Perceptions Series: 08 Pursuing Truth

by kalinda001

Avon tries to recover from revelations that nearly killed him in the last story. The crew's next destination is a Sector on Servalan's possible alien incursion list, a place where they shoot first and don't bother to ask any questions.

1. Chapter 1

Note from Author:

I hope that everyone has enjoyed reading the New Patterns and the Perceptions stories. Some of you have left comments or have sent me notes. Those have been greatly appreciated. They help me as a writer and make me feel like I'm not writing in a vaccuum. As those who've messaged/emailed/PMed me have found out, I'm always ready to discuss anything B7. Well, almost anything...

What I would like to do as I near the end of the Perceptions group of stories is to ask for feedback and suggestions.

I have given the people who follow these GP stories on LiveJournal an opportunity to add their contributions so I would like to give the people on fanfiction this chance as well.

What about these stories have you liked/disliked? What would you like to see more of? Which is your favourite pairing or relationship? Is there something I haven't done yet that you would like to see? Is there something I've done that hasn't worked very well?

Is there a character that appeared in an earlier story that you would like to see back? For instance, the tech mercenaries, Ture and Allren, were brought back because of requests by several readers.

Chapter One

It had almost become a ritual for Vila to visit the medical observation room after his shift. He didn't expect to find anything different, but he had hope.

Avon nearly died a week ago. Vila still couldn't believe what happened. Sester's information about Anna had been shocking. Vila had never met the woman Avon loved. He had only seen the holopics of her that Avon had provided and the meagre details he had shared when he was arranging to avenge her death.

It was more of how Avon shared that had told Vila how much he loved her and was still affected by her death. Not that he was ever that emotional in those days, but there was the haunted look in his eyes and the sense of stillness he got when he spoke about her. It was much more than his normal lack of expression. It was a total loss of expression.

Avon had come back from Servalan's cellar and had shut himself up in his cabin for a day. When he came back out again, it was as if nothing had happened, except for that incident with Tarrant on the flight deck.

Vila hesitated just before going inside. After a week of disappointments, he wasn't sure he could to face another one.

Sester said from behind him, "He still hasn't woken up yet, in case you were wondering." Vila nearly jumped at the sudden voice. He turned around and saw the psychostrategist leaning against the corridor wall with his arms crossed casually across his chest.

"What are you doing here?" Vila asked suspiciously.

"The same thing as you, I imagine." Sester pushed away from the wall and came to stand beside him to look through the doorway.

"It's hard for you to go in too?"

"It's not difficult at all, but I'm the last person who would be welcome inside." Sester had a self-mocking quality about him these days to go along with his easy smile.

Vila gave him a hard look. It was hard to know what his role with Sester was now. He didn't know if Sester even trusted him anymore, or liked him after what happened with Avon. Sester hadn't been coming to seek him out as he used to.

He did feel bad for Sester. The man had tried to help Avon but no one seemed to believe him, apart from the Commander, of course. Argus and Cally were still hostile towards him and could barely stand him anywhere near them. He was reduced to skulking in the corridors, wanting to offer support and to show concern but knowing it would be met with hostile cynicism.

Vila tried to show him that not everyone thought the same way about him. "I think you did try to help Avon."

Sester had a lightly ironic tone in his voice. "You don't have to pretend anymore, Vila. I know what you've been trying to do."

Vila reassured him, "I'm not pretending." He hesitated and then added, "Not this time."

Sester's brow rose. "No more games, Vila? Or is this just another one?"

"No games. I didn't like doing it to you, but I thought you deserved it." Vila had been thinking about this and decided that the best way to reach Sester was with honesty. He was sure that Avon, Argus and Cally would probably call him a fool for even considering that Sester was capable of being human.

Sester asked with amusement, "And what do you think I deserve now?"

Vila looked uncertain. "Not this." He didn't know how else to reach out to this man who was supposed to be the enemy, but didn't always act it. "Come in with me," he offered. "It'll be easier with Cally if I go in with you."

It wasn't often that someone could surprise Sester. Vila seemed sincere, but of course, it could all be more of the act. For Sester, except for his fellow psychostrategists, it was hard to develop any kind of meaningful relationships when you suspected everyone. "I'd better not," he told Vila. "Cally has enough to worry about, without me clouding the issue."

Vila had an idea. "I could offer to take over for a bit so she can get some rest, then you can come in."

"You're getting to be quite devious, Vila, but I'm not sure it will work."

"How do we know if I don't try?"

"I know."

"It's one of those psychostrategist things, is it?"

Sester smiled, "I can't seem to stop being one."

"Have you tried?"

That made Sester laugh. "Only if I turn my brain off."

"Will you be here when I come out?"

"If you like."

**********

The observation room next to the medical unit had its lights turned down. To Vila, it provided a gloomy atmosphere in keeping with the sombre mood that pervaded it these days. Slowly blinking indicator lights and dimly lit monitor displays seemed to be the only signs of life until Vila got closer to the bed where Avon lay.

The first thing Vila always looked at was the heart monitor display. After the scare they all had, he needed to reassure himself that Avon's heart was still beating. The next was the gentle rise and fall of Avon's chest. These were the only reassuring signs in this room.

He couldn't see Cally but he imagined she had to be nearby. Most likely in the main medical bay next door. She was never far from Avon these days, she didn't seem to be able to exist without him.

Vila carefully perched himself on the edge of the bed and looked down at Avon. There was no movement of the eyes under lids that still remained tightly closed. No indication that there was anything other than a functioning body.

The body was there, but where was Avon?

Vila remembered calling Avon a machine once. He and Gan had been bored and were looking for some amusement. Avon had seemed the perfect target. He had been working quietly nearby, not paying any attention to any of them. Not participating in the conversations.

Vila had wanted to get a rise out of the arrogant Alpha who didn't seem to want to socialize with any of them. He had called him a machine. Not in so many words of course, but in that clever way he used with Sester, just to prove that he was just as smart as any Alpha. For just a split second, there seemed to be a flash of something in Avon's eyes and then the cold, hard familiar mask that made Vila think he had imagined a human reaction where there couldn't possibly be any. He realized now that he had been wrong.

You never were a machine. Why did you pretend that you were? Why did you want everyone to believe that? Did you like being hurt? Or was it because you thought you would be hurt less? It didn't work though, did it? Life has a way of doing that. For an intelligent man, you can be dense about some things.

Vila realized something he hadn't before. Sometimes Avon needed to be saved from himself. He may know how to save others, but he didn't really know how to save himself.

Cally came in. "You're here again, Vila."

Vila said jokingly, "It feels like I never left."

Cally nodded silently and went over to check the life monitors.

Vila asked hopefully, "Is he better?"

The sad, depressed look on her face was his answer even before she responded. "Physically, he's recovered back to where he was before the heart attack. There was no brain damage. All of his brain wave patterns are registering normally." This was also another ritual. Vila would ask how Avon was, and she would always give the same answer, with slight variations. The end message was always the same.

Cally reached out and placed her hand on Avon's head. "But that doesn't tell us anything about what is going on in here."

