Frozen, that damn movie everyone went ape shit over in 2013. So you liked it; sure it was cute and somewhat clever (at least it wasn't World War Z). But do you know what else it was? Complete and utter bullshit; an amazing work of artistic propaganda with pretty music. Yes propaganda folks, perpetrated by an unholy alliance of the Arendelle historical society and the evil empire (Disney). Hey I'll admit it, I was fooled to, until I found out what actually happened in that Scandinavian hell hole 175 years ago. So now, here's how it really went down.
The Empress lifted her hand from the arm rest of her ice throne and gestured with her fingers to the two guards standing in front of a twelve foot tall set of double doors to open them. The guards pulled the heavy oak doors open to reveal a young woman with red hair in twin braids with razor blades embedded in to the ends. She was a wisp of a woman in frame and stature barely out of girlhood, though she compensated for this with compassionless lethality and a cruelty colder than the ice her sister the Empress wielded. The Herald spoke in a loud voice as the copper headed woman dressed in a black leather corset with matching bikini style panties (also leather) and knee high boots carrying a riding crop walked into the throne room her stride was proud and sure, showing a confidence normally found in leader many years her senior.
"Presenting Her Imperial Highness, Grand Field Marshall Princess Anna" the Herald announced in a loud crisp tone.
Anna continued to walk toward the throne as the Empress rose from her seat composed of ice and the bones of her enemies. The auburn haired woman lowered to one knee and bowed her head when she reached the dais and spoke.
"Field Marshall Anna reporting as ordered, how may I do your biding, your majesty"?
"You can start by giving your big sister a hug" the blonde regent answered.
Anna grinned and leaped up to wrap Empress Elsa in a tight hug.
"I missed you Elsa"
"I missed you to my little princess" Elsa said as she kissed her little sisters forehead.
"They sure are affectionate" the first door guard mentioned to the second his voice carefully lowered so that only his partner could hear it.
"As affectionate as they are insane" door guard two replied in the same safely quiet tone.
The two Imperial sisters stepped down from the dais holding each other's hand as Elsa spoke.
"So tell me how your assignment to punish the peasantry for their little uprising went".
Anna turned to face her sister.
"I went to every house of every village, and had all children under the age of twelve flogged while forcing their parents to watch".
"Holy shit dude" door guard number one commented in his hushed tone.
The Empress pondered this for a moment and Anna spoke again.
"So I did well"?
"Yes Anna I am proud of you" Elsa answered.
"YEA!" Anna exclaimed as she threw her arms back around Elsa's slim frame again.
The Empress patted Anna on the head, her sister's happy excitement always brought a warm joy to the blonde's otherwise stone cold heart(no pun intended).
"Elsa I brought you a present"
"Oh my little princess how thoughtful of you, what did your bring me"? Elsa asked, smiling as she retook her seat.
"The leaders of the rebellion, all three unharmed for the moment".
Anna turned to the side and shouted at a pair of soldiers "wheel 'em in boys".
A set of doors, smaller than the ones Anna entered thru, opened and three men each tied to a vertically oriented wooden rack were wheeled in to the room a few yards from the Empress's throne.
The young Marshal cleared her throat to speak in a formal tone.
"I present these three pitiful creatures for judgment, your imperial majesty. His Royal Highness Prince Hans Westerguard of the southern Isles, His Grace the Duke of Weselton, and the peasant traitor; a Sami Ice cutter named Kristoff Bjorgman."
The Empress rose from her throne and addressed the men. "Well if you want mercy, now is the time to start begging. If you do a really good job of it I might make your deaths only somewhat painful".
"Fuck you Ice cunt" the young prince with red side burns spat while shouting this at Elsa. Hans was a brave man and refused to meet death with anything less than total defiance.
"Yep that's clever, bet she's never heard that one before" door guard number two commented to number one sarcastically.
"Anna did you hear that?"
"Yes, he must have a crush on you." Anna replied with an evil smile.
"Hardly, I find this monster as repulsive as I do you, soulless bitch."
Ignoring Hans's last response Elsa turned to her sister and asked "I don't know. What do you think Anna, should I grant his last request"?
"Oh Elsa I definitely think you should"
Elsa turned to the Prince and spoke. "Fuck me? Well Hans, if you insist."
Sensing what would happen next Anna's two soldiers removed Hans from his restraints and drug him over to a pair of stocks and strapped him in. Anna herself started jumping up and down clapping her hands while chanting with a youthful glee "Do the magic, do the magic".
