Who did he think he was? Stranding her in the middle of the restaurant like that, calling her delusional, egocentric, and a right case of unending menstrual symptoms. He thought he was the one suffering their relationship. He didn't know what suffering was. After Hermione got through with him though, he would know what suffering was before the week was over. If there was one thing she learned from the Weasley family it was revenge.
xxxxx
Fred dragged himself through the flat door, still stunned that he'd done what he did. He threw his coat in the direction of the insulting hat rack and ignored George banging around in the kitchen. His only source of comfort now was the fact that he wouldn't have to see her again until Ginny's birthday party next weekend. By then he might be able to find some charm that would protect him from that woman's wrath. For now at least the old couch would have to do.
He fell ungracefully over the back of it and rolled onto his back, barely noticing that his legs hung halfway over the arm and that his robes were tangled around his arms. The ring that he'd purchased earlier this week was burning a hole of regret into his thigh and he groaned when he realized what he nearly did.
He screwed up. He screwed up royally tonight. So why was it all he could feel was utter relief and freedom along with a side of creeping guilt and dread?
xxxxx
"And then he had the nerve," Hermione hissed as she jabbed her spoon in Ginny's direction, "to tell me, me! One of the saviors of the wizarding world, the Brightest Witch of Her Age, second only to the Minister of Magic himself, and the only person to singlehandedly lead the charge on over 458 pieces of legislation to bring the wizarding world into the 21st Century. He tells me that I couldn't reason my way out of a paper bag because my emotions get in the way, and that if he was really interested in me I would have known. That I was projecting my feelings onto him, that I only wanted him to be more interested than he really was," she said with a scoff and a toss of her hair. "As if I was misinterpreting his actions. I mean, really. Even Ron had seen the signs."
Ginny began to tell her that she knew he'd been interested, he'd even told her he was, but Hermione's ranting cut her off for the fifth time that night. Instead, she brought another spoonful of Dragon's Hoard ice cream to her mouth and sat back on the couch to watch as her best friend ranted about the disaster that was tonight's break up. Every now and then Ginny found herself on the verge of laughter, but each time she reminded herself that she had been the one to match the two.
All she'd wanted was for Hermione to have a bit of fun, preferably with a man smart enough to keep up with her, who was nice and attractive, and who was successful enough in his own right that he wouldn't be intimidated by the political whirlwind that was Hermione Granger. But the best thing about him was that he was a Weasley man and when Ginny compared their charts and realized how perfect they were for each other she almost began planning their wedding.
Yet after tonight it appeared that Ginny had read the astronomy charts and arithmancy graphs wrong for the first time. Apparently he wasn't as willing to settle down as Hermione was, a detail that should have shown itself once the runes were cast. So as Hermione continued to rant about tonight, Ginny began to closely review the details in her head. Surely if she could spot where she'd gone wrong she could patch things up between them.
xxxxx
Almost an hour after Fred had made his way back from his date, George leaned over his brother to make sure he was still breathing. At this point, it was questionable whether his brother would ever come out of the stupor he seemed to be in in. George supposed he should have been more concerned about his brother's mental state, but instead he was far more concerned with how much longer he could go on stacking things on top of Fred. So far he was up to 18 flattened puking pastelle boxes, 8 quills, 2 ink bottles, a half-eaten sandwich that had been dug up from the murky depths of the armchair, 12 pair of socks, dirty and clean, 38 grapes, 3 rolls of parchment, a copy of today's Daily Prophet, and a sprig of dried rosemary.
Besides, Fred had always been one of those people who would talk when he wanted to talk and not a moment sooner. Pushing him would only lead to a violent outburst and broken glasses. Then again, if Granger had figured that out earlier then the last month would have gone better for all of them.
Fred sighed and George watched as a grape rolled off his chest and under the couch. "I screwed up mate. I screwed up big time."
