Inside The Minds Of Saki Hanajima
Voices…
They are everywhere. I try to hide myself from the crowd. The voices are maddening. Sickeningly so. I cannot take it. I collapse on the ground and the darkness seemed to surround me. That was the first time I ever tried to go out. I was 6 years old then, unaware of the gift that was given to me by birth.
I awoke later in a hospital. Overheard some conversations. About a gift. That I could hear people's thoughts and feelings through electric waves. How was I able to do it? There were so many questions I do not have the answers to. But I could hear so many voices. So many voices clumped together that you can't seem to focus on anything. I just want to hide. Shut out whatever voices there are around me. I blocked off my ears and rocked myself, willing for them to go away. But they won't.
I could hear them in my head.
I start screaming and because I was making too much noise, they injected me with some fluids so that I could calm down. I did. But in a way, the voices still ring in my head, yet I was calm. Was that a good thing? To hear voices and still be calm? Was that even normal? I was like a blank piece of paper; a void just then, looking at the four walls, thinking how pink they are and how bright those fluorescent lights are and the voices that rang in my head.
"Witch! Witch! Witch!" The children seemed to call me when I got back to school. Some of them were afraid of me… some of them just enjoyed it while they were doing it… some of them just did not care… and some of them did it out of peer pressure. I know this… I cover my ears and cry.
"Eh," a boy called, I looked up and saw a smirk spread across his face. He bent down as he was taller than me. "I heard that witches eat frog eyes and bat's tail, I found a lizard… and I bet that's what witches eat too," He looked around to gain morale support. No…
I could see his figure bending down and grabbing my chin forcefully. No…I closed my eyes. "EAT IT!" I hear a lot of laughter around me. I forced my mouth closed. And then, I saw a hand swinging and hitting onto my face hard. No… "EAT IT, YOU WITCH!" The boy called and laughed. I cried even more. No… no… I won't eat it…Suddenly, everyone seemed to join in the fun. One of them grabbed my arm, another grabbed my other arm. Two got my feet and nailed me to the ground. I shook my head violently, but it was no use, the boy was stronger than my head as he gripped hard on my hair and forced the lizard down my throat.
And everyone just laugh.
I closed my eyes. It's not real, I tell myself. I lied on the ground with the tears falling from my eyes. I could still feel the lizard's tail, wriggling somewhere deep inside my gut. I felt like puking, but I couldn't.
And the rest just laughed.
I tried to control my anger. I really did, but with every passing second, the calling of names… the lizard in my stomach…I gripped hard on the grass and soil beneath me, I started to scream. I didn't deserve this… no…
I looked hard at the face of the culprit and simply screamed. Pointing accusing fingers at him, "You!" I spoke with unspeakable rage, "You!!! I hope you drop dead and DIE!!" The words, up until now, still echoed at the back of my head. Though it was a childish curse out of sheer ignorance, it made a great impact in my life.
The next thing I remembered, he really did. He collapsed on the floor and everyone stopped laughing. Not laughing anymore… but just staring. The silence could have killed me, for he laid on the floor for what seemed like hours. My heart stopped. I killed someone. I looked around and found horrified faces.
It was written all over their faces.
Fear.
And everyone just ran. Away from me. I fell to the ground and shook the body. It was still warm. He fell into a coma for a year, and even when he woke up, he had to start learning the basics all over again… like walking, talking… I caused all this. Since then, I stayed away from people. They could call me whatever they like because it was all true. I was a witch. I was a murderer. I needed to get away from it all, I wanted everything to end. And then came my brother's birth.
Saved.
He brought a new light to me. When he first called me 'Onee-chan' my heart flushed. I do not deserve him… a murderer do not deserve him…. I cried alone that night he called me his sister. In the middle of the room, alone and in the dark, I began thinking: I was the first one he called. He learnt how to say "Onee-chan," first before learning the rest. I cried even more. I do not deserve him. In the solitude of the night, it was a full moon, I remembered as I hid under my covers to cry.
"Onee-chan?" He spoke. It wasn't real…He called again and tugged on the bedsheets. Looking up at me, I realized then, he was so much like me. The same dark hair… the same dark eyes… the same mysterious feeling you get… "I just look at you and I cry…" I say as tears streaked my face. I hugged him tightly. When we pulled away from each other, he wiped my tears away and smiled so innocently. Like an angel… My angel… I hugged him again.
Everybody could do whatever they want with me…I didn't care… as long as my brother's with me…
Once, I saw a gang cornering my little brother. "Go away," I spoke harshly. They all looked at me and smashed the bottles in their hands, threatening me. "Get away from my brother!" I shrieked and lost control.
The next thing I knew, 2 of them dropped to the floor, 1 of them then, became warded to a mental hospital. My brother looked at me in disbelief. "Onee…-chan?" He said slowly. Wondering like if any of this is for real? Like is he dreaming? My heart ached with guilt and sorrow, for I could not grow to be whom my brother would respect and love.
When I got back home, my parents heard about what happened. However, there were no evidence that I had killed them, thus I never had to go to jail. "Let's move…" My mother said with a tear-streaked face. I had caused them so much pain… so much guilt… "This place… it's not for you, let's move and start a new beginning…" My father said. I gazed up at them. "Are you… mad at me?" I asked.
My mother broke into sobs. Her thoughts and feelings piercing me in every way possible. I could simply hear her and father's thoughts together… there were fragments of it.
My daughter is dangerous…
How did it end up like this…?
Please let her find peace…
I looked at the ground. "How could I be mad at you… at my own daughter?" My mother spoke. Don't lie… you find me dangerous… you're afraid of me… I wanted to say but don't. She shook her head, "I'm worried for you, Saki-chan… I… only wished I had been a better parent…" She said and hugged me. I cried in her embrace, sensing my brother's presence, hiding in the corner watching all of this.
"Let's move, Saki… and start a new beginning…"
Guess I decided not to make it a one-shot fic... I do agree this is not one of my best works... . I'm really sorry... but i really hope you enjoyed the fic...!