I was watching TV last night, and this commercial came on that really just made me go 'wow... that's stupid.' and then I was like 'is it possible for someone to not have a skin ID... and then this kinda came out... yeah...
Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight or Neutrogena... don't sue me!
"I don't know why anyone should believe these commercials." Bella said from her position snuggled to my side. We were watching TMZ, one of those hilarious shows that makes fun of celebrities, when a commercial came on. It was talking about skin care and yadda yadda yadda...
"If you want to take care of your skin, you need soap, water and healthy food." Bella said, more to the tv than to me. I chuckled and pulled her closer to me.
"Silly Bella, it's just a commercial. It's not like they're going to lure an educated person such as yourself into buying their product or using their site." I said. Bella sighed.
"Still, someone like Emmet could easily fall into the trap." Bella announced. I laughed. Emmet was slightly lacking in the brain department. Rosalie would probably do it as well, just out of vanity. It's not like any of us need it. One of the perks of being a vampire: Flawless complexion.
"He probably would." I agreed. Bella looked at her watch, and then sighed.
"Charlie expects me home soon, and my truck's being mean lately, so I have to go." She said sadly.
"You know, I could take a look if you want."
"Knowing you, you'd purposely make sure that it would never work again so that you could buy me a new car." She joked. She knew me too well. I kissed her and then pulled away.
"I'll see you later tonight." I stated. She nodded and left. The commercial was on again. I was curious. What would my skin ID? I went to my computer and logged on. It took next to no time to turn on, which was great for a vampire with no patience. I opened internet explorer and typed in the search bar.
www dot skin id dot com
Instantly, it brought me to some white and brightly colored neutrogena site with some boxes I had to fill out.
First name
Edward
Gender
Male.. this was fairly straightforward.
Age
... what do I put? Physical age or mental age? I decided on 17, because I look it. button.
What is your skin type?
There isn't no 'murderer' option, is there? I guess... normal.
Does your skin have any rough areas?
Hard, yes. Rough, no.
What is your skin tone?
I guess porcelain would be the closest to my skin tone...
How often is your face sensitive?
Never... HAHA! TAKE THAT, HUMANS!
What different types of acne do you have?
Well, I have to pick one or else I can't continue... Just pick one randomly.. eenie menie miney, white bumps.
Where do you get your acne?
Just pick a random area... uh... shoulders...
How many pimples do you currently have?
NONE! HAHA SUCKERS!
How often do you break out?
Never. Gotta love immortality and damnation
Do you touch or pick your face?
Bella touches my face, I don't
Which types of products have you used?
None, products are for weak silly humans
Which products have you used in the past?
Again, haven't used any products. My skin is naturally perfect.
How do you feel about skincare routines?
I am not careful about sticking to a skincare routine.
How often do you feel stressed?
Every moment of my life. When you're with Bella, it's hard not to stress to make everything perfect for her.
How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Hahaha... that's funny. That's really funny.
How often do you perspire or break a sweat on your face?
Hmm... let's see... oh... NEVER!
Please tell us which state you live in
I live in Forks, Washington. Raniest place on earth.
How much time do you spend in direct sunlight?
As little as possible. I try not to sparkle.
Edward, we're building a kit that's specifically designed for you.
uh huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...
SKIN ID: 14 46 32
Wait... I actually HAVE a skin ID? Huh... That's kind of odd... I guess that I'm slightly more human than I thought. I looked at the clock on the corner of my computer. 11:02... shit... I'm late. I quickly shut off my computer and jumped out of my window. I ran as fast as I could until I got to her house. When I leapt up to her window, I saw that she was curled up against her pillow, breathing lightly, just minutes from sleep. I jumped over to her bed and curled up behind her.
"You finally showed up." She mumbled.
"I was... preoccupied... Alice and I were playing rock paper scissors, it was very interesting." I lied easily.
"What's your skin ID?" She asked me.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. Bella turned around and looked at me. "Fourteen-fourty six-thirty two." I admitted. Bella smiled.
"Knew it." She said, and then she turned back around. "Mine's fourteen-thirty two-seventy two." She said after a while.
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