George winced and bit his lip. Right now he wanted nothing more than to tell his twin "I told you so" about moving things along too quickly with the barmy witch, but the guilt of being the one to pressure Fred to agree to Ginny's latest matchmaking scheme held his tongue down far better than a two-ton toffee ever could. Besides, that wasn't what Fred needed right now.
Instead, it was time to do what they did best when things went tits up. "Mate, I think it's time for a drink."
xxxxx
Well into the second hour of Hermione's ranting about the red-headed imbecile, Ginny decided they were well over-due for a change in scenery. "Hermione, if you ask me the best thing for you is to get absolutely, one-hundred percent blazing drunk and make out with some random Quidditch player in a shady back alley. I'm sure we could find a few for you at the pub."
Hermione scoffed at the suggestion. "Yes, because I'm not being stalked by the media every minute of the day. I can see the headlines now: "Granger Danger! She's Been Dumped Now She's Chasing All Men. Watch Out!"
Ginny pouted and crossed her arms. At this rate they'd be stuck in the flat all weekend. "But don't you think going for one teeny-tiny little drink might help you wind down from tonight? You won't be able to sleep anyways so we might as well go out for a while."
Hermione sighed and brought her hand to her head as she thought about it. Ginny tried not to smile as her friend tried to make up her mind. "Fine. But you're buying since you thought it was a good idea to set me up with that imbecile you share DNA with."
"Deena? I don't think we have a Deena in the family," Ginny said as she pulled on her boots.
"No, DNA. It's the building blocks for all organisms," Hermione said as she stepped into her shoes. "It's like the code for all life? The blueprint for everything living?" At Ginny's quizzical look, Hermione groaned. "Never mind. Let's just get going before it gets crowded and we see someone we know."
xxxxx
Only three pints in and George was quickly beginning to regret suggesting they go to the pub. When they'd first arrived, Fred had been sullen and withdrawn, refusing to talk even to the waitress, but after making it halfway through his second pint he hadn't stopped long enough for George to get a word in.
"We're sitting there, halfway through the main course, and she's been going on and on about how horrible love potions are, about free will and all that rubbish, and I'm so distracted by how pretty her hair is when she smooths it back like that that I'm about to agree to quit selling them right there on the spot. Then she starts going on and on about werewolf rights, and while I agree in principle, there's no way half of what she's talking about will even happen in our lifetime let alone in the next three months. And I tell her so, but this time I find her voice too high and her eyes too close together all of a sudden. So then she gets up and goes to the loo, and while I'm supposed to be finding the right words to ask her to marry me, I catch myself checking out our waitress and wondering if she'd like to go for a drink sometime."
George made a sympathetic noise and nodded as he looked at the growing crowd as Fred continued.
"Then when she comes back from the loo, I start noticing all the little things, like how she drops all her t's and how suddenly her talking with her hands isn't as attractive as I'd thought it was and all I want to do is tell her she's not as smart as she thinks she is. Then it hits me. I'm not in love with her. It's those damned love potions we've been brewing up for Honeydukes all month that have been clogging up my senses, like how you thought you'd gone barmy when you started chasing after Lee last week. It's just a damned coincidence that I happened to start dating her the same week we made the first successful batch.
"So I tell her that, that we're not as compatible as Gin said we'd be, and she just sits there, shocked, as I tell her I want to break things off with her. Then the barmy witch starts in on me, telling me that if it wasn't working out she'd have seen it coming and all that rubbish. She's going on and on about how the shop's a joke and how what we're doing isn't really worth all that we're putting into it and that I could really be making a change in the world if I really focused on something useful. It wasn't until she started in on you and Lee that I was done with her. And I tell her that she's not nearly as smart as anyone seems to think, and some other things I'm not too proud of, before I throw down enough for the dinner and just apparate out of there as soon as I can."
