Don't Get Me Wrong...
Summery: Apparently the Universe and Logic thought it would be funny to throw me in another dimension. SI. Male!OC.
Chapter 1: Universe and Logic Screws Me Over
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The smell of coffee and bacon entered my nose. My favorite smells. Coffee and Bacon. I got up from my queen sized bed, not bothering to put on a shirt or pants. What? It's my house. I have the right to walk around in my boxers. I entered the kitchen to see my gorgeous girlfriend cooking bacon.
"No matter how many times I tell you I'm a vegan you still cook bacon." I said with a grin.
"It's funny you said that. I was just cooking for myself." She replied back.
I made a fake pout.
"You were not going to share?" I said in a whiney voice.
"I already knew you were a vegan." She rolled her eyes, "You just have a fetish for smelling bacon."
"Awe, you caught me." I said as I got a mug.
"Were the heck is the sugar and cream?" I complained, "Black coffee is freaking nasty."
"We ran out." My girlfriend stated plainly.
"Ugh! Why the hell would you make coffee, tease me and all, and not even think do we have sugar or cream?" I needed my flavored, yummy, coffee.
"Just kidding. It's on the table." She grinned at my reaction.
"I hate you."
"I love you too."
I grabbed the sugar and cream and fixed up my coffee.
"And for god's sake woman, put some clothes on."
"I would say the same to you." She snapped back.
I brushed off her comment and put the mug of joe on my lip. The blazing hot liquid went down my throat. I sat the mug down and gave a satisfied sigh.
"So I was thinking..." I started.
"That's usually bad." She replied, coming to the table with her nasty bacon.
I sent her a glare before continuing. "I was thinking about an anime marathon tonight?" I offered her.
"Black butler?!" She said, her eyes flashing with glee.
"Nope."
"Hellsing?"
"Nah."
"Don't tell me it's Dragon Ball Z?"
"I got over that."
"Oh...don't tell me it's'..."
I grinned as I stood on my chair.
"Naruto!" I did a warrior shout.
"Oh god," My girlfriend face-palmed.
"Get the popcorn ready, call Dave, gather the plushies, and make sure we have instant ramen." I said to her, tossing her my wallet.
"Why Dave?" She sighed, oh how she hated Dave.
"Because Dave is freakin' awesome." I replied with a deep voice.
"You know I hate Dave." She sighed again.
"So I've heard. Stop being a square, become a circle, become one of us." I said with all seriousness.
"I'm in love with a freakin' idiot." She murmured.
"An idiot who wants you to call Dave this instant." I said in a sing-song voice.
"Whatever."
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"What do you mean he's...not available?!" I shouted. I was mad. I was out raged.
"He haves a life too." She said. I pouted and sat down on my couch.
"Listen, I know your upset. So...after the marathon...if your still awake..." She got behind me and started to rub my shoulders.
"We can watch Power Rangers together?" I said in a fussy tone.
"Yeah..." And then cue the disappointed sigh. I'm not an idiot. I know what she wants. But I can't let her know that. I like to play with people's minds.
"Well, Part one or two?" She said as she looked at the disc.
"Part 2, always." I said.
"Always..." I heard her repeat.
"Don't you have to go to work?" She asked.
"Oh fuck."
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I was a business man. Believe it or not. I wore the suit and tie, I had the brief case and everything. I rushed out the door before giving my girlfriend a kiss on the cheek.
"Try to convince Dave, please. And make sure Naruto is on when I first walk in? Okay? Love you." I heard her mumble back an 'I love you too.'
I rushed out the door, going to the elevator of my apartment. Once I reached the floor I needed to be on and rushed out the building.
"Are you okay, Mr. Smith?" I turned to the voice, "Oh, what's up, Alfred. I'm late to work."
Yeah. Laugh it up. The building's butler name was Alfred, also know as Batman's servant. He even looked at him. It was like a very good—almost creepy, cosplay. I got in my car, throwing my suitcase in the backseat. I started the engine and got going. I turned on the radio, changing the stations.
Then Lady GaGa came on.
Sue me.
I'm a little monster.
I freakin' love her.
I might love rock, but Lady Gaga gave me feels.
"Do what you want with my body!" I had my windows rolled down and there was a red light. The person in the other car gave me a weird look, and rolled up there window.
"Say what you want about me!" I sang loud , the wind crashing in my hair. I was living the life.
That until the Universe was feeling like being a jackass and a car flew at me. Not literally. But it was coming fast.
I felt it hit me, I felt the air bag suffocating me, I felt my ribs stab my heart. I heard the sirens. But I couldn't breath.
Oh shit, I was dying.
Everything sounded hazy, it sounded muffled.
My heart started to beat faster without my control. That's when the voices stopped.
That's when everything stopped. Only to start up again.
"Be quiet!"A voice yelled.
Suddenly, I felt the presence of many people around me. And I also suddenly felt very cold...
And naked.
A warm hand pressed against my forehead.
"He's freezing." A voice muttered.
That voice sounded familiar. I was tired. My eye lids didn't want to open up. But they did anyway.
I was greeted by the female breast.
Huge female breast.
Lovely female breast.
"Ah, he's up." A voice chimed.
I try to look at the person's face, but my eyes were glued. There was only one person I know who had the size of breast this woman had Tsunade.
But... Noway.
"Holy fucking shit." The words just spilled out my dry mouth.
"What language." The voice held amusement.
"How are you feeling?" Tsunade asked, standing up strait.
It took a lot of will power to pry my eyes off her breast, but I did it.
"Like shit." I replied dryly.
"You should feel like shit. I found you in a river." I turned to the voice, surprised to see...Shizune?
"Was I naked?"
"Nah. But Hokage-sama here stripped you to see if you had any damage in places we didn't know about." Shizune replied with a ting of pink in her cheeks.
"Do you remember anything?" Tsunade asked.
Here's my chance to do something. To say something.
"Not at all."
Oh crap, I screwed it up.
Universe and Logic, if you were going to do this to me, why have me an civilian man?
"I found this hitai-ate around your neck for Ame." Shizune said.
Yes! I love you, Universe.
"But since you don't remember anything, we might have to renounce your duties as a ninja."
Awe, fuck you Logic.
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END.
Of the first chapter. Tell me your thoughts. Continue or no? Isn't refreshing to do a Self Insert when it's not a girl? I say. Next chap will be longer!