"Then why isn't he waking up?"

Cally looked up to look at him. "I don't know, Vila. I can't even reach him with my mind. I can 'touch' him but he doesn't seem to be aware of me."

"Cally…" Vila wanted to say something but it hurt too much to even think it. "Did…we make a mistake?"

"What do you mean?"

"Something you said before. Avon didn't want to come back. But we made him."

Cally's face had a long pained look. "I…know." She stroked Avon's head gently. Before Avon had collapsed, even with the mind barrier she had put up, she had felt a pain and anguish from him that would incapacitate most people. She didn't know what it would be like for him to wake up and have to face that again. Nothing they did could undo his mistake. It didn't matter if it had been a horrible mistake, something he could not have done anything about. They all made mistakes that day in the cellar. She, Anna and Avon.

They had brought him back to to face it all again. Every time she thought about it, it made her question if she had done the right thing. Was she being selfish? Was she only thinking of her own needs, or his?

Aurons faced this kind of pain by sharing it with each other. Humans faced their agonies relatively alone. They had each other, but it was nothing compared to what her own people shared. Avon wasn't even capable of that.

Cally had hoped that one day he would be able to draw more strength from her. With what his mind had proved capable of so far in their explorations, she thought it might be possible. But that was some day far in the future.

* Avon, you're not alone. I will never leave you alone. *

"Let me talk to him." Sester's voice came from the doorway. Cally whirled around to face him and said with barely disguised antagonism, "Get out!"

Sester came slowly into the room. "I can help." There was no familiar smile on his face, just sincere concern. "I know you don't believe me Cally, but I don't want to see Avon like this any more than you do. Good opponents are hard to come by. I would rather not lose one of his calibre. Consider it a selfish reason but a genuine one. What do you have to lose? How could I possibly do more to Avon than I already have?" He stood a respectful, and safe, distance away from the edge of Avon's bed.

Cally had an unpleasant look on her face as she listened to him. Sester sounded just like he did when he had tricked her into believing that he was a prisoner; when he had offered a sympathetic and caring concern and encouraged her to share about Avon. He was warm and convincing and she didn't trust him one bit. She said with a nasty scepticism, "I'm sure you can think of something."

Sester heaved a sigh and turned to go.

Vila spoke up, "Cally, let him try." Even though Vila still didn't know what motivated this man, there was one thing he was certain of, Sester was telling the truth about his concern for Avon.

Sester stopped and turn to look at Vila speculatively. That was twice that Vila had surprised him.

Cally said, "You don't know him, Vila. You shouldn't trust him."

"I know I shouldn't." Vila looked at Sester. He wasn't sure why he was doing this for someone who was still the enemy in many ways; he just knew that he had to. This wasn't a case of whining about danger and then allowing himself to be dragged along. He was taking a stand for something he knew was right. If he let himself think about it, he knew he would probably be nervous and eventually let himself be persuaded. It felt so strange to be asserting himself and not backing down. "I know you don't want to see it, Cally, but he's tried to help Avon. And he's right, what do we have to lose? What happens if Avon never wakes up?"

Sester wasn't sure why Vila was doing this, but he was grateful. He said to Cally, "I know that any promises from me would mean nothing to you, Cally and that is entirely my own fault. I have never done anything to give you a reason to trust me, but I would like to." When Sester was trying to sound sincere, he was very effective. His words had the ability to reach down and touch even the hardest of hearts.

Cally knew what he was though and had heard it all before. Her antagonism and mistrust was clear. "Don't use your 'act' on me, Sester."

Sester wanted her to believe him. He decided to change tactics. "I didn't intend to tell Avon about Anna. I never wanted this to happen to him. If I had known that he was listening, I would never have said anything."

Vila said, "Cally, he's right. He never knew that Avon was listening. No one knew there was a transmitter in Sester's bracelet."

Cally couldn't deny that, she didn't know either. Avon hadn't told her.

Vila continued trying to defend the enemy who wasn't always the enemy. "Servalan wanted to hurt Avon but Sester didn't. He's been keeping this information to himself. He was willing to go against Servalan because of Avon."

Cally asked Sester "Is this true?" There was still a tone of scepticism in her voice, but less of one.

Sester emphasized, "Yes, Cally. If I could have prevented this from happening, I would have. I really tried to. Are you going to let me try to help Avon?"

Vila had convinced her to at least consider Sester's idea. She said, "Tell me what you're going to do."

Sester replied, "Unfortunately, I can't. I would like to, but it won't work if I do."

Cally reacted badly to this. "I knew it. You only want to play games with our lives. With Avon's life."

Vila wasn't sure what Sester was up to either. He was hesitant between believing the man and suspicious because Sester was being secretive. Vila hated secrets. He didn't like that the Alphas always seemed to think it necessary in order to get their own way.

Blake did it whenever he knew they would all object to the danger his actions would put them in.

Avon was secretive by nature. He probably didn't even tell secrets to himself.

For Sester, secrecy was a tool and it was part of his many games. Vila wondered which one he was playing now. He knew that for Sester, even being sincere was a game. It made it very hard to trust him completely.

Sester tried to diffuse Cally's hostility, "I know how it appears, Cally but consider it this way. If I was trying to harm Avon, wouldn't I choose something less suspicious and more likely for you to believe?"

This man was so deviously good at manipulating people that Cally knew she couldn't be sure of anything with him. He sounded sincere, but he always did. She couldn't deny that he had made a good point.

Sester said, "To make matters even worse, I need to be alone with Avon when I do this."

Cally said angrily, "You...."

Before she could go off on a tirade, Sester interrupted her and said, "Think, Cally. I may be all of the things you think I am, but there is one thing you know I'm not. I am not suicidal. We both know what you'll do to me if I hurt Avon again."

Sester's psychostrategist brain offhandedly noted all of her thought processes as they passed across her face; anger turning to indecision and then reluctant but still hostile acceptance.

She said with fierce warning, "Remember that."

Sester almost smiled because he had won, but his face remained impassive. He could not afford to antagonize Cally. There was something he was about to do that neither Cally nor Vila would allow him to if they knew.

He waited until Cally and Vila reluctantly left the observation room.

Sester studied the unconscious man for a moment. He suspected that Avon was not entirely unconscious. He was aware of everything at some level, he just wasn't acknowledging it. Sester thought he knew why.

He said to the silent man, "They don't really understand you. Not fully. Not even Cally."

The others only understood the parts of Avon that impacted them. As a psychostrategist, Sester believed that he knew more about him than anyone else. It was why he was very effective at breaking him down and peeling back the layers that would leave Avon vulnerable.

"You don't want to live anymore, but you came back because of them. They needed you and you didn't want to let them down, but you didn't realize how hard it would be. That's why you've stayed unconscious. You're afraid you will try to kill yourself if you do come back all the way, but they won't let you. Because of your connection to Cally, you know she will be able to stop you. They won't leave you alone."

Sester wasn't sure but Avon's heart monitor seemed to be beating a little faster.

"I will make you a promise, Avon. I can make this promise because I'm the only one who can. I am an enemy who respects you. When you feel it is time, when you think you have done all you need to do for these people, I will help you kill yourself."

