A/N: Just a oneshot that's been a year in the process. Basically, just like On the Way to a Smile, I was using it to hone my writing skills while writing Heart Under Siege (useful for when I hit a writer's block). Something sweet and cheesy and probably not worth much, but hey, I like it. Maybe other people will too :) So please enjoy and review! For they are my Malteasers.
The first time Demyx met Zexion was back when they were little, when Demyx was eight, and Zexion seven. The younger boy's family had been moving into the house next door when Demyx, along with his best friend Axel, came home from school one blustery Friday. It was October, only two weeks to go to Halloween, the ultimate sugar overload of the year. A major headache for his parents in Demyx's case, as Demyx was prone to bursts of hyperactivity that could last hours if given too much sugar.
The boy had been sitting on the glistening, only just recently painted white porch, a small paperback book with the word "Pocahontas" emblazoned proudly in gold lettering on the front cover, a picture of a small Indian girl hiding behind a tree close to a settlement of sorts. Demyx vaguely remembered that his class had been assigned to read it during English lessons, as the classes' "first" proper novel rather than the short stories that they were more used to. At the time, Demyx had assumed that the new boy must've been their age, but just a little smaller than average. While the boy read, large, heavily muscled men were carrying furniture in to the house, one piece at a time, being conducted by a petite woman with raven hair that shone a subtle hue of plum in the sunlight.
One loud crack echoed inside the house, earning a screech from the woman as she flew into the house, eyes blazing.
Being the kind soul that he was at age eight, he had forcibly dragged his red-haired friend to the boy so to introduce themselves. Axel had been less than willing, having built up a sort of mistrust in newcomers ever since that whole-school lecture about strangers. Demyx had been conveniently ill on that day.
"Hi. I'm Demyx." The greeting had been cheerful enough, and Demyx had always been praised for being so friendly to other people by his parents and teachers. However, he had not expected a resounding silence coming from the other who just looked at him with indigo-coloured eyes, dark hair falling in front of his eyes like a curtain. When faced with silence, Demyx had elbowed Axel sharply in the ribs, thinking that maybe it had something to do with him.
After making a complaining whine about having Demyx's elbow dig into his ribs, Axel made his introduction. "I'm Axel."
The boy remained silent, but offered his hand to shake. Axel eyed it carefully. Demyx had taken the hand, amazed at how small it was compared to his. "What's your name?"
The boy had remained silent, but looked at them thoughtfully, as if deciding on whether or not to divulge on such information. If he was going to speak, he was cut across by the woman calling out, "Zexion! Come help!" The boy picked himself up, waved a little at Demyx and Axel and then disappeared into the house, leaving behind a shocked –if not slightly upset– Demyx and a curious Axel outside.
Demyx didn't see Zexion that weekend, even though the silent boy's parents came around to visit his so that they could "meet the neighbours". They mentioned Zexion in passing, but they were more concerned with how the town operated and where the best places to go were.
The next time they saw each other was at school. Zexion was in the grade below him, but was performing at an accelerated rate that it was speculated that he would be transferred to third grade instead. Demyx didn't really understand what the teachers meant by that when he overheard them in the playground, more in shock that Zexion was younger than him. Back then, being a year or two older meant greater power or greater wisdom, as the fifth graders liked to make it clear to all the other younger kids beneath them. Demyx could remember saying to Axel that Zexion was going to find himself in heaps of trouble if he did skip a grade.
Sure enough, a week later, Zexion emerged in their class, looking at everyone passively as they forced out grunts of greetings to the younger boy. Zexion had said nothing, merely looking around and then walking over to the empty seat next to Demyx, seemingly challenging anyone to dare move him from his new perch. Class continued, and Zexion remained silent throughout the rest of the day. Demyx had put it down to the fact that at least he had proved himself to be friendly, but never really thought too much into it.
The first time Zexion spoke to Demyx had come as a shock to him.
"Can I walk home with you Demyx?"
Demyx nearly fell out of his seat when Zexion had asked after days of sheer silence. He blinked at the smaller boy, trying to get his mind around the fact that Zexion had actually spoken to him, let alone ask if he could come home with him. This was no joke though. Zexion's eyes were looking at him seriously, almost intensely.
"…Um…err…sure…" Demyx had managed to answer, his turquoise eyes still blinking in shock.
The walk had been an awkward silence at the start, Zexion staring more at the ground while Demyx just looked around, commenting from time to time about the odd tree now covered with loo-roll looking like some whimsical spirit or the odd remnants of the high school delinquents' pranks on people who were being stingy that Halloween. Demyx had pointed out a "haunted house" that still needed taking down, wondering if there was anything worth relinquishing inside.
Zexion had muttered, "That would be stealing."
It had been his right as that magical year older than the smaller boy to tell him that he didn't know any better or that he was a wuss. But Demyx had only grumbled, "Spoilsport."
Maybe he had to thank Zexion though. After that, Demyx never entertained such thoughts of stealing from other people ever again.
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, Demyx had never witnessed Zexion expressing any type of emotion. The younger boy had always kept a sullen, maybe somewhat bored or somewhat serious, disposition, it never cracking once. It had been a wild hope of his that maybe Zexion would get excited about the usual prospects of presents, Santa Claus and family togetherness, but the little boy had not even once allowed his face to even twitch into some form. Axel had once said that maybe Zexion was alexithymic. The word had astounded Demyx, so much so that he had astounded his parents when he looked it up in the dictionary.
