Summary: She will always love someone who will never love her back. It's never ending.
-o-
Amu was a senior in high school. She knew that while senior year had been glamorized as chill-ax and laid back, it was far from peaceful.
You see, senior year came with the pressures of making memories permanent, buying your very last yearbook, buying a class ring, buying cap and gown, applying for college, and making sure you attend lots of clubs so you can get chords for Graduation day.
Of course and an acceptance letter was the catalyst of all the expenses necessary to get situated in college. Senior year almost felt as hard as freshman year.
But what made the school year difficult was trying to let go of all the people you knew ever since middle school or even elementary school and meet new people. Sometimes she had to let go of the fact that the people she liked back then would never like her, no matter how much she tried.
-o-
It was first in Elementary School that Amu had her first crush. He had bright orange hair, sparkly green eyes that seemed to stare forever. You could almost get lost in his eyes.
But what really interested Amu at first, was that he always stared at her. Amu never got much attention, granted that her parents were so much more interested in their 'rising star' Ami to give a damn about her. Because of the neglect, she never got much attention, and she would take any that she got. Even if it was from a guy who just stared at her two tables away in lunch.
But soon, Amu found out he was staring at her ALL THE TIME. In recess, classes and assemblies. His eyes would search for her and then just stare at her, across a crowd.
Amu didn't know anything about him. Except his name was Kuukai. She thought he was also pretty cute. So he became her first crush. Yaya caught onto the object of Amu's attention and declared herself as the 'cupid' for the couple.
Every day in recess, Amu would ask what Kuukai told Yaya (because they went to the same daycare afterschool).
Yaya would make up a generic story every single day.
"So Yaya… did he say anything new?" Amu asked shyly.
"He… he uh… he said you were very pretty," Yaya said, causing Amu to blush, "And he likes you a lot."
"Does he really!" Amu threw her hands to her burning cheeks.
"He does," Yaya nodded, watching a ladybug on a rose, "He thinks about you a lot, I bet."
"Will you talk to him again today afterschool?" Amu asked.
"Of course I will," Yaya uneasily smiled.
"But I don't get it," Amu said, "How come he will talk to you but not me?"
"Because he likes you, silly! That's the only reason why! Boys bully and avoid the girls they like," Yaya laughed.
"Okay, if you say so," Amu uneasily smiled.
This process went throughout fourth and fifth grade until a beautiful day in April when Amu asked her same question, 'What did he say about me?'
Yaya burst. She couldn't lie to Amu's innocent face anymore.
"I made up everything because I couldn't hurt you. He told me once he really likes you but that's about it. I made all of this nonsense up because I couldn't bear with hurting your feelings," Yaya confessed.
"Oh," Amu whispered quietly.
"But he likes you," Yaya repeated.
"Tell him I don't feel the same way," Amu said, tears burning and threatening to spill. She had been lied to this whole time! He never liked her!
Yaya sighed, but nodded. The next day, Kuukai stopped staring at Amu. He had red eyes from crying his eyes out. Yaya had told him Amu's message.
-o-
Amu had decided she was beyond done with guys after her disaster with Kuukai. But before she reached middle school, she declared never to date again. It was too heartbreaking to fall and get hurt each and every time. Her heart wasn't a renewable thing.
But she wasn't ready to face him.
Nagihiko was the dream guy every girl wanted. He was well liked, a talented cello player, in many clubs and got stellar grades.
But the thing that came in their way was… his friends. That and the fact that he was too dumb to realize her feelings about him.
Nagihiko had this ring of friends who made sure that a nobody like Amu couldn't even be able to say one word to Nagihiko. The most annoying of them was Rima.
Rima was a shorty who crushed on Nagihiko as well. And she knew Amu was competition. So she would be nice to other people but treat Amu with words sharper than the thorns of a cactus.
It hurt Amu that he would never be able to recognize her. He only recognized her as his classmate in Orchestra. But other than that, he had no recollection of Amu. He couldn't even remember her name, which was a little sad.
And then Amu figured out they were going to different high schools. She knew she would never see Nagihiko again. And Rima had a chance of winning him like a prize.
It didn't matter. She would not be able to see how conceited Nagihiko is, because of her stupidity. She would just chase after him like a dog and be hurt several times.
Her loss… Amu's gain… right?
-o-
Present day:
Amu sighed as some snobby freshmen tried to act like they owned the Orchestra class. In these moments, she kind of missed Ikuto to be there to pat her on the head with his violin bow.