"That's bad luck that is," George said in an attempt to at least seem supportive. "Is that Ginny and Hermione over there?"
xxxxx
Ginny tugged at Hermione's hand and guided her through the crowded bar, hoping to find a seat quickly before her friend could change her mind. It wasn't until she stood up on her tiptoes that she was able to find an empty table in the back corner of the room, far away from the crowd. The only problem was it looked like they'd have to go by the twins to get there. And it appeared that Fred was just as affected as Hermione tonight. One glance back at Hermione's frustrated face convinced her it was a risk she'd have to take. Otherwise she'd be signing herself up for another three hours on the couch.
They'd almost managed to slip past her brothers without them noticing, but at the last minute George caught her arm and she turned to face them. Fred had slouched down in his chair and refused to look anywhere but the table. Which was probably for the best since Hermione was glaring at him hard enough to set him on fire.
"George, Fred," Hermione said in a clipped tone.
George gave her a small wave, a ghost of a smile on his face while Fred gave her a small nod. She knew Hermione would be angry for weeks about what had passed between them, but she hadn't realized Fred would feel this bad about it. Ginny bit her lip and glanced at Fred in concern. She met George's eye and he jerked his head to the side, their childhood indication that he'd fill her in on all the details later.
"We'll see you boys later," Ginny told them apologetically when it appeared that no one was up for talking. Taking Hermione's hand once more, she dragged her friend to the empty table and cursed her bad luck for the second time that night.
xxxx
George glanced at his brother again. Fred hadn't said another word since Ginny and Hermione had walked past their table and hour ago and quite honestly it was putting a damper on his attempts to flirt with the waitress. He elbowed his twin, trying to get a rise out of him only to fail once more.
"Cheer up mate, she'll forgive you one of these days. Even Granger can't hold a grudge forever. She's already forgiven Malfoy and look at all the shit he pulled."
Fred scowled into his pint at the mention of the blond Slytherin. "Maybe only after she's thrown my dead body into the bloody Thames."
George grimaced and took another pull. He hated to admit it, but Fred was probably right. "On the bright side, after Mum finds out what you did tonight she'll probably help her out, so it shouldn't be too painful."
Fred groaned and let his head fall to the table. "Oh Merlin, I forgot all about Mum. She'll kill me."
"Probably. She always did want someone like her in the family."
xxxxxx
It took three weeks after what George and Ginny had begun to affectionately call 'The Week Things Went to Utter Shite' for Hermione and Fred to begin to speak to each other once again. Ginny and George both agreed that was a major victory despite the fact that they had spoken less than ten words to each other about the weather of all things. Both had also refused to attend the weekly family dinners if the other was going to be there, though Ginny suspected it was more to avoid Mrs. Weasley's disappointed frowns and wistful sighs rather than each other.
In all honesty, it was Mrs. Weasley who appeared to be the most heartbroken about the entire situation. It was the wizarding world's worst kept secret that she had always longed for Hermione to be a proper part of the family after she and Ron had their falling out years ago. As such, it had been Mrs. Weasley who was had eagerly encouraged her new relationship despite both Ron and Harry's misgivings about the whole thing. Hermione for her part had seemed hell-bent on forgetting that red-headed imbecile and had thrown herself into her work once more, spending all of her free time working at the office or in her small, one bed-room apartment above Diagon Alley. Whether that was to cover up her heartache or to make up for Fred's idiotic actions at the Ministry Ball last month, neither Ginny nor Harry knew, but they both agreed something had to be done before the bright young witch burnt herself out.
As for Fred, he'd gone about his life with a spring in his step that hadn't been there during his ill-fated relationship. He'd begun cracking more jokes and playing pranks again, things that he'd dropped by the wayside while he was chasing after his then Ms. Right. That didn't stop Mrs. Weasley from giving him all the relationship advice she had in her arsenal to try and convince him to patch things up. Ever since his near death five years earlier, Mrs. Weasley had done everything in her power to encourage to him to settle down and set aside his more dangerous hobbies for calmer activities, preferably in the forms of scrapbooking and making her grandbabies. But Fred had merely thanked her for her advice and her concern and gone back to blowing up his workshop every other week with ill-advised experiments.