"–noun Psychiatry.
difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotional responses."
The one word he looked up willingly and it was something he didn't want to hear. And besides the point, how on earth had Axel learnt about it?! It was one of those mysteries of life that Demyx would never find out, not because Axel was unwilling to share about how he found the word. It had more to do with the fact that Demyx forgot to ask.
When he asked Zexion about it (as eight year-olds tend to do in their innocent childish ways), the boy had merely blinked at him and said, "Am I what?"
"A-lex-i-thy-mic," Demyx struggled to pronounce, though he smiled victoriously when he said it correctly. "You find it hard to express yourself."
"…no," Zexion had replied, but did not add to the conversation, preferring to go back to his book. He was now reading "One Thousand and One Arabian Nights", the cover had proudly stated, a picture of a man standing in front of a vast pile of treasure that shone in the cavern walls just underneath the title.
Demyx had decided to put that theory of Axel's to the test however. As a child, not even the word of the party in question could put his mind at ease. He would have to know, and he would find out by any means necessary. It worked with finding out if Ariel in the other class had a crush on him or not after all the rumours he had heard from the more malicious little girls.
It must've been the Friday the school would close down for the holidays, but he did remember that it was the day that everyone would give each other presents and cards. One of those childhood traditions so to speak.
While Demyx's desk and "Christmas bag" was filled to the brim with presents and cards, Zexion's was empty. Children really were unforgiving and merciless judges of other people, particularly to those who were not welcome in their social circle.
Maybe it was partially out of pity, or partially out of curiosity to what Zexion's reaction would be, but Demyx had done the unthinkable in the eyes of every other eight year-old. Demyx had given the new kid/geek/outcast a gift. To be quite honest, it wasn't much. It was just one of those crappy little plastic charms that came out of the same brand of Christmas crackers that his mom got every year. It was shaped like a star, coloured sunshine yellow that was made to glitter in the light. It had been attached to the card that Demyx had gotten for everyone, with the same message and the same gift (a bite-size chocolate bar) taped to it. Zexion had been the exception to the gift rule though, which he later found out caused a bit of jealously and outrage amongst the rest of his classmates.
Demyx was, after all, exceptionally popular in his age group.
"…this is…?" Zexion had looked at him in shock, clearly having not expected anything to be given to him.
"A present," Demyx beamed, swinging his body a bit to some imaginary tune, happy that he had done his good deed. He wasn't expecting much from Zexion. Maybe a gloomy "thank you" or a nod of acknowledgement from the usually silent boy. But Zexion surprised him. His lips that were usually in a passive frown slowly uncurled into a small, quiet, somewhat embarrassed smile, his cheeks tinting a little bit.
"Thanks…"
That was the first time Demyx had ever seen Zexion smile.
A few days later, Demyx received a gift from Zexion (a.k.a. "??????"). It was only tiny, just like the charm was, but Demyx oddly found himself treasuring it.
It was a small shiny mother-of-pearl shell that had been tied to a leather cord to hang around the neck. Demyx wore it to school when the holidays were over, gaining many "ooo"s and "ahhh"s from his peer group. Zexion had smiled again at that, though Demyx barely noticed it. It would be many years later that Demyx would find out that Zexion had worn that small star charm everyday around his neck, hidden underneath his shirt.
The first time Zexion had cried was during a lunch break, in February. Valentine's Day had been a couple of days ago, and like Christmas, Zexion didn't get anything at all except for a small chocolate and card from Demyx, and another from Axel who begrudgingly followed Demyx's example. Unfortunately, this had gathered some unwanted attention for the smaller boy.
Demyx had found poor Zexion getting picked on by some of their classmates, his book strewn across the asphalt ground in creamy yellow pages. The disembodied cover had sadly declared itself to be "Alice in Wonderland", though the little girl in blue seemed to be chasing after a large tear in the paper front rather than a white rabbit. Demyx had done the only thing any child would do when they saw their friend and neighbour getting attacked like that. He charged at them, screaming, "Leave him alone!" He was made a slightly more fearsome image with the fact that he was holding a thick stick that he had every intention of using to beat off the bullies. Demyx never got the chance to use it. They had scampered off. Reverting back to his more usual kind nature, Demyx had started fussing over Zexion.
The dark-haired boy was only looking at the book, whimpering a little as he tried to get the book back together, tears falling onto its broken pages, even though his knees and hands were scraped and grazed heavily.
All the way to the nurse's office, Zexion was still cradling the distressed book to his chest, refusing to let it go even when his hands had to be treated. He only allowed himself to let go of it when his hands needed to be looked at, shakily giving it to Demyx, wrecked pieces and all. It was then Demyx understood why Zexion was crying. On the back of the cover, having just missed being torn by a hair's breadth, was the writing, "To a wonderful grandson, a world of imagination of which you can escape to. Love, Grandma. 14th July."
When they walked back to class, Zexion had held the book tightly, not speaking a word, all tears now dried up. Demyx had wanted to hug him, but the boy had shunned all contact and was deaf to all kind words.