The young Empress brought her hand up in to a wave across her body and in a flash her Ice dress was gone. Elsa stood there nude except for a crown of gold and diamonds… and a twenty – two inch long ice phallus extending from between her legs.
Elsa glided across the floor with confidence as she walked behind Hans and grabbed him by the waist with both hands. The Prince felling that these would be his final moments looked to his comrades and spoke with poise and grace in a clear tone. He knew it would be the last time he ever said anything.
"It has been an honor and privilege to fight at your side gentleman".
"The honor is ours, your Highness" The Sami ice harvester answered back struggling to keep the anguish out of his face, the good Prince deserved at least that much.
"Die well son" the Duke Added equally solemn.
"Ahh, how sweet" Anna chimed in her tone filling the three freedom fighters full of disgust.
"Not as sweet as this is going to be" Elsa spoke rounding off the conversation as she thrust her huge ice cock into Hans's rectum. The prince let out a cry of agony as blood dripped down his and Elsa's legs.
"This is some straight up 'Game of Thrones' shit right here." Door guard number one commented to his partner.
"And I thought the Princess was throwed off" guard number two commented back
Hans grunted and cried in pain as Elsa pumped in and out of his butt while Anna ran over to the front of the stocks to grab a fistful of the man's hair.
"Take it Bitch" the Princess yelled at him before licking the side of his face.
Elsa continued to thrust for a couple of minutes and then called out to her sister. "Anna help me out here I'm getting close".
The leather clad psychopath quickly ran to her and slipped her right index finger into the Empress's butt and started to wiggle it around for about a minute.
"Uhh…uhh, can't hold it back anymore" Elsa cried out breathing heavy.
"Let it go" Said Anna, placing a little more force into her finger.
Let it go she did; with a final spasm Elsa released an icy blast that emerged from the tip of her ice penis and exited out of the top of the Prince's skull, pulling bits of brain matter and blood with it, landing at the other two prisoner's feet. Anna removed her finger from Elsa's rectum while the Empress herself detached from the frozen dong leaving it inside the late Westerguard's body.
"Take the corpse of this traitor to the Empire out to the village square and leave it on display for all to see. It shall serve as a good example to those disgusting peasants" Anna ordered her soldiers.
"Village square"? Door guard two questioned.
"Well You Tube would just take it down if she tried to post it" door guard one replied to his partner.
A look of shock and horror followed by sorrow came across the ice cutter and Duke. Noticing their countenance of misery Elsa commented to her sister as she placed her arm around the younger woman's narrow shoulders.
"Look Anna there sad because they lost their friend" the evil sisters started to laugh hysterically at their pain.
"We will dine with him tonight in the halls of Valhalla" The Duke of Weselton announced with pride and defiance.
"Sorry, no; Valhalla is for warriors, not bitch boy little Princes who get ass fucked to death" Anna retorted with a real snotty voice.
"Anna watch you language. That sort of vulgarity is beneath your station" Elsa scolded
"Yes ma'am" Anna replied in an obviously sarcastic tone.
Elsa immediately gave her little sister a corrective slap to the bottom for her disrespectful reply making the red head jump and yelp.
"Ahh"
"We'll deal with that bit of insolence latter my little princess" Elsa spoke in a smooth voice completely void of anger.
Anna brought her hands together and beamed in excitement "you promise"?
"Disgusting perverts" Kristoff said aloud witnessing the exchange.
Anna's eyes filled with rage as she quickly moved to the ice cutter's rack and struck him across the face with her ridding crop hard enough to draw blood.
"Silence you filthy Lapp peasant nobody; we'll deal with you soon enough". The Princess shouted before spitting in Kristoff's face.
"There is more nobility in that 'peasant's' thumb than you and your whore sister combined." The Duke stated with indignation.
Though he himself was a member of the aristocracy, the Duke hatted the elitism shown by some of the less enlightened members of the peerage. The Field Marshall lifted her crop to give the old man the same wound she had inflicted on Kristoff when the Empress spoke.
"Anna dear, come to me and let them have their bravado while they can, it won't last much longer" Elsa called out to her sister with her arms open.
The princess gave they pair one last look of anger before walking over to her sister's loving embrace.
"I'm sorry Elsa; I shouldn't have let those inferiors get under my skin like that. Insulting me is one thing, but showing you anything other than the fear and proper reverence you are due is something I can't stand for."
