A/N: Ok this is my take on what happened at the hospital after Olivia's first encounter with William Lewis.
You can't tell me Elliot didn't know what was going on and that he didn't try to contact Olivia at all.
This will be a two shot.
Disclaimer: As always, not mine. If they were we would see a HBO four part special based on Eye Sex by MaddyM. Come on Dick, make it happen.
First Contact: Part One
It was Fin who had called him when they first realised Olivia was missing and it was Fin who called again when they had a hunch about the beach house in Long Island.
Admittedly Elliot had been doing some investigating of his own, he may not know much about the person they suspected of taking Oliva, but he sure as hell wasn't going to sit on his arse just twiddling his thumbs till she was found.
Fin had given him the address and also informed Elliot that his former Captain knew they had been in contact. Fin was also told to let Elliot know he was under orders not to interfere with the investigation at all. Elliot would comply even though he was no longer a serving officer and didn't have to answer to any of them.
He just had to see her.
He could have worked his way into the investigation, could have asked his superior officer at the Bureau to intervene and get him temporarily reassigned. He knew Olivia would kill him if he did that. Chances are, if she does see him that is what she will do anyway.
It had been three years since he had been anywhere near the squad room; he couldn't handle the cases anymore. Jenna had been the last straw in a series of events that brought him to the brink.
He raced to the address Fin had given him, not really caring how fast he was going. He wouldn't have to pay the fine if he got one anyway. One good thing about being a Fed.
He pulled up on the side of the road near the other police cars and ran toward the beach house. He caught the eye of his former Captain as he came to a stop near the edge of the driveway. Cragen gave him a nod but the look on his face indicated to Elliot that he was to stay right there.
He heard movement and looked towards the front door. Elliot could see a younger man, he assumed to be Olivia's new partner, bringing her out of the house. Suddenly Elliot took a step back behind the trees lining the driveway.
He realised that Olivia wouldn't want him to see her that way. The first time in three years and she wouldn't want him to see her vulnerable and hurt. He felt out of place all of a sudden. He didn't belong here, didn't have the right to be here when they found her.
He walked back to his car and sat in the driver's seat trying to compose himself. He should have been there he thinks, not to protect her but he feels like he would have checked on her. Elliot would have gone to her apartment, he thinks, made her blink her lights. He knows he would have gone around there if she hadn't have answered her phone.
Who was he kidding though, he has no idea what their relationship would be like if he had stayed. He doesn't know if they would be closer than they had been before she left for Oregon or if they would have continued to drift apart like the latter years of their partnership.
He actually wonders if that had been the case, and he had still been her partner, would he have even realised how much the perp had gotten to her. Would she have just shrugged if off, saying she was fine and would he have just accepted the answer to avoid getting closer?
He heard the ambulances leave, one for her and one for the kidnapper he assumes. He saw her walking of her own accord, albeit with a little help, so he figures it is just precautionary for her. He isn't so sure about the other guy.
He waits until he hears the sirens in the distance, starts his car and drives off. He heads back towards the city. After driving for about 20 minutes his phone rings. Elliot glances down, he doesn't recognise the number but he pulls over to answer.
The man on the other end of the phone is asking for permission to operate. Elliot realises he must still be down as the emergency contact for Olivia. He hears the words bleeding on the brain, swelling and urgent. He tells them to go ahead and do whatever they have to. The next voice he hears is female, a nurse. She is telling him that the verbal agreement is ok because it is an emergency but he does need to come to the hospital to sign the permission forms. He pulls the car back on to the road, now heading towards Mercy General.
He arrived and went straight to the information desk; the girl was trying to find Olivia's details when his phone rang again, this time Fin. He told Elliot that they were at the hospital, Elliot told him about the phone call and that he had just arrived as well. Fin said he was coming down and hung up.
Fin stepped out of the elevator and walked to Elliot, who was still waiting on the girl to find Oliva in the system. He told her not to bother as he and Fin walked back to the elevator.
On the short ride up Fin explained that while in the ambulance Olivia suffered a seizure accompanied by an abnormal heart rhythm and lost consciousness. They discovered she had swelling on the brain, possibly after being hit with a blunt object, and needed to operate to relieve the pressure. Fin had said that Cragen practically begged a nurse to give them the information. The nurse had first told them she would need to wait for Olivia's next of kin before divulging that.
