Author's note: I haven't posted anything here for a while, I have been writing OC fic prolifically on my livejournal, but haven't posted anything here for...a long time. So I'm considering putting some of my finished stories here because I know some people prefer the chapter and layout features of ffnet.
Author's note 2: This fic was inspired by a prompt from overnighter and betaed in its early chapters by beachtree, themusrevenge, katwoman, and loracj2. It follows a previous fic I wrote that can be found on FFnet titled "Sunflowers" but it is not necessary to read that to understand this story. This is a future fic that was written before season four and is an AU.
AN3: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy. This fic is complete, it is nine chapters and I will be adding them here as I get them converted.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything OC related.
Father of mine
Tell me what do you see
When you look back at your wasted life
And you don't see me
"God…" Dennis coughed, covering his mouth and nose to try and muffle the overwhelming scent of decay that had risen from the mound of rags behind the dumpster. "Here's another one…" he realized.
Temperatures had been in the upper 90s for the past week and they were finding bodies left and right. Dennis hated this part of his job more than all the other shitty parts. "Unit 421 to dispatch, we've got another body at 124 Recida," he radioed into his shoulder mic, waiting until they confirmed that they were sending backup.
"What you got?" Tommy asked, joining him.
"Dead bum number two for the day," he replied, pulling on a pair of gloves and leaning down through the stench to move the rags aside to get a better look. The coroner stayed busy around here and they relaxed the rules when it came to the bums simply to expedite things.
"Looks like dehydration and heat again," Tommy grunted, kicking at an empty bottle of Wild Irish Rose.
Dennis felt the bum's stiff limbs through the pungent clothes and patted him down, coming away finally with a ragged wallet.
"Any ID?" Tommy asked, surprised. Usually the bums didn't have anything on them.
"Nah," he said, pulling out a couple of frayed pawn tickets and business cards so damaged with age and wear that the ink was illegible. But at the back of the cards were several pictures. He passed over the wallet to his partner and examined the faded photos.
A woman, smiling beside a taller man with two blondish boys at their feet. The picture was crooked, as if the taker had tilted the camera when he hit the button. On the back in blue ink were two words and a date. The Atwoods - 1995.
21 years ago this man had a family and now Dennis had to tell them that he was dead in a gutter. He wondered if anybody cared.
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"Hey! Where'd you get that from?" Shannon asked, taking the chocolate cookies out of her oldest daughter's grasp and putting them back in the high cabinet with the other 'forbidden' sweets.
"But Daddy said I could have it!" Colleen whined, pouting over her cereal.
"You know that cookies for breakfast makes your stomach hurt," Shannon sighed, grabbing an apple from the bowl on the counter and holding it out to her daughter.
"Stupid apple," she mumbled, but took the fruit.
Shannon still hadn't seen her other daughter - her baby - her nemesis, this morning… Colleen had been a textbook child, but Kelly was a bucketful of problems. Just like her mother. Colleen was cool and collected, like her daddy and Kelly was short-tempered and fiery, like mom.
Shannon hadn't really wanted kids, she'd actually never really given it much thought. But she'd never really thought she'd get married either. Men were assholes, mostly. But after meeting Ryan, she'd quickly changed her mind about a lot of things.
"Where is your daddy?" she asked Colleen. If Ryan and Kelly were both MIA from morning breakfast…it usually meant that she was going to have to clean something up before she went to work.
"Helping Kelly with her homework - she flaked again," Colleen answered, swinging her feet in the chair in a lively beat against the legs.
Shannon wasn't sure how a six-year old could flake on anything, but since six-year olds had homework, she assumed it could happen. What was really interesting to her was that her 7-year old knew what 'flaking' was.
Motherhood wasn't a perfect fit, but she made it work. She loved her daughters, more than anything else. At one point in her life she'd never have believed that her children would be the most important thing to her.
She found Ryan in the hallway with his back to her, obviously doing something she wasn't supposed to know about.
"Boo," she whispered, sneaking up on him and poking him in the back. He jumped, his blue eyes bright with laughter – yet flashing with guilt, too.
"Uh oh," he said, gruffly.
"What are you doing? You're both going to be late," Shannon scolded, but her curiosity was piqued.
"Daddy said I could wear my favorite outfit," Kelly announced, bounding into the hallway and wrapping her arms around Shannon's legs.
Shannon narrowed her eyes and glared at her husband. "Ryan?"