Elsa kissed Anna's forehead "there is nothing stronger than your loyalty to me is there my little princess".
"Only my love dear sister" Anna replied as she placed her cheek against the tall blonde's collar bone".
"Well if this was any more saccharine sweet it would cause Diabetes" door guard one mused.
"Yea, but those two are kind of giving me a semi with all the gentle caresses and groping hugs" guard number two replied
"I know right, this is kind of hot in a sociopathic way"
Elsa and Anna stood there in each other's arms for a moment before the Empress broke the silence "I am famished after all that, maybe we should take a break for dinner".
Anna grinned "I've got something special planned for that".
Elsa's mouth turned up into a similar grin "You're just full of surprises today".
Her Highness called to her soldiers "bring in dinner".
Four of The Field Marshall's men struggled as they drug in a kicking and snorting reindeer, pulling the beast with ropes. After what seemed like an eternity the soldiers managed to get the creature in front the two imperials and there prisoners.
"SVEN!" Kristoff cried out seeing his beloved friend and companion since childhood.
Elsa cast ice from her hand to trap the struggling animal's legs.
Anna the chastised her men for there in ability to keep Sven still. "Pitiful all of you; four elite soldiers can't contain one dumb beast. You should be grateful and ashamed that the great Empress has completed your task for you. I shall personally give you each a dozen lashes for you incompetence latter. Until then, get out of my sight you maggots".
The four soldiers quickly bowed to the Field Marshall and then exited the room even quicker.
"Good girl Anna, that's how you show your underlings who the boss is" Elsa complemented her little sister with a tussle of the girl's hair who was now blushing at her big sisters praise.
"By the Gods no, please do what you will with me but leave Sven out of it". Kristoff pleaded to the platinum haired ruler.
"But he looks so tasty" Elsa mused.
"I suspect a relationship outside of nature's laws" Anna interjected humorously.
"Like you're one to talk" the Duke responded to her comment.
"Shut up old man" Anna's anger staring to rise but a comforting glance from Elsa calmed the petite girl back down.
"Wait, what do you mean by tasty"? Kristoff nervously asked.
The princess smirked as she answered his question "Didn't you hear me when I told those idiots to bring in dinner.
"Today on '30 Minuet Meals with Rachel Ray'…" door guard two quipped
"YUM-O" door guard one replied to his partner as they fist bumped
"Who's a cute reindeer" Anna cooed while stroking the fur on the side of Sven's head.
"NO"! The ice cutter shouted as the psyco Princess grabbed the animal's antlers with both hands and yanked up exposing its neck while a gleeful Elsa created a razor sharp icicle and then jammed it in to the poor creature's throat so hard that the tip came out the other side.
"SVEN"! The Sami man shouted in anguish as tears started to form and roll down his cheek.
"Compose yourself, good sir. Don't give these monstrous harlots the satisfaction" The Duke called to Kristoff.
"Keep talking your old jack off, and enjoy it while you can, because you won't be enjoying anything after I'm done eating" Anna said to Duke.
"Anna dear, are you ready for your favorite"? Elsa spoke, smiling as she held up the reindeer's heart that she had removed with surgical precision as her sister bantered with the Duke.
"YES, YES, YES" Anna exclaimed joyfully, before she tilted her head back and stuck out her tongue. "Ahh"
Her big sister held the heart up and squeezed it until a small trickle of blood came out and flowed into the red head's mouth.
"Still got that semi"? Door one guard one asked his partner.
"No, that moment has passed" door guard two answered with a grimace on his face.
Once all the blood was drained from the heart Elsa took a big bite out of it and started to chew while casting a glance over at her demented younger sibling who had taken the reindeer's intestines out and was using it for a jump rope.
"Don't play with your food my little princess" Elsa kindly scolded Anna.
"Aww, but I was having fun. Besides I'm not hungry anymore" Anna said as she threw the length of intestine back on to the dead reindeer's body.
"Neither am I; yes, dinner is over" Elsa said as took another bite from the heart and then tossed it on to the pile of viscera. The Empress motioned for an attendant to remove the carcass and leftover remains.
The evil duo stepped back over to their captives and Elsa began to speak. "So who's next"?
"Me, just end me already, Sven was all I had left. You've already butchered the rest of my family" Kristoff anguished.
"Gee, will you be meeting Sven in Valhalla to"? Anna joked while laughing; even Elsa had to stifle a laugh at this one.
