Hello, all! This is my first official Furuba fic, so please, no harsh punishment. It's an idea that's been swirling around in my head for quite some time. I just love Hatori/Tohru!
So, a couple of things about this story: This was slightlyinspired by the song "Trying Not To Love You" by Nickelback. We can assume that Tohru is twenty-one years old and Hatori is thirty-one years old.
This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Natsuki Takaya, no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Trying Not To Love You
Brooding into his two fingers of whiskey, Hatori Sohma thought that his life could not get any worse. When the phone shrilled for the thousandth time that day, he sneered at it as if it were the source of his complete and utter misery. Getting up from his seat he went to the phone jack and viciously pulled at it.
He needed some time to think.
He supposed he shouldn't be surprised at how it all panned out. He was the dragon, after all. He was frozen like the snow that had been falling steadily since last night. He didn't know why he thought that it would be different from the last time. He figured he could blame it on his own stupidity. And he supposed he could blame hertoo.
Hatori sighed and took a sip from his glass, feeling the amber liquid burn its way down his throat.
Looking back, he realized that he couldn't pinpoint the exact moment that he had fallen in love with Tohru Honda. When he first met her he'd found her to be quite an ordinary girl with no real distinctive qualities. But as time passed, he came to realize that she was healing force that the Sohmas so desperately needed. She loved so unconditionally, even despite the burden of the curse. She trusted wholeheartedly, without worry that one day she could be hurt and disappointed. One by one, she had captured the hearts of all the members of the Zodiac. He just never expected his own to be one of them.
She had been so patient with him. He'd been so reluctant to grow closer to her because of their age difference, but Tohru was anything but a quitter. She'd been so determined for him to view her as a friend, not just the orphan girl that was living with three of his cousins, but he was beyond thinking of her as a friend. Eventually, he began to let his guard down. She had such a relaxing effect on him. Tentative touches and shy caresses grew into desperate clutches and passionate embraces.
He downed the rest of his whiskey and reached for the bottle to refill his glass. "But you ruined it, didn't you?" he told himself.
He couldn't say exactly what had happened. He'd been so happy in the beginning of the relationship, even with the disapproval of many of the members of Zodiac. He just never thought that he would have the chance to fall in love again, to feel alive again. But as months passed and their relationship became more intimate, he started to feel like it wasn't right. A million reasons for them to be apart seemed to fill his mind every day—he was too old, she was too young, he was too cold, she was too perfect, he was too wrong. He began to distance himself from her, slowly at first, but she caught on quickly.
"Why are you doing this?" she'd asked him one night. "Why are you pushing me away?" The tears that had filled her eyes fell down her rosy cheeks.
He couldn't look at her. "I'm not." He flipped through the medical report in front of him without reading a word of it. "I've been busy with work."
She confronted him on several occasions and he always gave her the same excuse. Months went by and then she was gone. She told him that she couldn't be in a relationship by herself and that she hoped that since he didn't find happiness with her, that he'd seek it with someone else. He got rip-roaring drunk that night in hopes of not thinking about the hole she left in his heart.
It was like dying a slow, indescribably painful death. Every time he was home alone, it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. Everything in his house reminded him of her. The kitchen, where she had cooked him so many meals, was tainted by her memory. The living room, where they'd spent so many nights just talking and being with each other, was suffocating. His bed, where they'd made love, was so cold without her. Her perfume was still sitting next his after shave in his bathroom. She left one of her blouses hanging in his closet.
He tried getting over her, but trying not to love her proved impossible for him. He could still see her standing in the kitchen, humming along to the radio, making dinner. He could still smell the lavender-scented shampoo she liked in her hair. He could still feel her creamy skin, heated from his touch.
Shigure and Ayame fretted and worried for him. He never got a moment's peace. If one or the other wasn't always coming by to check on him, they were calling incessantly.
Just earlier Shigure had dropped by to "say hello." They'd sat in silence for a while before Shigure looked up from his drink. "Ha'ri, maybe you should go see her."
"Why?" Not meeting the dog's eyes, he jerked a shoulder. "She's done with me."
"She still loves you." Shigure reached over and squeezed his shoulder lightly. "You know she does. Why are you being so stubborn?"