"She loves it," Ryan said, motioning to the pink tutu over the Spongebob shorts and sequined NASA shirt. She had on her boots with the fur lining on as footwear and Shannon couldn't deny the pleading look in those tiny blue eyes. She had her father's eyes and they were Shannon's main weakness.
She couldn't deny Ryan's eyes.
"Those boots are going to make your feet sweat all day," Shannon warned, relenting.
"I know, silly, that's why I'm taking these to change into," Kelly replied, rolling her eyes and holding up her sandals that lit up when she walked in them.
Ryan laughed quietly as she took her permission and ran into the kitchen to join her sister.
"You're spoiling them," Shannon said, leaning against him when he put his arm around her waist.
"Me? Who let them stay up and watch Fraggle Rock even though it gives them nightmares?" he scoffed.
Well. She had done that, but mainly because she had wanted to watch it, too. "That was different."
"You want me to take them to school?" he asked.
"I got it, I have to talk to Colleen's teacher again to make sure everything's clear so she can go to that dance competition next month."
"Oh, yeah, remind me to take off that week from work," he said, kissing her below the ear.
"Hey, stop that, we've got to get to work," Shannon giggled. She wished he didn't have to stop – and he didn't, sliding his hands to cup her ass and sucking her bottom lip into his mouth.
"Work can wait…" he mumbled.
He kissed her the same way he'd kissed her on their wedding day - deep and passionate and full of love. He loved her. Ryan Atwood loved her. It made her feel just as good as it had the first time he'd said it out loud.
"Mommy! Daddy! Kelly's climbing on the counters again!" Colleen yelled from the kitchen as the phone started to ring.
"I'll get the phone," Ryan smirked, turning to search for the cordless that seemed to crawl off the handset every day.
"If its Kirsten, see if she wants to meet me for lunch, I'll be on her side of town," Shannon told him, hurrying to the kitchen.
"Gotcha," he said, waving the phone from the bathroom before raising it to his ear.
Kelly was reaching for the cookies Shannon had put in the high cabinet, balanced on the tiptoes of her furry boots. Shannon scooped her up in a single arm and put her safely back in her seat, putting an apple in front of her.
"Stupid apple," Kelly grumbled.
"Yours is shinier than mine, I want it," Colleen said, reaching for her sister's apple.
"No! It's mine!" Kelly said then, clutching the apple to her chest possessively.
Shannon sighed, wondering if she was going to have to peel both apples before they were satisfied, when she saw Ryan step into the kitchen.
She knew right away that something was wrong. His face was drawn and his blue eyes dull. There was no color in his skin and even the girls shut up when they saw him standing in the doorway.
"Ryan?" she called, stepping over.
"I have to go, my father just died," he said quietly in her ear, walking past her and out the door to the garage.
"Girls, stay here, I'll be right back," she said, following him at a trot, not wanting to lose him. "Ryan, wait!"
Sandy was a healthy man and she needed to know what was happening. She knew Ryan would be devastated if something happened to him but surely he wouldn't just take off…
He was about to close the door to his truck when she caught up with him. "Ryan, what the hell?"
"It's nothing for you to worry about. I'll take care of it. But I need to go," he said through the open window as he started the car.
"Ryan…" she started again.
"I can't explain right now," he muttered, backing out of the garage before she could say anything else.
This wasn't right. This wasn't right at all.
"Mommy?" Kelly peeked out from the kitchen. "Daddy forgot his lunch and his briefcase and everything…" Shannon saw Ryan's lunchbag and leather case clutched in her tiny hands.
She couldn't let her emotions show in front of the girls so she plastered a smile on her face. "He'll be all right, honey, he just had an emergency he needed to take care of. Go get your backpack and tell your sister to get her things…" she said, taking the items from her and brushing the strands of hair that had escaped from her ponytail behind her ears.
Kelly seemed satisfied and scampered away but Colleen didn't get up from the table.
"What's wrong with Daddy?" she asked.
"He had an emergency and had to go…it's nothing to worry about," Shannon promised, trying not to show how much she was lying about the worry part.
"He didn't kiss us goodbye and he always kisses us goodbye," Colleen whispered as she pushed the chair back and took her dish to the sink.
Shannon gave her an impulsive hug. "I'm sorry, baby, he'll kiss you when he gets home, he just didn't have time today."
"You tell him he owes us," Colleen grumbled, reluctantly leaving the kitchen and going to her room.
Shannon needed to think. Ryan's father was dead. Was Kirsten okay? Where were Seth and Summer?