The elevator came to a stop, Fin stepped out but Elliot was rooted to the spot. He had some trepidation about coming face to face with Olivia's new partner and old work colleagues he hadn't spoken to since he left. Fin's face softened, almost as if he could hear the thoughts running through Elliot's head. Fin just said, "She needs you now." That was enough to jolt him back.
They walked down the corridor to the nurse's station first where Elliot signed all the relevant paperwork. The nurse told them the Doctor would be down with information when he could. They began to walk to the double doors where they would be able to wait and where the rest of the squad are situated.
Fin puts a hand on Elliot's shoulder as they walk through. Elliot knows that it is a big gesture from the man. They hadn't seen eye to eye for a number of years but Elliot knows it is for Olivia. She wouldn't want them arguing between themselves so if it looks like Fin has accepted his returning then the others would likely follow suit.
Elliot shakes hands with Cragen and Munch and is introduced to the new members, Amanda Rollins and Nick Amaro, Olivia's new partner. They shake hands but eye each other off. Elliot wants to ask why he never checked on Olivia and he is pretty sure Amaro would have his own questions too.
They sit in an uncomfortable silence, having given up on polite conversation over half an hour ago. Rollins has gone back to the precinct to oversee the paperwork required on the kidnapper, who Elliot had now learned was called William Lewis. He also noticed Amaro had spent the last 20 minutes just glaring at him.
Elliot heard his name being called, looking up he notices an older man in scrubs. As he stood, everyone else followed his lead but stayed standing still as he walked towards the doctor. He told Elliot that Oliva was stable now and being moved to the ICU overnight and will hopefully be able to go onto a ward later tomorrow. He also said she could have visitors but only one at a time and briefly.
He thanked the doctor, a wave of relief washing over him. Elliot walks towards the rest of the squad and fills them in. Cragen goes to see Olivia first. Elliot hangs back closer to the waiting room door wondering whether he should just leave. In the end it is the overwhelming desire to make sure she is safe that keeps him there.
One by one the others go to see Olivia and then leave the waiting room to go back to the precinct. His old Captain warns Elliot, in no uncertain terms, not to hurt her again. Elliot nods and they shake hands again. Cragen leaves and Elliot is alone.
He walks towards the door leading to Olivia's room. He isn't sure what to expect, the doctor had mentioned her being attached to machines but he had been so relieved to hear she was alright he hadn't really taken any of it in.
He takes one last look around the waiting room, Fin had mentioned Olivia was seeing someone in one of their brief phone calls, but hadn't given a name. Elliot wondered where the guy was, he assumed someone had been in contact. If Fin had made an effort to call him then surely the boyfriend would have been informed..So where was he?
He turns back to Olivia's room and walks in. He can hear the steady beep and low hum of the machines she is hooked up to. She looks so pale, her usually olive skin pasty white and littered with yellow bruises and angry red welts down her arms and along the exposed area of her chest. What the hell had she been through he wondered. Nobody will know until she wakes.
He slowly walks towards her, sits in the chair next to her bed and softly takes her cold hand in his. That's when he finally lets it all hit him; he breaks down at her bedside crying so hard it physically hurts his chest. He mutters two words over and over, "I'm sorry."
He sat there for what seemed like hours. A nurse had come in to check Olivia's vitals and told Elliot he would need to leave soon. When he replied that he wasn't going anywhere the nurse just gave him a sad smile. He wondered if she would call security when she left the room but after ten minutes nobody came to escort him out so he figures he is safe.
He remembers being told that talking to people who have suffered a brain injury can help with recovery so he begins to talk to her. His voice is scratchy so he fills a cup with water, takes a long drink and starts to tell her everything that has happened since he left.
"First of all, Liv, you have to know I never meant to leave things the way I did. I was going to tell you I was leaving, I promise you that. It's just when it actually came down to it, I couldn't face you. I was scared you would convince me to stay or even worse that you would look at me with hate in your eyes for what I did."
He is trembling a bit now. He doesn't know how much of this she could hear. The doctor did say she would probably be asleep for another day or so, they wanted to let her brain heal. He takes a deep breath and continues on.
"Kathy and I are over. We were actually in the middle of divorce proceedings when I was in Quantico, another thing I didn't tell you. I guess I kept a lot of things from you didn't I, Liv. I didn't want you talking to Kathy, trying to convince her to give it another go. I lost count of how many times we tried to give things another shot. It was usually you doing the convincing too, I think sometimes you were more invested in my marriage than Kath and I."
