The Beginning

It always happened at least once in a while for everyone and it happened in different ways. The retreat.

For Mirajane, it happened once a year around the time she and Elfman had lost Lisanna. She would retreat into herself, her words becoming scarce and her nightmares growing in frequency for a while. She would get insomnia for about a week because of her fear to even sleep.

For Erza, it was around the the time she remembers being forced from the Tower of Heaven. It could be once a year or once every five years for her. When it happened, she took S-Class exclusive missions on her own to take her emotions out onto beasts instead of on people. This typically lasted about one to two weeks. At most a month.

For Cana, it was around the time she got caught up on failing to tell her last living relative that he was in fact her father. It only happened about once a year, but sometimes it happened twice a year. Her drinking, destructive already, would either become worse or cease to exist. If it became worse, she would isolate herself by going to a different bar every so often and rack up high tabs to pay off with her savings. This only lasted three days at most.

But for Lucy, it was different. It happened like a punch to the face and lasted about as long as it takes a fractured rib to heal. A month and a half to two months. However, she could hide it so much easier than her friends because she was used to hiding everything. She was raised to understand how to hide all fear and pain. After all, when you were as wealthy as the Heartfilias were, you have the whole world watching you through a magnifying glass. A smile and a wave could go a long way when you didn't even trust crying yourself to sleep for fear of the maids hearing you. Every problem you have, every imperfection... Everything broadcasted, held over your face and shoved down your throat. So you suck it up. Bottle it up. And keep it clean.

Which, ironically, carries over to this day. If Natsu barged in without fear of seeing her naked, he would barge in on her crying- which was, honestly, her worst fear. Crying because of something happening in real time was different; the fear or shock that was happening at the moment could overwhelm anyone. But crying over something he couldn't directly fix would probably both confuse him and only make things worse for her.

So she always held it in until she was able to cry because of something happening on a mission.

Yes, she was called a cry baby by a lot of people, but it never bothered her much. If they knew what she held in simply to release at the only few moments she could, perhaps they wouldn't judge her as much.

But Lucy's retreat was filled with insomnia, not for fear of nightmares but with the thought that she didn't deserve to rest. Her retreat was filled with writing as much on her novels as possible, to the point where she wrote until her hands literally could not move because she deserved that much. Her retreat was filled with a drink of alcohol here and there because she didn't deserve to get drunk and have her terrible emotions leave, but because she also deserved the side effects- like the hangover that would haunt her the next morning.

See, Lucy was different from her friend for one reason; she was suicidal.

Now, being suicidal does not mean holding a gun to one's head or tying a rope to the ceiling. It doesn't even mean a cut to flesh or a bottle of pills. Sometimes it's drinking because the threat of liver failure is there, walking across the edge of the canals because the threat of falling in is there, it's rushing into danger with crazy friend even knowing they can handle it on their own because threat of being severely hurt is there, it's not sleeping or eating much because the threat of one's body collapsing in exhaustion is there…

Sometimes it's just not putting effort into living.

Though, typically, the brain does not pick up on this. It does not pick up on the realization that the behavior is destructive and that information is typically found in one's subconscious... But it's still there. The behavior is destructive, it's horrible and you're aware of that much at the very least. You're aware of the threat that comes with it... But it was like you just could not bring yourself to care. You couldn't bring yourself to care because you don't want to think about that. You don't want it to be real. To realize just how bad it is. And that's where Lucy fell currently.

Only this time, when she was going into her retreat, one person did in fact notice; Levy. The only person who ever noticed.

Lucy's best friend of all time finally pieced everything together about two years ago. And, when Lucy didn't get any better after two months this time, Levy became exceptionally worried.

"So, Shrimp, you wanted details?" Gajeel asked gruffly, one metallic eyebrow raising in question as she sat a little too close to him in the very back corner of the guild. Not that he minded in the least bit, but he wasn't about to voice that. "And why do I have to be quiet about it?"

Levy huffed and rolled her eyes. "I have information I really need to share with you… Because I don't know what to do and I need help… And you're the only person I know that would be able to help."

"Bunny-girl?" He asked, his saltiness barely showing through. Yes, he was jealous of the amount of attention Lucy garnered from the blue lass. Yes, he would admit it to himself all day long. But only to himself.

Levy bit her lower lip and her eyes darted over to the blonde mage sitting at the bar who was talking with Mira at the bar with a glass of scotch in her hand. "That's the thing…"

Gajeel looked over at the blonde, not seeing anything different than usual, but the sadness in Levy's tone and in her eyes spoke levels. It had to be about Lucy. He sighed. "Alright, alright.."

"Thank you," she said hurriedly, her smile growing.

The dragon slayer felt his cheeks heat up at her smile but he forced down the oncoming blush. He pointed at Mirajane and watched as the solid script mage followed his finger. "When she turns around, because of the open back of her dress, you can see it on her left hip."

"See what?"