So to say a few jaws dropped when Hermione and Fred flooed into the Burrow together that chilly November night would be an understatement. The whole family watched with baited breathe as Fred stiffly pulled a chair out for Hermione, each one waiting to see if the chair would magically dance away from her or disappear the moment she sat down. To everyone's relief, the chair did only that which a chair does, and Fred sat down next to Hermione. But it wasn't until Fred told a joke about upset strawberries that turned a corner of her mouth that everyone breathed a sigh of relief now that everything would return to normal once more.
It was that one small smile sparked something in Ginny's brain, something that she had set aside to review later and had forgotten about, much like how she'd forgotten to study how to transfigure mice into tea cups at Hogwarts.
"George, what if I'd gotten their charts mixed up?" she asked, her eyes still fixed on the pair in front of her.
"What are you on about this time? Pass the rolls will you," George asked as he speared another Brussel sprout.
"Their star charts. What if I just mixed their charts up and they were supposed to be together?" Ginny asked as she waved her fork at Hermione and Fred.
George rolled his eyes as he picked up a roll. "Oh not that muck again, Gin. The last time you tried to set either one of them up, it failed miserably. Just accept it and move on."
"No, listen to me George," Ginny said excitedly. She turned towards her brother and he had to suppress a groan at the fire in her eyes. "We just didn't set them up with the right people. Pavarti was a horrible match for Fred, and Herman was even worse for Hermione. That's why their respective breakups were so terrible. Besides, I looked back at my astrology and arthmancy charts that I'd drawn up for the four of them last month and I found out that I'd mixed up Pavarti's birthday with Hermione's. It all finally made so much sense, don't you see?"
George rolled his eyes and took another bite of a roll. "Gin, the only thing I see now is that Hermione is refraining from blasting Fred into a thousand smithereens. Besides, I doubt she'd ever agree to a date with him after what he did at the Ministry Ball." He shifted in his seat at her frown.
"You're going to help me George whether you like it or not. They're perfect for each other, every calculation I did showed that. If I hadn't mixed up the birthdates, I could have set Hermione up with Fred rather than Herman and they'd probably already be engaged by now."
George groaned and dropped his head into his hands. Ginny was worse than a dog with a bone when she got an idea in her head, doubly so with this matchmaking business. She'd been right about Luna and that McCormac kid and, yes even Ron and Pansy Parkinson, but that didn't mean that Fred and Hermione would make a good match. Not to mention the fact that Ginny had said the same thing about all of her other explosive failures; those she seemed to view as a mere miscalculation, a minor road-block on the path to finding ones true love.
"Please Ginny. Just drop the whole thing. Even if they did manage to hit it off, I don't think I could stand anymore of Fred moping about because he jumped into things too quickly. And you know Hermione still hasn't forgiven you for setting her up with Herman. After that breakup, I'm surprised she can even go into any restaurants in London."
"Fine," Ginny said in a defeated tone. She turned back to face her plate and began to pick at what was left of her salad. "But I suppose Fred will never find true love and move out. Looks like you're going to have to listen to him whine about leaving your towels on the floor the rest of your life. Not to mention what having Hermione around the shop more would do to troubleshoot those potions you still haven't perfected yet."
George paused and stared at his sister in awe. When had she become this underhanded? She was almost as good as their mother. Give her a few years and he could only imagine just how scary she really could be.
"And Mum would probably be over the moon about the two of them getting together," she added, glancing at him from the corner of her eye. "She'd probably even stop trying to set you up with all of her friend's daughters for at least six months, maybe a year if you're lucky. Unless, of course, you'd rather take Mildred McGovern to the Diagon Alley Banquet this year."