The observation room seemed deathly quiet as Sester waited to see if he was right. It took so long that he wondered if he had miscalculated.

Finally, Avon's eyes opened and he turned his head to stare at Sester. For along time he said nothing. It was hard to know what he was thinking and then he said, "I will hold you to that promise." Avon turned his head away and contemplated the ceiling. His eyes were deep in thought.

"You know that they'll kill me right afterwards. If they find out." When Avon did not respond, Sester smiled wryly. "You don't really care, do you? As long as you get what you want. We are enemies after all. You probably see it as your final act."

Avon asked, "Why?" His head turned slowly to face Sester. There was naked suspicion in his eyes. "You know the consequences. Why are you doing this?"

Sester shook his head slightly and said, "Why do you insist on asking questions that you don't want to know the answers to, Avon? You don't have to know everything, not if you want to keep your illusions intact."

Avon's said with a snarl of warning, "Don't push me, Sester."

A slow pleasant smile returned to Sester's face. "Shall I tell them to come in now?"

Chapter Two

"Jenna Stannis." Her real name rolled over Captain Atton's tongue as if it were a dessert he was tasting. The two of them were sitting in the 'office' area of his spacious cabin, sharing a post-trade drink. He had just offered her a permanent position as the co-pilot on his crew and she had accepted.

Jenna reacted in shock but quickly covered it up. She hoped it had been fast enough. "I've heard of her. Isn't she supposed to be dead?"

"You look very alive to me." Atton's eyes swept her slowly from top to bottom, and stopping at some interesting points in between. Jenna stifled an impulse to jump out of her seat and hit him in some very painful places. When he was done, he said, "You're as beautiful as your reputation says you are."

He rubbed the collar of the expensive brown jacket that was reminiscent of the leather material in old archive photos. It gave him a tough but stylish look. He looked very much the part of a successful and tough smuggler.

"I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Jen Blade. Redden will verify that."

"You told Redden that, so of course he would verify it." He smiled at her indulgently. This man was sly and dangerous but he could be pleasant if you knew how to handle him. "I'm not like Redden."

Jenna said coolly, "You're more successful."

Atton laughed. "Yes, I am. Very. I understand you were too, once upon a time. Before you got caught."

"I told you that I'm not…"

"Not Jenna Stannis? Let's make this clear, I know you are. It would save us both some aggravation if we can get that out of the way. I do hate wasting time on something that's inevitable." He lifted a mug of refreshing beer to his lips, perfectly cooled to the right temperature, and drank from it as he watched Jenna's reaction.

Jenna realized that this man must have some information that he was very certain of. Other than for his deliberately rudeness, he didn't seem threatening yet, but she prepared herself. "Alright, I am. What do you want to do about it?"

"Nothing for the moment. I like to know who's working for me. It makes for fewer surprises. Make no mistake, Jenna Stannis, I am the captain of this ship. I don't care what your past reputation was as long as you do your part. And don't think that you can use us to help your rebel friends, unless, of course, they can pay. We are only in it for the profit here."

Jenna told him, "I'm interested in the profit too. For now. Else I wouldn't be here."

"Then we understand each other."

"We do. And if you look like that at me again, you will regret it. Do we understand each other?" Jenna was very familiar with how people like Atton operated. They respected strength and were merciless to those who allowed themselves to be pushed around.

"We do." Atton smiled and raised his mug to her. They both drank from the glasses as if in an informal agreement. "I need a superb pilot with good instincts. Anything else I can obtain somewhere else." He took another swig of his beer and said, "We're going to pick up some special cargo on Ciscus then we're headed to Sector Ten."

At the mention of her old stomping grounds, Jenna became very interested but didn't show it. She hoped she would have time to see an old friend.

She remarked casually, "I was wondering what we were doing in this region. There are nothing but neutral research labs in this area."

"Neutral labs with some very interesting research." There was a glint of mischief in his eyes.

**********

Cally watched silently as Avon slid off the bed and nearly fell onto the floor as his legs gave out. Cally was waiting and immediately put her arms around him to give him support. She could feel him stiffen at her touch but he let her continue. She said, "I will refrain from saying, I told you so."

Avon fixed her with a steely gaze but didn't push her away as she helped him back onto the bed. He said, "We will do it your way."

"Good." Cally was trying to be gentle and understanding. Since he woke up, Avon had been distant and impassive. His barriers were firmly in place and prevented her from sensing him as anything other than a peripheral presence. The occasional warmth she felt from him was gone. He should have at least been mildly irritated or angry at his own weakness, but there was nothing. It was as if his mind had come back, but something fundamental was missing.

"Here, lean on me." Cally told him as she slowly guided him off the bed again.

She could feel the warmth of his body where they were touching; it was in sharp contrast to his cold manner. Cally knew that the greatest damage was not to Avon's body, but something much deeper. He didn't seem to want her to touch him. She wondered if they were back where they were before, before they had the breakthrough in physical intimacy.

It was something that she had not explored yet. She was afraid to find out.

So far, she had refrained from asking questions that might cause him stress. Until now, she had been focused on his physical recovery. A normal healthy human should have recovered much quicker than this and be able to walk unaided. Avon was far from fit and it was taking him a much longer time. Having two heart attacks in close proximity to each other had been very damaging to his already compromised health. Each progress seemed to require a momentous struggle.

The most troubling aspect was that Avon had cut her off from his mind. Whenever she tried to reach out to 'touch' him, she met with an impenetrable barrier. He no longer responded to her on a mental level. Her attempts to 'speak' to him were always answered by verbal means. It was as if they were strangers who had never shared the most intimate of connections.

Avon did what he was asked to do in terms of regaining his strength and his health, but there was nothing beyond that. The rest of the time his eyes would be closed or he would stare at the ceiling. Attempts by Vila to deliberately irritate him or give him amusement were met with blank stares and a request to leave.

Supported by Cally, Avon slid slowly off the bed. His legs buckled again, but this time, leaning heavily against her, he was able to stand. He felt weak and unsteady. His legs were shaking as she guided him forward to walk a few steps. A few was all he could manage as she helped him back onto bed again.

Avon lay back on the bed spent. He was sweating and his breathing was strained.

Cally asked him, "How are you feeling?"

His response was an automatic and emotionless, "I'm fine." This was always his answer now. It was as if it were something he had been taught to say in response to questions of this type. A polite and meaningless civility that had little to do with the truth.

"How are you really feeling?"

Avon turned to stare at her with expressionless eyes but didn't say anything.

"Avon, what's wrong? Why won't you talk to me?"

He said, "We have been talking."

"I don't mean questions about your health." She put her hand on his chest and felt him flinch.

Cally said, "Avon, please talk to me. I know something's wrong."

"I have nothing to say."

She asked, "How can you say that after everything that's happened?"

For a split second Avon's jaw seemed to tighten but it was so quick that she could have imagined it. He said without a trace of emotion, "Don't pursue this."

Unfortunately for Avon, his response guaranteed that she would continue to pursue it.

