Written for Faberry Week, Day Seven.
Longing
Her blonde hair, grown since she cut it, tickled her nose, draped across her lifted forearm. She brushed it out of the way; it fell back to its former place. She looked up. Through glass lenses, framed in thick rims, she saw herself. She was different. She was the same. She was Lucy, but she was Quinn.
Eyes, they ran over her rounder face, down her thicker body. Weight, she had gained quite a bit since she arrived at Yale in late summer. Heavier breasts, softer stomach, thicker thighs. Her brown turtle neck, warm, clung to her flesh. Made her pale skin fainter. Her hazel eyes darker.
Quinn took a deep breath, inflating her breast, cheeks flush. Rachel was on her mind. Rachel was in her chest. Rachel was suffocating her. Rachel was driving her insane. Rachel was. Rachel. Rachel. Rachel.
Rachel would hate her. She would find her disgusting. She would find her horrible.
She didn't mind herself all that much. She wasn't all that bad. She could face herself and say, I could be worse
She couldn't face Rachel and say, Please love me
I will always love you, Quinn, she held the crying girl in her arms, resting she and her on the pillows.
I could be worse, Quinn could say to herself, she wants to believe it. She could, but she couldn't believe that Rachel would. Burning eyes flooded with tears, hazel eyes glancing back in the mirror, darker by cloth, squeezed shut as her mouth clenches shut, trying to regulate breathing, Rachel suffocating her, any moment now, she'd be pushed away, off the bed, screamed at, look in the mirror, thick rim glasses, metro passes, gasp out, scream into her chest, clench her, stop it, you're okay, Merry Christmas, I love you
At least, at last, at love, at long, Rachel rests.
Lean against her. Lean against her. Lean against her. Lean against her. Lean into her. Lean into her. Lean into her. Rest against her. Sleep against her. Love against her.
A huff, in and out, quivering. Breathe. Smile. She's with, she's with, she's with, she there, there, there, alive, breathing, smiling, loving.
In the final moments.
In these moments.