She needed information. Now. She picked up the phone and dialed her parents-in-law automatically.
One ring. Two rings. Kirsten's voice answered cheerily.
"Kirsten? Is…is everything all right?" she asked, realizing with horror that Kirsten might not know yet – what if Ryan was on his way to get her to tell her in person – what if she had made a huge mistake?
"I think so, why?"
"Where's Sandy today?" she asked warily.
"Well, at the moment he's on his hands and knees in his office looking for his briefs."
Shannon didn't say anything, processing the information.
"His legal briefs," Kirsten laughed. "Sorry, he lost some faxes from his office and he's tearing up the house looking for them. What's going on?"
Shannon felt very stupid all of a sudden. Sandy wasn't Ryan's real father. She fucking knew that. They had different last names, she was Shannon Atwood, not Cohen – he didn't even call him 'dad' – how could she be so ignorant?
"Shannon?"
"Ryan, he…" she started but lost her voice when the girls walked into the room with their backpacks discussing apples good-naturedly. "Can I call you back? I…I really need to talk to you, but I have to get the girls to school. Will you do me a favor in the meantime?"
"Of course," Kirsten answered, her voice laced with worry.
"Can you try to get Ryan on the phone?" she asked, making sure the girls couldn't hear her. "I can't do it where the girls can hear and I'm really worried about him. I'll call back…"
--------------------------------
Shannon's been in the library for hours and she's amazed at how handy the 24-hour student library really is. Especially since she's spent the last two months angsting over her stupid high school ex who got his 'platonic' roommate pregnant the week after she left Philly for Berkeley. She forgot all about this paper.
Yet another thing she can blame on his cheating ass.
She rubs her eyes and takes a gulp of the lukewarm coffee and clicks the mouse absently, the computer catalog scrolling onto a new page of possible sources.
Eureka, she thinks, spotting several books with articles that will fit perfectly with her previous research and scribbles down the numbers before gathering her things for a trip to the eighth floor.
It's after two am and the library is mostly deserted. She rides the elevator with a short Mexican lady with a mop and bucket that glares at her coffee cup and gets off on the sixth floor.
She knows she can be in bed by four if these articles pan out – even if she doesn't quote them directly, she can still cite them as sources if she at least reads through them.
There's a random frat guy passed out over books and a laptop at the table by the shelves and she feels even guiltier for forgetting this paper when she sees what kind of other people are at the library at this hour. Her ex was a frat boy.
She scans the shelves, following the numbers until she finds...an empty space. Every single book she needs is missing.
They were all listed as available so they must be in the library.
She narrows her eyes and tries not to stomp her way over to the table and sleeping guy.
Right away she sees one of the titles she needs through the curtain of blond hair hanging over the spine of the book he's using as a pillow.
Out of all the books in the nine floor library, this guy has hers. She clears her throat but he doesn't move.
She can't see if he's ugly or hot, but he's definitely got a body on him, his biceps alone are enough to make schoolgirls blush. Stupid men. She kicks the leg of his chair, pushing it back a few centimeters and he jolts awake with a grunt.
"Excuse me," she says sweetly. "But can I borrow your pillow?"
He looks at her with startling blue eyes and she gets a tingle in her gut. "What?" he blinks. He rubs his eyes with his hand and then looks at her again. "Was I sleeping?"
Not too bright. Figures. "Yeah. And I need those books," she says, motioning to his desk.
"I've got a paper due tomorrow…"
"Me, too," she counters, crossing her arms. She doesn't want to throw down over some books, but she's prepared to. She has to turn in this paper or she's screwed. "It's really important."
"My paper's important, too," he grumbles.
"Surely you can't read them all at once," she says.
"I can share…but I've got all my places marked and I have a system," he replies.
"Look, dude…"
"Dude?" he scoffs. "Don't say dude."
"What?"
"You're not from California, it sounds stupid when you say it," he says.
She starts to tell him where he can go but stops when she sees the twinkle in his eyes.
"I'm sorry. Of course you can use the books, I'm tired and grouchy and really stressed about this fucking paper. Go ahead, take what you need and just…bring them back when you're done?" he says, smiling.
For some reason she can't deny that he's genuine and feels bad for being such a bitch. "I don't want to mess up your system," she says. God, she's flirting.
"I'll figure it out later. I think I need some coffee," he says, smiling again.
She takes a chance on the fluttering in her stomach and pulls out the seat across from him. She takes a look at the books marked with pieces of notebook paper and receipts.