"Avon, what did Sester say to you?" This was a question she had wanted to ask him. Repeated attempts to question Sester had produced nothing. The man refused to answer her queries despite threats or entreaties.

Avon said, "It has no bearing on my present condition."

"Then it has to be about Anna." Cally knew that this had to be a big part of what was bothering him; the information he had found out about Anna. She was conflicted herself about the whole situation. It was hard to compete with someone who lived in ideal terms in someone else's mind. Avon didn't seem to be able to let go of her.

Avon seemed to stop breathing for a few seconds, as if the mention of Anna's name had paralyzed him. He didn't want to talk about this. Keeping everything and everyone at a distance was the only way he knew how to cope with what threatened to overwhelm him. "I need time to process what happened."

Cally tried to encourage him. "It will help if you talk about it."

"I disagree."

The cold, impersonal tone of his voice was like a slap in the face. Cally's voice was full of concern. "Avon, what's happening? Why are you acting this way? After all the progress we've made, why do you want to throw it all away?"

There was a flash of guilt, quickly suppressed, as Avon saw the look in her eyes. The hardest part of the past week did not lie in dealing with the revelations about Anna. Once Sester had agreed to help him, that part of it was resolved in Avon's mind. He owed Anna for killing her and he planned to pay that debt.

The most difficult thing was separating himself from Cally. The idea of being without her was a pain that cut so deeply that he could barely breathe, but he was doing it for her sake. He did not want to hurt her, but he knew that it was inevitable that she would be; as long as she stayed with him.

The revelations about Anna had made him realize that. It had filled him with overwhelming guilt, not just because he had killed her and it may have been in error.

Avon's mind went back to the day of his collapse…

**********

Anna.

His heart was racing, despite the drugs. His eyes were staring ahead but saw nothing in the room. A heavy weight seemed to be pressing him down as he listened to the voice of his enemy. A voice that was pronouncing his doom.

[Reya's voice asked, "That was why she tried to kill Avon?"

His enemy said, "I'm not sure she intended to kill him. She believed that Avon had become the kind of person who would kill her for betraying him to the Federation."]

She believed that, of him? I trusted you, Anna. Why did you not trust me? I would have died for you. I would have done for you what I did for Cally. Why did you not believe me? A sharp pain seemed to pierce his heart. Avon gripped his chest. I have been many things, Anna, but I would never have killed you.

[Sester's voice was relentlessly redrawing the nightmare of that day. "I watched the footage from the cellar that Servalan provided when we rebuilt the scenario for Avon. Anna did pull a gun on him. Cally shouted in warning and Avon whirled around and shot her. It was a purely instinctive reaction on Avon's part, but Anna may not have meant to kill Avon."]

As Sester said this, Avon felt himself back in the cellar. The musty smells. The darkness that stretched from hidden corners. The silence of the tomb swallowing up every living sound, except the one he did not want to hear.

"Avon!"

A voice of warning, triggering an instinctive response. I do not trust instinct.

["She may have only wanted to prevent him from killing her, so that she could tell him the truth.]

I should not have… As hard as his mind tried to prevent the past from replaying itself, it could only watch helplessly as the Avon of the cellar whirled and drew his gun in one motion.

The Avon that was listening to Sester's voice was finding it hard to breath. His mind was trapped in the cellar of his nightmares, reliving a moment that could only end death. His body was reacting as if it were in a fight it was losing, trying to call on reserves that it could not find. His mind and body were both on the verge of collapse.

[Sester's voice continued speaking. "That would make more sense with what we know about her. But unfortunately, Avon never knew that when he shot her. There was no way he could have known that she didn't intend to kill him."

Reya's voice asked, "So Avon made a mistake?"]

I made the mistake. The Avon in the cellar fired and then stared in shock. It was not Anna, it was Cally he had shot. I…killed her.

No!

The gun dropped from fingers that could not hold onto the reality of what he had done.

Not Cally!

He rushed to her side, catching Cally before she fell to the ground, and cradled her in his arms.

I killed Cally. No! I killed Anna. The Avon of the cellar stared down in confusion at the dead face of someone he loved more than his own life. It was the face of Cally. I killed her…no…I didn't…

His mind was in shock. It could not process what was happening.;;

[Sester's voice droned on mercilessly, "It is likely he did. Anna tried to explain it to him after she was shot. She tried to tell him that it wasn't all lies and that she did love him. She tried to tell him that she let him go but it was too late and she died before she could say more."]

In the cabin, Avon's heart was failing. His body was nearing the end of what it could endure. His mind had already passed that point.

**********

"Avon!" Cally's frantic voice and her hands on his shoulders shook Avon out of the nightmare. She injected another dose into his neck. Avon held onto her as his confused mind tried to make sense of what was happening.

The focus of his eyes returned to reality. As he finally saw Cally's face in front of him, a sense of irrational relief and joy filled him to see someone he should have known was alive. * Cally? *

Avon's mental voice caused Cally to put her arms around him. This was the first time, since he woke up, that his mind reached out to her. Perhaps this was all he needed. She hoped that the shock that seemed to make him retreat away from everyone had been broken. * Yes, Avon. It's alright. *

* I was in the cellar with… * He could not say it.

Cally held him tighter and thought, When will it be over for you? She knew Avon had hoped that finding the answers would put this matter to rest. It only seemed to make matters worse.

Avon felt the strength with which Cally was holding him. Her warmth infused his body. He loved her more than he thought could be possible, even more than Anna. The vision he had in his cabin, while he was listening to Sester's voice, told him that. In his vision, when he looked down at the face of the one he loved more than himself, it was Cally's face that he saw. And it had filled him with horror to know that one day, she might die because of his mistakes. It had almost happened once already. The thought was something he could not bear, that was why he had collapsed.

I cannot let you die. I cannot be the cause of your death. Not again. It will only end badly if you continue to follow me.

It was for her own good. He had to do this, for her sake. Avon was resolved. Cally was better off without him. His stomach reacted in pain to the thought, but he quickly suppressed it.

When he didn't say anything further, Cally said, "Avon, you have to talk about this. If you don't, it's only going to get worse. It's already getting worse."

There was no hint of the pain he was feeling, there was only an impassionate voice. "Talking about it will not change the facts."

"Avon, not everything is about facts."

He said coldly, "Facts are the only thing that matter."

She placed her hand on his arm, trying to reach him. "Do I matter?"

"You…are a fact."

"I am not just a fact. Can a fact do this?" She bent down and sought his mouth with hers. Her desire was in the kiss, but Avon had no reaction. He lay passively, accepting her actions but doing nothing to contribute. Cally felt as if she was only kissing a body, not Avon.

She straightened up and said, "Avon, I'm not Anna."

Avon's jaw tightened imperceptibly. "I know."

She said in a soft voice, "I never will be."

Avon lifted his hand a little, as if to touch Cally's face, but he let it drop back down and looked away from her. Despite this, a faint touch of emotion crept into his voice involuntarily as he said, "I don't want you to be."

"Are we over now, because of Anna?" There was an underlying pain and fear in Cally's voice that cut through the barriers he was trying to maintain.

