Long time, no publishing! I'm home for winter break now, and was going through a lot of my half-finished ideas/stories, and decided to publish a few things to get back on track. This was for a really old challenge, I've forgotten the name and everything, but basically I had seven prompts and they're all random moments in RemusSirius' relationship. Let me know what you think! (:
when the world gets in your way
;;;
and I wonder where these dreams go
when the world gets in your way
what's the point in all this screaming?
no one's listening anyway
-Acoustic #3, Goo Goo Dolls
history repeats itself
They're both shamefully drunk at James' and Lily's engagement party, and if Remus was in any right state of mind, he'd be mortified. But he's not, and instead he drunkenly grins at Sirius, who holds up his half-empty bottle of firewhiskey in acknowledgment.
"You're a good man, Moony," he slurs, sloshing his firewhiskey against Remus'. "And a damn good mate. I think I could tell you just about anything, huh?"
Remus nods eagerly, throwing his arm around Sirius. "Tell me your mind," he demands.
Sirius glances in the direction of the rest of the guests and then turns back to Remus, his voice dropping to a hushed whisper. "I don't want Prongs to fucking marry Evans."
Remus blinks. "What? You love Lily. We all do."
Sirius nods miserably. "But I love Prongs more," he says pathetically. "And he's not going to have time for me anymore."
Remus hides a smirk. "You're drunk, Pads. Prongs loves you too. He'll always have time for you."
"It happened with Andromeda," Sirius says, downing the rest of his firewhiskey. "My favorite cousin. Got married and never wanted to see me anymore."
"You know that's not what's going to happen here," Remus says softly, feeling a rush of pity for Sirius Black's empty childhood.
"Everyone leaves me," Sirius says mournfully. "Even you."
"When did I ever leave you?" Remus asks, almost angrily. He takes a swig of his firewhiskey.
"You will," Sirius says, and Remus is struck at this vulnerable side that's rarely seen. "History will repeat, and I'll fuck up, and you'll be gone."
"Never," Remus promises, and then they're kissing, and Sirius would do anything to stay in this moment forever.
the blind leading the blind
They're only seventeen and have no idea what they're doing. There's no precedent for this, it's war and they're on the front line, and they're still oh so young and naïve.
They graduate Hogwarts and James and Lily marry, and Peter goes back to his parents' flat, and Remus and Sirius shack up because where else are they going to go, and it's the blind leading the blind out there, and they're lost in a dizzying sea of chaos.
Remus falls in love with their dingy flat and their wild ambitions and their carefree existence and Sirius. They stay up late, drinking cheap red wine and kissing, and even though the war rages outside, they're safe in here, safe with each other. And it's here they start to believe that maybe a Black can become a great Auror, and maybe a shabby werewolf can become a historian or a professor or someone that matters. And maybe two stupid kids who have no idea what they're doing can stay alive and stay in love.
There's no precedent for this, but they're stupid enough and naïve enough to believe that it doesn't matter, that they can survive this with all their stupid youthful courage and immortality and love.
cold hands, cold feet
"Pssst. Remus."
The voice creeps into Remus' dream, and he moans, fruitlessly trying to cling to the last shreds of unconsciousness.
"Remus!" the voice is insistent, and Remus groggily opens his eyes. Sirius' face is looming over him.
Remus can't stop a girlish squeak of delight and surprise, and Sirius snickers. Remus blushes faintly but grins. "What are you doing home tonight? I thought you weren't supposed to get here until morning."
Sirius shrugs. "Missed you, I guess. So shove over."
Remus obliges, and Sirius throws himself into the bed. Remus gasps. "Your feet are freezing."
"Not as cold as some of my other body parts," Sirius says throatily. "You should warm them up."
"Mmm." Remus leans over and kisses him. Sirius grabs his face and draws it closer to him, deepening the kiss. Remus yelps and jerks away. "Fuck, Sirius, your hands are cold."
Sirius laughs. "Like I said, warm me up."
Remus smirks. "If you say so," he says, descending on Sirius again.
did you see what I did?
Sirius breaks the tense silence by slamming his hand onto the table. "Damn it, Remus, what the fuck were you trying to accomplish?"
Remus flinches. "Nothing. Nothing. Sirius, look, I'm sorry. It was a mistake."
"Yeah, it was a mistake," Sirius hisses, his eyes black and unforgiving. "Did you see what I did today? I disobeyed direct orders, I put the Order's lives in danger, and why? Because of you."
Remus bites his lip, images of a fifteen year old Sirius laughing beside him, elated after transforming into Padfoot for the first time, saying Remus, did you see what I just did? Did you see it? Remus looks down.
James shifts uncomfortably in his chair. "Look, mate, Remus didn't mean to be such an idiot." He tosses Remus a lopsided grin, but Remus can tell it's forced.
Sirius ignores James. "Just answer me. What the fuck were you doing with Greyback, of all people? If you can even call him a person," he says darkly.
Remus stiffens almost imperceptibly, and James and Peter look from him to Sirius, stricken. Recognition of what he's said flashes through Sirius' eyes, but he sets his jaw and looks at Remus unapologetically.