He sees her examining his system and blushes a little, making the flutter into a flip in her gut, and says, "I ran out of notebook paper."
"I won't lose your spots," she says, smiling back.
"Do you want some coffee? I'm going to run down to the café and get some," he says.
"The café's closed."
"I happen to have a key. I work there," he says, stretching his arms and trying to work out the stiffness.
She has to look away to keep from staring. "Sure, coffee would be…awesome."
"Cool. I'm Ryan."
"Shannon. Nice to meet you," she says, honestly.
-------------------------------
She called Kirsten as soon as she'd dropped the girls off at their classrooms, making an excuse for the teacher and arranging for a call later to confirm the dance trip plans instead of sticking around to meet with her.
"Shannon, I can't get Ryan on the phone, what's wrong?"
She forced herself to breathe as she drove back toward her house instead of the office. She'd already texted a message to her assistant that she wouldn't be in despite the meetings she had scheduled for today. It was nice to have an assistant. "Somebody called this morning and he left in a rush and the only thing he told me was that his father was dead. I immediately thought he meant Sandy…"
Kirsten was silent on the other end of the line for a long moment and Shannon thought she'd said the wrong thing. Before she could figure out what she needed to recant, Kirsten spoke. "I don't think I even know his father's name."
Shannon knew that Kirsten felt guilty too for not knowing anything about Ryan's father and despite the guilt it made her feel better to know that she wasn't alone in her ignorance of her husband's past.
"Where are you, honey? Come to the house. I know where Sandy keeps Ryan's legal papers and maybe we can find something to help us figure out where he's headed."
"I'll be right over," she replied, taking the next exit she saw for the freeway.
She wondered if she should be worried about what she'd find in her husband's 'legal papers'. She wondered if she should be worried that he had 'legal papers' at his parents' house.
Shannon might not know all the details about Ryan's early history, but she knew her husband. And Kirsten and Sandy were his parents.
----------------------------------
"Are you sure I look okay?" she asks, glancing across the car at him.
They've been friends for two months, sleeping together for one and officially dating for three weeks.
She's never been happier.
Ryan's smart and witty and he doesn't talk exclusively about himself like most people do. He waits until she asks him a direct question before confiding anything, almost like he's surprised that she cares. And she definitely cares. There's something about him that just…clicks. He's faithful and loyal and sometimes she pinches herself – just to make sure it's not a dream that a man can make her this happy.
"You always look great," he mutters, distracted by the road. She glances outside at the huge mansions and foreign cars. Ryan works at the college café.
"You live here?"
"Yup," he replies.
"What's wrong? I though you wanted me to meet your parents," Shannon says.
"I do, it's not that," he says, turning to her with an unreadable expression on his face and his eyes still on the road. "It's…"
"What? Ryan…you told me about your girlfriend dying and how hard that was…and I know I'm the first real chick that you've dated since…so if I'm rushing you," she says, hoping that he'll stop her soon…
"Oh, god, no, Shannon…I want you to meet the Cohens - they're great and they're going to love you and interrogate you blind – but that's not why I'm quiet," he promises, slowing down and pulling up to a gate before stopping fully and turning back to face her.
"Then what is it?"
"I just found out today, but my brother's going to be there – Seth and his girlfriend, Summer."
Shannon shakes her head, still not understanding his issue.
He sighs guiltily. "And I haven't told him about you. Kirsten and Sandy have heard all about you, I even sent them the pictures of our trip to Cancun a couple of weeks ago…but Seth doesn't ever ask me about girls and I think it's because Summer's still hung up on Marissa," he says.
Marissa. Shannon is still hung up on the idea of Ryan's tragic girlfriend. She was beautiful in the pictures she's seen and she knows she can't compete with a memory for the broken pieces of Ryan's heart. She wants what's left.
"I'm trying to figure out what to say, but I know it's stupid because it's not like Summer's going to give me time to think – she's a little…quick to the snark," he sighs.
"Well, unless you're planning on taking me back to Berkeley and buying me lots of chocolate, you better pull yourself together," she says, leaning over and kissing him softly as a car behind them starts to blow the horn.
"You're right. This is going to be fine," he says, giving her a pathetic imitation of a smile and pulls the car through the gate.
The house he parks outside of is humongous and she's not sure why she hasn't figured out how rich he is, but he definitely doesn't act like any rich guy she's ever known.
"Here we are. You got everything?" he asks.
