Hey everyone! I uploaded this story a day ago, but I got a message from fanfiction that I had to take it down because it included lyrics from the song, "Lullaby" by Nickelback, so I re-uploaded it WITHOUT the LYRICS (happy now, FF?) Anyways. This is my first CM fanfiction, and I hope I got the characters right or they aren't OOC. Sorry if they are!
Anyways. This story deals with some major topics (description of suicide, mentions of self-harm) , so if that's not your thing.. don't be afraid to just leave and not read it. I will not get offended.
This story focuses on the JJ/Hotch relationship.. but more friendship than anything.
And you guys may hate me after you read this, but I was feeling down... and writing makes me feel better. My mind is a dark place, and well, this story came from my mind so... yeah.
Anyways, enjoy!
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds, although I wish I did.
She couldn't take it anymore. This pain. This misery. This emptiness she felt inside; she was sick of it, she wanted the darkness, the misery to leave her body forever and never come back. She's tried everything. Cutting. Throwing up. Taking pills. But nothing seems to work; she still felt numb, she still felt empty on the inside and she just wanted to be in peace again… just how she was before her whole life took a turn for the worst.
When her son and husband died. Right in front of her.
It was a normal day. Will and she finally had the weekend off and they were spending it with each other and their son, Henry. It was a Sunday and they just got ice-cream and went back to their house to watch a movie, something like a normal family does. It was late at night, and she could still see Henry's smiling, giggling face, sitting right in between his parents laughing at some movie they were watching. JJ and Will looked at each other, and they both had pure joy on their face. They leaned over Henry and gave each other a chaste kiss on the lips. They were about to put Henry to bed when their door suddenly burst open and two people, dressed in black suits came in, and started coming towards them. Both Will and JJ were in front of their son in an instant, both grabbing the spare guns that were locked up in a drawer. They fired at them, but they might have been wearing bulletproof vests and their shots didn't hurt them.
JJ doesn't really know what happened next. She was too blind with rage that she didn't see the second intruder come towards her son and take her away from Will's grip. She didn't know exactly what Will did, but all she knew is that the first intruder gave up and left with the second intruder, getting out of their house in an instant.
She turned around and saw the two people who she loves more than anything in the world, unconscious, with a puddle of blood surrounding them.
And that's how the team found her: laying over her family's body, protecting them with her life.
She never got that picture out of her mind, or the smell; it was engraved into her brain every single day. She still remembered the metallic smell in her living room, the lifeless eyes of her husband, and the peaceful eyes of her beautiful child who left the world too soon. She tried to be happy. Got therapy. Took medication. But it wasn't enough; not anymore.
So when she was shopping one day and came across a pack of razor blades, she bought it and opened the package as soon as she got home and pushed it into her skin, finding relief in the crimson blood that was racing down her arm, leaving something warm in her wake.
She eyed the pills on the counter in front of her and really thinks twice about whether she wants to do this or not. At first she is unsure because of her BAU family, and telling her that they were glad that she wasn't hurt and that "it was going to get better",
But she knew that was a big, fat lie.
Nothing was ever going to get better. Her family died. Her family was gone. She would never see their laughing faces again.
And it was all her fault.
She should have protected them, like they did with her. She was the one trained to determine those kind of threats, she took training for goodness sake! But she didn't do enough. She didn't fight hard enough. She didn't pull the trigger fast enough. She didn't look behind her, her whole mind focused on the main threat.
It was her fault her family died.
And she knew that; so with one last thought, and a note laid out on the counter, with shaking hands, dumped a bunch of pills in her hands and swallowed them, trying to get them down her throat as fast as she could, so the effect could work sooner and she would die quicker.
She took some other ones, downing them in one swallow, welcoming the dizziness that was following them. She swore she could see heaven, or something like it. She could see her family greeting her on the other side. She could see her son jump up and down, squealing "mommy!"
And she knew she was at peace.
She was finally home, with her family.