At times like these, Demyx had come to realise that the kindest thing to do for Zexion was to give him his space.
Happily, Demyx had been allowed to help Zexion fix the book with sticky-tape days after the incident, hoping that the dark-haired boy's parents wouldn't notice the damage. They did though when Zexion next read it. They took it to the bookbinders to repair the damage. They already had an idea of what had happened, although Zexion never said a word about it.
The first time Demyx realised he, surprisingly, enjoyed Zexion's company more than anyone else's, was during fourth grade. By this time, there had been new arrivals in their school, in the form of the non-identical twins Sora and Roxas in the grade below, and Riku in their class. You could say they formed a little group, Demyx's popularity calming down to the point that the people he sat with weren't looked upon with so much venomous envy.
Zexion was still the same as always, though Demyx found himself spending more time with him since they were neighbours as well as classmates. He didn't notice though, mostly because they were all starting to single out the people they spent the most time with unconsciously. For example, Axel was hanging out more with Roxas –you could call it subtle fascination since the small blond defied every fifth grader with a single emphatic 'no' to every demand they made of him, and could back it up with his fists if needed to. Axel teased Roxas, and Roxas reacted, which made Axel want to tease him more.
One could say it was love at first sight for them.
Sora and Riku hung out together mostly because Sora had a knack of getting himself picked on because he was smaller and slightly more sensitive than his brash twin, and Riku felt that it was his responsibility to protect him since he was older and the twins' 'neighbour' (though Riku lived on the corner of the street and the twins slap bang in the middle of it).
But Demyx didn't mind. He knew that maybe he should have been jealous of Axel's new friendship with Roxas since he was friends with Axel for longer, but it never bothered him. Besides, Axel lived nearer to the school, while he was a good ten minute walk away from the school the other way. As for Riku and Sora, even though he got on with them, he never actively sought them out for company.
It was always Zexion he would be looking out for.
Having had this epiphany one spring afternoon walking back home with Zexion, he felt like he had to share it. "Hey Zexy?"
"…Yeah?" Zexion had given up telling Demyx not to use that nickname by the summer of third grade.
"Do you think it's weird that we spend nearly all our time together?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well, we walk to school and back home together every day, we always sit together at lunch, we sleepover at each other's on weekends when our parents allow it, we always end up going to each other's houses after school anyway, we spent the summer together too, and then-"
"No, I don't think it's weird," Zexion interrupted. "Why should I? We're friends, right?"
Demyx paused, letting it sink in. And then he smiled his usual sunny one that he shared with everyone. "Yeah, you're right." He grabbed Zexion by the hand. "Come on! Let's see if we can get your mom to bake us cookies! She makes the best ones ever!"
"H-Hey!"
Needless to say, Demyx did get his hoped-for cookies that afternoon while they did homework together, and the conversation had been put to the back of his mind. It would be years later that he would look back on the memory fondly as their first heart-to-heart.
The first time Demyx got jealous over something concerning Zexion was in their first year at middle school. It was basically when everyone (bar Zexion as he was the youngest by a whole year) was starting to hit puberty. Demyx had been one of the first to have his voice starting to break, something that earned him a lot of teasing from the other boys until theirs too started breaking. The girls, on the other hand, were developing. And really fast in some cases.
For the first couple of months after a majority of the boys' voices were breaking, Zexion found himself as a target for some good-natured, and some malicious, mockery though Demyx was always there to save him. And much to his chagrin, a lot of girls were jumping to Zexion's rescue too.
Zexion was suddenly deemed cute by them.
It was when he found out that Jasmine, arguably one of the prettiest girls of the grade, had come to his defence after a particularly nasty case of bullying while he was stuck talking to his guitar teacher that really irked him. Why did Jasmine, the girl who used to be such a tomboy and always seemed to dislike boys in their younger years, suddenly want to protect Zexion whom she only knew as another face in the peer group?
He was in a foul mood the entire bus trip home from school, glaring out of the window at innocent bystanders who dared to be walking. Zexion was reading "The Catcher in the Rye" at the time, but he closed his book and looked at Demyx. "What is it?"
"Why her?"
"Excuse me?"
"Why Jasmine? Why did you have to let her save you?"
"You were talking to a teacher at the time," Zexion pointed out, "and at the other end of the school. There really was no way of you knowing what was happening. Besides, shouldn't you be happy that Jasmine was there to help?"
"I don't like it," Demyx grumbled.
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I don't like it when girls start fussing over you."
"Are you jealous?" Zexion asked. Even in his young age, Zexion had been very perceptive. Demyx didn't answer. "You are."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not!"
"You are. And you shouldn't be." Zexion looked at him with a dead straight face. "It's not like I want them to fuss over me and treat me like a small kid. They're annoying. You aren't."
He didn't know how on earth Zexion was able to diffuse the situation so easily with just a few words. But he guessed that was what made Zexion so special to him. They just rarely got into fights because the smaller kid had kept such a cool head.
"You want to come over to mine?" he asked Demyx. "You can beg my mom to make your favourite."
And with that, Demyx was won over. And he'd be won over by this offer again and again in years to come.