"You're cute when you're nervous," Shannon teases and he relaxes and smiles a real smile.
"Ryan!" a voice squeals and a demure blonde woman appears outside his window.
He grins widely, sweeping her into a hug as he gets out. She gets a pang of jealousy but realizes quickly that she must be his mom.
She's gotten a blurb version of his background and knows that these people are his adopted family and hasn't pressed him further. She isn't that comfortable in the relationship yet.
"You look great," he tells her. "This is Shannon," he introduces. She's out of the car by now and a crowd is forming around them.
"Shannon, we've heard so much about you, I'm Kirsten," the woman says, giving her a friendly hug. "This is my husband Sandy, and that's Seth and his girlfriend, Summer," she explains.
"Let's get in out of the street, the neighbors will think we're having another party and invite themselves over if we stay out too long," Sandy says and Shannon is relieved when Ryan puts his arm around her and guides her inside.
"So, Ryan, it looks like you haven't been telling us everything," Seth says, slipping close to Ryan and giving him a curious yet scolding glare.
"Shut up, Seth, I don't have to tell you everything," he replies. "Just because you have chronic diarrhea of the mouth doesn't mean it's contagious."
"Ooh, burn," Sandy chuckles.
"We're making our specialty tonight, just for you, Shannon," Kirsten says, taking her arm gently and steering her to a seat in the expansive kitchen at the counter. She places a worn Thai menu in front of her.
"Oh, Kirsten, you shouldn't go to all this trouble," Ryan says, winking at her.
"Just be glad she didn't cook for you, ask Summer, it's not exactly going to make you want to stick around," Sandy confides.
Shannon glances at Summer and can sense immediately that Ryan was right. The petite girl is glaring at her with steely brown eyes.
It's only after an entertaining and exhausting dinner that Shannon gets separated from Ryan. She's been thoroughly grilled by Sandy and Kirsten, politely of course, and she's looking forward to a little time to breathe with her boyfriend.
But she ends up sitting with Seth in the kitchen, listening to him ramble about college and how much he loves the east coast and the snow and the cheese steaks.
She hears Ryan's muted voice from outside and immediately tunes Seth out so she can hear what he's saying.
"She's not right for you, Ryan, I'm just trying to look out for you," Summer's voice chirps. Shannon clenches her fists instinctively. She'll throw down if she has to…in his parents' backyard…she'll throw down for Ryan…
"What exactly makes you say that, Summer? You know her so well after staring at her over one dinner?" Ryan replies. Shannon smiles to herself.
"She's…"
"She's a great girl, she's smart and funny and she likes me – she likes me for who I am and not for what she thinks I am…"
"Marissa loved you!" Summer says suddenly and Shannon realizes that he's referencing Marissa. Seth's quiet now, but he doesn't say anything.
"Summer, Marissa's gone," Ryan says.
"God, don't you think I know that? I'm just trying to look out for you…she's just not the girl for you."
"Summer, with all due respect, I don't exactly trust your judgment. I loved Marissa, you know that, but she was a train wreck. She got drunk, tried to kill herself, fell in love with other people…god, Summer, I'm so tired of having to be the glue that holds people together. I don't have to do that with Shannon…"
"You're such an ass, how can you talk about her like that?" Summer accuses. "How dare you?"
"I think that's my cue," Seth says, getting up. He pauses and looks back at Shannon. "You are good for him, you know. Summer's just…she misses Marissa and it's taking longer than we thought for her to get over losing her."
"I'm sorry about your friend," she says honestly. "But I really like Ryan, too."
Seth nods. "I can tell. Summer can tell, too, that's why she's flipping out. She'll come to her senses, we just weren't expecting him to meet someone so soon. I mean, it's been over a year, but…he hasn't said anything to us."
Ryan walks into the kitchen, flushed but a placid expression on his face. "What do you say we blow this joint, Shannon?"
"What? Already?" Seth asks.
Shannon watches curiously as Ryan gives his brother a look that immediately silences him. "Sure. Let me just get my coat and say goodbye to your parents."
"I'll come with," Ryan says, putting his arm around her shoulders again, but he's less relaxed than before.
"You all right?"
"Yeah, but Summer's not. I think it's best if we clear out. I had a good time and I'd like to keep the memory of the good part intact without attaching that last conversation," he whispers.
She feels warm all over knowing how he defended her to his brother's girlfriend and that he had a 'good time' tonight. She's going to make this work.