The darkness started engulfing her, and her limp body couldn't take all the drugs and she passed out, her back against the bathroom wall, the suicide note on the counter, in a bright, yellow envelope.
She thinks she heard her phone ringing, or the door opening, and someone shouting "JJ" in a panicked voice, but she isn't sure. And she's too wrapped up into the darkness to care.
Hotch knew something wasn't right with JJ. Not since 3 months ago. She insisted that she was fine, that she was better; and to her credit, she did an amazing job. The team- and Hotch- really thought she was over it, or at least coping with it better. But after seeing her in her office alone, he could see the smile that fell off her face and into one of complete, utter misery. He knew he should go talk to her, but he knew that it would only make things worse. She would close up, and get really angry at him and it would just make both of them more stressed.
So he turned away from his office and tried to focus on the paperwork he had to do, but he couldn't get JJ's sad, ice-blue eyes out of his mind.
The second time he knew something wasn't right was just two days ago. She started withdrawing from the team more, only speaking when she had too; her fake smile wasn't as bright and she was always wearing long sleeves, even in the hot Arizona weather. He knew something was wrong, but when he confronted her about it (because he was terrified for her) she just lied to him and told him not to worry about it.
And he did for a day. But when he saw JJ giving the team a big hug, and telling them how much they meant to her, and giving Garcia a ring that was suddenly off her finger, and he knew something was going on. He took lessons about suicide, and took a test over the symptoms and JJ was exhibiting two of them, he didn't want to know how many else. The team looked at her with a smile, and gave her a hug in return. JJ said her goodbye to the team, and left the BAU doors, heading straight out to her car.
After a couple more minutes, Hotch started following her and he tried to call her, but to no avail. It was 7 o'clock in the evening, and he wanted to get home; but JJ was more important. He tried texting her, and calling her but only got her impersonal phone greeting. Hi, this is Jennifer Jareau with the BAU…
He sighed and threw the phone on the seat, turning his sirens on to get to her better. And when he reached her house, it was around 7:30. He knocked on the door, but couldn't hear any sound of movement. Not even the shower running, so he knew that possibility wasn't possible.
He learned how to unlock doors with a bobby pin and opened the door. He rushed into the bathroom and saw that the door was locked. He screamed her name, but JJ wasn't answering. He pounded on the door, but she didn't make any sign that she was alive. He knew she wasn't in another room- he checked those, and this room made the most sense.
He knew JJ would be pissed that she broke the bathroom door, but he'll be damned. He was getting to check up on his agent and making sure she didn't do something she would regret.
And when he broke open that door, and saw the lifeless body of JJ on the floor, a spilled pill bottle next to her and an envelope on the counter; he knew what happened. He immediately got out his phone and called 9-1-1, while trying to check JJ for a pulse.
She had one. Albeit it was small and slow, but it was still there and that meant that she was still alive, which was a blessing.
He cradled her head in his hands, and caressed the hair out of her face, silently praying that she'll make it through this.
He could hear the blearing of the sirens in the distance, and knew that they were close. He picked up JJ's limp body and carried her to the living room, so the paramedics would have easy access to her and administer medical attention faster. He lays her on the couch, whispering in her ear how strong she is, and trying not to break down in angry tears, or punch something.
He knew she was in pain, but never in a million years thought JJ would do something like this. The JJ he knew loved life and lived it to the fullest; but now, after everything, he knew that this JJ- this new JJ- was capable of anything. And it scared him. He's never seen her eyes so lifeless, so in pain that at this moment. He could see the glaring of the lights and could see the EMT's come in with a gurney. Hotch set JJ on top and told them the basic information about her.
"What happened?" One of the paramedics asked him, "What kind of pills did she take?" She asked again, probably to know the amount of drugs she had to administer.
Hotch showed her the pill bottles and she nodded, taking them in and putting them in a plastic bag. They rushed her into the ambulance, Hotch coming with and hoping that everything will turn out alright.
