The Struggle to Overcome
By: devlinof9
a/n: okay so I was pissed at the last 10 minutes of Mass Effect 3. So I decided that's not where it ended. Simple as that. This is Paragon/Spacer/War Hero femshep, and I didn't change a THING of the cannon ending. Let's hope it works. This style of writing is not my preferred but it seemed to want to go onto the page this way. Any critique, good or bad it welcome.
17 days AR. (After Reapers)
Where do I even begin? It has been a difficult time, tending to wounded, and assessing damage due to Normandy's crash on this unknown world. There has been barely enough time to eat or grunt greetings at other crew members before falling into a corner to sleep each night. Certainly no time to keep an account of everything we have been doing. But now that the most critically injured have been stabilized, or passed into the arms of the Goddess, may they rest peacefully, I find myself with more time on my hands.
We have been very blessed that with such damage done, relatively few have perished. Among them, the reporter Diana Allers, and Engineer Donnelly. I had feared for a time that Lt. Vega would join them, but he has shown a remarkable will to live, and even now I can hear him complaining to his friends that his newest tattoo has been irreparably damaged by his scar. The one I do fear for now, is Tali'Zorah. Though her initial injury was minor, the infection she has developed due to the quarian lack of immune system has gotten much worse over the last week. Even the doctor has reached the limit of her knowledge on how to treat it. I fear she will not see Rannoch again.
Dr. Chakwas has finally agreed to take a rest, now that the majority of her patients are out of danger. She was, herself, injured in the crash, but saw others as being in much more dire need of her services. Indeed, I believe several of the crew, including Garrus and Ashley, would have perished if not for her determination. Though it has cost her an eye, the Doctor has assured me it was a price well worth paying. She now sports a patch over the damage, which Specialist Traynor has assured me, is quite 'dashing'.
Joker is trying to maintain his usual jovial personality, while hovering over Engineers Adams and Daniels as they attempt to repair the Normandy's computer systems; I can tell that he is concerned about restoring EDI. For some reason, the Dr. Ava Core shell she had appropriated for our mission ceased functioning at the same time the ship was hit by the energy blast from Crucible.
Since there no longer seems to be a need for Prothean knowledge, I have been helping where I can in repairing the life support systems, including the food dispensers and environmental controls. The rest of my equipment can wait until things here are a little more certain. It's strange, but after such a long battle, and as long I struggled to knocking the Shadow Broker from power, culminating in actually becoming his successor, the state of the universe seems the furthest thing from my mind.
All I can seem to think about, is her. Commander Shepard. My Catherine. I keep reminding myself that the interstellar comm system will be next on the list of things to repair after our immediate needs are taken care of, but it is not easy. We haven't been able to contact anyone off planet to learn the outcome of our offensive on Earth, and I do worry for her so. Goddess please watch over the bondmate of my heart until I can be with her again.
End Log.
24 days AR.
It seems as though more than a week has passed since I first recorded Normandy's progress. There is so much to do every day that time just slips away from us all while we are working. Dr. Chakwas has taken to spending her spare time hounding the crew into eating regularly, as most, like myself, tend to forget the passage of time unless we are told. Thankfully the food dispensers were a relatively easy system to repair, so in addition to the emergency rations, which Joker calls "hockey pucks", we are in no danger of starving in the short term.
Power consumption has been an issue however, as we have very little eezo left. Most of the secondary systems like the food dispensers are capable of running on backup battery which can be recharged with solar plating along Normandy's hull. The undamaged sections of it anyway. Bypassing the ruined sections was a two day job alone. Poor Engineer Daniels even slipped on coolant from a ruptured line which resulted in a broken wrist. She seemed inconsolable after Dr. Chakwas had finished lecturing her on safety harnesses until Joker comment that the esteemed doctor had looked inches away from chewing on her eye patch. Engineer Daniels laughed quite uproariously at that. I still do not understand most of what Humans find funny.
On a happier note, Tali'Zorah has seemed to improve over the last few days. I have been spending what short times I take for meals sitting in the infirmary to keep her company. It isn't as much time as I would like, but Tali is very seldom conscious, though I believe the sound of my voice through the tiny speakers in the biogenetic capsule does help. It is difficult to know for sure though, as touching the mind of a Quarian has never been done by the Asari. I'm not even sure it's possible.
When I am not helping the doctor, I am going through EDI's system processes, trying to streamline her power consumption. Chief Adams, with Joker's hovering, did manage to get her online briefly a few days ago, but it caused an immediate short of all the systems we had already repaired. We quickly discovered that the automated start-up was trying to connect to the entire ship, and using more power than we had available. So Specialist Traynor and I are attempting to remove key sequences that will search for engines and the galaxy map, among other systems that we have no need of at the present time. (a visual inspection of the exterior of Normandy when we first crashed confirmed that all but one of the drive engines had been completely lost. The last being damaged beyond any hope of repair)
Tomorrow I hope to find time to work on the interstellar comm system. It's the one thing on everyone's mind. Being able to connect with our loved ones. Even if we can't reach them. Just to know who survived. Who carries on. We all need that. I need that. The crew need to hear from Commander Shepard. I need to hear from my Catherine.