--------------------------------
"Okay, honey, I talked to Sandy and he's coming home at lunch to help us and he's making calls in the meantime when the court is in recess," Kirsten said as soon as she walked in. Shannon accepted her hug gratefully.
"I've never seen him like that, Kirsten, he just…left, he wouldn't talk to me and he wouldn't stop…"
"I honestly thought his father was already dead," Kirsten said, putting a cup of coffee in front of her.
"I don't know what I thought. I guess I just didn't think. I remember him telling me when we were first dating that his dad was in jail and he didn't talk to him. And you and Sandy are his family, you know? So it's not like I saw him moping around on Father's Day or anything…" Shannon said. "I can't believe that there's this whole part of him that I don't know anything about."
"I think we're all guilty of letting Ryan get away with his 'not wanting to talk about it' for too long," Kirsten replied. "I've met his real mom…so I know why he doesn't want to talk about it, and for a long time I wasn't sure of my place in his life so I didn't want to bring up his real family."
Shannon sipped from the coffee. "Do you think he knew he was out of jail?"
"I don't know. I know he was in for armed robbery but I don't know how much time he was sentenced to, or how much he served. I can't imagine what Ryan's going through right now…he's a grown man, but I still worry…and I'm not helping you at all, am I?" Kirsten realized.
"No, no, it's nice to talk it out. I've been married to him for eight years and I really needed to hear that I'm not the worst wife ever for not knowing all this," she admitted.
"Ryan's never talked about his family. I probably know just as much as you do. Sandy probably knows the most, but he's never let me see Ryan's case file that he handled when Ryan first came to live with us. And he told me when I called that Ryan's legal papers aren't here after all, they're in his office safe. Even after all this time, Sandy still doesn't want me to see it," Kirsten said.
"That's not fair," Shannon said. "This is an emergency…"
"He's coming home and he's already made several inquiries, Shannon. We can both yell at him when he gets home, but right now I think we should wait by the phone…and go through the poolhouse where Ryan's things are," she said.
Shannon accepted the offer and tried to relax.
---------------------------------
"My name's Ryan Atwood, I got a call from Officer Dennis Jenkins?" he said to the cop at the front desk.
He wasn't going to think about what the hell he was doing in LA. He wasn't going to think about his wife going nuts at home. He wasn't going to think about his mother locked up in her sixth try at rehab.
"Have a seat, I'll see if I can find him for you," the man said, recognizing the name.
He wasn't going to think about how he still felt like he was going to throw up every time he walked into a police station. He wasn't going to think about how he felt like he was going to explode when he called his brother's PO out in Fresno to tell him the news since Trey was missing again.
He'd barely put his ass down in the cracked seat when a thin middle-aged man in a uniform appeared, looking solemn. "Mr. Atwood?"
"Yes?" he answered, standing up and shaking the cop's hand.
"Thank you for coming so quickly, let's go somewhere we can talk privately."
He followed the man numbly into a small cluttered cubicle that had a picture of the cop with his kids on a boat in the center of his desk. His stomach churned.
"We identified your father through his fingerprints since he was a convicted felon. You were the only one of his relatives that we were able to contact. Your mother and brother have outdated information in our database," the cop said. "Were you in contact with your father?"
"No, not since he went to jail when I was eight," Ryan said automatically. "He called me when he was released a few years ago but…I didn't make any effort to reestablish contact with him."
The man nodded but Ryan couldn't tell if he was disapproving or just indifferent.
"Was he sick? Or murdered? What happened?" Ryan asked.
"It looks as if your father was living on the streets as a vagrant. It's been record-breakingly hot lately and it seems that with the combination of alcohol and malnutrition - his body just couldn't survive," he said.
It was that simple. He'd died on the street without a name, without a family and nowhere to go.
Ryan leaned over and threw up in the man's plastic trash can.
-----------------------
Shannon was flipping through one of the Playboys she'd found taped to the bottom of one of the desk drawers when her phone started to vibrate on her hip. She answered it without reading the display, anxious to hear something – anything – about where Ryan was.
Kirsten was keeping busy putting the things they'd searched back into their rightful place in the poolhouse. When Shannon and Ryan stayed over, they shared the poolhouse while the girls stayed in the big house with their grandparents. This was still his room even though he lived in his own house now. Ryan would know that they'd been rummaging but at this point she didn't care.
"Shannon?"
She recognized his voice immediately and she lost her breath. "Honey, where are you?"