He doesn't know how he's going to break it to the team that JJ tried to attempt suicide, and sadly he knew how they would react.
Garcia would be heartbroken and cry desperately, and at the first mention of JJ pop up and give her a big hug, telling her how bad she felt; which might make JJ feel even guiltier.
Reid would be so nervous, and so unsure, he would start talking about certain statistics of suicide and all the miniscule facts, but hug her anyways, and make sure she knew that she meant the world to him.
Morgan would probably react with anger, more at himself than anything else, for not noticing the signs sooner.
Emily would be the most rational, and react the best probably- she was level-headed like that. She wouldn't over react, but she wouldn't sugarcoat what she did either.
Yeah. He wasn't looking forward to alerting the team because how could he tell them? Guys. JJ is in the hospital because she tried to kill herself with pills. I noticed something was wrong with JJ, and when I found her, she was unconscious with a pill bottle next to her. None of them sounded good, and he didn't know how he would break the news.
He sighed but knew that he had to prepare for the worst, but now all his attention was focused on JJ and if she would make it through this or not.
They made it to the hospital in record time where she is immediately rushed to the ER, and a kind nurse informing him that he had to stay outside while the doctors worked on her.
He sighed, and started calling his team- not telling them anything but to meet him at the hospital.
Just like he knew they would, they came in record time and all tried to ask what was wrong.
He took a deep breath and continued on; he wasn't going to sugarcoat what she's done, the team deserved to know- just in case she didn't make it. "Guys… JJ is not okay." He said sadly, "I noticed something was up so I called her and when she wasn't answering for the umpteenth time, I went to her house. I barged in and saw JJ lying unconscious on the floor, some empty pill bottles beside her. She's in the ER right now."
The team reacted just how Hotch suspected. And they all got their emotions out a different way while waiting for the doctor to tell them the news on JJ.
He couldn't tell the time, but it seemed like forever that they were waiting to see if their agent survived a suicide attempt. A doctor came out and looked down sadly, but told them the news. "JJ is stable, and is expected to make a full recovery. She took an overdose of Prozac, an anti-depressant she was on, and some Tylenol. She's asleep right now, but she should come out of this physically fine. It didn't damage her stomach or anything." The team gave a small sigh of relief, glad that JJ survived the attempt on her life.
But the doctor didn't stop. "Because she did come in as a suicide attempt, it's hospital policy that we get a psychologist to look at her. Because she is a legal adult, she can determine what she wants to do, but it depends on her mental state when she wakes up whether or not someone needs to make the medical decisions for her. Time will tell. She's in room 301 if you would like to see her."
Hotch commented his thanks and they made their way to the room where a pale JJ was lying.
It was bright, that was the first thing that registered in JJ's mind. And it hurt her eyes. She opened them, sensing some presence in the room and it finally dawned on her what happened. She closed her eyes, not wanting to deal with the team and the looks of disappointment painted on their faces. Why didn't I die? She kept repeating the question in her head, it would be a hell of a lot easier. She thought as she closed her eyes, hoping someone would go away soon- but by the looks of it probably not.
She's been in a room with a suicidal person before and they were put on suicide watch, even though she knew they knew that she couldn't attempt anything while she was passed out on the bed, her body perfectly still.
Sadly, that didn't slide with the team in her room and they forced her to wake up. She groaned, and fluttered her eyelids but couldn't look the team in the eye. She looked anywhere but them, focusing on her hands which were covered in bandages, probably from the self-inflicted wounds there.
"Why?" Someone asked her, which was most likely Morgan, his voice was laced with anger, disappointment, and confusion, but also sadness. "Why JJ? You have a whole family that cares about you, Dammit!" his voice was rising, and JJ knew he had every right to be mad. "Do you know what would have happened to us if you died!?" He exclaimed, getting out of his seat and starting a whole rant. "Did you even think about us, JJ? When you took those pills did you even think about us and how it would affect us? Huh?" He screamed at her, and she flinched at his hard tone, tears forming in her eyes.