The first time they really argued was in their last year of middle school. By now Zexion had finally hit puberty, and general interest in dating the female species had become wide-spread. But other than that, they were still same old Demyx and same old Zexion; Demyx was the guitar-playing star runner of the school track team, Zexion on the other hand was the class genius-come-bookworm. They couldn't have been more different to each other, and yet somehow they still managed to maintain their friendship.
That is, until rumours about him and Ariel being an item started spreading like wildfire. When he found out about it, he felt like he had to get things straight with Zexion who had oddly been brisk with him recently. He assumed that Zexion was only acting like that because of such rumours.
"I keep telling you that you don't have to explain yourself to me," Zexion snapped irritably, slamming shut his copy of "Birdsong", its poppy-covered cover fluttering angrily in the wind that blew through the open window. "It's a stupid rumour. Like I would believe something like that."
"But you're being so snappy with me!" Demyx exclaimed, really not understanding where Zexion's mood swing had come from. Zexion had never in the time that they had known each other ever snapped at Demyx.
"I'm not," Zexion grumbled, getting up as soon as the bus came to a slow stop. Demyx followed after him, automatically grabbing for his guitar case.
"You are," Demyx replied, walking quickly to catch up with Zexion. It was surprising how the smaller teen was so quick when he was angry. The wintry air assailed their faces when they left the warmth of the yellow school bus. Zexion wouldn't speak to him at all.
The blond was getting sick of this silent treatment already. "Zexion!" He grabbed his arm.
"Let go of me!" the dark-haired boy yelled, pulling himself away just as he stepped on some slick ice. He screamed as he felt his feet leave the ground, eyes wide in shock, book gone flying into the snow.
Demyx barely caught him, though he too lost his footing, falling straight onto his back, the sound of guitar strings sharply protesting to being dropped. He didn't really care; he was more concerned about Zexion that was now sitting in between his legs. "You alright?"
"Y-Yeah," Zexion stammered. His eyes quickly fell to the guitar while his cheeks blushed when he realised the position they were in. "Your guitar…"
"I'm sure it's OK," Demyx assured, though he knew it probably wasn't. He didn't want Zexion to feel guilty for it. He pushed the other to stand, picking himself up carefully before brushing the dirty snow off his coat. Zexion had picked up the guitar case in that time, his face downcast. The blond could only smile, taking it back from him. "How about you? Where's your book?"
"Ah…" He looked over to where the sodden book seemed to pathetically crinkle as it sunk into the snow. In short, that was probably the second ruined book Zexion had. He sighed, picking it up and carefully checking the inside pages. "Well, I can always buy another copy."
"You're not hurt?"
"…I've got a bit of a sore butt if that constitutes being hurt." He looked to Demyx. "You?"
"Well, my mini-me isn't crushed thankfully," Demyx joked, though he had to admit that his butt was stinging too. "I'll check the casualty when I get home." He carefully shouldered his guitar case, wincing as he heard a sour note leave it. Oh he was in for it if it was broken. Zexion looked down guiltily.
"I feel like it's my fault your guitar got damaged."
"Don't worry about it. A couple of broken strings are better than a broken bone. Besides, strings and guitars are replaceable. You aren't." He watched as a tinge of pink graced the smaller teen's face.
"If…If you insist."
And that was when Zexion first realised his feelings ran deeper than friendship.
The first time Demyx realised that his own feelings were running deeper than expected was during their senior year in high school. At this point, he really did have on and off relationships with girls (with Zexion's approval and permission of course, though the darker teen always crossly pointed out that he wasn't his mother), but Zexion kept to the background and kept his nose in his books, never getting close to anyone except for Demyx. In a way, the blond felt a bit special that Zexion would only spend his time with him and any subsequent parties that had come along with him.
But his realisation only came when Axel confided to him one blustery April afternoon. And it was a bombshell.
"You fancy Roxas?!"
"Yeah," Axel whispered, looking out of Demyx's bedroom window with a pained look of confusion in his emerald-coloured gaze.
"But Roxas is a guy! A dude! An hombre! A boy!"
"I noticed."
"And don't get me wrong, you have a reputation for being a playboy in school," Demyx pointed out, the shock that his close friend of so many years liked a boy. "And you play around with the female species!"
"Don't point out the obvious Dem," Axel growled. "I'm just as shocked as you are about this!"
They were silent. In the space of the long pause, Demyx had a number of thoughts crossing his mind:
1- Axel had suddenly gone gay on him.
2- And Axel was going gay for Roxas, who was a year younger and on the honour-roll (though he didn't look like it).
3- Was Axel's last relationship, Larxene (the cheating witch) the cause of this turn of sexuality?
4- Would Roxas share the same feelings?
5- Was Roxas even gay? Answer: probably not; it would be too coincidental because…
6- Said blond's twin brother had a boyfriend in Riku (and they had been together since Riku's last year in middle school). That said, it wasn't impossible…
7- But if the relationships between Sora and Riku (who, let's face it, were perfect for each other) and Axel and Roxas (who, in a way, Demyx could imagine something happening between them) could change, what was there to say that his relationship with Zexion would always be that of best friends and neighbours?
8- Oh god…why was he actually thinking about Zexion in that kind of way now?