"Just watch."

So, patiently, the two slyly watched Mira move around behind the bar. When Macao asked for a refill on his drink, an excruciating fifteen minutes later, she finally turned around, but Levy saw nothing. There was nothing there. At least, until she twisted her upper body to the right when she looked back at him to ask him something. The fabric of the dress shifted ever so slightly, falling away from what her hazel eyes wanted to see.

There, on her hip, was at least one puncture wound scar with two erratic and strange lightning shaped scars coming from it. However, though one could see it was a scar, one could also see the faint yellow coloring to it.

Levy's eyes widened. "No way. That looks so fucking cool."

Gajeel laughed quietly. "I smelled it when she came in the next day. Now look at him."

Her hazel eyes slyly drifted to Laxus, who seemed at home where he was at. At a table a bit closer to the bar than where she and the first gen dragon slayer were at, Laxus sat leaned towards his three best friends. They were all engaged in conversation but she saw his slip up. Oh, she saw it alright. He glanced Mira's way for half a second when none of the others were looking in his direction. However, then, he must've felt Levy's gaze on him and looked their way.

He obviously saw her wide eyes and shocked smile and Gajeel's cocky smirk because his jaw clenched and his eyes seemed to plead to her to not tell.

And she nodded, understanding.

Seeming relieved, he turned his attention back to his friends.

"That's so rad," she whispered, awestruck. "I bet yours would look like iron bars.. Sting's maybe like the sun's rays… Rogue's might look like a bruise… Natsu's like flames?"

The iron dragon slayer seemed to tense when she brought his up but soon enough, she ended Natsu's like a question. "It does."

"Oh?" she asked, looking up at him in an attempt to lead the conversation where she wanted it to go. "How do you know?"

And part of the puzzle fit together, but he still had no idea what the full picture was. Her information was about Lucy and he knew what Natsu's mark looked like. "It's not Bunny-"

"I know. It's Lisanna," she finished for him.

He raised a brow and noticed her looking towards the white haired lass. "Alright, her right shoulder."

This time, they watched the girl for at least thirty minutes. The way Natsu's eyes stayed on her so intently and lovingly every time she spoke, the way he held her hand and rubbed his thumb over the top of her hand... Everything between the two seemed so sweet that Levy almost forgot what she was supposed to be watching them for. That is, before Lisanna's loose shirt fell just enough down her shoulder for them to see two puncture scars with what looked like small flame-like scars coming from them. And, again, you could see a faint red hue to them.

"So that's what's happening," Levy murmured.

He snorted and rolled his red eyes. "Now are you going to fess up?"

She nodded, but paused. "Not here though… I don't want people to hear."

"We'll head to dinner then."

The two mages left in silence, not going unnoticed by Mirajane who smiled widely at the sight. Laxus soon approached her, though, but Lucy- by that time- had left. Mirajane knew when the blonde woman left, but was happily surprised when the blond man took the spot she had mere moments ago. "She knows," he said simply, whispering low enough so that no one else could hear them. Well, Natsu would... If he were paying attention. Which he wasn't.

"So?" Mira asked, raising a thin brow, her voice just as soft as his. "I told you, I don't mind people knowing. When you're ready, we can tell, but until then, I know Levy enough to know that she won't speak about it."

"That's not what I'm telling you. She knows. About Lis, too."

"Ah," Mira said, sadness creeping into her smile, "so it's just about information then… Her thirst for knowledge is going to get in the way of them one day." A dainty hand rested over her heart as she watched the doors in an almost longing manner. Between Lucy accepting Lisanna as her own sister only mere seconds after she was mated to Natsu (well, seconds after they had told her, anyway), and how Levy seemed to be off in her own world and almost completely unaware of Gajeel's feelings towards her... The barmaid's heart ached a little.

Lucy seemed to be the only single one anymore and Mira's brain was almost instantly whirling with thoughts and possible matches. Freed and Bickslow were still available... But she wasn't entirely certain the blonde woman wanted anything to do with a relationship between nakama. Just to be safe, she made a mental list of the men of other guilds and started ticking off the taken, married, and the ones she knew Lucy wouldn't like. If Natsu and Lisanna, Gray and Juvia, and Erza and Jellal had managed to find happiness and work out a nice medium with their relationships, then Lucy damn well deserved that happiness in her life too. At least, to the she-devil, she did.

"I see that look in your eye," Laxus said, a warning tone to his quiet voice. "I'd suggest staying out of it."

She smiled sweetly- or, what she hoped to be sweet but only seemed more devious- to her mate. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Laxus! I'm not thinking about them right now!~"

He eyed her warily, not sensing a lie in her words but... That smile and look in her eyes mere moments ago? Something was up. "Alright then..."

Across town, Levy and Gajeel- along with Pantherlily- sat at a table in a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant. The only restaurant that knew of the dragon slayer's want for things inedible. Before him sat a small pile of iron scraps, two kiwis before Pantherlily, and half of a turkey sandwich in Levy's small hands.