The whole team looked at him in shock; yes, they wanted to scold JJ but all of them knew that yelling at her first thing isn't what she needed. Emily tried to calm him down, but he was still going on a rage. It took Hotch's stern voice to get him out. "Agent Morgan. That is enough!" He bellowed and Morgan calmed down and then looked incredibly embarrassed at what he did; he clenched his fist in anger, but didn't say anything else.
Once Garcia got done giving a dirty look to Morgan, mumbling something about making her "best friend cry" she hugged her and showered her in affection. "I'm so glad you're alive, pumpkin. I know you're sad, but you have us. You hear me? Don't ever do that again." Her eyes were filled with tears, but kept hugging her friend, glad she made it out alive. Yeah, she was mad, but she could understand where she was coming from to a point. She wouldn't ever be the same if she lost her husband and child.
JJ blinked back tears, and hugged her back but didn't say anything. Her body was probably still in shock from all the events and the emotions that were racing through her head at record speed. She had a killer headache, and the nausea wasn't helping any. Emily made her way towards her, and took her hand in hers. Her voice was gentle, soft, and filled with understanding. "Why?" She asked JJ in a collected voice, not judging her or accusing her, just a general question.
"I wanted the pain to end." She said after a couple of minutes, whispering the answer. "It was just too much." She admitted again, looking down at her fingers and lifting her hand, which was attached to an IV, to wipe her tears. Emily nodded in understanding, but didn't say anything else; the team fell into an uncomfortable silence.
"You know there are over 5 million suicide survivors in the world. And I could tell you didn't want to die." Reid finally spoke up, smiling at JJ and having a thinking look on his face. "There are more lethal ways to kill yourself that you have access to. Like a gun to the head? Or poison? Or hanging? You had access to all those things, but you chose overdosing which has mixed reactions. If you really wanted to die, you would have gone for the more lethal ones that kill you instantly instead of taking a chance." Reid pointed out, and then making his way towards JJ and hugging her, whispering how glad he was that she was alive.
JJ could only nod and give a half smile at Reid's attempt to cheer the team up from the horrible, depressing place.
Hotch didn't speak, but his gaze told everything; it was filled with disappointment, sadness, pity, and everything else but anger, and she wondered why. She knew Hotch would want time alone with her, and she finally remembered that he was the one who found her.
Man; was she going to get it after everyone left.
It was late at night, and after spending the whole day at the hospital, Rossi invited the team out for a drink at his house, giving Hotch and JJ some much needed alone time. Hotch made a mental note to thank Rossi later.
He took a seat next to JJ and handed her a fry from a McDonald's bag. Before Hotch could say anything, JJ interrupted him. "I know you're angry, Hotch. But you shouldn't be. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just wanted the pain to end. I felt numb… and nothing was working. I close my eyes and see the dead bodies of my husband and son, blaming me for their death. I just wanted the pain to stop, Hotch. You have to believe me. I never meant to cause any of you pain. That was not my intention." She said with genuineness in her voice, looking up at him with sincere eyes.
Hotch wanted to say something, but composed himself before he could say it. "I know, JJ. But that wasn't the way. You have access to the best psychologist around. We could have helped you JJ." He admitted, his voice filled with so much pain that JJ wanted to take it all away.
JJ just shook her head. "None of you could have helped. The only way to "help" me is to give me my son and husband back. But last time I checked, none of you can raise the dead. So you couldn't have helped me." She said, her voice with some coldness and anger at him for accusing her of not getting help. "I tried so hard, Hotch, to get better. But it wasn't working. You guys tried everything, it didn't work. The psychologist didn't get anywhere. None of you guys can help me, don't you understand!" She yelled at him, tears in her eyes again, threatening to spill out; didn't she cry enough already?
Hotch nodded, understanding her point-of-view, but needing to get his out. "I do understand, JJ. You seem to forget that I lost my wife."