There was a long pause and she heard the traffic and could tell his window was down. "I'm in L.A. on my way to the morgue to claim the body. Like…I sort of don't know what to do when I get there…I guess I have to find a funeral home or something to take care of the body and I don't know anywhere in LA…"
"Ryan, slow down," she said.
"But I saw that you called and I needed to hear your voice…" he said and she felt like she was going to start crying and never stop.
"Honey…let me help you deal with this, I am here for you…"
"This…this is my fault, Shannon. It's my fault he's dead…if I'd just answered the phone, called the number he left…maybe he wouldn't be here right now…"
"Ryan Atwood, I know that's not true," she insisted. Kirsten was beside her, listening to everything thanks to her phone's overactive speaker.
"I just…I'll call you when this is all done, all right? I'll see you at home…"
The dial tone was like someone had cut off her lifeline and she felt like she couldn't breathe. He was hurting, he was upset and he wouldn't let her help him. He was locking her out.
"Oh, honey," Kirsten murmured, pulling her into a hug.
"Why is he doing this?"
"I don't know, Shannon…he's changed so much but this is a part of his life that none of us know anything about…and I don't think he's let himself think about it in a long time, either. I don't think he knows what he's doing."
------------------
She finds him right where she left him, on the bench outside of the engineering building.
She hates how he refuses to fight with her. She likes to fight sometimes, to get things off her chest and all the pent up emotion out of her system but he just shuts down. There's no angry make up sex or yelling matches that end up naked with him.
She gets a chill when she gets closer and sees that he really hasn't moved since their argument. His clothes are plastered to his skin and his backpack is sitting in the middle of a puddle. She grabs it automatically and drops it on the bench with a splash. "Your laptop's in there!"
He gives her a look that makes her go even colder, his blue eyes icy.
"Look, baby, I'm sorry, I needed time to cool down, I know you didn't do it on purpose…" she starts, thinking about what started her rant in the first place.
He doesn't look away, waiting for more of her apology.
"And I shouldn't have yelled at you in the middle of class…" she concedes. "Or outside of class…"
"We live together. We have a commitment to each other, even if it ends up being just the names on our lease," he says slowly and Shannon realizes just how serious he is. "I didn't think we discussed our problems out in public – in front of everyone, I thought you respected me enough to discuss our problems privately, but maybe you don't feel the same way."
"Ryan, you're blowing this way out of proportion," she starts.
"Maybe I am. Yes, I did mail the power bill without looking at it. No, I didn't know that you had written down an important number on the back of it," he says, standing up but stepping backwards when she reaches for him. "But you just humiliated me in front of a class that I have to go to three days a week, in front of my friends and the guy that I want to work for someday. I don't appreciate it," he states, turning away.
"Please stay and talk to me, let's talk it out, I'm sorry, I love you and I don't want to lose you just because I got pissed off," Shannon says, following him with the soggy bag in her hand.
He turns around quickly, his eyes flashing. "You got pissed off? I get pissed off, too. But I don't yell and I don't bitch and I don't hurt you just because I'm pissed off," he snaps. "But obviously, I'm the one that's doing this wrong…"
She can't even think of what to say before he pushes a scrap of wet paper into her hand.
"And if you'd bothered to stop yelling long enough to listen to me, I would've give you that this morning. It's the phone number you needed. I called six different people to track it down," he says, leaving her stunned on the sidewalk with his bag in her hand.
She sleepwalks through her classes and rushes home, hoping that he'll be there, but he's not and there are no messages from him. She should have realized that there was something deeper to his reluctance to get involved in confrontation, but she hadn't thought that a simple argument would cause this kind of rift.
It's after midnight when he comes in with several books in his arms. She's inwardly relieved to find out that he was at the library and curses herself for not thinking to check there.
Shannon doesn't give him a chance to say anything. She takes his books from him and throws her arms around him, not letting the flood of tears escape when she speaks. "When I yell at you it's not because I hate you or I'm going to leave you or any of those things. I was mad and I didn't listen…back home, when my family or friends were angry, we'd have it out, a long intense argument, and then the air was clear and we'd go back to normal…but you're not like that, I see that now…I just have to learn to how you California boys deal…"
He doesn't speak immediately and she regrets her words, thinking she's said something wrong.
"It's not that…I just…I don't like to be yelled at," he murmurs, leaning against her and putting his arms around her. She isn't planning on letting go of him until they settle this. She loves him too much.
"Okay. I will try to remember that," she replies. "You definitely made it something I won't forget…" she adds.