End Log
27 days AR
Tali died some time during the night. Dr. Chakwas informed me when I entered the infirmary with my morning meal as I have done the past several days. She had no answers as to when or why, only that when she woke, the young Quarian was gone. Several of the patient monitoring systems are still not functioning, so no alert of her halted life signs went off. Only the biogenetic capsule, usually used in cases of extreme biohazard, had registered her death and deflated, shrinking to cocoon her body as it was designed for.
It pains my heart to know that Tali died alone, though my fervent prayer to the Goddess is that she was unaware of what was happening. I couldn't help feeling angry at Dr. Chakwas, though I would never voice such a thing. She is a gifted physician that has already done much more for the crew than anyone could ever hope for. I can see the pain she feels that she has lost another patient, especially one of us that she has known through so much. First the battle against Saren and Sovereign, then the Collectors and Harbinger, and finally the Reapers.
The day has been a very somber one. What work would normally be done in repairing the systems was set aside by everyone, so that we could pay respect to the memory of such a strong young woman. Though it was painful to my heart, I helped the doctor place Tali back into her suit, and then lay her to rest in a stasis tube the humans call 'coffins'.
It was carried outside to the bluff behind Normandy's hull by the engineers, and Ashley on her first trip out of the infirmary spoke words of reverence from her religious texts. Not one crew member was absent. Even Joker attended, his gentle arm around my shoulders attempting comfort even as I helped Garrus to support the pilot on his weak legs.
Though there is still so much work to do repairing damaged systems, no one returned to their tasks. For the rest of the day the crew sat and reminisced about the young Quarian woman, sharing stories sometimes brave, and sometimes humorous. All were filled with love, however, and I was warmed to see that my eyes were not the only ones blurred by tears.
And so another day ends on this unknown world, and I find myself wondering just how much more we can afford to lose before it begins to erode what hope remains. Keelah'selai, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy. May you find peace and comfort in the embrace of the Goddess, and may your spirit soar in the skies of your homeworld. Goodbye, my friend.
End log.
33 days AR
Praise the Goddess for her mercy, we have finally had a day worthy of celebration! It was only this morning that we managed to get the interstellar comm systems back online. It was only for a few moments, but long enough to establish contact with an Alliance ship. Lt. Commander Williams spoke with a Captain Riley, who assured us that the Reapers had been completely destroyed by the mysterious blast from the Crucible.
It was remarkable how many of us were able to fit into the tiny comm room, listening to the voice filter through the speakers. The holographic interface hasn't been repaired yet, but I believe the crew will redouble their efforts now that contact has been established.
Not all of the news was good however. It seems the Geth were completely destroyed along with the Reapers. Science teams examining the derelict vessels have apparently postulated that all synthetic life has been wiped out by the blast, not just the Reapers. If that's true, I'm not sure what shape EDI will be in when and if we finally restore her systems.
The Citadel has also been damaged beyond imagining. We learned that the center ring was blown apart by the force of the Crucible, and though there is minor damage to the rest of the station, how to restore it is very far back in the minds of the engineers. The Crucible itself was left relatively intact, however, though it will probably never work again.
And one other piece of information that caused a cheer through the entire ship; Commander Shepard has been found alive. My Catherine lives! We did not receive much information before the connection was ended, only that she had been badly injured and placed in stasis. I was filled with such dread at that moment, I could swear to the Goddess that my heart would stop beating. I lived through her death once before, and I'm not sure if I could accomplish such a thing again.
I made sure that Ashley forwarded Miranda Lawson's name along with the Lazarus Project to Captain Riley in hopes that something could be done with the information. In addition, during the short communication, we transmitted the names of the dead, and Lt. Commander Williams, as the ranking Alliance officer on board, submitted Dr. Chakwas and Joker both for commendations.
We have been assured that all efforts to recover and rebuild are underway, though with the Mass Relays also heavily damaged, if not outright destroyed by the energy blast, there is no time estimate on when we can expect a rescue ship. Captain Riley has promised to contact us again at a designated time next week, so that we may conserve our remaining power cells, with more news of what has transpired.
It seems so little information, but even that small amount has bolstered the spirits of the crew. Many tears have been shed today, not a few of them my own, for the thought that we are not alone, and that our galaxy survives. There is a renewed energy to everyone that has been steadily fading as time progressed with no word of our loved ones. Now we have a connection, albeit intermittent, and home no longer seems so far away.