And the girl was now rolling her eyes. "So you noticed Mira, Cana, Erza, Lisanna, and even mine but not Lucy's?"

To which the black haired man scoffed. "She hides it well, you even said that. It's not my fault."

Levy sat the sandwich down and clasped her hands together, her elbows on the table and her mouth hidden behind her hands. "Lu's is like… You know when she doesn't sleep well. You know that she doesn't always drink liquor…"

Gajeel nodded and noticed that both things were currently happening. "And?"

"I bet right now she feels like she lost her best friend. I understand that Natsu comes before me, but because of how possessive dragons are claimed to be, I think that might carry over, yes?" After garnering a nod from the dragon, she continued. "So he must be spending a lot more time with Lisanna and Lucy is probably just afraid she'll be forgotten."

"I honestly thought Natsu and Lucy were going to date," Lily said before pausing for a second. "Did she ever feel anything towards him?"

Levy paused as well in her movement to pick the sandwich up and shook her head. "Yes and no. She loves him but she loves him like a brother. We sat down and she explained all of her feelings for, like, two hours before she realized that her love wasn't what she thought it was at first."

The slayer nodded, thoughtfully crunching on his scraps. "So Bunny-girl is afraid to lose her brother."

"I think so. But usually Lu gets out of this state after about a month to two months… So it might be something else... Or something else combined with that..."

"And this time, it has been going on for four," Lily finished.

The three ate in silence for a while at that point, simply taking in the given information and letting it simmer for a moment or two. The silence was comfortable, like an enjoyable silence but one that wards off others from their own little bubble. Like the three were in a world all of their own, unable to be reached even if someone did approach. In fact, none of the three noticed when the waitress had come and refilled their drinks.

Gajeel looked up at Levy after a while, trying to get over the pitter-pattering of his heart at just how this seemed like a dinner he'd want at home with the three of them. "So you want help to get Lucy out of her state?"

Levy nodded, biting her lower lip after swallowing the bite she was masticating. "I tried spending the day with her a while back but even that didn't help. I've tried talking to her and she just claims to be tired... I'm just... I'm worried and I don't know what else I could possibly do. I figured you might be able to help, considering you're another slayer."

"We'll need outside help, then." He finished off his scraps and leaned back to get a bit more comfortable. "It ain't like I don't want to, but I sure as hell ain't about to get between a slayer and his mate. 'Specially not with what's comin' up. You're always the one that gets her to sleep well and stop what little drinkin' she does- I have noticed that much. Is there anyone else you can think of that she's close to?"

Levy huffed and placed the last portion of the sandwich down, her hands raising to her temples. "Cana would freak out and would do more harm than good, Mira too. She's close to her spirits, but we can't call them… Gray and Erza would do more harm than good as well- much more harm- and Wendy's too young to go through this..."

"Back up a bit, Shrimp, we can't call her spirits, but ain't there someone else who can? That one chick... What's-er-fuck from Saber..."

"Oh!" Levy said, her smile growing large. "Yukino is her friend who probably understands her feelings because of what happened at Sabertooth and she can call spirits, too!"

Gajeel felt pride swell in his heart because he was the one who caused such a vibrant smile to illuminate her face. Not that he'd ever admit such a thing. When she stood, he did too, wondering where she was running off too.

"Oh, thank you so much, Gajeel! You're the best!" she exclaimed, jumping and wrapping her arms around his chest. "Oh goodness, I have a letter to write! Here, let me get the jewel for-"

"Don't worry about it," he cut her off, his smile genuine for once. "I got it covered. You go write your letter."

Levy thanked him again with another tight hug and ran out of the building, leaving him behind smiling after her escaping form with a hand over his chest.

"You've got it bad," Lily commented.

Gajeel didn't even quip back this time. Instead, he watched after the short mage with a longing look in his eyes. "Ain't much I can do 'bout that, Lil... I'd do anythin' for my mate..."

"Heh. I thought as much. When are you going to tell her about that-"

The man scoffed and turned his back to his exceed partner. "Not any time soon, that's fer damn sure."

Author's Note: I know it starts a little slow, but here we go! The first fanfic I've got for you guys. Hopefully you like it and are willing to stick along for the ride! But I'll go ahead and clarify a couple of things.

This story is POST TARTAROS ARC and PRE ALVAREZ. It is set AFTER the one year of disbandment Fairy Tail has gone through. So, to make it a little more clear, the official timeline FOR THIS STORY is; Tartaros Arc, Fairy Tail disbands for one year, Natsu returns and finds Lucy, Natsu and Lucy bring Fairy Tail back together, Fairy Tail had been together for ONE YEAR now.

If there's anything else I need to clarify, let me know and I will in the author's notes of Chapter Two! But, thank you all for reading and I hope you'll like this enough to come back for chapter two!