She remembered when he would annoy her in her freshman year:
Amu had unpacked her violin and was placing her sheet music on the stands when something soft padded on her head. She realized it was a tip of a violin bow and it was Ikuto's expensive $1000 bow.
"I would snap your bow, but I don't want to become bankrupt," Amu glared.
"There, there, good girl," Ikuto smirked.
Amu growled and flashed out her own bow and hit Ikuto square in the abdomen with it.
"TSUKIYOMI! HINAMORI! DO NOT FIGHT WITH YOUR BOWS LIKE THEY ARE SWORDS!" The conductor yelled.
"Great, you got me in trouble," Amu snapped.
"That's what high school's all about," Ikuto shrugged.
Over the year, they had so many petty little arguments that at the end of the year, they got the official award of "Obvious Couple" (You act like an old married couple).
Amu truly liked Ikuto, maybe it was because he was different and not shallow? He looked nice but of course she saw past that. She knew that she liked him for what he was on the inside.
But as fast as she fell for him, she knew he wouldn't know. He wouldn't return it.
Amu remained his friend but it was probably the hardest thing she did, never confessing and constantly being friend-zoned.
It was okay. She would be okay. Nothing she couldn't handle, right?
-o-
Present day:
Amu chose to not eat lunch in the cafeteria… as always. Choosing to eat it at one of her past teacher's classroom, she noticed her classmate Tadase come in the classroom.
"Oh, Amu! What are you doing here? Did you fail and have to re-take the class?" Tadase laughed.
"She was the top student in my class," the teacher argued for Amu, "She spends time with me in her lunch and off period. And you're the one to talk when you have a B in my class."
Tadase shut up really quick and asked the teacher what he was having trouble with, and left quickly.
"Geez… do you have to deal with this all the time?" The teacher rested her chin on one of her palms.
"Him and his air of superiority? It's the norm," Amu shrugged.
That was her problem. She was torn between him and Ikuto. No, it wasn't the 'choose-which-guy-you-want-to-be-with' kind of dilemma.
She was in a dilemma on who she really liked. Sure Ikuto was her best friend and all… but he would never see her that way. But then again, neither would Tadase.
Amu never liked Tadase, but she admired him because of his grades, looks and his easy demeanor with the teachers. How the teachers raved on and on about Tadase 'this and that' just got on her nerves that she wanted to be him. She wanted to steal his spotlight. She wanted the appreciation.
Tadase pretended to be humble about it but he actually never liked the attention. Sure he bragged about it, but he hated it more than anything.
"He's a lucky bitch," Amu rolled her eyes, watching him pass her by in a hallway as she leisurely strolled to one of her classes.
But she wondered, was she to always go around like this, pretending like she doesn't care, like this is no big deal? Will she always just be that foolish girl who loves but is never loved in return?
-o-
Just a couple months ago, Tsumugu and Midori allowed her to have a Facebook account, telling her that they were wrong to restrict her from having social media way before.
So Amu created one, and added all of her friends on there. And then one day, she got a friend request from Tadase.
"Should I accept it or not?" Amu pondered. He and her weren't BFF's but maybe she could extract something out of him if she did accept.
"If I think he's too boring, I can always un-follow," Amu shrugged, and clicked 'accept'.
Besides, when Tadase is the president of two big clubs in the school and has a chance at being the valedictorian of your class, you better pray you are on somewhat good terms with him.
"I wonder what Nagi had been doing during these four years…" Amu murmured as she typed Nagihiko's name in the search bar and seeing his name come up in the results.
He was still in a relationship with that brat, but his loss. Rima would teach him that beauty doesn't come from the outside, it comes from the inside. And she would teach it to him by showing him how ugly even a cute girl can be.
"Wonder if Kuukai tried out for the soccer team like I heard in those rumors in elementary school," Amu whispered as she typed Kuukai's name in the search bar.
He did try out for soccer team. But he was in a relationship with Ikuto's sister. And a little bit of her heart crumbled when she read his relationship status on Facebook.
It looks like I am the only one who is alone.
-o-
No kidding Ikuto would find someone as talented as he was when he went to Julliard. Guaranteed, he would be able to replace her.
She wasn't extremely special. Like always, she was ignored, replaced and rejected.
But still she will always fall. She will always take risks. And she will always be hurt in the end.
-fin-
Sad, short, one-shot fic about my life, complicated as it really is.