End Log.
40 days AR
So much has been happening lately that it is difficult to know where to begin. After our first contact with the Alliance, repairs renewed with even more progress than before. Now that Ashley has recovered fully from her injuries, she has organized the work into a much more streamlined process. Though she seems to find great frustration with Joker continually comparing her own new permanent limp as being only a shadow of his own. I do not think I will ever understand what Humans find amusing.
The Lt. Commander has railed against her new infirmity several times over the past weeks, but I occasionally find myself reassuring her that given the extent of the damage to her lower extremities, she has made a miraculous recovery. Indeed I have seen Asari commandos that have lost either or both legs from injuries not unlike what Ashley suffered in the crash. She has explained to me that it is very 'Human' to castigate ones self rather than others, so our give and take continues.
Our second communication with the Alliance was quite illuminating as well. Instead of Captain Riley, we were greeted by the sight of Admiral Hackett himself, which seemed to make everyone stand taller, though he could only see Ashley standing on the transmission pad. His usually gruff voice was almost warm as he informed Normandy's crew that the family he could contact had been told of our survival, and even sent a compressed data transmission filled with letters of greeting.
While I had hoped, I was not expecting was a file addressed to me, since I have no idea if Matriarch Aethyta even managed to escape the Citadel before the Reapers took it. I pray the Goddess has kept her safe, but given that her father was Krogan, it is more likely that she fought bravely to the last breath. In fact, there were three messages. One from the Asari Councillor praising my courage and assuring me that she had heard from Thessia, which gave me much relief. I had feared that my people were all but destroyed after what I saw there on our journey to the Temple of Athame.
Another from Hannah Shepard, my Catherine's mother, speaking of a letter the Alliance had given her. Catherine once told me that she had letters written to her family in case of her incapacitation, but to hear Matron Shepard speak of her daughter's love for me caused no end of joy and sorrow in my heart. I am grateful to the Goddess that I had the forethought to read the files in private, for it took me longer than I would have liked to stop the tears that flowed. Oh Catherine I miss you so much.
The last gave me the most hope, for it was from Miranda Lawson. She and her sister are both alive, though far from Earth. She assures me that she will never forgive me for giving her name to the Alliance, but that she transmitted everything she had kept on the Lazarus Project to them when asked. Unfortunately the Mass Relays being so badly damaged prevent her from attending to Commander Shepard in person, however she was kind enough to point out that it was fortunate for my sake, as she now has a desperate desire to 'put her boot up my ass', which sounds rather uncomfortable.
The crew seem intent on celebrating again tonight, with fresh connection to the galaxy in their hearts and minds. While I'm sure it will be an event to remember, or not remember, if Mr. Vega's 'secret recipe quad kicker' makes another appearance, I am exhausted from the mental and emotional exertions. I will sleep well tonight, and pray to the Goddess to once again keep my Catherine safe.
End Log.
46 days AR
After spending the last three days bent over a computer interface, the very last thing I wish to do is record our progress, but I began this project and I must see it through. Engineer Adams, Joker, and I have managed to complete all we can of the damaged programming of EDI's systems. We powered it up briefly to check for stability just before evening meal. Hopefully in the morning we can complete the system checks and bring her back online. There is a lot of missing data in her core, but I have no idea how it was deleted, only that it has been completely erased. I do hope it doesn't affect her too badly. Joker is so excited, that any major deviation will probably devastate him.
By the Goddess I am tired. I have done no more in the last week than my usual, but for some reason I grow much more weary than I should. Perhaps my Asari physiology has reacted to something in the atmosphere that others are immune to. In any event, I will speak to Dr. Chakwas tomorrow if I have not improved with rest. She is highly knowledgeable in regards to my people's health.
Thankfully, Mr. Vega found the survival stores today while clearing out the shuttle bay. Ashley had taken him down below to see if any of the hammerheads or shuttles were still functional. Unfortunately, nothing immediately serviceable was found, but they were both touted as heroes for returning with scores of blankets and self-inflating mattresses.
With none of the sleeper pods in use to conserve power, the crew have been suffering through a rotating schedule for time in the few beds available. Only the Commander's cabin has been spared, out of respect I imagine. Ashley, as ranking officer, has taken over that room, sharing with Joker, who is unable due to Vrolik's Syndrome of taking part in the rotation.
I must admit, though I have offered my own bed for use in the schedule, I sometimes wish I had not. Most often is it immediately upon waking after a night on the floor. I am looking forward to sleeping in my own bed again. Perhaps tomorrow, if I sleep well enough, I will begin work on Glyph. If there is something wrong with EDI he may be able to assist. But all of that will wait until the scheduled check in with the Alliance. Another week, another communication. I hold a fervent hope that Catherine's condition has improved.
End Log