Notes:
- The Snow Lotus of Mount Tai is mentioned at other places as the Elixir of Life.
- Zhuge Liang lives at Wolong Gang.
My first published fic in a long time. Short, but entertaining (I hope.) Enjoy!
The Snow Lotus of Mount Tai
Disclaimer - I do not own Dynasty Warriors.
I recall my trip to Mount Tai (It was almost thirty years ago); I was ridden with guilt after I caused Kongming's respiratory syndrome a couple weeks into deep winter, at the winter equinox. The earth shivered unable to warm the innocent dust that clouded the air around us. He and I were trapped in one chamber of Wolong Gang; the good news, there was a heated bed; the bad news, there was a heated bed. At the time I was barely fifteen and I was inclined to distrust every motion or word he did or said.
He long knew this, and though he acted it didn't bother him, I knew it was a wound in his heart. He tried to win me over during the first three months of marriage with extravagant gifts, but I was very much adamant of my views of min, and refused to even believe he was a good man. One bitter evening, he scolded and gave up in me. I regretted my past actions and wanted deeply to apologize, but I didn't know if I could tell him, because shame and fear pulled on my limbs.
I wished I told him he was a good man.
I wasn't too sure what stirred me to be biased against him until I hit puberty. I suddenly realized at that time, he was eighteen years old, but like a true gentleman, he refused to touch me. I was constantly too embarrassed to ask him why. This wasn't the first time; I was so distrustful and so shy, I didn't talk to him often.
He would always start a conversation when we were alone, or when the silence was unbearable; as a result, I learned very much about him and his persona, but as a result of my silence, he hardly knew who I was. I remember one day, my father came to visit us. I was outside cooking, while the two men endlessly talked about me. It came to my attention that my father was doing all the talking, and though Kongming was clearly embarrassed, he didn't hesitate to join in the conversation, and he laughed right before he noted how it was Heaven's will that we were matched. His voice was so enchanting (And contagious, I might say) that I actually giggled while I was stirring the soup, which in return scalded my hand.
As for what stirred that, I don't know. Was it because it was the first time I had observed him in his natural state? His friends Cui Zhouping, Meng Gongwei, Shi Guangyuan as well as their wives Zhouqing, Gongmei and Huangyuan were much the flamboyant type. The seven of them loved to do nothing together. Fishing, visiting temples, retreats, or even graveyards stirred excitement and a feeling of togetherness for them. He frequently invited me to join them, but since he scolded me, I felt inferior to him, and wouldn't let myself enjoy the same luxuries that he did.
The day on the equinox was a day that changed my life. When night fell, I saw him strip by a corner of the room by the heated bed. I sent an inquiry on this, and he replied that even the heated bed may not provide enough warmth to sleep comfortably during the night, but combined with body heat, we could wake up fine the next day. I scolded him that day like he did to me (I couldn't tell if it was revenge or anger that triggered me). A woman's chastity is as important to her as loyalty and righteousness are to men. I was already married to min, but it was only in name. I adamantly refused to give myself to him.
So, I forced him out. (I later came to a conclusion that he recognized my discomfort, dressed and offered it to me alone). I woke up with a painful cold that morning, only wishing that Zhuge Liang could cheer me up, or do something to make the pain go away. I was never afraid of physical pain, but once it affected my psychological side, I would become a berserker.
He was sleeping on the floor, on his face (I later recalled he did this only when he was unwell) as if hiding his condition from me. I nudged him with my foot, and when he did not respond, I took his shoulder (It felt colder than frozen water) and turned him over, only to realize he had difficulty breathing. For the first time since I have been married, a sense of fear overtook me. He always protected me …
"Snow … " was the only word that came out of his mouth.
Ignoring this comment, I dashed across the room to the store-room (luckily the ice had calmed down and I was able to move 'freely') to look for some medicine that could help him. No physician would come at the risk of death in this weather, even for hundreds of thousand of taels of silver.
I became frantic when I couldn't find an appropriate medicine for my husband. I couldn't let him down, but what else could I do? There I was, on my knees, crying on the store-room floor, while my husband rested on the floor, dying because of me. Was there really nothing I could do? Zhuge Liang tapped my shoulder and held my cheek, telling me to stand up, in a slow, calm voice. Just a second ago, he was on the floor gasping for very life, and now, how could he be standing and embracing the bitter winds? I still failed to control my tears and cried onto his robes.
I recall saying, "I've wronged you."
"Don't take it to heart."
I later built up the courage to ask him how he recovered so quickly and if he actually had designs on me when we were trapped in the room with the heated bed. He snorted at first, but upon realizing I was serious, he decided to provide me with answers. To the second question, he said,
"A real man will not force a woman to indulge or whatever what-not unless both parties are willing. Had I those designs, would I not have come to you first? My heart goes out to you. After all these years, I expected you to trust me."