He sighed and looked over at his twin. Fred was grinning as he said something to Hermione and gave her a wink. When she rolled her eyes at him he laughed, looking far more like his old self than he did with Pavarti. "Fine, I'll do it. But only if you get me season tickets this year; I've got to have something to keep from Ron."
xxxxx
"Ginny, budge up. I'm about to fall off here," George said as he tried to regain his balance on the small tree branch. He still wasn't entirely sure how Ginny had managed to convince him that spying on his brother was the best way to go about things, but whatever the reason had been it surely wasn't worth this discomfort.
"Quit squirming about George or they'll see us," Ginny whispered as she adjusted the omnoculars. "Their meeting has to seem unplanned or they'll never trust us again."
"Us? You're the one who's gone barmy with those charts of yours. Surprised Harry hasn't put his foot down about you trying to set them up yet," he grumbled as he pulled his scarf tighter against the wind.
Ever since Ginny had redone Fred and Hermione's astrology charts at Christmas she'd been convinced the two were a match made in heaven. In the last three months alone she'd attempted to get the two alone twenty-seven times and she'd dragged George along for each and every one of them including the overly clichéd plot to trap the two in a closet together on Valentine's day. And each and every time she had attempted to bring the two together she'd failed miserably.
This week Ginny's brilliant plan was to bring Fred and Hermione together using a fake one day only coupon from Fortescue's that was really nothing but a charmed gift card owled to both of them last week. Fred had never been one to turn down free food while Hermione was always on the lookout for new cafés to try out. In Ginny's mind it had been a brilliant set of circumstances to begin with and it had only gotten better when Fred had arrived ten minutes ago and by a stroke of luck had taken the booth right in front of Hermione's. Now all that was left to do was wait and watch for her brilliant plan to unfold.
"Ginny, are you sure we have to be here for this? I promised Oliver I'd help him set up for the Quidditch party and I'm already going to be late," George said as he tried to get a better grip on the branch.
"Quit grousing George or I'll tell Fred it was you that slipped him the Nasty Nausea Nougat," Ginny whispered. "Damn, she's leaving. Why is she leaving already, he just got there."
"Probably because she's been here for the past two hours already. Just like we have," he said lowly.
"George, hide, quick," Ginny yelped as she pulled herself into the tree trunk. "She's coming this way."
"She's what?" he asked, his voice rising in panic. "There's nowhere to hide, Ginny move, ah!" he screamed as he fell backwards off the tree branch into the bushes below.
Hermione stopped across the street and began to peer at the tree. "Is there someone there?" she called out. "Hello?"
Ginny slowly began to pull her legs up through the leaves and hoped that Hermione had somehow missed the optimistic appointment she'd had earlier in the week. How an optimist was expected to help one's eyesight get better she still hadn't figured out, but when Hermione began to walk down the road Ginny couldn't help but thank him for not being optimistic enough to do his job.
xxxxx
"Do you think we should let them in on it?" Fred asked as he opened the paper.
"After all Ginny's put us through why would we want to do a thing like that?" a voice came from behind him.
He snorted and laid the business section in front of him. "Remind me not to get on your bad side Ms. Granger."
"Do I need to remind you about the Ministry Ball again? I don't think I've ever seen the Minister that livid."
"I really am sorry about that. Had no clue the potion would react that badly to whiskey. But you do have to admit it was funny seeing all those Ministry bigwigs running around with blue and purple spots," he said. Hermione let out a snicker and he grinned as he placed his order with the waiter.
"Do you ever think about giving it a try?" Hermione asked after the waiter had left.
"Giving what a try?"
"You know, dating. Us," she said softly and Fred could hear her flipping through the book she'd laid on the table.
"In the summer of sixth year during the World Cup," he admitted. He could feel his face begin to heat up and he could only imagine what his sister would think of him blushing while sitting alone in the small café. Hermione stilled behind him as the waiter came by with his coffee and Fred turned back to his paper, hoping that his admission would be the end of that conversation today.
