Do you know about his, um, reputation?" He instantly liked Justin and wanted to feel him out to see if he knew about Brian's fuckanything lifestyle.

"Oh, yeah. The guys in the art department told me all about him. I've been warned." Justin smiled and looked over at Brian and Ted playing pool. "It doesn't matter to me what he's done in the past. I'm just living in the now. And I've loved living with him since I moved in last week."

"What?" Michael almost choked on his beer.

"I broke up with my boyfriend and Brian asked me to move in. It's been so great." Justin smiled and blushed a little. "He's insatiable in bed."

"I'll bet. He's used to getting it six or more times a week." Emmett observed.

"From six different guys." Michael piped in.

"Well, this week anyway, it's just this guy." Justin said pointing his thumb at his chest.

Emmett and Michael exchanged glances. They couldn't believe that Brian would commit to being with only one guy.

Michael warned Justin, "He doesn't do boyfriends. He won't tell you he loves you. You should know that."

Justin nodded. These were things that he knew. But, like he'd said, he was happy with their current situation and was content to take the future one day at a time.

Brian finished his game with Ted and walked up to the trio at the bar. "What kind of trash are they telling you about me?"

Justin smiled. "Oh, that you're a roving stud and you'll never tell me that you love me." The other guys smiled sheepishly at Brian like they'd gotten caught.

"That's not true." Brian said, pulling Justin to him.

"Which part?" Justin asked.

"Well, I am a stud, so that's true."

"OK…?"

"But, for the other part … Justin, you've made such a difference in me." He hugged Justin close and kissed him, then looked into his eyes. "I love you."

Justin gasped a little. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I love you, too." They kissed.

Michael and Emmett were amazed. Ted walked over and Emmett whispered in Ted's ear what Brian had just said. Ted almost spit out his drink. Blake overheard and smiled. Michael told Ben, and they both shook their heads in disbelief.

A song came on the bar's sound system. Brian asked Justin to dance. The tune played as they held each other close in a romantic dance.

Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage in my head

You make sense of madness when my sanity hangs by a thread

I lose my way, but still you seem to understand

Now and forever, I will be your man

Sometimes I just hold you too caught up in me to see

I'm holding a fortune that Heaven has given to me

I'll try to show you each and every way I can

Now and forever, I will be your man

Now I can rest my worries and always be sure that I won't be alone, anymore

If I'd only known you were there all the time, all this time

Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand

Now and forever, I will be your man

Now and forever, I will be your man 'Now and Forever' by Richard Marx