Ren's New Leaf

By IsaacHayessoulgirl (Jesikuh}

YAY! My next fan fic.! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! NO TROLLS PLEASE! I know it's sappy, but it's also cute! I don't wanna give a way too much, but obviously, by the title, Ren becomes… BOM BOM BOM!... Nice! I actually got the idea for this story after seeing The Last Temptation of Ren episode. I noticed that he became less selfish, but from what I've seen, he never actually showed kindness. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Ren, the world's Biggest Jerk

Ren slowly awoke one morning to the scent of cat litter and the sound of heavy breathing. He slowly opened his eyes to see Stimpy only a few centimeters away from his face. "!" He let out a high-pitched scream and went flying above the bed. "Morning, honey," Stimpy said flirtatiously, completely oblivious to the fact that Ren was about to beat the living crap out of him. He magically came up from a ground, injured with a lump on his head. He had a beet-red face and a psychotic look in his eye. He got right in Stimpy's face. "Yoouu…"

"Did you have a nice dream?" He asked, sounding just like the time he said, "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yes, actually," He said, trying to recall. "I dreamt I was married to you, only you were blond and sexy and had a nice ass… okay, eet wasn't you at all."

Stimpy looked at the ceiling thoughtfully, which ironically made him look stupid as ever. "What does sexy mean, Ren?"

"Shut up, you."

"Oh. Well, I know where you can get a nice ass, Ren!"

Ren was suddenly interested. "YOU DO?"

"Yeah! There's a farm near the camping sight with the sweetest donkeys!"

"GRR! I theenk evolution just went back twelve steps!"

"Duh, I'm sorry, Ren, but you can't adopt Charles Darwin at the farm! He passed away a long time ago!" Ren's face began to boil and he slowly raised his fist. "Boy oh boy, Ren! Ya know what I just realized?"

"You're an eediot?"

"No! It's snowing!" He said in his really pleasantly surprised voice, growing excited puppy eyes.

"Delightful. Now go feex me up some grub and hot chocolate before I freeze and starve to death."

"But-but Ren!" Stimpy said excitedly. "Don't'cha wanna play in the snow later?"

"What are we, nine? No! Now where's my breakfast, you fat effeminate peeg?"

"Ren, honey, you're being mean!" Tears gradually welled up in Stimpy's eyes. He wiped them quickly so Ren wouldn't see him cry. "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah. Your styoopidity! Now go!"

""But-" he punched Stimpy in the stomach so hard his eyes popped out of his head… literally. "Good! Now screw your eyeballs back eento your head and make me some damn food!" As he yelled this, his teeth got pointy and his fur stood up. "I'm goin', I'm goin'! Said Stimpy, rushing out of the room. As soon as he was gone, Ren let out an exasperated sigh. "Eediot!"

Meanwhile, Stimpy, who was in the kitchen looking freakishly adorable with his little apron and chef's hat on, turned on the stove and began to fry eggs. He sighed. "Poor depressed Ren! He just can't express himself. I'll get 'im to talk today we have some quality romantic time together, and we'll both be happy! Yeah! But the poor thing's probably in the living room now, crying his eyes out, in need of therapeutic love and assistance!"

Ren was presently in the living room reading a nudity magazine. "Oh, yeah, baby! NICE GLUTES! Damn, I want some 'a that!"

Stimpy, still in his chef's hat and apron, came into the living room with two plates which held bacon and eggs. "Breakfast is ser-uved!"

"Oh, boy! I can't wait fer- where's my beer?"

"Ren, it's eight thirty in the morning!"

"Your point?"

"That's not healthy! You promised you'd stop drinking early in the morning!"

"Yeah, I said that when I was drunk." Stimpy sighed and slumped into the kitchen.

He handed a can to Ren. "Hah! Come to Papa!" He took a sip and spit it out. "What's thees crap?"

"It's alcohol free beer, Ren! It's the fun of drinking… without the drinking!" (If you caught that reference, I'LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND!) "Are you out of yer fucking mind? Go get me a beer!" Stmpy didn't respond. "Well, what's the dilemma, dumbass?"

Stimpy dug his foot in the ground bashfully and gulped with fear. "I… kinda got rid of all the beer, Ren."

"Oh, you leetle bastard. Well, I'll take a martini."

"Got rid 'a those too."

"Scotch?"

"Gone." Ren was beginning to lose his patience. "Okay. I'll settle for some wine."

"Ren, don'chou understand? We've got no more alcohol."

"WHAT?" He magically jumped in the air and remained, eyes bugging out of his head. "Ren, sweetheart, I know yer angry now, but all the alcohol was past its expiration date, and I don't drink!"

"Why don't you dreenk? Eet's fun!"

"Well, it's bad for your health, it kills lives, it's highly addictive, and my and/or our voice actor Billy West doesn't believe in drinking!"

Ren was dumbfounded. "See, Ren? It's not nice to be a smart alleck."

Ren's face turned red and began boiling.

For the good of the viewers, this violent scene will be censored. Damn, you should see what's happening, man! Well, I think it's over. But just for the hell of it, let's begin a new chapter, shall we?