(Story below song lyrics)
Comatose, Skillet ~ Guy & Marian, Robin Hood
I hate feeling like this
I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of
Is waking to you
Tell me that you will listen
Your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide I realize
I'm slowly losing you
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe
'Less I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh, how I adore you
Oh, how I thirst for you
Oh, how I need you
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe
'Less I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
Breathing life, waking up
My eyes open up
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you
I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe
'Less I feel you next to me
You take the pain I feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
Oh, how I adore you
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
Oh, how I thirst for you
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
Oh, how I adore you
The way you make me feel
(Waking up to you never felt so real)
.com/watch?v=JZNCrLV8W_M (put after )
Disclaimer: I do not own any of Skillet's work nor do I own characters or plotlines from BBC's Robin Hood.
How exactly was I supposed to react to that? What ploy was afoot this time? What part was I to unknowingly play this time?
I clenched my fists at my side, clenched my teeth too and closed my eyes.
I would forget it. I would forget her hand, so fragile in mine. I would erase the memory of her body so painfully close to mine.
I swallowed and imagined pulling out her scent from my body. My upper lip twitched as I held my breath, trying so Goddamn hard to kick the smell out, to kick her out.
Did she think I was that stupid? Did she think I was that easy? That naïve?
My nails dug into my palms as my frustration intensified and I tried to take a breath that did not shake, that did not unveil my…
Weakness.
What was this? Why was this…
Hatred boiled inside me, the heat cursing my insides with burning vices that coiled and choked my guts, my heart, my veins.
If I didn't breathe, would I feel this?
Would I feel this hunger, this starvation, this all-encompassing anger that gritted under my flesh, that trembled when she moved, when she breathed, when she spoke, when she laughed, when she cried, when she smiled, when she argued, when she screamed, when she ran, when she struggled, when she rode, when she ate, when she-
"ARRRRGH!" It all came out before I could contain it. The chair crashed against the door and my muscles pulled painfully in my arms as the wooden slam resounded around the room.
I should be calm, I should put something on over my chest… the chest that grew in pride and protective, instinctive primal instinct when the heartbreak of her nearness came ever closer…
Teasing, was she? Tempting?
"WHAT," I bellowed to… no one. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
To see her leave from my house, once Hood's, then meet him by the stable… was I meant to see that? Did she know I would ensure her safe journey as far as my eyes could see?
I broke my glare at the open window from which I had seen her leave… Hood, on my property, watching her leave on a horse… The horse I had given her.
My fists knocked against my head, fingers splaying and scratching against my scalp.
Pain. Pain, that's what I needed.
I grabbed the poker by the burning fire- its flickers quieter than before… were the flames scared of me too?
The weight of the poker was satisfying. The warmness of the iron singed through my skin. I held it harder and glared at the table full of goblets and empty, dirty plates a couple of metres in front of me.
I completely. Let. Go.
"Kill me!" I shouted, sending a clay goblet crashing to the ground. It broke into pieces and I purposefully stepped on them, relishing the sting as they pierced my feet as I whacked a candlestick off the table. It hurtled in an arc to the end of the table then rolled off.
I flinched as the sting of the pottery in my toe sank further than expected. I glared at the wall, anything to hate…
And pushed my foot down. Hard.
I dropped the poker, fingers flexed, hand hungry for something to throw, something to destruct and then let the creature inside me rip out.
Another plate went smashing against the wall.
Silver platter- hurled behind me at the fireplace.
Fork- straight through the window.
Knife… the thought was just too tempting.
Hood's face smiled smugly at the forefront of my mind and my eyes widened, something wild soaring through my system.
I couldn't hurt him. I wanted to. So. Badly.
"BUT THAT WOULD HURT YOU, WOULDN'T IT!" I roared, slinging another plate at the wall, white pottery cracking and crumbling to the floor… just like my heart had done when she had left me at the devil-fated altar. I stabbed the knife into the table. My hand was empty…
Killing Hood would hurt Marian. Hurting any of his precious little, swooning ducklings would hurt her.
Torching her house had hurt her. My mouth gaped open of its own accord at this though and I blindly reached for the knife and dragged the end over my forearm, not even allowing myself the smallest hiss of pain. Blood, deep scarlet and thick, slithered down my arm, over my wrist and palm and then dripped from my fingertips. I dropped the blade to the ground, throat and body throbbing.
I stood for a while, room painted auburn by the flames, my chest heaving. God this felt good. I blinked a lot in those minutes, the rest of my body rooted to the spot.
Maybe I could just stay here, move only when she bid me to fall into another snake pit; crawl onto another sticky spider web; wander into another dark lair.
She paired me with Vasey. She thought I worshipped him. I was using him- the bastard- to get power, security… something I had done with so much more verve when I had thought of the safety I could had enveloped Marian in.
Flickering images, focused and unfocused, of Marian in that golden dress, emerald eyes to the ground, skin alabaster and smooth, sun reflecting off her body… walking through the blossom, the trees…
It brought me to tears. Hot, they quivered down my face like something molten.
I needed to break something…
Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts…
Then, I wrenched myself from my position- blood no doubt smudging the wooden floor- and blew the door open with one hard yank, pushing past the maid and messenger standing outside the room. I ignored the maid's lustful gaze. She was pretty. She was lovely. She was polite. She was quiet.
"She's not you, though, is she?" I muttered to myself, grimacing madly as I took the stairs three at a time to get to my room.
Straight to my bed- empty, cold, covers emaciated without her form there.
Straight to the chest at the end of it.
The lid was thrown open in seconds and I rummaged beneath the scarlet and cream bed sheets, my bloody arm limp at my side as the other worked, biting the inside of my lip until the masticated, wet skin seeped something metallic around my mouth.
My thumb found the circle of silver and I swear my skin burned against the iciness of it.
I pulled the engagement ring out and something trembled violently inside me, the tremor cascading into the boiling, poisonous potion swirling in my belly.
The metal of the armor on my shin pushed against the chest uncomfortably and I growled, grabbed it and seized it off me and skimmed it to the over side of the room.
My quarters were dark, unlit by fires. Only a navy gloom swelled around me. A lighter shade of blue was cast in through the window- the moon was behind a cloud somewhere, spotlighting this: one of my many manic moments.
And then my body sagged. The ring dropped from my fingers, the green stone creating a hollow sound as it hit the bottom of the trunk.
I loved her. Addicted. I felt so exhausted without her near me that my body sometimes just gave up. So many fantasies of a homely life with her bombarded my mind whenever she was within sight. Her stubbornness. Her care. Her love- oh, that was the worst; when I thought I had it... and then when it was snatched from me.
I wanted to please her. In so, so many ways. I wanted to love her. I would take this pain with me, tie it to my back and let the demon bounce there.
I panted silently as my body recovered from the emotional relinquishment. But of course my heart still beat for her.
I had hurt her too much now, though- had let the wild thing out of its cage too many times. Now I was enemy.
I kneeled and let my head hang, pathetically and the tears were no longer tears- just water spilling from my eyes for her.