I was listening Pink's song Family portrait when this came to my mind so here it is to you, hope you enjoy of it.
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Fifteen years old Temperance ran out of the house. She couldn't take it anymore, all the yelling and violence; she couldn't understand why the system gave children to a family like this. It was so much safer outside than in there--he couldn't hit you or hurt with words.
Some deep sht
Momma please stop cryin', I can't stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down
I hear glasses breakin' as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn't mean those nasty things you
said
She had a hiding place in the park nearby. She had found it accidentally once when she had run out of the house and now she went there every time fighting started in the house. In her hiding place she didn't have to listen how the mom cried when her husband beat her and in there she knew that she wasn't next in line.
It always started the same way--first they started to yell at each other, then plates and other stuff started to fly and then the beating started.
You fight about money, 'bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain't easy growin' up in World War III
Never knowin' what love could be, you'll see
I don't want love to destroy me like it has done
my family
They fought about everything, but it didn't usually end until everyone in the house got beaten. Temperance had learned fast that if you got out of the house before the beating started you could avoid it, and then just stayed away long enough so that the heat had gone down before you returned. Her family had left her, she didn't need them to remind her of that. And they did, after they got tired of attacking each other they turned on her. She didn't know which part was worst, the words or hits, both hurt so dam much.
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave
It was quiet there like always, in that part of the park, there usually weren't any people which is why she loved it there. It was only place where she could allow herself to cry aloud the pain inside. In there it was safe to miss her own family, the one she had lost almost six moths ago. Why couldn't they be family, that happy family they had been just awhile ago? She didn't understand.
Daddy please stop yellin', I can't stand the sound
Make mama stop cryin', 'cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says
its true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love
you, too
I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have
She wished so badly that her foster parents would stop arguing, it scared her more than she was ready to admit. This was her fourth family and it seemed to her that every time she changed homes it got worse. In the last place they had just yelled, now they yelled and hit her. She was terrified to think what would happen at the next place because she knew it was just matter of time--they would move her again. But that wasn't today and today she had to run to keep herself safe.
no choice, no way
It ain't easy growin' up in World War III
Never knowin' what love could be, well I've seen
I don't want love to destroy me like it did my
family
She had no choice but to live with these families that the system dumped her with and most of the time it was like living in a war zone. She didn't see any love in these families and she sure didn't want to become attached to any of them, she had learned fast that they were just places where you could sleep, that you were always outsider. She wondered what had really happened to her real family, they had loved each other--or did they?
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave
She sat down in the ground and looked out over the little pond. Tears fell down her cheeks, she didn't believe in God, but she did send a little prayer to somewhere. Please Mom and Dad, I don't know if you can hear me, but come back. I need you! Please come back and don't leave me anymore, please.
In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, let's act like it comes
naturally
I don't wanna have to split the holidays
I don't want two addresses
I don't want a step-brother anyways
And I don't want my mom to have to change her
last name
Temperance pulled a picture out of her pocket, it was one of their last family pictures when they all were together. She remembered that day, she had been so happy and now it seemed like ages ago. Her foster families thought that she was cold and unemotional but she couldn't show to them how much it hurt inside, she couldn't be vulnerable front of them. She didn't want this life she had to live now, she didn't want to wake up in a strange bed, in a strange house, she wanted her own family back, even Russ. Yes, even Russ, who had also left her. He had a choice and still he had left her. She didn't know which hurt more, her parents' disappearance or the fact that Russ had left her, she was so mad that when he called she didn't go to phone. She knew that it was childish but she wasn't ready to forgive him yet.
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I'll be better, Mommy I'll do
anything)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
Let's play pretend act and like it comes so
naturally
(I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I'll be better, Daddy please don't
leave)
Temperance kept looking at the picture in her hand. She wondered if it had all been just illusion, something that didn't exist. In the picture she saw a normal family, mom, dad and two kids, but that was gone now. All that was left was the picture in her hands. She didn't know if her parents were alive or not and if they were alive, where were they? Why had they abandoned her and Russ? She probably wouldn't get answers to her questions in her lifetime. She just hoped that something would happen, something what would take her out of the foster care system.
Her sight was blurred by tears, but she saw figure on the other side of the pond. It looked like her dad, but it couldn't be. She closed her eyes to clear her vision but when she opened them, again the figure was gone.
"Dad," she whispered. "Was that you, Dad?"
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Turn around please
Remember that the night you left you took my
shining star?
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Daddy don't leave
Don't leave us here alone
"Dad!" she cried now aloud, sobs shaking her thin body.
"If it was you, Dad, please come back, please!" She knew that she was yelling now to an empty park, but she couldn't help herself.
"Dad, Mom, please come back, please. I want my family back, please come home. Please come and take me away from this hell because I don't know how much longer I can take it. Please." She was still sobbing. She had hoped they would have come to take her back, back to her old life, but it seemed all she could do these days was yell to an empty park.
"Please come back, I will do anything, anything to keep you happy, but please come back!"
Mom will be nicer
I'll be so much better, I'll tell my brother
Oh, I won't spill the milk at dinner
I'll be so much better, I'll do everything right
I'll be your little girl forever
I'll go to sleep at night
She couldn't stop crying. She had lost track of time and felt exhausted when she heard footsteps behind her back. She felt someone sit next to her.
"Are you okay?" She looked to the side and found a guy about her brother's age had sat down next to her.
"I'm crying, so of course I'm not okay," she said bluntly back to him, but he didn't seem to mind.
"Yeah, I come here when things aren't so good at home. Like now, I had this huge fight with my brother Jared and I just needed to get out of the house to cool down," he said. He talked to her like he had known her forever and it felt good.
"I come here too when things get bad in my foster home, but usually I get to be alone." She started to calm down, there was something about him that made her feel better, less alone and scared.
They both sat there now, sinking into quietness, enjoying it, enjoying that they weren't alone for the moment.
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