"Sorry. I…you know the Cohens are great, but the Atwoods…yelling was an everyday thing and I don't want us to be like that. I love you, Shannon, and I don't want us to be like that…"
She pulls back so she can show him that she means what she's saying. "Then we won't be. We'll be Shannon and Ryan and we won't yell."
He smiles a little, scoffing. "I don't know if I can make that promise…"
"No big promises, then. But I promise to try to listen to you and you promise me that you will try to talk to me before scaring the hell out of me."
"Deal."
--------------------------
"All right," Sandy said, walking into the kitchen with a sigh. Kirsten stood up and gave him a hug but Shannon was too busy staring at the worn folder in his hand. "I found out where his father is and I spoke to the officer that contacted Ryan in the first place. He said he's pretty shaken up about it but said he'd try to get in touch with the people at the morgue to get him to call us."
"He said Ryan's shaken up? God, who wouldn't be?" Shannon asked.
"Ryan's father has been homeless since he was released from jail a couple of years ago, from what they can tell. He was discovered dead behind a dumpster and they ID'd him because he was a felon. Ryan was the only family member they could find. Dawn's in rehab again but I've called the clinic to let them know what happened.
Shannon was surprised to hear that Sandy knew where Ryan's mother was. Kirsten gave him a similar look and Sandy could read hers. "I helped get her admitted. She's running out of places that will take her."
"So…he stays in touch with her?" Shannon asked quietly.
"No, Shannon, he doesn't. But she calls me when she needs help, or money. Once Ryan reached a certain age, I started consulting him before doing anything for her," Sandy explained. "As far as I know, he hasn't spoken to her since the girls were born. She can't seem to pull herself together and he's finally accepted that she has to help herself and that he can't save her."
Shannon nodded, swallowing thickly. "So…his mom's a drunk, I knew that, and his dad's a felon, I knew that…but what's with all the secrecy? You keep his juvenile file locked in your office and I never heard a word about his father getting out of jail…how worried should I be?"
Sandy wouldn't look at her or Kirsten, running his finger over the spine of the folder.
"Sandy, he's 28 years old, I think it's about time we stopped pretending that he doesn't have a past," Kirsten said, straightening her shoulders.
The man sighed and Shannon watched as he seemed to age before her eyes. "Ryan and I have never actually talked about what's in this folder. I don't know if he's even seen what's inside. He knows I have it, I've tried to talk to him about it, but he…he doesn't talk about it." He meets Shannon's gaze. "I don't know what Ryan's told you…"
"More than Seth," she replied. Seth had been horrendously jealous of her after moving back to California and he'd made sure to mention how Ryan trusted her more than he did Seth. It pissed her off but she realized now that she really didn't know anything at all. "But not much."
"Ryan told me once, a long time ago, that if either of you ever asked me to see this that I could show it to you. But he made it clear that just because you see it, doesn't mean he's going to talk about it. He made that very clear," Sandy sighed. His phone buzzed and he pushed the folder across the counter between them. He raised the phone and stepped out of the kitchen.
"I used to tell Sandy that it was so easy to forget that he came from another family. And a family like his…it's unbelievable to me that he could turn out so kind and loving…he's got such a good heart," Kirsten whispered, not reaching for the file.
"I guess I never really thought about it. I see how much he loves you, you're his family in my head…and he's such a good father, he reminds me of Sandy…" Shannon said.
"Please, son, just stay right there and let us come and help you…you don't have to do this by yourself…" Sandy was pleading from the other room and she knew he was talking to Ryan. She started to get up but Kirsten stopped her with a hand on her arm.
"Let Sandy talk to him. We need to do this together, I don't want to look at it alone," Kirsten said.
Shannon nodded finally, still listening to see if she could make out any more of Sandy's words.
Kirsten finally opened the folder and Shannon glanced at the legalese on the page, scanning for Ryan's name. After a moment she realized that it was the police report from Dave Atwood's arrest.
"I didn't know they'd arrested him at home…in front of Ryan and Trey," Kirsten said.
"Armed robbery," Shannon read aloud.
Kirsten gasped quietly and laid a finger on the page at one of the lower paragraphs. "They didn't arrest him in front of Ryan..." she whispered.
"Subject's children were taken into protective custody for evaluation. Older son had visible bruises and younger son also displayed bruises after a preliminary examination by police after they were discovered locked in a small closet. Subject's wife also displayed signs of abuse and was combative and violent and was taken into custody overnight for questioning."