No! A startled look came over Avon's face.

It was what was needed, but it was not what he wanted. "Don't think that." I can't do this. I can't hurt her this way. But he still had to save her from himself.

How could this be done? Avon didn't know.

For now, he could not leave Cally while there was still danger around them. The aliens and the Federation had to be dealt with first, then he could die knowing she would be safe; from them and from him. And all of his debts would finally be paid.

He looked into eyes that contained the same love as his. Anna never truly loved him like this. He had been a fool to think she had. Anna may have loved him, but it didn't stop her from betraying him, and she had given him up when she let him go. Perhaps she was only fond of him. Maybe she had learned to love him while she was working to destroy him, but she never loved him enough to tell him the truth or to trust him.

Cally asked, "How am I supposed to think, Avon? You've cut me off and you won't let me reach your mind."

"Give me time."

Cally repeated her earlier question, "Avon, what did Sester say to you? Does he have anything to do with this?"

Avon answered, "No."

"He must have said something to cause you to shut yourself off."

Avon did not want her to pursue this avenue of questions. He had to divert her attention from the topic of Sester and what he did or did not say. Avon's voice became quieter as he said, "It has to do with Anna."

"She loved you." Cally didn't want to say it but it was now a reality that she couldn't ignore. What impact did this have on Avon? How would it affect their own relationship? She was almost afraid to find out.

"Yes, she did." Avon's eyes contemplated the ceiling as he suddenly realized another possibility. "Or so Sester says."

Cally asked with surprise, "You have doubts?"

"His information comes from Servalan."

Cally said with hope. "You're right."

"We may never know the truth," he told her.

"Or we can have Sester find out. He keeps saying that he wants to help you."

Avon said, "Servalan will expect it. I don't want to give her the chance to plant even more damaging information. I am inclined to believe Sester's information because it fits with what Anna said in the cellar."

"You want to believe she loved you."

"It doesn't make me any less a fool if she did. She never loved me enough to tell me the truth and she chose the Federation rather than to leave with me." The tone that was creeping into Avon's voice caused Cally to put her hand over his in reassurance. Avon looked down at her gesture, staring at their joined hands as if his own part in it was something he did not understand. He squeezed her hand in acknowledgement and then he looked up at her and with steady eyes said, "I still killed Anna."

"Avon, you didn't have a choice. It looked like she was going to kill you. If it had been me in the same situation, I would have done the same thing. Any of us in that cellar would have."

"It doesn't change the facts. I am the one who shot her."

"Avon, don't do this to yourself. If you insist on holding yourself responsible, then I will have to share in the blame too. I am the one who warned you when I saw the gun."

"I can't let it go, Cally. I never could with Anna."

"Avon, it's not rational."

For the first time, a brief half-smile appeared on Avon's face. It always amused him when she accused him of that. He knew he was being irrational, not because of Anna, but for Cally. For her, he would gladly do things that made no logical sense to his own survival. "Our positions appear to be reversed."

"I learned from the best," she said lightly.

Avon let go of her hand and reached up to touch her face gently. "It appears I should as well." For the time they had left, he wanted to give her what she deserved from him.

"Avon, can you let go?"

"I…will try." For her, he would even let go of Anna. "I want to go back to our cabin. Both of us."

Cally wanted that as well but she had doubts. "Are you sure you're strong enough?"

Avon deliberately relaxed his barriers a fraction, allowing her to sense more of him but only a controlled part. "If you help."

The touch of Cally's mind into his caused them both to gasp. Each knew what the other wanted.

Chapter Three

The superiority in Sester's tone made Argus's fists clench in anger. He was normally controlled but for some reason, this man with his easy smiles made him lose that control very easily. It was like those times that would cause him to hate himself afterwards; when he became a dangerous killer full of the power of death and the rage was close to the surface. Not the disciplined soldier he always was, but a creature that scared him; a being capable of doing things that he had fought most of his life.

Reya saw the danger signs and said in warning, "Argus."

"Stay out of this, Reya!" Argus was angry that she was trying to protect Sester again. The smug look on his opponent's face made Argus's blood boil.

Reya said reasonably, "This is not going to help Avon."

"I know what's going to help Avon and that's having him," he jabbed his finger like a knife towards Sester, "Off this ship!" There was a ringing sensation in his ears, each peal made the anger feel good and filled him with an energy that was bursting to come out in action.

Reya stepped quickly between the two men and squarely faced Argus. "You…are…not going to do this."

"Or what?" The challenger in Argus reared its ugly head; this creature needed to win. "What will you do if I hurt him? Are you going to defend him, like you always do? Are you going to hurt me?" In a corner of his mind, Argus realized that he was being unreasonable and that he was headed for trouble like a pursuit ship caught in a gravity well. I should not be doing this. It was a quiet voice that was drowned by the rage that was overwhelming him. The looks on the face of his enemy, when Reya wasn't looking, did not help.

Reya shook her head, "I'm not going to do this with you."

Argus snarled, "You did it, with him." What am I doing? The quiet, reasonable voice struggled to be heard.

Reya's guilt flared up at his charge, as well as anger. She fell silent.

Sester clapped his hands slowly; it was a sharp and cynical sound. "Very good. You amaze me, Commander. Is this how you're going to help Avon? By beating me up, like you did before and bullying someone you supposedly love?"

Reya's eyes flashed with shock and disbelief. "Like before?"

It was Argus's turn to have a burst of guilt.

Sester answered Reya but his eyes were looking triumphantly at Argus, "Yes, didn't he tell you?"

It had been very easy for Sester; just a harmless word or two at the appropriate times and the looks calculated to annoy and aggravate an increasingly frustrated opponent. Argus may have been brilliant at military tactics, but on a personal level, he was woefully inexperienced. In many ways he was an innocent when it came to the devious ways of humans and was no match for a psychostrategist.

Reya turned to Argus. Her face was troubled. The tone in her voice was almost a sound of pleading as she asked something she hoped was not true. "Is this true? After you promised me you wouldn't?"

Argus knew he had let her down. He wished that he could turn back time and undo what was going to cause her pain. The look on his rival's face caused Argus to say instead, "I told you that I wouldn't, IF he did not pose a threat to the security of this ship."

A slow reluctant anger was building up inside Reya; along with a feeling of disappointment and betrayal of trust. "You lied to me. You had already decided that he was a threat when you made the promise. You always intended to beat him up."

"No, I didn't."

"You beat him up, Argus! How can you say you didn't?"

Argus still didn't understand how he lost control that day, but he found it impossible to admit it while his nemesis was standing there with an amused look on his face. "Just because I did, doesn't mean that I lied to you. I didn't plan to beat him up when I went to his cabin to talk to him."

Reya said, "Alright, you didn't plan to beat him up. It just happened." It was hard to believe that someone as disciplined as Argus could let his emotions rule his fists. If she had not witnessed that one troubling incident that had made him not act like himself, she would have found it impossible to accept that it could happen. This did not resolve their issue of trust though.

