Reflections

by Bella18 95

No matter how many points are left on your bucket list: When you are at your lowest and you think that no one cares, some decisions seem simple and easy. But then again even this finally step is not as easy as one would think. At least that's my personal experience. My name is Bella Swan and this is the story of my dance with death.

Looking back at the last few years, it is hard to describe the up and downs I experienced. Even thought there were many joyous moments, they were a mere shadow when compared to the dark ones. To those instances in which the only thing that kept me alive was my own striving not to give in.

It is a never-ending battle and you cannot win- you merely gain time. Time that you attempt to enjoy as much as you can, but the shadow of depression never really leaves you. You may smile and everyone will assume that you are all right, but if you are being honest with yourself you have to admit that you are barely holding on. You know that even the smallest push would be fatal as you keep losing strength. And then there is the point of time when you decide to give up.

And just like that you feel an internal calm. It is like everything is finally perfect. Knowing that you no longer have to fight and that the burden is over is the greatest relieve. You want that feeling to last forever. Is this what death is like? Could it really be this easy? Detached from everything that hurt you?

Would all your dreams finally come true when you no longer have to fight?

I am bound to know it.