Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
Authors notes : This story is set at the end of Deathly Hallows but before the epilogue.
Hermione and Ron never got any further than that one kiss ( that Harry broke up during the battle) retreating back into the safety of friendship. Ginny and Harry still love each other but Ginny is resisting Harry as she hasn't forgiven him for breaking up with her yet. Consequently Ginny and Colin are now seeing each other. Lastly McGonagall is the Head teacher but heavily influenced by Dumbledore's portrait that hangs in the heads office. WARNING: Rated M for Hermione's Dark moods and a few seriously steamy scenes in later chapters.
A Lake Full Of Tears.
Chapter 1.
Another job interview turned disaster, Hermione raced back up to her bedroom. Pounding down the hallway towards her door she could think of only one thing. Release. Throwing herself onto the bed she reached into the top draw of her nightstand, rummaging around until she found what she was looking for. Running the razor blade along the soft ivory white skin of her wrist. Hermione watched the crimson blood form a thin red line on her wrist before it welled over the shallow cut and ran down her arm until it dripped onto the crisp linen sheets of her bed. Feeling her anxieties evaporate again with every drop spilt the young woman sighed with relief, then lay back against the pillows and enjoyed the feeling for awhile.
All too soon she could feel the old fears bubble to the front of her mind again. She just wasn't good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not brave enough. She was completely useless and didn't know why she even bothered to keep healing herself, she should just get it over and done with. Even Ron didn't want her, the one and only person who she felt could see past it all; the one who she thought could see just how vulnerable she really is, couldn't stand the thought of being more than friends with her. One more cut, just one more then she would be alright again. She reached for the blade that had fallen to the floor, leaving a smear of her own blood on the periwinkle blue carpet. Her blood soaked fingers couldn't hold the blade steady enough for the second cut she so desperately needed, allowing it to slide back to the floor just as her mother called from downstairs.
"Hermione dear, is that you?" She could hear her mother coming up the stairs and rushed to heal herself. She had gotten good at it over the years. Healing it magically meant that there would be no scar, no awkward questions from her friends or yet more reasons for people to stare at the freak that was Hermione Granger. The last couple of summers had been easier, now she could perform magic outside of school. She used to bruise herself intentionally, her parents simply thinking she was a clumsy child. Maybe she should go back to doing that; it was getting a little dangerous, one day her mum would catch her then she would be so disappointed. The thought of seeing the disappointment shine out of her mothers beautiful amber eyes caused the young witch to let out an almost inaudible sob as she stuffed the bloody blade back into her draw. Hermione hid her secret , slamming her nightstand drawer shut just as her mother walked into her childhood bedroom.
"Hi honey, I thought I heard you come in." In reality it was hard not to hear her daughters angry footsteps pounding up the stairs of their small semi-detached home.
"Can you come down to the kitchen please, there's some post for you." When her daughter made no sighs of movement she added,
"Quite a lot of post actually……the errr, the owls won't let me remove it you see." Emily Granger gave her daughter a rather sheepish smile, it all seemed so new to her. Oh she knew it wasn't really 'new' to her, when Hermione had removed the memory charm from them it all came flooding back but somehow it all felt different. She couldn't put her finger on it; but it all felt more like memories of a film she had watched rather than a life she had lived.
Hermione, still kneeling on the floor, turned her body and flashed her mum a smile.
"OK mum, I'll be down in a minute, I just want to find this book. I can't remember were I put it."
"That's OK love, dad and I will be down in the kitchen when you're ready."
When Hermione was left alone again she slowly lifted her knee. She had carefully kept it in place while she was talking to her mum. Now she slowly revealed the dark red mark on her carpet. Muttering a spell on her carpet and then her knee she watched the marks disappear and sighed in relief. That was a little too close for comfort.
Turning in front of her full length mirror, she made sure she hadn't got anything still left on her; before grabbing some none-described paperback novel off her bookcase and walking downstairs to her parents.
A/N please review my story and I will try to answer any questions I can. Next chapter should be up in about a week.
Xoxoxoxo tears85