SILENT SONGS
Trying hard to speak and
Fighting with my weak and
She was about to speak opened her mouth to say the words…they didn't come, they just stood there together, silent, what was there to say, she didn't know, she didn't understand….she didn't have the strength to try anymore.
Driven to distraction
Its all part of the plan
"It meant nothing," she finally managed, soft barely above a whisper.
"It just happened did it?" Bitterness, hurt and confusion, had he not given her enough? What had he done? He could not choose between the anger or anguish, he just knew she would not have done it, not unless some part of her wanted to.
"It was a distraction, nothing more," she cried, denying, denying all the accusations she knew were there, left unspoken. The guilt and confusion filling her, she was denying her own accusations.
"Maybe it happened for a reason," his voice rang out tortured and pained, filled with all that he could not say.
When something is broken
And you try to fix it
"It wasn't…it didn't…" her voice faded away, confused, she no longer knew what to think. "I did a horrible thing….I did it to save us….no….I think I mainly did it to save myself….I just….I didn't want to die…"
"And there was no other way then," anger bitterness flying out, masking his true feelings, voiced to defend.
"Well I didn't exactly have a lot of time to think," snapping, her temper rising, why was he being like this….it had meant nothing….it had meant….
"You would have found a way….you always find another way…." Stated in anger and passion, bringing out that which he secretly feared and felt.
They both look away from each other, planting their gazes resolutely and stubbornly elsewhere. Silence once more between them.
"How are we going to fix this?" softly and sadly sighed, a question with no answer.
"I don't know," honestly said, always honestly said….
Trying to repair it
Any way you can
"I…I…" she started.
"Don't say it," snapped harshly, "Don't lie."
"It's not a lie…." She cried, believing it with all her heart, her emotions and mind in turmoil, willing to say anything, to lie to him, if just to have it all right again.
"Do you really know that?" no reply came.
"Are you more concerned with the fact that I killed him, or kissed him?" this time said angrily, an attempt to force back the tears and fear, bitter that he would not aid her and just believe.
He looked at her sadly, "I don't know," he said honestly his voice also racked with confusion, raw with emotions and restraint, "All I know is, I'm not sorry he's dead."
I dive in at the deep end
She'd become my best friend
"Oh so you think it was his fault do you?" she said, once more angry, once more reacting in the only way she knew wouldn't hurt her. "I'm not some maiden, damsel in distress….It was my plan….a desperate one….but it worked….I tricked him without his knowledge…I distracted him….nothing more….it was the only way….and I was willing to make that choice"
"Jack always knows," it was the first time either of them had spoken his name aloud, a heavy silence followed.
"He's not a god or something," denial, trying to sound harsh. "If he knew he wouldn't have let me do it."
"Are you sure about that?" turns to her, trying to read her thoughts, her feelings. She just looked back, as confused as he was.
"He wouldn't….he was afraid to die….he sold you to Davy Jones….he wouldn't have let me…." Desperate, gripping to the little proof she had.
"He didn't know what he wanted," he said, turning away once more, his heart and mind heavy, "But he wouldn't have left his ship…..maybe he just wanted someone to mourn him…. Ensure there was someone left to care…."
"He might have let me….maybe he did because he had feelings for me…." She said softly, trying, to turn the problem to someone else, to make the feeling someone else's problem. But it was said almost hopefully, he could hear it in her voice.
I wanna love you
But I don't know if I can
"Do you love him?" he finally turned it into a question, it hung in the air…just hung there….
"I don't think he loves me…" she says softly, avoiding the question…. "I don't think he can love anyone…."
"I know that," he said, wanting the reply to the unanswered question, "It wasn't what I asked"
I know something is broken
And I'm trying to fix it
"What do you want me to say?" wanting him to answer it for her, to make it all okay.
"The compass... what did it show you?" he wanted to give her the answer, wanted it to be a firm and steady denial, but he knew it would just be a lie.
"It was broken," trying to dismiss it, trying to avoid the truth.
"It worked," he answered steadily.
"Not everything broken is useless…" she cried false hope, "Maybe it's better broken…."
"Broken things are just things which can't be fixed," reply realistic, steady, he refused to fly with her to the land of dreams, where all the things you wanted to be, were so.
Trying to repair it
Any way I can
"Anything can be fixed," soft…with no conviction.
"What are we going to do?" the question another unanswerable one hung once more.
"Forget…"
"Did you love him?" he wanted…he needed an answer this time; he needed to hear the no.
"No," softly, not strong or steady. It wasn't the answer he wanted to hear…it was just the lie.
You and me are floating on a tidal wave...
Together
"I mean…maybe….I honestly don't know…..I don't want to lie to you anymore…" confused, filled with pain, and the want to have an answer, to know herself.
"Why?" a question, so simply, just a word.
"I don't know, he was there, a pirate, freedom….I just wanted to know…." It hung there, not a full answer, there would never be a full one, she didn't know herself.
"Did you forget me so easily?" bitterness, sadness too, she had done it, there was no taking that back.
"No…no…all I wanted to do was find you, I'm not in love with him…." Pleading, begging him to look at her once more.
"What are you in love with then?" he refused, he didn't want to see the answer written on her face, they knew each other too well.
You and me are drifting into outer space...
And singing
"What are we going to do when we get back?" a question to break the silence, neither of them really believed they would both get back.
"Forget…" he mirrored her answer, wishing it could happen, "If we can…"
"Do you really think you'll be able to do it? Go back to that life….to all that….?" Thinking her own thoughts, restricting, almost feeling like she couldn't breathe already.
"Maybe…maybe not…" he turned to look at her, "You won't be able to though….not after…everything…."
She did not reply, just gazing out to the ocean, he turned and did the same; they both knew it was true.
"I'll try…for us…" hope, trying to cling onto the sinking driftwood. "We can fix it…it will work…."
"How long do you think it will last?" he asked trying to remain reasonable, his voice choking, "How long do you think it will last before the song finishes, and we stop?"
"It won't stop…" she said, "I'll sing forever…"
"And when you get tired?" a question posed, not wanting to know the answer.
"We don't need a song to keep going, we never did before…." A denial.
"Before was a very long time ago," wanting to believe.
"We'll make it our own Will," she cried passionately, wanting him to see, "It will be okay….we'll make it okay…"
"It was freedom…" absently said, ringing true, gaining no answer just silence. "Freedom, that was why."
"I feel free with you too," said in a state of confusion, unsure of what to do.
"It's different though, you always used to talk about pirates….remember," he smiled bitterly, things were simpler back then.
"I used to talk to you," softly.
"That's different…. Their different….I can't give you that type of freedom….I'm no legend," pain racking his voice, pain at the truth of the words.
"I don't need a legend," sadly, wanting understanding.
"No….?" unconvinced, wanting to believe.
"He won't have me, he wouldn't want me….not like that…." Also sadly stated, despite herself.
"I don't want you to come to me….just because you can't have him…." He wanted her for her, not for himself. "You have to decide….the songs going to stop soon…."
"If we both…if we both sing it…it will last longer," desperate, not knowing what to do, unable to force her heart to do what she wanted.
"You need to make a choice…."
"I don't know….I love you Will," it was the truth, but truth can go both ways.
"You….you have feelings for him…" also the truth.
"Not him…not him…"
"Freedom then…. You want it…."
There was no denying it.
"You need to make a choice…."
"It meant nothing…" once more.
"It meant everything…" the truth.
They stood there, the silence enveloping them once again, tears pricking each one's eyes, standing together yet drifting apart, singing two different songs silently together.