A/N: Wrote this for a school asssignment, don't think I followed the theme correctly but wth, I'm happy with it.

Credit to sauce-sama for beta-reading.

Credit to CLAMP for characters

AU, SuzaLulu friendship.

Screaming, shouting, why is it always the same? The same voices, the same scenarios, the same, dreadful feeling as I wake up, covered in cold sweat with wide open eyes staring at the stained ceiling.

Loneliness

I can barely take it anymore, I don't know why, maybe it's the memories, the painful ones, the happy ones, all of them. I can't see any other reason for these nightmares. I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here, now.

Running... I don't know for how long. It never ends, the road just gets wider and wider and I just run faster and faster. I can't explain this, this feeling of freedom, this feeling that it's all over now. I close my eyes and continue running.

I open my eyes and what do I see, what do I see?

The stained ceiling.

The time's 07.23. I get up and go to school.

Biking. Riding my bike. Left, right, left, right. I kind of wish it would never end, riding this bike forever and ever. Wouldn't that be calming? But it always ends, always dissapears when I need it the most, I can already see the school, just five minutes left, before a long day begins, for real. Waking up isn't the real thing. This is the most important time of the day, when I decide if I continue to school, or if I turn around and go to the arcade. Or the library. Or anywhere as long as it's not by a desk, trying to work with something completely irrelevant while people die.

At the school gate, everyone's greeting, laughing, looking forward to the day. How can anyone look forward to this? This... This boring everyday life and all these boring things to do in class.

Always the same.

I hit the brakes, and turn the bike around, I'm getting out of here. I can't take another day, studying while such horrible things are done, by my own father.

"Lelouch!"

I can hear someone shouting my name, Shirley. Her wretched, whiny voice, shouting my French name for all to hear. My wretched French name wasn't worth more than that, I guess. Another thing to hate father for.

"Lelouch! Where are you going?!"

Lelouch. Who in the name of God gives their child that name? Lelouch Lamperouge, "Theladle Redlamp".

How charming.

"Schh! Don't shout, Shirley. I'm getting out of here."

I shouldn't dislike her just because she's annoying at times. She's just trying to be nice, even thought it's disturbing how she can read my feeling so well. It's not her fault.

If she'd just stop shouting the name that bastard gave me. Mother is dead because of him and Nunnally lost her sight and legs. He let mom die, and still he has the power to decide everything about my life, even my name?

"But Lulu! You're in the Student Council, you can't just skip class?"

Oh, God how I hate that nickname. A nickname of a name I hate from a person I hate. Student council or not, I'm not going to waste another day, screw Shirley, I just want to talk to him. Talk to Suzaku, and everybody knows he won't be attending class, he never does. Always at his "work".

Always

I can't bring myself to answer her. I'll just bike away, away from here, away from Shirley's whining and school duties. Suzaku, Kallen and all the others are probably waiting, or maybe they gave up for today. Perhaps Suzaku is still working for the goverment?

Maybe he's still trying to cover up the tracks from our last raid? Hopefully he have, then i might suprise them today.

For every inch further I pedal, the easier it feels.

For every inch, Shirley's prostests and objections become less important.

Inch after inch, I'm getting closer to my real friends, the ones who really know me and what I want.

I don't think I've ever gone this fast before, it feels like I'm flying.

Dejá vu, this feeling. In seconds I'll wake up again, staring at the ceiling and wanting to kill him more than earlier.

That's how it usually goes.

Just around the corner, then I'm at the headquarters.

Home.

And everyone will greet me with a smile, with a laugh and some information about a possible next misson. And they'll look at me with trust, let me do the decisions, decisions that can be the difference between life or death.

I guess this is something impossible to understand, I mean, I'm only 17. How can people twice my age let me decide about their lives?

To begin with, they didn't even know my age.

To begin with, they didn't even know my face.

To begin with, I was just jealous, making all the wrong decisions.

When Euphie wasn't dead because of me.

To begin with, I was the masked terrorist Zero, and my only true friend Suzaku was working to kill me and I was working to kill his boss.

To kill my father.

I'm still doing that.

I couldn't bear to fight this battle without Suzaku, without him I'm nothing. He's my only hope, my only salvation.

I step in something and slip on something.

Ouch that hurt and why in the name of Brittania is there blood all over the floor?

Why in the name of everything I cherish are my two best friends having a fight with knifes?

Why in the name of I-don't-know-what is Suzaku muttering something about us killing innocents and looking like he's been brainwashed?

Why is Suzaku saying I killed his one true love?

Why is Suzaku ignoring Kallen all of a sudden, coming closer to kill me?

Why is he crying?

Why is Kallen smashing a baseball bat into his head?

Why did he find out?

Why is he laying there, like he's dead or something?

Why am I crying?

Why isn't he moving?

Why?!