"Ex-wife." She stated, trying to prove him wrong- that he didn't understand her pain. "And your son is alive. Mine isn't. You didn't lose him. You didn't get to see him die and scream." She stated, venom laced in her once soft voice, now filled with anger at everything.
Hotch wanted to retort something back but thought better of it. He could feel her heartbeat raising and he didn't want to cause her to go into a panic attack. "I understand the hopelessness, JJ. But it gets better." He tried to reassure her as best as he could, but knowing that he couldn't convince her.
"No you don't." She stated again, her stare cold and hard, void of any emotion.
Hotch thought about how he would compose his words before speaking: "JJ, you didn't have to kill yourself. You're young, you have so much ahead for you. Don't ruin it. You still have a life, JJ, don't forget that." He reminded her, letting her know how much of a blessing it was to still be alive.
"I don't have a life without my family, Aaron." She used his first name, something JJ very rarely ever called him; she only did it when she was deadly serious.
Hotch nodded, and decided to drop the subject for now. "And I know what you're thinking, JJ. But I'm not leaving. You're on suicide watch. Someone needs to stay in the room with you at all times."
JJ grunted and looked away from him, but asked him the question that confused him. "Why did you save me, Hotch? If you really loved me, you would have let me die."
"I saved you, JJ, because I couldn't let you throw your life away. Yes Will and Henry died and it sucks. But life's a bitch, JJ. And I could see you being the president of the BAU. You have so much ahead of you, and you're a major part of this team- I couldn't have my team be broken any more than it is. And honestly? I would miss you, Jennifer." He spoke the last sentence softly, pure honesty laced in his voice, letting him know that what he said was 100 percent true.
JJ didn't say anything else, because she was tired, but didn't know what else to say. There was a war raging on in her brain, and she just wanted to sleep and hope that somehow something would happen and she wouldn't wake up.
The hospital psychologist came in the next day, sitting down on a chair right across from JJ with a clipboard in his hand. He was an older man, with a long, white beard and kind eyes. He was skinny and looked in his mid-60. "Hi, Jennifer. My name is Michael Ruiz. I'm a clinical psychologist. You know why you're in here, right?" He got straight to the point, not wanting JJ to postpone the reason why she was here, or try to ignore it.
JJ didn't say anything, but after a little while, knowing that she wasn't going to get out of this any faster, spoke: "Because I tried to overdose." She said, annoyance evident in her voice.
He nodded. "And you know that I can determine where to place you." He reminded her, letting her know the truth. "So it would be easier if you were honest with me."
JJ scowled at him. "I'm not a child. I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions."
"Not if I find you unable to make decisions for yourself because of your state of mind." He retorted back, letting him know that her profiler skills won't work on him. He was immune to them after being a therapist for more than 20 years.
"You wouldn't?" She challenged, looking at him warningly.
"I would." He stated back, his gaze meeting hers; letting her know that she was deadly serious. His voice turned softer, after seeing JJ's guilt-stricken face. "You know you're not alone, JJ. There are thousands of others like you. I've done thousands of meetings like this." He tried a different approach. "And some of them had problems that you probably don't understand. I had a patient of mine who was raped by a man and had to watch her husband die. She tried to kill herself, and I spoke to her just a couple days ago. She was happy now, living with her family and working as a therapist to help people in her situation. There was a teenager who was abused, and self-harmed; she e-mailed me and said that she found husband who loved her for who she was. JJ, there are several millions of stories about people coming back from horrible situations. You have what we like to call Major Depression, and it got worse. There's hope, JJ. You have to understand that." He admitted, knowing that selflessness and empathy were a big thing for JJ, and one of the most important things in the world to her.
The psychologist handed her a tissue, and let her tears pour out. "I feel hopeless. I close my eyes and I see them- my family- and how they blame me. I still remember everything from that day, it's permanently engraved into my mind, sneaking up at me in the weakest of moments. I felt numb, as if there was nothing good left in the world. Now my team hates me. I didn't mean to hurt them." She admitted, her voice now muffled by the Kleenex she was wiping her nose on.