9- Oh dear god, did he actually think of Zexion as more than that? Well, to be frank, they probably knew each other better than they did themselves, and they were always spending time together, and they always came home together, and they always went out together and they-
10- Oh…shit…this couldn't be good
"What's with that face?" Axel asked, raising a brow at him. Demyx just looked at him like a goldfish. Alright, concentrate on Axel. Axel. Axel. Axel. Were his eyebrows always that short? Was his hair always that red? Did he always put black eyeliner around his eyes? "Demyx?"
"Ah sorry. Um…are you going to tell Roxas?"
"Fuck no," Axel swore. "He'd have me for breakfast." He swore again as a clearly X-rated image appeared in his mind. "And besides that, I heard he and Naminé were getting close. I'm sure this is just a phase. It'll pass."
"What? Roxas and Naminé getting close, or you fancying Roxas?"
He opened his mouth, then closed it again. Demyx had a feeling that meant that Axel knew that this wasn't just some silly phase that he would grow out of. This was real. "What do you think I should do?"
"Well, telling Roxas would be a good starting point I guess."
"Other than that."
"Can't help you there," Demyx sighed, sinking into the pillows of his bed. "It's either say something, or don't say anything at all."
"I'm gonna go for the 'say nothing at all' option."
"Each to their own." And although they shared agreeable shrugs with each other, the small worry about how he honestly felt about Zexion was weighing heavy on his mind.
Alright, they were best friends. Obviously they wanted to spend time together. But did best friends get so easily jealous and irritable when one of them got a girlfriend? In Zexion's case, yes Demyx did get haughty if a girl was trying to get his attention…and he guessed Zexion's initial cold shoulder treatments when Demyx dated a new girl counted. But they wouldn't go out of their way to sabotage the other's relationship.
OK, maybe Demyx had once or twice wished the girl in question got struck by lightning if she started get all cosy around Zexion, but the smaller teen had never once showed a malicious side to anyone.
But whether he got jealous or not over Zexion was not any reason to panic. It just was a testament to how close they were.
He kept telling himself that for the rest of the day. That night, Demyx found himself having wet dreams about Zexion.
The next morning, Zexion inquired as to why Demyx had a huge bruise on his forehead. In an embarrassed stammer, Demyx said that he fell out of bed. He didn't say anything about what caused it.
The first time they kissed was a week before graduation. Demyx had invited everyone to come round to his place so that they could celebrate four of them heading off to university. Besides, Demyx had reasoned, this would be the last summer that they could all hang out together like this. Riku was going to Radiant Garden University with Zexion, while Axel and Demyx were going to the relatively smaller Hollow Bastion University. But that was on the basis that Axel had barely managed to scrape the grades to go (he was smart, but too lazy for his own good) and Demyx had heard that the music department was one of the best in the country. Zexion and Riku were smart enough to get scholarships to the prestigious university of their choice.
"You'll visit, right?" Sora pouted, clearly a little unhappy that Riku was moving away to the big city.
"Of course I will," Riku smiled, pressing a chaste kiss on his forehead.
"Eww," Roxas stuck his tongue out. "Get a room you two."
"If you insist," Riku smirked, suddenly standing up and dragging Sora along. "We'll be using your room Demyx!"
"H-Hey! Don't you dare!"
Everyone else couldn't help but laugh as Demyx tried to chase the couple out of his room. It felt like the good old days, when they just hung out watching DVDs or playing on the Playstation. There was never the heavy air, or the all too obvious knowledge that they were going to be separated from each other soon.
Demyx was sitting outside on the porch with Axel, opting to keeping the redhead company while he lit up a cigarette. "Hey...Dem..."
"Mm?"
"This might be the last time we hang out together like this...this might be the last time I ever come around here."
"What do you mean? Nothing's stopping you."
"It's best that I don't come back once we get to HBU," Axel softly replied, exhaling wispy grey smoke that danced in the silver moonlight. "If I come back, I have to see Roxas."
"...you still fancy him?"
"It's not a case of fancying the kid anymore." Axel took a deep drag, speaking as he exhaled more smoke, "It's a case of realising you've fallen in love with one of your best friends."
Demyx hadn't really been prepared for this. But he knew that this whole unrequited affection business had been affecting Axel for a long time. Maybe even longer than they had both realised. "So you're gonna try and block it out by not coming back?"
"Can't see any other way," Axel whispered, suddenly stubbing his cigarette out. "I'm sure eventually it'll go away if I stop seeing him."
"But you're just gonna hurt him!" Demyx yelled.
"What about you and Zexion?" Demyx flinched, stammering a bit when he asked what Axel meant by that. "I ain't stupid Dem. I know you like Zexion a bit more than as a best friend." He looked over with his green eyes. "What are you going to do?"
Demyx never responded. Throughout the whole night that they were together though, Demyx kept thinking about it. Should he tell Zexion how he felt? Get it off his chest so that if they did have to part, he could at least part with Zexion without a regret?
He guessed he didn't have the strength to live with himself for not saying something like Axel did.
"Um, Zexion..."
"Hm?" They were alone now. Zexion was just about to go home. Demyx figured that this was as good a time as any to get his feelings out in the open. Or at least, he tried to.
"I have this friend, and he's a really cool guy. The problem is, he's just realised that he's fallen in love with his best friend who's also a guy."