"Honestly?" Hermione asked after the waiter had left. She turned her head towards him and he caught a whiff of her vanilla lotion.
"Honestly."
"I had a crush on you in second and third year," she admitted with a sigh. "I'd forgotten all about it until your sister starting trying to sit us together at all the family events."
Fred grinned and tilted his head towards her. "Don't forget trying to trap us in the shed out back or in the shop after closing."
Hermione laughed at the memory and waved at the waiter for more coffee. "Did you ever figure out how she and George managed to make it out without their wands? I didn't dare risk asking on the off chance she might figure out we're onto them."
He lay his head down on his arms and tried to keep his shoulders from shaking. "The only thing I managed to get out of George was that it involved our new batch of pygmy puffs, a pair of handcuffs, and three bottles of the Never Shrinking, Ever Growing potions past their expiration date."
Snickering came from the next booth and Fred had to bite his lip to keep from laughing too hard at the memory of George covered in pygmy puff fur and surrounded by eight hairless pygmy puffs. "No wonder Ginny was so put off at the reception the next day. I just thought she was upset that Pansy actually showed up."
He chuckled and nodded at the waiter when he was offered a refill. "I think we were all surprised she managed to get out of the salon on time. Mum was even taking bets on how long Ron could stand to wait around for her."
"Pity she didn't ask me. I could have warned her that Fleur was making sure Pansy was kept on schedule the entire day," she told him as she began to shuffle through her papers once again.
Fred reached for his coffee cup and took a moment to enjoy how far he'd come in his friendship with Hermione this year. At first Ginny and George's interference was more of an irritation than anything else, but in Hermione he'd found a willing partner in his attempts to avoid his siblings. Really, if it weren't for Ginny he'd never had realized how much he and Hermione had in common, from books to spells to the best ways to irritate Ron. Without them he'd probably still think of her as nothing more than the quick-tempered and serious witch he'd known since childhood.
But now, now there was something different about both of them, something he couldn't name or even describe. Whatever it was, it was something he didn't want to let go without exploring it further than just the tentative friendship they'd developed over the past few months.
"We could try it, you know," he suggested as he poured the creamer.
"Hmm? Try what?" Hermione asked, distracted now that her focus was back on her work.
"Dating. Nothing serious, just casual. See how things work out," Fred continued as he tasted his coffee. He made a face and reached for the sugar.
"And if it doesn't work out, it wouldn't be as if we'd still be friends," she said as she began to work it out in her head.
"Exactly. If it works out we go from there. If it doesn't, then we'll go back to being friends."
"I think I'd like that," Hermione said as she closed her book with a soft thud.
"Me too."
"Though I would have one condition," she added as she began to pack up her papers.
"Only one?" he teased.
"Yes, only one," she said and Fred knew she was rolling her eyes at him good naturedly. "You have to promise not to breath a word of it to Ginny or George."
"Never," Fred promised with a grin. "Where would the fun be in that."
"Good. Next Thursday at seven then?" Hermione asked as she stood up.
"At the Leaky or the new place Susan opened up down the road?" he said as he flipped his paper to the Quidditch section.
"I was thinking we could eat in, actually. Mum gave me a new recipe and I've been dying to try it out."
"Sounds brilliant. I suppose I'll see you at Harry's later?"
"Of course. We wouldn't want to let George and Ginny lose an opportunity to trap us in a closet once more, would we?" Hermione said as she finished off the rest of her tea and began to shrug on her jacket. "Ten sickles says George will fall out of the tree ten minutes after I leave."
"Fifteen. And I give it five minutes," Fred said as he turned to the comics.
"Deal. Goodbye for now Fred."
"Bye dovie," he said as he watched her pass by. "I'll see you tonight."
"Not if I see you first."
xxxxx
For those curious, the joke Fred used was as follows: Why was the little strawberry upset? Because it was in a jam.
Ed. 1/28/16 for clarity (thanks to wishingtowrite to point that out).