Reya said acidly, "But did you also accidentally not tell me? For days? For weeks? Was that also not planned? Why didn't you tell me?" She tilted her head towards Sester and saw the serious and troubled look on his face. "Why did neither one of you see fit to tell me?" Reya challenged Argus, "Did you threaten to beat him up again if he told me? Is that why?"

Any defence of Sester by Reya always made things worse for Argus. His eyes were hard and unyielding as he said, "Don't paint him out to be the victim here, Reya. You seem to forget that he's a dangerous man. He works for Servalan. He cannot be trusted."

Tempers were definitely getting out of control for both of them. Reya said angrily, "You beat him up. The only one who seems to be dangerous here, is you!"

Sester felt as if he was winning a very important battle and he scarcely had to do anything. He had been trying hard to be good, for her sake. Manipulating Reya had been out of the question, he could not do that to her, but he had no such compunctions about Argus. The man was his rival and both of them were dangerous in their own ways. Sester had been looking for a way to even the score between them. Argus had walked right into this one.

Sester was enjoying the fireworks but he decided that it was time to step in before the situation deteriorated further. The battle was not over yet, but the damage had already been done. He could afford to wait. The relationship between these two was starting to fracture, but he was under no illusions. Reya and Argus's bond with each other was still strong. He wondered how miserable these two could make each other before they reached the breaking point. Their inability to communicate effectively with one another was their weakest point, as well as their equally strong wills. It was not that they were incapable of it. Under the right encouragement, each was quite capable of it. He had done it often enough with Reya.

Sester was very good at being the sympathetic and caring listener. That was why she was conflicted about him when her experience told her not to trust him.

At first Sester considered Reya's irrational wish to believe in him predictable, even inevitable. It was a situation he had faced many times with women. Once they had a taste of his caring side, they couldn't let him go. It was a natural ability he learned to be very careful with. Sticky and overly emotional situations were useful in his work but not as desirable for his personal life.

With Reya, things had quickly become very personal. Over time, he learned that her response to him was something different than what he had experienced before. She cared about him and genuinely wanted to believe in him. It was something much more than gratitude for what he had done for her. It went beyond the potency of his natural charm. Reya valued him for himself despite what she saw as his weaknesses. It had nothing to do with how he impacted her life. He didn't know why, but this had made it hard for him to let her go.

Here she was defending him against someone she loved. For a moment, it made him feel...he wasn't quite sure what it was, but it wasn't good. Why should I feel terrible? Argus is only getting what he deserves.

He tried to tell himself that Reya would have found out eventually and she would be as angry as she was now. And hurt.

An inexplicable impulse caused him to say to her, "Reya, don't be angry with Argus. He was only trying to protect you from me."

Reya turned to him in surprise. She said, "Stay out of this. It has nothing to do with you."

Sester was as surprised by his own words as she was. He said, "If it weren't for me, none of this would be happening." He knew why he was doing this; he could not bear seeing her hurt.

She shook her head. "You don't understand." Looking pointedly at Argus, she said, "This has to do with trust."

Argus's face looked pained and he opened his mouth to say something but Sester said, "Reya, please give him a chance. Argus made a mistake." He looked pointedly at his nemesis. "He makes many mistakes."

Sester knew the only way to help Reya, was to assist his rival out of this mess.

Argus's lips curled in anger at what Sester was doing. He said with quiet menace. "Stay out of this, Sester."

Sester wished the man would understand what he was trying to do and cooperate for once. "I don't think I will. Since you have an inability to fix this without making it worse..."

Argus said with great cynicism, "Don't try to use this situation to make things better for yourself."

Sester had a smile on his face. He could not resist the open challenge between them either. "If I wanted to make things better for myself, I would do nothing."

Argus said angrily, "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Do I really have to explain it to you?"

Reya said, "Sester, please leave us."

He turned to her. "No. I am doing this for you as well as for him."

Argus added sardonically, "You mean for yourself."

Reya said, "Argus. Stop it!" She looked at both men and then said, "Get out. Both of you."

Argus said, "Reya, please..."

Sester said, "But..."

Reya pointed to the door. "Now! Both of you. I can't talk to either one of you now if you both insist on making this a contest. I will not be the prize for your male pride!"

Argus said in a subdued voice, "But this is my cabin."

Reya asked with a tone that made Argus wince, "Are you saying that you want me to leave instead?"

Argus said in a mortified voice, "Nooo." His head hung down. "I'll leave."

Sester was also subdued. "My apologies."

The two men felt ashamed of themselves, in their rivalry, they had pushed things too far and had hurt someone they both cared about.

Argus made sure that Sester made the first move to leave. As Sester passed him, he could hear the other man saying in a barely heard voice, "Don't be a fool. Talk to her."

Argus's anger flared, "What did you say?"

Sester looked back at him just as the cabin door opened. There was no challenge or aggression in his eyes, only sincere concern. "She needs you to talk to her."

Sester had never used the full weight of his ability to persuade on Argus before.

Argus hesitated with indecision and confused anger. The man he hated was not acting like an enemy now.

Sester took one last look at Reya and said, "You need to be honest with her. Don't hurt her anymore." With that he left and didn't look back.

Argus stared at the door as it slid closed. It was hard to take advice from his enemy, especially when he was right. He was almost afraid to turn around to face Reya again. "He's right. I have hurt you and I'm sorry. I don't know what comes over me when he's around. I feel..." There were so many things he wanted to express but he didn't know how to say it. He was always afraid that if he opened his mouth, everything would come out wrong and only make matters worse.

When Reya didn't say anything, he asked fearfully, "Is he right? Have I made too many mistakes with you? Is this one too many?"

Argus sounded so miserable and insecure that Reya's face softened. The deep regret in his eyes made her want to reach out to him. She could never stay angry with him for long. Her voice was gentle and reassuring as she said, "No. Don't ever think that. I'm angry now, but it doesn't mean that I love you any less. We just need to cool down for a bit before either one of us makes things worse. We've both made mistakes."

"No. I make all the mistakes and you've been wonderful. I don't deserve you. I don't know why you stay with me."

Reya went over to the doorway where he stood and placed her hand on his arm. "That's why. Because you deserve someone better than I am, but you don't see it."

"I don't understand. How could you say that after all of the things I've done? I'm not perfect. I keep saying the wrong things. I..."

Reya reached up to brush his face. "You're perfect for me."

"I don't th..."

Reya put her fingers to his lips. "Don't say any more. Just know that you are to me. I want you to understand something, Argus. No matter what happens with Sester, you are stuck with me. The only way for you to be free of me is if you walk away. I never will. When I thought I had lost you, I stopped wanting to live. You are that important to me. If you had not given me a charge to keep the others safe, I don't know what I would have done. I understand why you hate Sester, but he helped me deal with some of the pain. Neither of us knew that you were still alive. He was genuinely trying to help. For that, we both owe him but there was never any question that he would replace even a small fraction of what you are to me. I regret that we slept together but it was a circumstance that didn't give us any choice. It never meant anything to me."