"He'll be there before you trollop" the Duke spat.
"Old man, running your mouth is not going to bring you a quick death out of rage, if that's what you're aiming for" The leather clad woman informed him with a cold quiet tone.
Elsa immediately caught Anna by the shoulders smiling. "Good girl! That is exactly what the sly old coot is trying to accomplish. I'm so proud of you for figuring that out my little princess.
The Duke addressed Anna sardonically as the two sisters embraced. "Good thing she is. His true Majesty King Agdar would be ashamed of the vile monsters his children have become".
"He's got a point. Those two are an episode of Springer just waiting to happen" door guard one observed, still only speaking loud enough for his partner to hear.
"If we cared about that old fool's opinion I wouldn't have sent a storm to sink his ship in the first place" Elsa chirped.
"Dum Dum Dummm" door guard two mimicking the sound effect.
"So the plot thickens… with more than just reindeer blood" door guard one added sarcastically.
"WHAT? You murdered your own parents, why?" Kristoff exclaimed in horror.
"For the same reason I butchered those stupid rock trolls". Elsa answered
"Her parents were a bad comic relief device that made pointless and horrible rock puns"? Door guard one rhetorically asked.
"They tried to drive a wedge in between us" said the Princess with acidity
"The trolls were innocent and kind, you bitch, you're not even worthy to collect there moss"! The ice cutter screamed in rage.
"No, Anna and I were innocent" Elsa said with an icy glare.
The Empress continued. "I was eight and she was five on that morning. We had gotten up real early that morning to build snowmen and play with my powers in the ball room. There was an accident and my sweet baby sister was hurt by my ice." Anna took Elsa's hand into her own interlocking their fingers to non-verbally remind Elsa that she was loved and long since forgiven. "Our parents quickly took us to the trolls and had their shaman heal Anna. This would have been enough, had he stopped there the trolls would have gained my favor, instead of scorn. But no he had to overstep and steal away her memories of my magic. Once we returned to the castle our idiot father ordered us to be separated and I was not permitted to be with my sister anymore. Fool, like I would ever shut out and deceive my precious Anna. That very next day I went to her and confessed my sin of hurting her and told her the truth and let her know that even if the whole world saw me as monster…even if she did, I would still love her. And do you know what she did?"
"I threw my arms around my big sister's neck and told her that I love her no matter what, and that it was me and her against the world." Anna interjected while she pulled Elsa into an embrace.
"And it looks like we've won, my forces are victorious everywhere, from all of Europe, to Africa, the Americas, to the Orient." The Empress boasted.
"With a quaint summer home in Antarctica" door guard one jibed.
"Where the scenic views are great, but the WI-FI sucks" door guard two added.
"Though I will not live to see it, one day the world will be free from you tyrants" The Duke replied with indignation.
"Well not today" Anna cheerfully stated as she walked over to stand about six inches away from the Duke and spun on her heels giggling allowing her razor tipped braids swing outwards and place two gashes across the side of his face.
"Tell me old man dose it even work anymore"? Anna asked as she started to seductively stroke her fingers down the Dukes chest.
"Works just fine, though a freak like you won't get a rise out of it" the Duke answered.
"Hmm, I bet I can" Anna retorted before unfastening the dignitary's pants and yanking them down with a strong pull.
The Princess tugged down his undergarments while the Duke remained stoic and refused to let the psychotic little waif embarrass him.
"Well that explains what all the big words and false bravery were about. Your compensating for you tinny little pe-pe" Anna said while laughing, while the Duke just rolled his eyes at her immaturity.
"No matter I'm sure I can do something with this" Anna said as she took the Dukes member into her mouth and started to suck. Though he resisted The Duke eventually became fully erect. Anna was pretty good at giving head much to his chagrin and Elsa's dismay (where did her little princess learn to do that!). The red head continued to work his noble shaft with her left hand while sliding her right in to the top of her boot fingering the pommel of a hidden dagger concealed within. In an instant Anna gave the duke a hard yank and slid the blade from its scabbard and sliced his unit off at the base with one clean movement. Shoving his dismembered penis into his mouth and holding his jaw shut by pressing up on his chin with the palm of her left hand.
"Here suck your own dick motherfucker"! Field Marshall Anna shouted while quickly jabbing the blade's tip into the old man's jugular repeatedly a dozen times; finishing the last few thrust with an angry war cry.
