Erik Chelkar was chillaxin on the bridge of his kickass frigate da scion of remedia. He look outside da portahole of his bridge an see da planet cadia. He did not think dis was a good idea cummin 2 da planet 2 assist da emprors chosen but he felt it was da right thing 2 do! Chelkar look to his helmsman 2 get a sitrep.
"Papi get me a sitrep" said chelkar
"its a me, papi!" said papi "We willa be tere in like a 3 weeks!"
"God damn it bapi" said cheklar, "We canot aford 2 take 3 weks 2 get 2 cadia dey wil be ded by den!" He grumbled in resposne.
"Well god a damn it!" said papi "I guess i can fix it into a MAXIMUM SHIFT IT FORWARD!~~~'
"tHAT is good papi" said chelkar "u do that so we get there like right NAH"
And papi did, the ship jump otu of warp 2 see a GIANT CLHHULUSTER FUCK OF GIANT BULGING SPACE SHIPS, there numbers were innumerable dey were so many dat chekl knew dat dey might meat dey end on dis dumbass special snowflake poster boy bull shit planet.
"Fack" said chelkar.
TO BE COOTN
just kidding we goin on w/ dis shit boi so get ya grox pockets redy we gona be in dis bitch 4 da long haul!
CHAPTER 1: DA RECKONING
Chelkar go to da bridge w/ his memers and take one last minute 2 look at papi
"Papi, if da ship goes to shit u know ima be holdin u responsible!" said chekl as he point his barrel at papi for a morale check boost
"its a me a papai i know that i am a gona be in charge of dis a shit for a while so i kno ima keep it gucci gucci!" said papi.
"good" said chelkar as he headed for his VENDETTA GUNSHIP (cus he got cucked out of da vlkyries all da tiem ;(!")
Cheklar got onto da valkyir and flew off w/ the rest of his AQUILA TRANSPORTS (because he cunt afoord valkries agan) and the made landfall 4 da planet of CADIA!
Chelkar 2ook a minute 2 sit back and remember da events that got him here. He remembered da dank boi from the imperium cummin on him and sayin "Hey boi, u want valkyires fight 4 me go to cadia" the dude said as he was given a imperial order 2 go 2 cadia (like 1 quadrillion other reigments)
"oh wow." thot cheklar "1 quadrillion valkyires? how can i pass dis 1 up?! he scraem 2 jimself b4 accptig da contract."
now afterseein the MASSSIVE CHAKJU;LUSTER FUCKof dudes on the orbit side of cadia he realise that it was gona be lost harder than when he kill da genestealers on chlamidya.
"At least i kno i can trust my men" he sai 2 himself but then he realise that it was not all tat it seem!
soem of his men had very VERY dark skin color. and ridged foreheads, and dey lok liek dey was spoilin (u kno it) for a fite!
Thats when chekl realise his command squad had been infiltrated by god damn motherfucking piece of shit xeno garbage day homo not novous MEME STEALERS.
"I am going to skull fuck every last one of you fucking degenerate pieces of shit i bet you voted for god damn talos venturian in this election cycle didnt u you fucking liberal faggot bitch cuck race tratoring bois?!" scream chekl in a fit of rage (He get rely mad when 2 not vote 4 him)
an so chekl got out his power sword and chop up every last MOTHERFUCKER in the god damn gunship but he also kill da pitloy which make chekl go "oh no" as da ship crash cus he rolled a natural 100 on his AG test and almost DIED (but not w/o a fate point bein burned lmao ;))
an so da vendetta crash land onto da surface of cadia and chekl get out and scream "Wtf" as he realise the ABSOLUTE LUNACY OF DA CARNGE TAKIN PLACE
he saw da good men dying lookin at the women crying lookin at the young men dyin, the way dey always don before. but then a hand grab him and make him disappear behind a twige of rotted branch!
"GET DOWN MY BOI" yelled the dude
chekl GHASP was dis?!
it was!
it was the dankest memer himself in the whole universe! usurper a creek!
"Oh my" said cheklar wantin 2 legit suck on this dude nkob (not really tho cus that gay) but before he could admire the DANKEST MEMER IN THE UNIVERSFURTHER THE DUDE WAS LIKE "YO BITCHBOI GET DOWN AND PROVIDE SUPPRESSING FIRE"
and so chekl did, he shot the chaos dudes up and tore them limb from fuckin limb and ichor stopped listenin to the fckin chat 2 give feedback on dis shit so now it gonna keeep bein garbage cus he dont wanna provide CRITIVD ! !
chekl stand alone and gaez upon teh battlefiel. WAST LAN was all dat waz left after da fite, but it wasnt enuf cuz he was SERCHIN a new way 2 kil his enemee, abadon! Das wen his new dank memer ally USURPER E CREEK show up behin him!
"Wow chelrak" sai creek, "u and ur REMEDIA BOIZ" r rly gud at meme in on dose hardscopin chao fagz!"
Chekl glance bak at creek an GAZE upon teh BATLEFIEL one last time before mutterin "Yea boi, but those fags are still out ter, watin 2 get memed on"
"If dat the case what u gon do now huh boi?" ask creek.
chekl turn aroun to face creek, "da same thing we always do creek" sai chelk as he put on da dank shades while dis song play! watch?v=C-u5WLJ9Yk4&t=17s
"We gona be crackin open dat code red (or coronas if u r mexican!), stockin up on da grox pockets, chargin up teh ivoxes, and headin out 2 kwikscope dose fagz!"
As da mitt romney spears chorus play, chekl hop onto da valkryie piloted by papi and strom, he turn around to look out da ramp to face creek as da ship take off, he wave 2 creek like "See u later gaybois! as mitt romney's prebubescent son's chorus hit a ear splitting crescendo.
AN: ITS YA BOI SANGHEILITAT1337 BRINGIN' IT BACK WITH THE BEST 'FICS IN THE GAME
i recntly got the gameworks' new fall of cadia book and wow oh man is it epic
i wante chekle and friends to be a part of it too and so i wrote this fic! hope u rike it!
I GOT A NEW YT CHANNEL WHERE YOU CAN FOLLOW ME SOON, SO ILL LET YOU NIGGAS KNOW WEN IT CUMS