"Oh?" Zexion quirked an eyebrow, leaning against the door frame. "This doesn't happen to have something to do with Axel and Roxas per chance?"
"How did you know about them?!" Demyx looked at him in shock. He swore that he never let on to Axel's secret. And besides, wasn't Zexion supposed to realise that he was talking about them, not Axel and Roxas?!
"Axel looks at Roxas from time to time like a pining puppy when he thinks no one's looking." Zexion mimicked the face; sorrowful longing big eyes, lips slightly parted in a wishful pout, looking like he wanted something so badly but knew that no matter how hard he tried he could never quite reach what he wanted. Demyx just wanted to kiss the smaller teen right there and then. "I'm in half a mind just telling Roxas that Axel cares about him a lot more than as a friend."
"Um...yeah..." Demyx murmured, a little bit hurt that Zexion didn't seem to have caught his drift as well as he had hoped. Maybe it really did mean that Zexion only saw them as best friends and neighbours.
"You're worried about Axel?"
Well, might as well go along with this thread. "He said he's not gonna come back here once me and him get to Hollow Bastion."
"What?! Why?!"
"He...well, he's convinced himself that as long as he doesn't see Roxas, his feelings for him will eventually go away. But...but I think that would hurt him and Roxas more than it would help."
"I take it you told him that."
"He's not listening to me. You know Axel. When he convinces himself of something, he's not going to change his mind easily."
"Well, if Axel's not going to listen to reason, then why not speak to Roxas?"
"But Roxas is straight...right?"
"Uh huh, and that's why Roxas came crying to me two weeks ago complaining that Axel's a jerk for not noticing the subliminal messages he's been sending?"
"Subliminal...wait, what?" Demyx blinked dumbly, unsure that he was hearing things correctly. "Roxas...?"
"He feels the same," Zexion reported monotonously. "And he knows that this might be the last chance he's got to tell Axel that."
"Then why don't we do something about it?" Demyx asked. Although his own anxieties about his relationship with Zexion were starting to kill him, he didn't want to see two of his friends hurt by each other either.
"Well, I can tell Roxas that Axel does feel the same way and maybe it'll give him the courage to actually confess to that idiot." He then shrugged despairingly. "But that's all we can do."
"Nothing else?"
"To involve ourselves more any more than we already are could backfire on us," Zexion reasoned. "We need to keep ourselves at a distance after we've given them a push towards each other."
Although Demyx wanted to help both his friends come to realise their feelings, he realised that there was a very large pearl of wisdom in Zexion's reasoning. A small part of him though wanted Zexion to realise he was trying to express how he felt for him in spite of the more pressing crisis between their other friends. He only nodded in response, unable to think of a better way to try and tell the smaller dark-haired one the truth.
"So…" Zexion started, his voice trailing off into the silence for a good long while. "I guess…this is goodnight." He turned to leave. "See you tomorrow at school then…"
"Don't go," Demyx said suddenly; it was strange, he felt like he was having an out of body moment and watching himself say those two powerful words, his voice not that goofy happy-go-lucky tone that it always carried. He sounded so…serious. Zexion turned. His face was surprised; he had heard the difference too.
"Demyx?"
"Don't go. Not yet," Demyx started again, his voice not shaking off the seriousness it had somehow gained. His hand reached over and gripped Zexion's wrist tightly; the smaller teen didn't shake him off. Their eyes met for the briefest moment, though to them it felt like an eternity had passed. He felt the pulse in Zexion's wrist race a bit now. Did that mean…? "Not…not until you've heard what I have to say."
"Dem…" Zexion said faintly, using that nickname that he very rarely used. They hadn't noticed that their bodies were drawing close to each other like a pair of magnets.
"I…I…" Demyx struggled as that seriousness and courage slipped away from him, terrified that he was going to get rejected by his best friend of so many years. "I…I really…really l-like…" He gulped, unable to finish his sentence in fear of what Zexion would say.
He needn't have worried. He gasped sharply when he felt Zexion come closer. "The same way as Axel and Roxas?" Demyx nodded his head dumbly to Zexion's question; the smaller one smiled lightly, not moving away but neither moving forward. Tentatively, Demyx leant down, whispering the words that he had wanted to say but knowing he didn't sound half like what he imagined himself to sound.
"C-Can I k-kiss you?" he stammered. Zexion nodded his head, watching the other to see what he would do.
It had been very hesitant as Demyx hadn't expected this to go so well. No…in fact, he didn't even expect Zexion to be so accepting of his feelings. He shook all over as he leant in a little more, wanting to get rid of the nerves so that he could appear cool in front of the other but they wouldn't leave. He nearly jumped when he felt Zexion's free hand touch his cheek, and yet, it seemed to have calmed him down too. It was a strange sensation feeling the palm of Zexion's hand against his skin, almost as if it was comforting to feel the warmth coming from it.
"You aren't chickening out, are you?" Zexion asked, a small smile on his face. It brought Demyx back to his senses, though it took a lot for him to not recoil in shock of himself. He couldn't remember the last time they even held hands, let alone this sort of intimate touching.
"I…I'm not," he managed to stammer. "I…I just…"
"You didn't expect this?" Zexion asked.
"Can I be honest with you?" Demyx whispered, bringing the other closer to him. "I thought…you would hate me because I'm…well..."
