Envy
Tim opened the front door quietly and stepped into the dark living room. He was way off his turf but he needed to get away from his area.
His step-father was hassling him again, drunk, and he needed to cool out completely before he walked back into his own house. He didn't trust himself not to do something stupid. He touched his eyebrow and felt the sting of the cut from the man's ring and didn't think anywhere was far enough away.
He didn't trust himself to be anywhere near his gang, either. He felt too out of sorts. He always did when there were problems at home but tonight was worse than ever and he didn't want his gang to see him in any way that could be construed as weakness.
Tim would just sleep it off and go home tomorrow. That was the plan.
He had been in this house a few times before and tried to adjust his eyes to the dark so he could find a lamp to turn on. He resorted to lighting a cigarette and using his match to find it.
He heard a rustling from behind him and spun quickly to find Dallas lying on the couch, throwing his arm over his eyes. "What the fuck's with the light?"
Tim slumped down into the only other chair in the room. "Settle down, princess. You'll get your beauty sleep."
"Tim?" Dallas rubbed his eyes and sat up, pushing the blanket off himself. "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?"
Tim shrugged and took a long drag off his smoke. "Can't stay home and I didn't feel like being around anyone in the neighborhood. I didn't know you were here."
"Throw me a smoke," Dallas said and then, "Who jumped you?"
Tim tossed Dallas a cigarette and wondered if it had really been a good idea coming here. He figured the little blond punk would have been at Buck's, not here to give him the third degree. If he wasn't so tired, hell, he'd walk over to Buck's himself and get a room. Instead, he kicked his boots off and sighed. "The old man jumped me. You know the drill, man. Every once in awhile he feels the need to show me who the alpha dog is."
Dallas nodded. He knew that drill all too well. He knew Tim's drill, too. He knew tonight must have been beyond the norm for Tim to escape like he apparently did. Usually Tim could brush that shit off, have a few beers and calm down. Dallas wondered why he always happened to be around when Tim couldn't brush it off.
They smoked in silence, Dallas too tired to bust Tim's chops and Tim too grateful for the silence to break it. When they had both put their cigarettes out, Dallas laid back down and pulled the cover back up. Tim rested his head on the back of the chair.
"I got the only blanket. You wanna sleep on the floor? I'm really too beat to worry about being too close to your queer ass. I'll share," Dallas offered and Tim had to laugh. He knew Dallas keeping his mouth shut the past few minutes was too good to be true.
Tim got up and stretched. "Yeah, I guess."
Dallas rolled himself off the couch with his pillow and blanket and held the blanket up so Tim could lay down. "Hit the lights."
Dallas was between the couch and Tim and felt pretty comfy, even with the hard floor under him. He could feel warmth radiating off Tim's body so close and it put him right back to sleep.
Tim lay on his back with the thin blanket over him and Dallas and he could feel Dally's breath on his shoulder, warm and light, and knew he must have already fallen back to sleep. He looked over at him but could only make out the splash of light hair.
Tim envied Dallas sometimes, though he'd never admit it to him. He really didn't care that he was alone. He didn't care that his mother had abandoned him and sent him to live with his father who was a dead beat. He didn't care that he crashed at his friend's houses or Buck's so he could get a decent night's sleep. He didn't care that he was lucky to get one good meal a day and that he stole and cheated and lied to get what he needed to make it in life.
Dallas survived. He didn't think about it, he just did it. Tim wished he could be like that, really be like that. He acted like nothing bothered him. He acted like it didn't matter that he was basically at the mercy of this asshole his mother let into their lives.
He was one of the toughest hoods in his city. He was respected and feared. He never backed down from a fight and he showed no fear of anything. But inside, he still remembered his father walking out on them, watching from his bedroom window as his father drove away and crying himself to sleep for a month till he finally realized that crying was bullshit. He hardened himself on the outside but inside everything fucked up about his life was killing him and he saw no end in sight.
Dallas shifted next to him and began to snore lightly. Tim tried to shut off his thoughts and concentrate on the sound of Dally's breathing. In ... out ... in ... out ...
The next thing Tim knew he was getting a boot to the ribs. "Get up, Shep."
Tim yawned and crawled up slowly. "What time is it?"
Dallas lit a smoke. "Early. I wanna get going before Darry gets up. I don't like him thinking he needs to feed me all the time."
Tim nodded, lacing up his boots. "Let's go get something to eat. I'm buying."
"Cool. What are you gonna do today?"
"I'm gonna go the hell home. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let that motherfucker keep me outta my own house," Tim replied gruffly.
Dallas blew his smoke out and smiled. "That's right, man."
Dallas envied Tim sometimes but he'd never admit it to him.