A/N: Okay. I'm, like, an ass. And I'm sorry. But I'll be damned if Yugi and Atem get together easy. Life is hard and it hurts. I like to dip my characters in angst batter and fry them up in oil. It's the way I roll. XDD This one is rated M because Yugi's getting dumb and doing girls he shouldn't. I mean...
Summary: He dove into the things he didn't want because he was to ashamed to go after the one thing he needed.
Fervor
College. The word that had been sending awkward shivers up Yugi's spine since he'd first visited the local one he'd attend his junior year. It was nerve racking, to say the least. It was two hours from Domino City, far enough for Yugi's grandfather to be worried sick and far enough for Yugi to feel the freedom he'd been craving since childhood. Sitting in the grass outside his dorm, he watch Joey make eyes at passing freshman girls, even managing to get a few smiles.
"I'm tellin' ya Yug. This is my year."
"Every year is your year to get laid, Joey."
"Yeah, but this. This is college. Even you might get some action." He laughed and punched Yugi in the shoulder.
"I hate you."
His roommate was a small and silent boy who spent most of his time reading, but had good taste in music and video games. A small friendship formed between them as the first weeks progressed, one of the few he had made in his life outside Joey, Tristan, and Tea. Tristan was studying to go to law school because his father was making him and Tea had been accepted to the dance department. She stayed in the arts dorm where, to her surprise, she ran into Atem the second day there. He was carrying a box of clothes down the hall awkwardly. Tea shyly opened the door for him, feeling strange around him, mostly because she knew what had transpired between him and Yugi.
"Thanks," he murmured, setting the box down.
"Why are you in the arts dorm?"
"I'm an art history major." She nodded and waved goodbye.
"Is...Is Yugi here?" She hesitated, then nodded. A small smile moved over his face and then vanished.
"I'll tell him you asked after him."
"Thanks."
But Yugi had little interest in Atem. Mostly because he was tired of hurting the other boy and himself, and because he was terrified of what would happen if he tried it all again. Atem had been the one to try and kiss him, this was true. But for reasons he simultaneously knew and didn't know, he rejected him. He didn't want something to be taken from him. He wanted to give it.
Or rather, throw it away.
Because that would explain the fervor with which Yugi began to dive into awkward and painful relationships. Relationships with girls who were base and empty and alone. The first one was the third weekend there. His roommate was out of town. He invited a girl from a study group upstairs. They fooled around until she whispered quietly in his ear, "Fuck me." He didn't know what to do. But he'd thought about things his whole life, so he let instinct guide him. He was a virgin and she wasn't, but there was no reason for her to ever know that. She clawed at his back and gasped. He had the first real orgasm of his life. And still, she did not need to know. Afterward she kissed him quietly and told him he was good. Best she'd had in a while. Must have done a ton of girls. He shrugged nonchalantly, pretending she was right.
Joey nearly died when he found out. Tristan shook his head, disappointed in himself. Tea was confused. She told him Atem had asked about him. He told her he didn't care.
There were many girls. There were even a few guys. He derived pleasure from them both, enjoyed controlling the situation when it came to both. Ultimately, he turned to the girls for what he needed. What he truly needed. Someone who needed him. Someone who craved him and desired him and moaned his name whenever she was close. Whenever she was almost there. Dug her nails in deep. Made him feel something. It was empty. But it was something.
In the end, it was not what he really wanted. Or what he needed.
No, he'd been pushing that person away for too long to really deserve him anymore.
Sub A/N: I'm aware this isn't very Yugi at all. But that's the way this is going.