Thrall woke up from a horrible dream. Something about teletubies taking over New York…
"YOU must lead the orcs to Kalimdor!" shouted some random Voice.
"SHUT UP! My head hurts…" replied the war chief Thrall. His head did hurt, but he just wanted to sleep 5 more minutes.
"Do you know how many beers you had?"
"It's the brew master's fault! What were you saying anyway?"
"Just meet me at the top of the hill of convenient plots. And, while you're at it, bring me a Mcburger, I'm hungry."
THRALL walked out of his tent (on his wolf) and rallied some grunts.
"OK, troops…we are now enough to venture out of the camp."
"But we only two. And there are evil thingies outside the camp…"
"Don't question my logic. Anyway, I heard voices in my head… again… and it said to go to some hill and since blizzard pays us so much, we'll go there."
"Do we have to?"
"You are a grunt. Your point in life is to fight for the big chieftain –which is me- and eventually die or get possessed. That and you'll receive 10,000 volts of pure lightning if you disagree. Coming?"
"No."
BZZZZZ!
The grunt is instantly fried while a replacement comes out of a nearby barracks. The party arrives at a flag which goes POOF! and makes pretty lights.
"OOOOH!" say the grunts.
"Look! Murlocs!" says Thrall as he kills the Murlocs.
"You just killed creeps. This earned you experience points. When you have enough, you will level up and be able to spend your skill points." said the Voice.
"Cool. What's a creep?"
"Uh… technical problem gotta go!"
"Let's keep going." (They continue to the next insta-POOF flag, fighting more "creeps" along the way until Thrall is engulfed in more pretty lights)
"OOOOH!" say the grunts.
"OOOOH!" says Thrall.
"OOO- I mean, you just leveled up! Normally you would get a skill point but since we don't want you spending it on crap, you get chain lightning. Use it on those helpless murloc fishermen" says the Voice.
"Isn't that a little immoral?"
"Don't worry; they will eventually reincarnate into the undead or other, probably stronger creeps."
Thrall uses the chain lightning spell on the 4 murlocs and watches as the evil-lightning ray hits them all and electrifies their fishy asses.
"Um… "Fishy asses"? Couldn't you find something else?" asks Thrall
"Deal with it. Or else…" answers the author as he points to his Pimped-up Needler.
Thrall and his party reach the hill of convenient plots where a crow is sitting watching TV and eating popcorn. Then, as it sees Thrall, it changes into Da Prophet (In pretty lights of course).
"You sure took your time… this mission is totally useless!" says Da Prophet.
"The author took way too long on this chapter… idiot…"
"Grrrr… back to the script people…" says the author.
"What is this? A human?"
"Heh, I abandoned my humanity long ago…" answers Da Prophet.
"What are you then?"
"I'm a talking crow, FEAR ME- I mean, the old demons are returning, you must lead your people to the forgotten lands of Kalimdor if you are to survive… but you don't really believe me do you?"
"Me know me don't" says one of the grunts.
"K', I'll go" answers Thrall casually.
"Well this is a first… Anyway, Grom Hellcream got captured by some n00bish footmen. Go rescue him and steal the human ships… blah blah blah… Sea witch blah blah blah…"
THRALL leaves DA PROPHET and rescues Grom Hellcream... steals ships… does all that tutorial crap….
Next Chapter: Lollyron's zombie problem