Remus meets Sirius' eyes with visible effort. "I told you," he says with clenched teeth. "I was on Dumbledore's orders. I didn't know the Order was setting a trap for Grayback and his followers. How was I supposed to know that?"
James shakes his head wearily. "You weren't. But you weren't supposed to be anywhere near there. Just like Sirius wasn't supposed to go mental and try to call off the whole attack, enraging Moody, and getting himself on probation." He gives Sirius a stern look. "But it's over with and nobody was hurt. And it's late, and Lily's probably wondering where I am, so Peter and I are going to get going."
Peter nods and stands up, and they both Disapparate, James pausing to ruffle Sirius' hair before he disappears. As soon as they're gone, Sirius slumps over on the table. "I'm on fucking probation," he whispers.
Remus winces. "I'm sorry."
"It's not really your fault, I guess," Sirius admits grudgingly. "If it was on Dumbledore's orders and all. It's just- did you see what I did? Do you see what you do to me?"
the ballroom at midnight
"Looking for me?" Sirius asks, raising his eyebrows in what is supposed to be a seductive manner.
"Of course," Remus says dryly, but he extends his arm out to Sirius. "I guess we should probably…"
"Dance? I'd love to," Sirius says, grinning, and pulls Remus closer to him.
They sway in the dim lighting for a while, holding on to each other, and Remus can almost forget the war outside and the mistrust and lies that have been steadily wearing down their relationship.
"I miss this," Sirius says quietly, and Remus knows he's been thinking the same thing.
"I know," Remus whispers, inhaling the faint musky-dog scent of Sirius. "I love you, you know."
Sirius smiles faintly. "I know."
"And we can survive this rough patch, right?" Remus breathes, almost afraid of the answer.
Sirius doesn't answer at first, and then he lifts his head and gives Remus a dazzling bright smile. "'Course, Moony," he says, almost cockily, and Remus closes his eyes as he tastes Sirius' kiss, and tries not to listen to everything they're not saying.
if you wanted honesty
"Where were you?" Sirius asks, his voice dead, pointedly looking at anywhere but Remus.
Remus shrugs. "Out."
"With who?" Sirius mutters, spinning a knife around on the kitchen counter, over and over and over.
"That's none of your concern," Remus says coldly, feeling a rush of anger towards Sirius and his bloody knife and his bloody questions wash over him.
The knife clatters to the floor, and Remus jumps slightly. Sirius turns to him abruptly and forces a grin. "Best be careful. Dumbledore says there's a traitor in our midst."
"I heard," Remus says, meeting Sirius' gaze.
Sirius snorts and turns away. "I'm sure you have," he says, half under his breath and half loud enough for Remus to hear.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus asks hotly, hating himself for rising to the bait, for letting Sirius get under his skin.
Sirius smirks. "Nothing."
"Try being honest," Remus spits. "For once."
Sirius' eyes flash. "You want honesty? I think it's suspicious as hell that you keep disappearing without an explanation. And if you say that Dumbledore swore you to secrecy one more time, I'm going to fucking lose it."
"Thanks for your honesty," Remus says sarcastically, recklessly ignoring Sirius' rising anger. "I'll return the favor. You're acting a lot like that family of yours these days. You can try to deny it all you want, but I guess blood always triumphs in the end, doesn't it, Black?"
Sirius growls, instinctively wrapping his hand around his wand. "You tell me, werewolf."
Remus sucks in his breath, and he sees a flicker of regret in Sirius' eyes, but the next instant, it's gone, and only a hard mask of anger remains.
"You're the one that wanted honesty," Sirius says softly.
"Yeah," Remus says finally. "S'pose I did." He looks at Sirius again, trying to remember how it felt to be in love with him, but he only feels a dull burn of anger and mistrust. "So honestly, I can't stay here another second with you." He doesn't check Sirius' reaction, but walks out of the flat, slamming the door behind him.
He pauses outside the door, and hears a thud. It sounds exactly like someone has hurled a knife at the closed door.
glass moon
The full moon looks like it's made of glass tonight. Sirius hasn't seen it in twelve years, but he still remembers the rush of emotions he felt every month: anger, resentment, grudging admiration of its celestial beauty. Sirius turns away.
It's stupid, he thinks to himself. He probably found someone else by now. He always did deserve more. But the moon is shining through the curtains and Sirius finds himself morphing into Padfoot and running, running, running.
It's stupid, because he knows he won't be in the flat tonight of all nights. He'd have better luck searching the forests, but instead Sirius finds himself at his old front door, barging in like he still lived here, like it was still twelve years ago.
It's stupid, because he knew he wouldn't be here, but he is. And Moony looks at Padfoot, and Padfoot looks at Moony, and tomorrow there willl be bitter words and resentful accusations and so many questions, but tonight, it's enough just to look, just to take in. And it's enough just to curl up next to Moony under the serene gaze of the full glass moon. And it's enough for tonight to pretend the last twelve years never happened, that they're still young and naive and so in love.