"They don't hate you, Jennifer. They are disappointed. Confused. Scared. But they don't hate you. Not at all. They still love you, and Agent Hotch saved you because you mean a lot to him. He wouldn't have ridden in the ambulance with you if they hated you." He pointed out, making her see reason.
The rest of the session went on like this, until JJ was fresh out of tears and her voice was hoarse from talking too much.
The therapist nodded, and declared that she was well enough to go home, but with frequent visits to the therapist, not being able to be on duty, and having someone stay with her.
Hotch opened up the door for JJ and set her bags down. After spending three days in the hospital, JJ was glad to be home, except Hotch had his bags too. He was staying with her while Jack was away at summer camp for the whole month. JJ immediately went up to her room, shutting the door and not coming out until it was time for dinner. She was pissed at the situation and Hotch had to not become too upset at JJ's behavior, and not react to it- knowing that it will get a reaction out of her, making her feel like she's hurting him just like he is doing to her.
Hotch made spaghetti and JJ ate it quickly, avoiding conversation and eye contact with Hotch, spinning the noodles around on her fork. "Garcia and Emily called. They want to have a girls' night out Friday."
"Tell them I'm busy." JJ replied quickly, and with an emotionless voice. She was tired, angry, and didn't feel like talking or seeing her friends/family, not hearing what they have to say.
Hotch tried to make eye contact with JJ, but all he got was her blonde hair. "Why don't you?" He questioned back, raising his eye brow a little bit. "They're worried about you, Jayje. The whole team is. My phone is being blown up by texts. They just want to see how you are doing, JJ."
JJ snapped her head up and retorted to him: "Tell them that I'm doing just fine and that I won't do anything stupid because I have a fuckin' babysitter." She swore, anger caked in her voice, causing her to get up and slam the door to her room- she didn't want to talk about it. She wanted to forget it even happened.
Hotch just sighed and texted Emily, telling them that JJ didn't feel up to it. He checked on her before he fell to sleep, making sure to hear any of JJ's movements.
He woke up in the middle of the night, trying to get the picture out of his head about an unconscious JJ and afraid that she would do it again.
He crept up the stairs and peeked through a crack in her door, seeing her fast asleep. He smiled and then closed the door all the way before falling asleep again.
As part of JJ's required therapy, she had to go to a group therapy session every two weeks; twice a month. There were adults her age, and all had similar problems of their own. JJ didn't know any of them because this was the first time she has ever been in a group setting like this. She couldn't believe it has been 2 weeks since she was in the hospital. They drugged her up on a bunch of medication, which seemed to be working quite well for now, but JJ didn't know how long it was going to last.
It was towards the beginning of group and they all had to go around in a circle, telling them why they are in this group. JJ was shocked at some of the stories she heard. About a person being brutally attacked and raped by her husband; to her son dying in her arms of cancer, to just general problems like divorce and stuff. It was her turn, and when she shared her story, people started coming up to her and giving her hugs, saying that they didn't quite understand, but that things will look up sooner or later. It did for every single one of them.
They went on to talk about the problems they faced and life after they attempted suicide; JJ felt relieved to know that there were other people like her who were suffering also. It made her feel better about herself, that she wasn't alone in the world. Her phone vibrated and she checked it, seeing it was from Garcia, glad to have their girls' night soon. After a week of non-stop mourning, she finally had the guts to go see her friends who welcomed her with opened arms, and tried their best to act normal (although she probably knew Hotch had something to do with that).
Hotch was still staying at her house, though, still not trusting her fully enough and it hurt the most. While she could understand it, she hated that nobody on the team trusted her with anything sharp anymore.
She forgot about all those stuff and tried to focus on the support group in front of her. They all nodded and tried to cheer her up after she shared her story. No one looked at her any different, and said that they would do the same thing if they were in her position.
They never judged her, for what she's done, and they helped JJ recover, and she soon started visiting the group every week.
It was good to know that she wasn't alone.
