50 Things The Marauders Would Never Do
A/N: Hi! Recently, I've had an obsession with the Marauders from Harry Potter, and I got the idea for this list from Writer With Sprite, who did a hilarious piece of drabble called '50 Things Alex Rider Would Never Do', so please go read it!
Anyway, I will probably do four chapters in this, one for each Marauder (yes, I'm including Peter Pettigrew, after all, he was a Marauder too!) and all will be drabble. Yay, drabble! But yeah, this is set at the end of the Marauder's Sixth Year, so after the Marauder's Map but before Lily and James start dating. Actually, it would be interesting to write one of these for Lily (and Snape) as well... Anyway, this is my first fic, so please be nice.
Disclaimer:
Me: I had a really cool dream last night.
My Friend: Really? What was it about?
Me: I dreamt I owned Harry Potter.
My Friend: That'll never happen, no matter how much we wish it. Unfortunately.
Me: *sigh* I know, that right goes to J.K. Rowling. It was a good dream though.
I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER OR ANYTHING YOU RECOGNISE!
50 Things Moony Would Never Do
Note to the Teacher: Here's my essay, I hope you like it. To be honest, I don't see the connection between what I would never do and Defence Against The Dark Arts, but you are the teacher, and I trust your judgement.
50. I will never become an illegal animagi, nor will I ever need to be one. An animagi that is, not illegal. But I do hang out with James and Sirius, so I guess it depends on your definition of illegal.
49. I will never become a teacher, no matter what my friends say. I don't mind helping other students with homework and stuff, but I will never be able to stand in front of a class and teach. I just don't think I'd be able to control a class, especially if they are anything like my friends.
48. I will never understand Sirius's obsession with sweets. I like chocolate, sure, but as a general rule I don't like candy.
47. I will never buy expensive robes. Even if I could afford them, they would probably be ruined by the end of the month.
46. I will never tell you what my nickname means, no matter how much you beg. Actually, I half expected you to have guessed by now, it's hardly subtle. I blame Sirius, he choose it.
45. I will never explain to you what my boggart is, so stop asking. I don't know why anyway, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you.
44. I will never give you a tour of the castle and all it's secret passages. They are for me to know and you to find out. You never know, it might be fun!
43. I will never get perfect attendance, it's not possible. Don't even try.
42. I will never explain to Peter about the birds and the bees. NEVER AGAIN! I have never seen him so red, and I'm pretty sure I was quite red too. That was so awkward...
41. I will never trust Padfoot or Prongs with doing anything serious again. God, that was the worst day of my life, and I just ended up with more work.
40. I will never get a girlfriend, nor will I ever want one. I doubt there is one girl out there who would have me in the first place...
39. I will never understand you. Seriously, how did you get the DADA job?
38. I will never understand your assignments, no matter how much I try. Honestly, what do things I will never do have to do with DADA? I don't see the connection.
37. I will never hand in a late assignment, unless I am in ill.
36. I will never not finish a book, though I might skip a few chapters...
35. I will never like Lemon Drops, no matter how many times Professor Dumbledore offers me one. I will take them though, but mainly to annoy James. He thinks that they have Verita serum in them or something, as if!
34. I will never try to make another Marauder read a book. I once tried to get Peter to read Hogwarts: A History, but it didn't go down well. I've never been asked so many questions! In future, I'll just tell them what they need to know.
33. I will never understand how James and Sirius haven't been kicked out of Hogwarts. They cause so much trouble, but I suppose it's because they get good grades, how, I'll never know.
32. I will never betray my fellow Marauders or their secrets. Even if I wanted to, I don't want to get on their bad side. Not that I'd want to, you understand.
31. I will never give Peter caffeine. I've never seen anyone with so much energy! He was still bouncing off the walls a week later.
30. I will never led James my broomstick, no matter how much he asks. He can take a school broom next time, I don't want a repeat of last time. I ended up with a smashed broom that had flown into the Whomping Willow and ended up as fire-wood. He can buy his own broom, he still owes me one.
29. I will never try teaching James transfiguration ever again, no matter how behind he may seem. He ended up pointing out all the flaws in the textbook and explaining why Professor McGonagall was wrong. I never thought I was going to get him to shut up!
28. I will never burn a book. They are too precious with so much information in, with the exception of every one of our Care of Magical Creatures textbooks, they are full of bull.
27. I will never be gay. Honestly, I don't know how that rumour got around. It's Sirius who is bi, not me!
26. I will never understand why anyone would want to read this list. It's mostly me rambling on about nothing in particular, so why you would want to read it is beyond me.
25. I will never try to have a serious conversation with Sirius. Last time I tried to he ended up laughing at every other word I said, seriously, that guy has a really dirty mind. Then again, it was in first year...
24. I will never see James or Sirius as responsible adults. I doubt they even know what that means.
23. I will never say never, hang on...
22. I will never eat everything on my plate. If I don't want it, Sirius will eat it. If I do want it, Sirius will eat it anyway. I don't really have much choice in the matter.
21. I will never tell you what our next prank will be, that would ruin the surprise!
20. I will never tell you how I know where you are. It's a secret.
19. I will never tell you the password for Gryffindor Common Room. Are you even allowed in there?
18. I will never explain what happened to Snape. Whatever it was, he deserved it. Probably.
17. I will never explain my fear of silver jewellery to you. I just don't like it.
16. I will never talk to you about 'dark' creatures. It's a waste of breath and a waste of time as I know you will never change your opinion.
15. I will never find the Room of Requirement, no matter how much I search. It keeps changing and is really hard to find, so much so that it has evaded myself and the other Marauders for six years. That's an impressive feat.
14. I will never explain to you why you found me in the forest on Christmas Eve. Nor will I ever tell you how I was punished for being out after hours. Let's just say my punishment fitted the crime.
13. I will never tell you why I know my way around the Forbidden Forest. It doesn't help that I don't really remember why, anyway.
12. I will never tell you where I get my ideas from. I have lots of sources, and you really don't want to meet them when hyper.
11. I will never give Sirius sugar, no matter how much he begs. It is hard to resist those puppy-dog eyes, though...
10. I will never leave my friends when Sirius has got his hands on sugar. Good lord, one hyper teen is bad enough, I don't want the rest of them in that state.
9. I will never tell you where I get my chocolate from. It's for emergencies.
8. I will never tell you where I keep my chocolate. If you ask me again, I will tell you something that would scar you for life, no matter how tough you think you are.
7. I will never give you any chocolate. Not even if you are attacked by dementors. You should know the way to the kitchens now, go get some from the house-elves yourself.
6. I will never 'forget' to wake up the other boys in my room. That was a really mean prank, though it was funny to see them coming into breakfast.
5. I will never lend you spare parchment. Honestly, you're a teacher, you should carry some around anyway.
4. I will never eat anything James gives me.
3. I will never use James's stuff.
2. I will never take anything James has. Full stop.
1. I will never ride a broom willingly. I mean, its so unsafe to fly really high up on just a piece of wood. I've seen James after some Quidditch matches, and I really don't want the same thing to happen to me.
Please not that these are in no particular order, and I am hopeful you will grade my work to the best of your abilities.