He shuffled in his seat, sighing loudly. Trying to tell her these things was so hard and she wasn't even conscious. He doesn't think he could actually sit down and do this face to face with her.
"I feel like such a coward. You called me so many times and I just ignored it all. I wanted to hide away from everybody. I stayed at the house for a few weeks after to spend some time with the kids and to sort out what I was going to do. Kathy kept asking if I had spoken to you, but I would just brush it off."
He guessed it really hurt Kathy to ask him that over and over. Olivia was the woman she always feared would end her marriage, even though they all know she respected his wedding vows it didn't stop Kathy from feeling paranoid about the late nights. The machines around him continued to beep. It reassured him; it meant she was still alive and that there was still hope.
"I'm working for the FBI now, can you believe it Liv, the very people we can't stand and I have become one! Haven't run into Porter yet, if I do I will kick his arse for you. I wish you would have told me what happened with him, I hate that you felt you couldn't trust me enough to tell me. When that prick had you at the airport I thought my heart had stopped beating the entire time he had that gun to your head. It only started again after I pulled back your jacket to make sure you hadn't been hit. I know you said you were ok Liv, but I had to see for myself."
Porter had fucked with her on this case. Every time that arsehole had come back into her life he did something to hurt her. He would make good on his promise, Elliot thought, he would probably fucking kill Porter if he ever did see him.
"The kids are good. Thank you for thinking of them, even now. I know you still send them birthday cards, they try and hide it from me but seeing them makes me feel connected to you still. You have always looked out for my kids. Kathleen eventually told me what happened when she was arrested, the carrot remark finally made sense. You went to my mum, Liv. You convinced her to do something that I never could."
Thinking about his mum was still painful. He had a frustrating childhood, his dad was a prick. Elliot loved his mum but he had always known something wasn't right with her. She would go off on these "Flights of fancy" she would call them. It was her manic side coming out, he knows that now, but as a child he would just see it as his mum embarrassing him again. His relationship with his mother had thawed a bit over the years. She asks about Olivia a lot, he hates telling her they haven't spoken, but every time she asks he guesses she is hoping for a different response.
"I wish things had been different. I wish I had the courage to come back, to walk side by side with you. I fucked this up big time, didn't I. I wish we could have stayed friends and done those things we always used to laugh about. Pizza and crappy movie nights, we used to cringe at those type of friends remember! You used to wonder if friends actually did those things or if it was just all made up for those shitty television shows we claimed we didn't watch but secretly we both knew differently. I knew your guilty pleasure was watching mindless shows like Sex in the City and you knew I loved watching those crappy game shows like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Do you still watch those shows? I don't know anymore."
He remembers how when he and Kathy first separated he started these late nigh phone conversations with Olivia. It became a regular thing for a while there; she would tell him what Samantha was getting up to in the show. She would always say how awful and superficial it was but he could tell she enjoyed it. The same as if he was watching some stupid game show he would repeat the question to her and they would play against each other making up their own scores. It could get quite competitive, he missed it a lot.
XXXX
It is nearly 3.30am when Nick walks back into the ICU. He just wanted to check on Olivia before he went home for a few hours sleep. As he stood in the waiting area he could see Elliot sat next to Olivia's bed.
Nick walked to the nurse's station and asked the older woman how long Elliot had been there. The nurse told him it was since everybody else had left. Nick then asked if there had been any other visitors and was very surprised when the nurse said no. Where the hell was Brian? Nick knew he had left the station when they heard about the beach house but hadn't seen him when he brought Olivia out. Nick had just assumed he was meeting them at the hospital. He took one last look at Olivia with Elliot, satisfied she was in safe hands he left to go home.
XXXX
Elliot kept talking for hours. He had felt her hand tighten around his a few times. He wondered if he should leave before she wakes. He isn't sure of the reception he will get. Elliot tries to push he thought out of his mind and keeps talking.
"Do you remember when I was in Quantico doing that training course? That's a stupid question, isn't it Liv, of course you remember. The case ended up being a cluster fuck. I loved playing with their technology though. I especially loved the video calls we did. Talking to you in the squad room that day, I don't know what it was but you looked beautiful. Not that you didnt look it every other day but I just wanted to reach out and touch you. God, I wanted to stroke your cheek and run my hands through your hair. Fin made that joke about him watching your back and not your backside then turned the screen off, were you as pissed as I was. Ok, I admit it, I used to watch your butt when you walked, I am male after all and your arse is amazing. I can't believe I'm telling you that! It wasn't the only thing I would watch though. Some days I could just stare at you, all of you. I would watch your every movement and try to commit it to memory Liv. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on."