Argus lifted his eyes to meet hers. Reya always knew how to make him feel better. No matter what she said though, he knew that he did not deserve her. "I understand about Sester. I do. In my head. But..." How could he explain the war that went on inside of him whenever his opponent smiled smugly at him?

Reya sighed with resignation. "Another part of you takes over. Yes, I understand."

"I don't want it to."

"I know."

"I will try harder."

Reya nodded.

Argus asked with hope of a different answer, "Do you really want me to leave?"

"Yes, for now. I think it will do us both good."

"Can I come back later?"

"No. I will let you know when you can."

Argus said, "As long as you don't hate me."

Reya sighed. "I could never hate you."

"I am sorry for what happened and for not telling you."

"Are you?"

Argus hesitated. "I can't say that I'm completely sorry for beating him up, but I am sorry for what I did to you. I should have been honest with you."

"We both have things to work on with each other and there is much we have to work out but you'd better go now."

Argus didn't know what she could possibly need to work on but he said, "Alright." He decided that he should head in the opposite direction that Sester went.

**********

Avon's stare was starting to make Vila feel uncomfortable. The man did not seem to blink. Avon finally looked down at the chessboard, made a move with his bishop and said, "Check." His eyes lifted up to stare at Vila again.

"Yes?" asked a flustered Vila.

Avon said, "You're in check. Again."

Vila looked down at the board as if he had forgotten that they were playing. "Oh." He tried to remember what strategy he had been following, with very little success.

Avon said with impassive indifference, "Take all the time you need, since you appear to have nothing else to do than to lose to me."

Vila glanced at Avon and then shifted his king to move it out of danger. "It's not going to work. You can't get rid of me that easily."

"Are you quite sure?" Avon moved a piece to attack Vila's king again and said, "Check."

Vila looked at the offending piece and said, "I wasn't talking about the chess game. The only way I'm going to leave is if Cally comes back. Nothing you say is going to change my mind."

A brief look of irritation appeared on Avon's face. He had been right, Cally was not going to leave him alone until she knew that he wasn't going to kill himself.

Vila said with a light smirk, "Besides it's hard to be rude when you've given up calling me a fool."

Avon asked, "How about a wager?"

"Eh?" Vila always found the idea of a wager tempting, but it was the last thing he had been expecting. "What kind of wager?"

"A chess wager. You can stay if you win. When I win, you will give me time alone. Neither one of us will tell Cally. I promise that I will not do anything that she would not want me to do. Agreed?"

"I don't know," said Vila uncertainly.

"Unless you don't believe me or you don't think that you could win."

"It's not that."

"Then what's the problem?"

Vila looked at the door through which Cally had exited earlier and said, "Cally will kill me if she found out I left you alone. I like to keep on the good side of people who can do that."

Avon asked dryly, "Do you plan to be afraid of every woman on this ship?"

Vila said defensively, "I wouldn't call it being afraid."

Avon said sarcastically, "You wouldn't."

Vila frowned at the insult and then a wide smile lit up his face. "You know, it really isn't going to work, Avon. You might as well give up."

Avon was staring hard at him again. Vila shifted uncomfortably in his seat and then looked down at the chessboard. He moved a piece to block Avon's check and said in return, "Check."

The hint of a sly smile crossed Avon's face. "Are you taking up my wager, Vila? Do you honestly think you have a hope of winning against me?"

"What makes you think that I'm going to lose?"

"The last five games."

"And what if I win?"

"You have to win first."

Vila tried not to look too nervous.

**********

Sester sat alone in his new observer craft in one of the ancillary cargo holds. His mind was deep in thought as he planned what he was going to say to Servalan. Something was bothering him but he couldn't identify what it was yet.

Thoughts of Reya and the encounter with Argus in their cabin kept interrupting his concentration. His own actions to help Argus had surprised him. Most of his own behaviour when Reya was around amazed him. She made things happen that he never expected. She defied everything that he could calculate or strategize.

He smiled wryly at these thoughts as he familiarized himself with some of the new communications technology in the ship. It was time to put aside personal issues, at least until after he talked to Servalan. He could not afford any distractions when facing his employer.

The Athol military engineers had already gone over his craft thoroughly and reported that it contained no 'surprises'. Avon wanted to do it himself but Cally had refused to allow him return to work yet. Cally could be very tough when she wanted to be.

Sester's mouth held a bitter taste as he thought of what Servalan had tried to use him to do to Avon. In the end, she had achieved what she wanted, despite his attempts to prevent it.

Sester's eyes hardened. A puppeteer did not easily submit to being used as a puppet. He did not like being used in someone else's plots. It was time to regain some control with this woman. She had to learn that playing with a psychostrategist was not something to be taken lightly, not if she was the President of the rapidly expanding Federation.

He did not believe everything Servalan had told him about Anna. Sester wished that he had been able to do some investigation before everything came out. Avon had been too impatient and Argus had burst in before he could explain to Reya that he did not trust everything that Servalan had told him.

Sester sighed. He hoped it was not too late for the truth when he finally discovered it. For now, Avon would have to endure the consequences of the information he had not been prepared for; whether it was the truth, the half-truth, or a complete fabrication by Servalan.

Sester had his own suspicions. He was determined to find out the truth.

The onboard computer made the required relay connections and the Federation President, in an elegant red and white pantsuit, said immediately, "I expected more frequent reports now that I have given you a new ship."

Sester inclined his head slightly and said politely, "My apologies, Madame President."

Servalan's voice was one of a superior dressing down a subordinate. "Mere apologies are not adequate."

Sester smiled pleasantly. "How can I make it up to you?"

"Tell me what I want to hear."

"Don't I always?"

There wasn't an ounce of sarcasm in Servalan's cold voice. "I was beginning to think that you had forgotten how."

Sester gave her an easy smile and said with light deference, "I wouldn't dare forget, Madame President. I do value my life."

"You have nothing to fear from me," she said with the smoothness of a snake luring a prey into a comfortable lair.

"So long as I remember who holds all the power?"

"Of course." Servalan kept a severe face as she regarded him from the screen. "Does Avon?"

Sester's relaxed and pleasant manner slowly changed. "Your message was delivered."

Servalan leaned forward towards the screen and asked impatiently, "Well?"

For a moment, Sester's face was blank, caught between his continued game with the dangerous Federation President and his disgust with what she wanted to do to Avon. His words were measured as he responded to her query. "If your purpose was to kill Avon, then you didn't succeed."

"You know that wasn't my intention," Servalan said with annoyance. "How did he take the news?" Her voice took on that strange mixture of concern and eagerness she always had when contemplating an Avon who was hurting.

Sester said in a controlled voice, "Not well. He suffered two heart attacks; once when talking to Grant, the second when hearing your story about Anna. I must congratulate you. It was very well done, Madame President. You prepared him using Grant and when he thought that it was over, when he was already weakened, you hit him with the real blow."

The odd mix of emotions on Servalan's face turned to another strange combination of triumph and compassion. "I never expected the heart attacks."

Sester said with professional and non-personal detachment, "You should have, Madame President. You have extensive files on Avon's physical and mental condition. This should have been anticipated in your plans. If you had told me what your purpose was, I would have advised you against this course of action. Unless, as I have said, you intended to kill him."