"It's over."
Shigure sighed and leaned back on his hands. "They won't hold back much longer, you know."
Hatori looked up at him sharply. "What?"
"Yuki and Kyo," Shigure told him, his mouth a thin line, "they won't hold back much longer now that they know you dumped her."
Hatori narrowed his eyes. "I didn't dump her…she left me."
Shigure looked at him like he was a very small, very stupid child. "Come on. She only left because you pushed her right out the door. And for no good reason!"
"Enough, Shigure. I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"One of them is going to go after her. Without a doubt." He turned away to gaze at the ceiling. "Are you okay with that?"
Hatori clenched his hands into fists and tried to get rid of the image of Tohru with any other man. Just thinking about some other man, even one of his cousins (or maybe especially one of his cousins), having her was unbearable. "It's been six months, Shigure. She's entitled to do as she pleases."
Shigure had left him not long after that, preferring to leave the dragon to brood on his own.
Would he be okay with that? What would he do if Yuki or Kyo decided to ask her out? What if they did and it worked out and they got married? And had babies? How could he stand to live with himself, knowing that he had willingly pushed her into the arms of another man?
"Hatori?"
He startled, nearly spilling his drink. He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking that he had imagined her voice.
When he opened his eyes and turned to her he couldn't believe how beautiful she was. She was wearing a navy dress that scrunched at the middle. His eyes followed the lines of the dress as it hugged her curves perfectly. She had her coat slung over her arm. Her hair had gotten longer since the last time he'd seen her and she had it styled in soft curls. There were pearl drops at her ears—the ones he'd given her for their one-year anniversary. She had subtle makeup on, only enough to enhance her long eyelashes and her full lips.
"What—"
"Are you alright?" She tentatively stepped closer to him, not knowing exactly how to act around him anymore.
He saw how she hesitated coming closer to him and it killed him. "Yes." He turned back to his whiskey, finding her too dazzling. If he kept looking at her, he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off her. It was a painful reminder to realize that he didn't have the right to touch her anymore. "What are you doing here?"
"Shigure said that you weren't feeling well."
He cursed the dog for being meddlesome. "I'm fine." He chanced a glance at her from the corner of his eye. "That still doesn't explain why you're here. After six months and now you show up unexpectedly?"
She ran a trembling hand through her hair and fidgeted in her place. "I wanted to tell you something."
He stood from his seat and went to the opposite side of the room from her, finding her scent too enticing. "And what would that be?" He looked at her then and thought he understood. "Are you here to tell me that you've moved on to someone else? Because I have to tell you that I could go without knowing that happy little piece of information."
She shook her head and willed the tears not to come. "No, that's not why I'm here." She carefully placed her coat of the arm rest of the couch. "I came to tell you that the last six months have been the most miserable and painful of my entire life." She took a deep breath and prayed for strength to get out what was weighing in her heart. When she finally looked at him, a shiver ran down her spine, remembering how intense his gaze was. "I thought that by leaving I'd be doing us both a favor. But I was wrong."
He watched as she stepped closer and closer until she was right in front of him. "I gave my heart to you three years ago, and you still have it. I'm as in love with you today as the day you kissed me for the first time."
Her words rang in his ears for what seemed like an eternity. He shook his head, trying to clear the alcohol-induced fog that was clouding his judgment. "We can't—"
She clutched his hands in hers desperately. "Please don't. Let me finish." At his nod, she continued. "You seem to have a million and one reasons for us to not be together. But you're not willing to see that they're all garbage. You and I belong together." She raised one of his hands to her lips. "Don't you see? There is no one else for me, Hatori." She looked up at him then, anxiously awaiting his answer.
Despite what she said, there were so many reasons for them to be apart. But now, with her in front of him, looking so beautiful, he couldn't bring himself to care about any of them. He reached for her, his hand cupping the side of her face. "Why would you want to be with someone like me?"
She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. "Because you're you."
He leaned down to press his lips against hers. "I love you," he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her small frame, careful to keep an inch between them so he wouldn't transform.
When they woke up the next morning in tangle of sheets and limbs, and the snow was still falling thick, Hatori just put his arm around Tohru's naked waist and nuzzled at her back, knowing that the snow will surely melt again.