Always a Woman to Me by passionlily (8/15/02)
I see you.
I always see you. Out there, on the street. In school. At the
track.
Why must you play these endless mind-games?
My dear Haruka. It pains me to see to you out there, followed by a
horde of love-sick girls who think of you as no more than "that cute
racer guy."
Jealousy, perhaps? Is it that I cannot stand to see another fawn
over you as I do? Or is it something deeper? Do I dislike the fact
that you pretend to be someone else? Or do I dislike the fact that
you have fun doing it? Dislike the fact that you enjoy playing a
man, enjoy the attention?
Emotions flow through my body as I watch you, and my heartstrings
are nearly broken by the relentless pulling inflicted upon them.
I still see you.
Walking down the street, in your male school uniform. Short hair, so
that they can't tell the difference between a beautiful young man...
and my beautiful young lover.
Why, oh why aren't you content to be a woman?
Is it me? Am I the reason that you parade around, deceiving the
girls? Aren't you satisfied?
But no. That cannot be. I have seen the way you look at me... the
ecstasy which lights your solemn face. The sudden, almost
imperceptible passion that flashes across your face. Because you
*love* me.
Then what? Is it for the pure rush of the 'chase?' Is it for the
fun of it?
I don't know. If only you would tell me, explain why you persist,
though you know it annoys and destroys me to no end. Explain,
perhaps, what it is that I can do to help you. What I can do to help
us.
It breaks my heart. To see you only as you wish to be seen, not to
be able to penetrate the facade you put on as you leave this haven
and enter the real world.
Do you realize? Do you know I hate it when you engage in this child-
like sport? Do you see that I hate myself when I see you, because I
think I'm not good enough?
If you knew, would you care? Would you change?
Does it matter?
Words echo from the radio at my bedside. American words, a love song
from days past.
"She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me."
No. It doesn't matter. Because, dearest Haruka, as long as you
live...
You're always a woman to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hmm. Would have been better if I could write longer stories, ne?
I might add more to it later. If you want me to email you when it's
updated... email me. LadyChibiChibi13@comcast.net
And please, if you have anything to say about this story, even if
it's a flame... send it.
Ta, sweeties. ~Lily
I see you.
I always see you. Out there, on the street. In school. At the
track.
Why must you play these endless mind-games?
My dear Haruka. It pains me to see to you out there, followed by a
horde of love-sick girls who think of you as no more than "that cute
racer guy."
Jealousy, perhaps? Is it that I cannot stand to see another fawn
over you as I do? Or is it something deeper? Do I dislike the fact
that you pretend to be someone else? Or do I dislike the fact that
you have fun doing it? Dislike the fact that you enjoy playing a
man, enjoy the attention?
Emotions flow through my body as I watch you, and my heartstrings
are nearly broken by the relentless pulling inflicted upon them.
I still see you.
Walking down the street, in your male school uniform. Short hair, so
that they can't tell the difference between a beautiful young man...
and my beautiful young lover.
Why, oh why aren't you content to be a woman?
Is it me? Am I the reason that you parade around, deceiving the
girls? Aren't you satisfied?
But no. That cannot be. I have seen the way you look at me... the
ecstasy which lights your solemn face. The sudden, almost
imperceptible passion that flashes across your face. Because you
*love* me.
Then what? Is it for the pure rush of the 'chase?' Is it for the
fun of it?
I don't know. If only you would tell me, explain why you persist,
though you know it annoys and destroys me to no end. Explain,
perhaps, what it is that I can do to help you. What I can do to help
us.
It breaks my heart. To see you only as you wish to be seen, not to
be able to penetrate the facade you put on as you leave this haven
and enter the real world.
Do you realize? Do you know I hate it when you engage in this child-
like sport? Do you see that I hate myself when I see you, because I
think I'm not good enough?
If you knew, would you care? Would you change?
Does it matter?
Words echo from the radio at my bedside. American words, a love song
from days past.
"She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me."
No. It doesn't matter. Because, dearest Haruka, as long as you
live...
You're always a woman to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hmm. Would have been better if I could write longer stories, ne?
I might add more to it later. If you want me to email you when it's
updated... email me. LadyChibiChibi13@comcast.net
And please, if you have anything to say about this story, even if
it's a flame... send it.
Ta, sweeties. ~Lily