Zexion just shook his head. "I'm not narrow-minded." His eyes hadn't faltered a bit, showing a confidence that Demyx felt that he lacked. He pushed his body up onto his toes to make up for the gap between them; Demyx found himself gravitating down to his lips, unable to resist now that it had been offered to him. His eyes closed automatically, shrouding the already dark night.
At the first touch, it felt like fireworks had gone off in his mind. It was only soft and subtle -just a press of lips- but it felt so good. So supple. So delectable. And even though just these small meetings and partings between lips were brief, each one felt like time had stopped for the world. When they parted for the final time, Demyx opened his eyes slowly. Zexion hadn't yet, but he pulled away, looking up at him with a small smile. Demyx wasn't sure whether he liked this small silence. "Zexion…"
"Hmmm?"
"Does this mean that we're…?"
"Maybe," is the only answer to his half-asked question. Zexion left soon after, his footfalls tapping against the concrete of the front path before scrunching against the grass. Demyx could only watch him leave, unsure if that kiss…had been whole-heartedly all of Zexion's feelings.
In the summer months that followed, they didn't really act like a couple, and yet they seemed closer than ever. From time to time Zexion would let his fingers brush slightly against the back of Demyx's hand whenever they walked side by side together and Demyx would let his touches linger a little longer than usual when they did mundane stuff like passing items to each other or guiding Zexion to some other place. They never kissed each other, they never embraced, and they never explicitly talked to each other about their relationship. And maybe that had been enough for them. The pain of separation became very great when Zexion had to leave for Radiant Garden, but he promised to visit Demyx regularly.
Sure enough, he kept his word. They still acted more like best friends then a couple though.
The first time Zexion admitted to him the entirety of his feelings happened one sunny early January day when they were in their second year of university. Zexion had come to Demyx's house to escape from the craziness back at home; Demyx's had gone out shopping for the day. It really had been a no-brainer to them both when Zexion complained of not being able to rest with a full house, pregnant aunt included.
Demyx still was trying to figure out how they had ended up in his room with Zexion sitting in between his legs, back leaning into his chest, and a book that demurely declared itself to be "The Great Gatsby". It was probably the smallest book Demyx had ever seen in his -dare he say it?- boyfriend's hands ever.
"Any good?" he asked quietly. He had been contemplating on the possibility of wrapping his arms around him.
"Hmm…so so," Zexion responded absently.
"Why read it if you're not into it?"
"Because I don't want to miss out on any book. Plus, it's one of my course's texts."
"Ah." He should've realised that really; Zexion was doing comparative literature. "So…how have things been?"
"Fine."
"Just fine?"
"Well, a girl from my seminar group did confess to me recently." Demyx jerked at that, a sudden jealously rising up inside his being. He must've growled though because Zexion put his book down and turned. "What is it?"
"You said no right?" Demyx demanded, his voice sounding very testy.
"Well yes. Why?"
Demyx relaxed slightly at that, but he seemed to droop. Why indeed? Zexion wasn't the type to cheat on anyone but…he sometimes felt like they weren't really together. And it scared him a lot knowing that Zexion could turn around and say they were never an item in the first place and thusly he wasn't committed to him. "…Nothing…"
"Demyx…you weren't thinking that I said yes to her, did you?"
Demyx could only look away, grunting lightly.
"Do you not trust me?" Zexion asked. He sounded…sad. When he turned to look back at him, he saw a sorrowful glimmer in the smaller man's eyes. Demyx cringed.
"No…it's not that."
"Then what is it?"
"…Are we…really together?" Demyx asked, looking down to avoid eye contact. "I don't know anymore…I'm happy that you didn't reject me that night but…you didn't accept me either. I don't know what to do Zexion. Just…please…tell me what's going on." He felt his voice break slightly, and he hated it. He didn't want to sound weak in front of Zexion.
"Demyx Lowell," Zexion started, causing the blond to look up at the other at the sound of his full name. "We're together. I'm not going to cheat on you as long as you don't go behind my back either. I've liked you since middle-school, and maybe even longer than that. The day I drop you will be the day I have developed dementia at a young age."
Demyx just stared at the dark-haired man, eyes blinking in disbelief at the long but to the point speech coming from him…and what if confirmed for him too. "You…mean it?"
"Would you like me to repeat it? Because I'll repeat as many times as you wish to help you understand how I feel."
Demyx didn't even ask for the encore. Faster than either of them could register, Demyx had found himself on top of the other, Zexion's back pressed against the deep blue duvet of the bed. The smaller student blinked, not having expected this. Demyx couldn't help but smile at the just barely noticeable tint of rose appearing in the other's pale cheeks. "Zexion, you have no idea just how happy you've made me."
"Why do I get the feeling I'm going to find out soon enough?" he asked, that tint deepening his colour. He made a small 'mmph' when Demyx's mouth covered over his suddenly. He tried to push the other away, but Demyx's hands found themselves wrapped around Zexion's small wrists like manacles, pinning him to the bed. The smaller man relinquished a little while after realising that Demyx wasn't going to push them further; Demyx didn't really have much of a forceful side anyway.