Servalan eyes narrowed and held his, as if she was trying to read what his intentions were. "You of all people know what my intentions are concerning Avon."

"Do I?" He leaned towards the screen. "Do you?" There were no easy smiles now. Every word was like a weapon that cut deep to where the truth was hidden.

"What are you trying to say?" Servalan asked in a voice that would have come out like a hiss, if she was really a snake. Predators did not like it when their prey suddenly exhibited predatory instincts of their own. Sester was such a charmer that it had been easy to forget what he was.

"If you want to play with Avon, that is your prerogative. As you have said many times, he belongs to you. But you have placed me on this ship for a reason. One of them is to ensure that Avon is taken care of and that he remains under your control." Sester's eyes dared her to deny this.

Servalan did not. "Go on."

"Give him time to recover, Servalan. Before you kill him. Your games push him too much to the edge. Be careful that you don't push him so far that he cannot come back."

The heavy but professional warning in Sester's manner filled Servalan with great concern. Her voice betrayed her fear. "Tell me what happened?"

Sester told her, "He wants to die."

Servalan's face paled. "He tried to kill himself?"

"No." Sester watched her carefully as he said, "The only reason he doesn't, is because of Cally."

Servalan's eyes narrowed again at the mention of Cally. Her voice was so cold that it could have frozen the space between them. "She has her uses."

"Yes. She does, but you already knew that."

Servalan said ruthlessly, "When her usefulness ends, I will have her killed."

"Wouldn't she remain more useful as leverage against Avon? We know that he is willing to do anything for her." Servalan had just confirmed one of Sester's suspicions.

There was murder in Servalan's eyes. "She cannot be allowed to live."

"If you kill her, Avon will die," he warned her.

"It is not your place to tell me what to do. Only to advise," Servalan said with a menace that was icy and smooth.

"I would never presume to tell you to do anything, Madame President."

Servalan paused in thought and then she said, "Very well. I will give him time to recover. I expect regular reports on his progress."

"Of course." Sester had achieved two of the things he wanted to do. The rest would have to wait for another time.

Servalan reached for her panel to cut the communications channel but hesitated. She asked him with curiosity, "Why do you refer to it as 'my story about Anna'?"

Three. It certainly took you long enough. Sester asked, "Isn't it?"

"Are you implying that I fabricated the story?"

Sester's smile returned. "I am not implying anything."

"What have you been doing?" Servalan needed intelligent people to serve her, but they invariably developed minds of their own. She did not like her tools acting according to their own agendas.

"It occurs to me that you could not possibly have known some of the things you told me."

For the first time during their conversation, Servalan smiled. "Clever of you to notice but I do not pay you to analyze me."

"Call it a pleasurable exercise."

Servalan's warning this time was light, almost playful. "And a dangerous one."

"That's part of the pleasure, Madame President." Sester's voice contained a relaxed charm that hid a new resolve. I will not let you destroy Avon and Cally.

**********

If Avon's stares were calculated to fluster him, Vila thought that he was doing a very good job. He was playing the game of his life, running his few remaining pieces around the board, just one step ahead of a firing squad. The training sessions with Sester were proving very helpful.

Vila was surprised that his side was still alive. At first, his bravado had quickly turned to dismay as his confidence was chipped away with each piece Avon removed from the board. Vila refused to lose though. There was more at stake here than just a game to be lost. He realized he should never have taken Avon's bet.

From Sester, Vila recognized that he had reached the end game almost half an hour ago. He wondered how long end games were supposed to last. Half an hour seemed like an awfully long time but each time he thought that there were no moves left, his stubborn mind gave him another one. Vila moved his king again.

Avon looked at the move and then stared at him again. Without taking his eyes off Vila's, Avon reached out and lay down his king.

Vila looked down in confusion, trying to understand what Avon had just done. "But you're winning."

"It may appear that way."

"You're going to have to explain that to me." He still could not see why Avon had conceded the game to him.

"We could play for another hour and still be in relatively the same position we are in now."

Vila was still mystified. "But that means that we tied."

"Under normal circumstances."

"Alright, you're really going to have explain that to me."

"You have never won against me before. To achieve a draw when you have been in an end-game position for the past twenty-one minutes, is an incredible achievement."

"It still doesn't mean that I've won," said Vila stubbornly.

"You have. When I concede my king, the game is over and you achieve what you set out to do. You can stay. I will not compromise you with Cally."

"One of these days, I'm going to beat you. It won't just be a draw."

"I don't doubt that, but not today." Avon's eyes held amusement. "Your skill level has increased significantly since the last time we played. Have you been studying?"

"Well, yes." Vila wasn't sure how Avon would react to his playing chess with Sester. Or that Sester had been teaching him.

"Out with it, Vila."

"I've been playing with Sester."

Avon was staring at him again. Vila wondered why it was that he could never tell what Avon was thinking when he did that. He tried to defend his actions. "You did tell me to keep an eye on him."

"I did." Avon looked down at the finished game and contemplated the final configuration of the pieces.

Vila asked tentatively, "You're not mad that he's been helping me, are you?"

"Why would I be?"

"Well, you don't like him."

Avon laughed. "That would be a mild understatement of my attitude towards Sester. I don't mind if you use him. Just don't let him fool you."

"Avon."

"Hm?" Avon was still studying the pieces on the chess board.

"You're not going to try to kill yourself, are you?"

Avon looked up at him. This time he wasn't staring at him disconcertingly.

Vila said, "I know you don't want to hear this and I don't know much about Anna, but I do know Cally. She's ten times better than..."

Avon looked away from him. His jaw had tightened. It was the only evidence of a reaction.

Vila hoped that he hadn't said something Avon wasn't ready to face. Cally had warned him not to say anything to cause him stress. "Look, Avon. I didn't mean to..."

Avon said, "You're right."

"I am? Of course I am. You shouldn't be hung up over Anna. She tried to kill you and she was spying on you for the Federation."

"I know."

"Cally would die before she did anything like that."

Avon got up from his chair and said, "I know that, Vila." He began pacing slowly and rubbed his left wrist with his right hand.

Vila stood up and watched him. "Then I don't understand. Why are you treating her this way? She cares about you."

Avon stopped with his back towards him. "Don't pursue this, Vila. I know what I'm doing."

"It doesn't look like it."

Avon turned to face him and said, "I'm tired. I'm going to lie down."

"Alright. I know when someone's telling me to shut up, but I still think you don't know what you're doing."

Avon said, "Let me worry about that."

"Yes, but do you really want Cally to worry? You know she does. All the time."

The corner of Avon's eyes seemed to crinkle in a wince but it quickly disappeared. He said, "I'm going to get some rest." Avon went over to the bed and lay down without another word.

Vila sat down again as he watched Avon close his eyes. He said in a quieter voice, "I know. I know. I'll shut up now." There was a worried look on Vila's face as Avon pretended to get some rest. Cally was right, we can't leave you alone.

There was something wrong with Avon. No matter how much he tried to appear otherwise, something had changed. Vila had a bad feeling.