And thus begins my month of filler, since I'm not working on Miss Cowbell (if you haven't read it, please do). So, this is my Halloween special. It sucks, but what can you do. The next one will be better, I promise!

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park. Or Halloween. Or Chewbacca.

I Love Candy

"Jews don't celebrate Halloween!" Cartman was, aptly, dressed as a devil.

"Yes they do, fatass!" Kyle had come as Chewbacca, again. The costume barely fit him anymore, but he still insisted it was the best.

"No, they don't!"

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, Kahl! Halloween is a Christian holiday. So go any cry to your bitchy mom."

"You are so ignorant! Halloween is an ancient tradition dating back to the pagans..."

"And are you a pagan, Kahl?"

"Are you?" Cartman paused.

"My grandfather was a pagan."

"Oh, bullsh..."

"Boys, shut up!" Mrs. Garrison said, from behind her October Cosmo. The kids were supposed to be making pumpkin drawings, although that didn't really work out too well.

"Mrs. Garrison, why do we even have school on Halloween?" Stan asked. He had come dressed as a vampire, which would be surprisingly convincing had he left his blue hat at home.

"Because it's not a real holiday."

"It is, too!" Kenny had come as a ninja, which meant that he had spray-painted his orange parka black. He ate more on Halloween than on any other day of the year. And it wasn't even frozen waffles.

"No, it's not. Go and finish your pumpkin drawings."

Later that night, the four boys were out trick-or-treating. Mr. Marsh and Mr. Broflovski were trailing behind them, but they were effectively alone.

"Man, we are going to get some awesome candy."

"Not that you need it, fatass," Stan said. He and Kyle laughed.

"Ay!" Then they came to another house. Kenny rang the doorbell, and a lady opened it.

"Trick or treat," they chimed, in their best schoolboy voices. The lady smiled and handed each of them a small slip of paper.

"Ay! What the hell is this!"

"It's a Bible verse, little boy." She looked at his costume, disdainfully. "You'd do well to read it. Goodbye." The woman went back in the house. Kyle was the first to open his slip. He then threw it away.

"New Testament. Typical."

"What bullcrap is this?" Cartman demanded. Stan shrugged, and the three boys started to walk away. "Wait! She has to have candy inside her house, right?"

"It's not a big deal, Cartman," Stan said. "It's just one house."

"Yes it is! Everyone buys candy on Halloween! That bitch just wants it for herself."

"Stop being such a dumbass," Kyle said. "Come on."

"No. I'm getting that candy, no matter what!" He stormed off behind the house. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny looked at each other, and happily proceeded next door.

"Hey, where's Cartman?" Kyle asked, as he walked up to the bus stop the next morning. Stan shrugged. Kenny simply groaned, having eaten entirely too much candy the previous night.

On cue, Cartman waltzed up, holding a huge bag of candy. He was gleefully stuffing his face with chocolate.

"Guess what, you guys?"

"What?"

"I got this super-delicious candy from that bitch with the Bible verses."

"What?"

"Yup. I went to the back of the house and saw that they had a window open. So I went through the window. Then I stopped in their kitchen and had some Cheesy Poofs. Then I found the candy."

"And they didn't hear you?" said Kyle.

"Nope. I bound and gagged 'em."

"All for some candy?" Cartman nodded.

"And you can't have any, assholes." Then the bus pulled up, and the boys got on. Stan and Kyle sat together, as usual.

"So, wait. The Christian lady actually bought candy for Halloween?"

"Yup," said Stan.

"And Cartman actually went in and got the candy?"

"Yeah." Kyle slumped in his seat.

"Is there a moral in this that we're missing?"

"Don't think so."

"Damn."

Meanwhile, Cartman was finishing his bag of candy. He loved 24-hour gas stations.