The kiss wasn't anything unusual for them both; shy touches of lips that were gaining confidence with each caress. That small burst of warmth seeping from each other's bodies; the thrill of feeling each other's hearts beating against their chests like wild war drums, the incredible jolt of electricity that pulsed through them…and yet, it was when Demyx made that first step towards something a little more deep that Zexion nearly lost his composure.
Demyx's hand moved down further than usual. Usual for them would be holding a hand, an arm, a cheek or even just a shoulder or the neck. Demyx's hand had travelled down the side of his body, nestling itself on Zexion's jeans' waistband, thumb hooked over it as if it would pull them down at an instant. Just the mere notion of feeling the petit dark-haired man's hip flesh was enough to send delighted shivers down Demyx's spine. He then tried one step more; gently, he nipped the corner of Zexion's lips the next time they separate. Happily, Zexion's reaction his to open his mouth slightly, to which Demyx took full advantage of.
The rest, as they say, was history; that first confession turned out to be the trigger towards their first time showing such a deep intimacy. Later on, Demyx would find out it was Zexion's first time being intimate with anyone at all, something that he took great pride in.
It was when they graduated from university, still very much a 'loved up' couple that they moved into their first house together. At this point, a lot of things had changed.
For one, Axel had finally confessed how he felt for Roxas after all those years denying it, thus putting a stop to the redhead's philandering ways; Roxas liked to use the "Donkey and Carrot" approach with his boyfriend, giving him leeway to crack down upon him. To Demyx, it seemed hilarious that Axel was practically bowing down to the little blond senior student. Axel himself had found himself taking a post-graduate course; would you believe it that Axel decided in his later years at college that he wanted to be a chemistry teacher?!
Riku had started writing recently; it was only small travel articles in the local newspaper, but he had big ambitions to continue being a travel writer, maybe even sell a book describing all the places he had been. Sora, ever long suffering Riku's roving ways, was still at university doing his law degree (which Demyx still to this day found unbelievable); they both saw this as a chance to test how strong the relationship was by Riku's nearly constant travelling. Needless to say, although no longer the horny teenagers they once were, it was sort of like watching an old married couple these days. It wouldn't be surprising if Riku did at some point pop the question now that gay marriage had been accepted recently. He seemed the type to do just that.
As for them, things were pretty normal enough; although their libidos had quietened down now after being with each other for some time, things still seemed very much the same. Demyx did his music at local clubs; Zexion did his post-grad work with his books when he wasn't working at the library. Of course, living together when you were pretty much from two very different worlds did have its annoyances.
"You've done it again," Zexion grumbled testily, standing in front of the guitar-player with his arms folded across his chest.
"Huh? Done what?" Demyx blinked.
"I keep telling you to wash up after yourself in the kitchen." Zexion's eyes were positively blazing right now; Demyx found out the hard way that his lover was very, very, very anal when it came to kitchen cleanliness. Actually, Zexion was a bit of obsessive cleaner anyway, always wanting things to be just in their proper place without a speck of dust ruining the showroom-like quality of the house. If Demyx were to be honest, he'd tell the other he felt like he was being suffocated. But he doesn't, because he knows that as long as everything was back in their proper place by the time they head for bed, Zexion won't even bat an eyelid.
Just that the kitchen was pretty much the exception to the rule. Zexion's mom had once lectured them both about health and safety in the kitchen. While Demyx didn't pay much mind to it, Zexion took the words of advice to heart. It annoyed the blond at first, but when he heard the reason why Zexion was being so inflexible about the kitchen, he pretty much let it slide.
It was pretty cute of Zexion to worry about his health.
"I was going to do it," Demyx frowned, remembering the mess he left in the sink.
"Correction: you were going to let me do it."
"No of course not."
Zexion doesn't seem convinced. "We may be living together but I'm not your personal cleaner."
"I was thinking housewife, but we'll go with cleaner," Demyx joked, a small mischievous smile forming on his lips. The look on Zexion's face is just a picture of blushing indignation.
"Demyx!"
"What?"
"You're having visions of me in nothing but an apron, aren't you?"
"Hmm…now that you mention it…" Demyx pondered lightly. Yeah…now that was a nice image. He can only laugh when Zexion lets out a small frustrated sound from the back of his throat.
"You're impossible sometimes." He turns to leave but Demyx grabs his arm, yanking it to get him to fall into his lap. He holds him there tightly, letting his face nuzzle the other's neck gently. To this, Zexion tries to bite back a small moan of appreciation.
"I may be impossible, but you wouldn't change that, would you?" Demyx asked.
There was silence, soon followed by a quiet, "…No." His hands gently settle on top of Demyx's, relaxing into the hold. They were silent now, just soaking in each other's presence. Words don't need to be said anymore to fill it. Maybe this was one of the perks of falling in love with your best friend: you knew them so well that words weren't always necessary, that you didn't really need to ask what they were thinking about because you already had an idea of what it was.
"Hey Demyx…" Zexion starts.
"Mmhm?" Demyx closes his eyes, a little too preoccupied with this perfect little moment of theirs.
"…I love you." Demyx's eyes go wide at that. He then smiles and places a gentle kiss along his neck, to which Zexion delightfully shivers. That three worded confession had been long overdue.
"Me too."
That was the first time Zexion said those words. And they held so much more power and weight than anything else he could have said.