JJ smiled as she saw Jack running up to her and greeting her with a big hug, and a kiss to her cheek. "JJ! Daddy and I have been picking roly-polies. You want to see?" He cheered, jumping up and down and JJ had to smile at the adorable boy who was looking up at her with hopeful eyes.
"Yeah, buddy. I would love to." She let Jack lead her to a little piece of dirt a little bit away from the playground. It was a bright, sunny day outside where the sun was shining and she had to squint her eyes because the sun was annoying her eyes.
"See, JJ. Look." Jack showed her a small, grey bug on his finger and had to try to not flinch from bugs. She hated them. Will loved them and would always tease her about them when Henry found a new bug to bring in. And seeing Jack's face, it bought back bittersweet memories.
Henry would have been about Jack's age and she wondered what he would grow up to be like? Would he have Will's or her personality? Who would he act more like? Would he get his mom's sassiness? And she wished that her husband could be with her right now, both of them looking down at Jack and Henry playing together, happily, as if they were never murdered.
Hotch came behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her to his chest, leaning his head down and giving her a kiss on the top of her head. "What are you guys doing?"
Jack answered for her. "Discovering bugs." He stated and Hotch couldn't help but give a small chuckle. He knew JJ's irrational (sorry- rational) fear of bugs and knew that it was taking a great effort for JJ to keep the smile on her face, and Hotch had to give her kudos. She was defiantly acting like she was calm and collected, and tried to smile and think the bug was cool for his son's sake.
After playing in the park, and some teasing on Hotch's part, they made their way for some ice-cream. It's been a year since the whole incident and JJ decided to live at Hotch's house now, since they were in a steady relationship. It happened one day, after JJ was feeling excited and wanted to go do something. Hotch took her out to dinner, happy to treat her, and they kissed; they've been walking on eggshells and once Hotch decided that he could trust JJ again, he packed up his bags and left.
But JJ showed up at her house the next day, saying something about how she couldn't sleep and that it felt uncomfortable. Hotch let her in and she gradually kept her stuff over at his house and would stay there on a regular basis.
She had her old job back, looking at all the cases in a new light, and helping tremendously on the victim's family since she could understand what they were going through. She didn't have many suicidal thoughts anymore or self-harming thoughts anymore. And while she knew those thin, white, crisscrossed lines would always be there, she decided that she was fine with them and she didn't need to hide them or be ashamed of them.
Not anymore.
Hotch told her that they made her more beautiful and strong because she went through something horrible, and she made it out alive, and she stayed alive. And that was something Hotch credited her for. Because he knew that not that many people would want to stay alive, that they would keep trying suicide.
JJ met up with the rest of the team at a local ice-cream parlor and while JJ was getting more napkins, she looked sideways at her make-shift family .Yeah her son and husband died. And yeah she would always miss them. But she realized that she didn't have to stop living, and that they wouldn't want her to. They would want her to be happy, and she could imagine Will and Henry cheering her on and smiling that she found some happiness in her life.
She went back to the table with a smile on her face and made light-hearted conversation.
Yeah it was good for now.
And no one noticed how Will and Henry stood in the corner of the ice-cream shop, smiling and heading back towards the light. "Our job here is done, buddy. Let's go see something amazing." Will spoke and Henry nodded, but not before mumbling an "I love you, mommy."
And Hotch swore he saw JJ look around and smile.
So... I hope you guys liked it! I know it was a little dark, but I tried to make it happier towards the end! :)
As always! I love reviews, even bad ones! I think they help me become a better writer!
Thanks, again, readers & I hoped you liked it! And I hope I got the feelings right regarding someone who lost a family member or tried to think of suicide... so I hope I didn't offend any of you.
And also, I just want to let you know... if you, or you know someone, who is thinking about suicide or harming themselves, don't be afraid to get help, or talk to someone... it helps; trust me, I know. I'm always here if you need to talk; my inbox is always open!
Okay. Peace!
Lauren.