"Nice work, but we have to work on that temper my little princess." The Blonde conqueror mentioned as she admired her little sister's butchery of the now quite dead Duke.
"So guess it's your turn now traitor" Anna sneered at Kristoff.
"You two are the traitors, bitch. The last of our heroes righteously growled.
"You're up sis" Anna said to Elsa.
"Hmm…are you thinking what I'm thinking Empress Elsa asked her little sister who was now standing in front of her holding both of the slim girl's hands with her own. Anna Grinned wide as she caught Elsa's drift; the Princess turned to a soldier and gave a calmly toned order.
"Bring out the gimp".
"The gimp is sleeping your highness" the soldier answered, hesitant to subject anyone to that level of cruelty.
"Well guess you'll have to go wake him up now won't you" Field Marshall Anna replied with a quiet anger brought on by the soldier's reluctance to her orders.
About a minute or two latter a wooden box is wheeled into the throne room and brought to a rest at the center of the gore.
"By your command my Empress" Anna said to Elsa as she gave the older platinum blonde a bow.
Elsa turned to the soldier and motioned for him to open the box. The soldier quickly produced a crow bar and pried the box apart; the panels falling to the floor in different directions to reveal a creature of about three feet in height, with razor sharp icicles for teeth and glowing red eyes. After what seemed like an eternity for the now visibly frightened ice cutter, the creature spoke.
"Hi I'm Olaf and I like warm blood" the snow man said before taking a large bite out of Kristoff's midsection leaving entrails dangling, like spaghetti on a fork. Kristoff merely screamed in pain
"Frosty the Snowman was an evil twisted soul, with razor sharp teeth and a carrot nose, and two eyes flaming like the fires hell you know" door guard one sang.
"Well isn't he just a cute little fuck you to God" door guard two commented.
"Look Elsa, the Lapp worm can't even stand the sight of your glorious creation". Anna pointed out laughing.
"I can help with that" Olaf said as he pulled out his carrot nose and proceeded to gouge out Kristoff's eyes.
"One day…" The Sami started to weakly cry out in his dying breath before Anna cut him off.
"One day the world will be free, yes yes, your little Weselton butt buddy already mentioned that."
Kristoff said no more as his head slumped over lifelessly as Olaf continued to devour his internal organs in quick chomps.
"Now Olaf, chew your food" Elsa chided to her abomination.
"Guess we're all done, huh sis." Anna asked of Elsa; still wanting more carnage.
"Almost sweetie" The imperial monarch answered and then spun around releasing two four feet long icicles from each hand. The two frozen missiles travelled across the throne room, reaching the speed of sound before hitting their respective targets… the heads of door guards one and two, killing both men instantly.
"Ugh, finally those idiots were getting annoying" Anna exclaimed.
"Really, did they not think we could hear them" her sister replied with her hands on her hips.
"No kidding, besides what's a Wi-Fi any way". The red pondered.
"Oh, who knows"? Elsa answered with a chuckle and dismissive wave of her hand before sitting back down on her ice and bone throne.
Anna swiftly hoped on to Elsa's lap playfully; accidently nicking the blondes arm with one of the razor tips in her braid.
"Ahh, Anna be careful with those"
The Princess gasped, she wasn't afraid of Elsa retaliating for she knew that her loving sister would never bring her harm, but she felt real guilt at hurting her big sister in any way.
"I'm sorry" Anna said in a quiet voice with water forming in her eyes.
The Empress saw her little princess's tears starting to form and would have none of that; so she pulled to slender girl in to yet another hug and spoke with all the gentle love she could.
"Oh Anna, what are we going to do with you"?
"I have an Idea" Anna's tears turning to a small grin.
Elsa gave her a smirk already knowing what the auburn haired princess was going to say.
"Say it".
Anna looked into Elsa's loving eyes and spoke.
"Do you want to build a snowman"?
Thus ends our tale of woe; about two evil sisters who loved each other very much… and no one else. Hey I'm not judging; go ahead throw a bag of popcorn in the microwave and put that DVD in. Just try to remember the innocent lives that were snuffed out as you watch Anna's cute determination and Elsa sing 'let it go' for the eleven-thousandth time, everyone enjoys a happy ending… even if it is a total lie.
Authors note: I hope you enjoyed reading it half as much as I did writing it. My next story will be a follow up to 'Damn Ice Powers' titled 'Queen for a Day'.
Thanks for reading, please review
(I love reviews good or bad)