I frowned at this comment, ashamed I provoked him to say such words. He had a point; after all these years, he hasn't touched me, including our wedding night, where he was indeed respectful. I managed to press the longevity question to him again. Some days later he told me about the Snow Lotus that grew on Mount Tai and how it can create the Elixir of Life. His father gave it to him when he was twelve as a 'wedding present' (I later figured out his father was on his deathbed and didn't want to 'waste' the Elixir of Life on himself. Zhuge Liang didn't marry until he was seventeen and regarded the Elixir as his father's until).
I couldn't believe I forced him to an extent where he had to take the Snow Lotus. The next day before he woke, I prepared to set off to Mount Tai and find the Snow Lotus, the Elixir of Life. I was convinced something so rare could be almost impossible to find, but I was indebted to him and didn't want to 'reap without sowing', so I was confident that I wouldn't return until I found it. In less than a week, I reached an inn where I heard a group of eight or nine men from Liu Bei's army faction, discussing methods of obtaining the Snow Lotus, necessary to help one of Liu Bei's relatives get well. One of them also mentioned how all the explorers who looked for it (All except for Zhuge Liang's father, Zhuge Gui) died of mysterious diseases from Mount Tai.
Despite this, I was still confident of obtaining it and reached Mount Tai in another week. I searched the raw ground for one full month, and found nothing. (Many of Liu Bei's party had died at that time, as I have learned) I later became one of Liu Bei's acquaintances and realized we were actually relatives marriage (It was Liu Biao's second wife's sister who was my mother) and we joined hands in search for the Snow Lotus. We exchanged purposes and though his story was more tragic, he agreed to give the Snow Lotus to me once he found it. I denied this, but he insisted, and called it 'All your missed birthday presents put in one'. I never expected to find a man like this under Heaven, but I was convinced that men like Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei were one in a million in the country.
One month later, as I was resting on the cold dirt, as I gazed up at the stars, I suddenly felt a stabbing pain in my chest. Instead of getting up, I was afraid of aggravating whatever was responsible for this, and just continued looking up. For a second, I was positive I saw Zhuge Liang fishing in a frozen pond near Wolong Gang. His face was blank, and his fishing bait became trapped in ice. When I tried to look on, the image suddenly faded from my mind, and as if it was Heaven's will, Liu Bei came back and gave me the Snow Lotus. I thanked him profoundly and went home.
Because of the war between whatever, I was delayed another two weeks, making my trip to Mount Tai strip a quarter of a year from my life in search of the Snow Lotus (It was spring when I returned to our hometown). I wronged him again, and I hoped that he would at least accept the Snow Lotus to atone for my misdoings.
When I got back to Wolong Gang, nothing was changed; everything was exactly where it was since I left for Mount Tai. I sneaked inside and noticed Kongming washing the latrines, where he said, "I know you hate cleaning places like this. Let me do it. Just stay here and stay happy … if you want to make a fool of me, scold me or beat me, let it be. I won't mind … just stay here."
He was so pitiful, my heart went out o him. When I revealed myself, all he did was weep; (I thought he only did this because he knew I hated the smell of cleanser combined with the foul odors of the latrines) he didn't even greet me. When I asked him why and playfully scolded him, he only said that I was too good for Wolong Gang, and insisted that I should go back to my father.
I took the Snow Lotus out of a custom-made bag Liu Bei gave me earlier, but it already faded in color and withered. He realized why I left and said to me, "it has to be ground as early as it fades." For a while, I watched him use a mortar and pestle on the Snow Lotus, but he remained silent. Once he was done, he gave the powder to me, instructed me how to make it the Elixir of Life, and once again insisted that I should return to my family.
I slapped him for thinking this way. If he felt inferior to me, how could I ever be happy? I mentioned all the things he did for me and failed to mention one I did for him (Other than the Snow Lotus, I haven't been good to him at all). Eventually we laughed at our one sided views, and he took my bags to unpack inside.
"You were right before," I noted.
"About what?"
"That day when you and father talked. We really are meant for each other."
He sighed. "I've been in love with you forever, and been trying to win your heart for eternity. I know it is difficult for you to fall for me, and it may never change."
"What do you mean never? That day has already come. You've been too good to me, and I should have acknowledged you sooner."
"Maybe this is Heaven's will."
"Maybe it's just a test. After three years, I've finally fallen in love with my husband. What are the chances of that? Heaven was only testing us, and we've succeeded."
"What makes you so sure?"
"I'm not. But I know that my love for you is true. Don't you trust me?"
After hesitating for a few minutes, he laughed, "You really are something."
"Not just something. Your wife."
Though Kongming is no longer with me today, when I recall these events, I can feel his presence. I guess you can say that the Snow Lotus of Mount Tai is more than just the Elixir of Life.