Elliot pauses; he looks at Olivia's face and still thinks the same thing. She is beautiful. He is so in love with her and has been for such a long time. When he was away and Sonya was murdered it brought it all back home to him how much he actually did love Olivia. He loved Olivia Benson.
"After Fin hung up on me I still had a few classes. Do you remember the text I sent you after the prick cut off my call? I've still got it saved in my phone, 'I will always have your six, only me.' I know it was a stupid thing to write, I went all Neanderthal man. I just wanted you to know I was your partner. After the classes had finished I checked my phone to see if you left a smart arse reply. I had missed calls from Fin and Cragen but nothing from you. I shit myself Liv, absolutely freaked out because if you were alright it would have been you calling me. I spoke to Fin first who told me what happened. I jumped straight in the car and drove back to New York. It took me nearly six fucking hours because I hit peak our coming back into the city. I almost dumped the car and ran. Fin had text me the address so I came straight to you."
He remembers how frantic he had been. He had cursed the traffic, every arsehole driver who was getting in his way. He had spoken to a couple of the techs on the way back to see if they could pull the phone logs of Alicia Harding's employees and the security footage for the building that housed her offices. Elliot didn't want to deal with that at the precinct, he had just wanted to get to Olivia.
"I ran into that church, Liv. I don't think I have ever run as fast. As soon as I got around that corner and I saw you it was like all the tension just left me. We both ran to each other, do you remember that? I don't think we have ever been so desperate to hold each other. I wrapped my arms around you and didn't want to let go. God, I know it sounds so cliché, but at that moment I fell even more in love with you. How pathetic is that, I was a married man and at that moment I wanted to tell you how I felt. I wanted to kiss you and I wanted to hear you tell me you loved me too."
He thinks that was the beginning of his downfall. He had hated pulling away from her. He heard the tears in her voice when she spoke to him and he just wanted to grab her and hold her again.
"I tried to ignore how I felt but it never went away. I was waiting till the divorce was final, I knew if I asked you out before it was over you would just turn me down. I wanted to ask you out on a date, it sounds so corny when I think if it now. I was going to bring you flowers, take you to dinner, a movie, anything you desired. I wanted to walk you home, kiss you goodnight. I wanted to show you a side to me you have never seen. I didn't get the chance. Jenna walked into our lives."
He hates thinking about the day Jenna entered the squad room and pulled that gun. She had already taken people down before he could reach for his gun. He knew Olivia couldn't get a shot in because she was trying to stop Sister Peg from bleeding out. He saw Jenna swing around and aim her gun directly at Olivia. She didn't realise it at first, he was pretty sure of that. He saw Olivia lift her head slightly and then his whole world seemed to just slow down.
Elliot knew he only had one chance, if he didn't take her down with one shot Jenna would shoot Olivia. He made a decision that, even though he knows it was the right thing to do, it still hurts like hell. He shot the teenage girl in the chest. He knew before she hit the ground that he had fatally wounded her.
"I thought she was going to kill you, Liv. I couldn't let that happen because I can't live without you. I know I cut you off completely but I hoped you would be ok. You were alive and that's all that mattered to me. Even if I never saw you again I knew you were safe. You know what makes me laugh though, two days later the divorce was final. Fuck I wanted to run back to you. I just couldn't though. I kept thinking how could you love me after what I did."
He still isn't sure how she feels about him now. He is sure she had feelings for him before he left, in fact he was certain. They had started to grow close again in the months before he quit. They had shared little touches even jokes. It was almost like the early days of their partnership all over again.
Elliot looked at his watch, it was nearly 6.30am. Olivia had been brought into the hospital at 4.00pm the previous evening. Where the fuck was this supposed boyfriend? That had actually pissed Elliot off big time, unless the guy is on the other side of the country there is no excuse for him not to be here.
He felt Olivia grasp his hand again. Elliot looks over at her; he can see her eyes fluttering and she flings her head from side to side briefly, he wonders if he should call for a nurse. A lock of Olivia's hair falls over her face. He leans over and tucks it back behind her ear, letting his fingers linger on her cheek.
Her eyes flicker open before he has a chance to move away. She stares into his eyes.
"Elliot." She whispers.