I shouldn't feel like this. I'm not sure when it even started. When did trying on clothes at the mall turn into playfully checking each other out and winking at each other when we pass in the corridors? When did we start referring to each other as 'the ball and chain' and using all those cute little nicknames that people always give to the people they're actually seeing? When did it stop being a joke, just two friends mucking around? When did I start wanting us with every fibre of my being?
When did I start turning down potential dates to spend time with my best friend instead? When we already spent almost every waking moment together? When did I stop saying no because I didn't have time for them, and start saying no because I wanted her instead? When along the way did I begin considering actually taking the guys up on their offers just to see what she'd do? When did I start daydreaming about her barging in one one of those said dates to tell me that it was her I was supposed to be with? When did she become the lead in my imagined rom coms, instead of just the quirky, protective best friend?
When did I start wondering what her lips would taste like?
When did I stop wearing all my other perfumes and lip balms in favour of using only the ones I know she likes best on me?
When did those annoying roommate habits become little less infuriating and a little more endearing — though still enough to make me lose my head on a bad day?
Why didn't I realise sooner?
Now what?
When it comes to boys I'm all 'girl power' and 'don't wait for him to make the first move', but I can't seem to will myself into action with Illyana. What if she laughs at me? What if she pities me and pushes me away? What if we can't be friends anymore?
What if she says 'yes'?