Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, though I do love them! :)

For my bestie Caylee, for without whom I would not know about this wonderful manga.

My Inner Desire

Chapter 1

It's been a whole two months since Shinichi returned to us for good. I keep thinking this is some terrible dream that I'm going to wake up from soon. But with each passing minute, hour, day...things are slowly going back to normal. School has resumed as usual. Otou-san has gone back to being his not-as-famous detective self, and Conan-kun's mother finally came to pick him up. Though I wasn't present for this when it happened, she was kind enough to leave me their phone number. Every now and then he calls to check up on me. And I even gave his number to those cute friends of his. And though I was worried that he left his glasses here. He said for me to keep them, just in case he needed them if he ever came back.

I didn't know what to say when I answered the door. There he stood wearing his usual white, collared dress shirt and denim blue jeans. His new tennis shoes were squeaky clean and his blazer looked newly dry cleaned. His cute little 'duck tail', as Sonoko calls it, even looked combed. And even though it has been an uncountable number of days since I've seen him, that charming smile and the way he winked his eye to greet me still made me shiver.

"Konnichiwa," Shinichi smiled leaning against the door ledge. "I hope I'm not too early."

"Not at all," Ran laughed a little lifting her eyebrow. "I'm actually surprised to see you functioning after your late night mystery solving," she teased.

I could see the annoyance on her face. Then again when it came to murder cases or anything of the like, she was never really pleased. It was odd for a while. Trying to get used to looking down or at eye level with her. For the longest time, she was way above me. But now I was finally back to normal. And more confident than ever when it came to how I felt about her. Just looking at her standing in the doorway with her short, white and purple sun dress. Her glitter, orange toe polish stood out on her pale, bare feet. Her beautiful, long brown hair was tied up into a large purple ribbon. Causing her ponytail to swing freely behind her.

I watched as she looked me up and down. I couldn't help but grin. I already knew her feelings towards me. Or at least as much as I've gathered from "overhearing" her conversations with her friends. But there was something about the look in her eyes that always brought me back to her. Even though I knew she deserved much more than what I was giving her. But even if she found something better, the selfishness that dwells deep within me. Wouldn't want to let her go.

He laughed and shook his head. "Come on, you should know me better than that by now," he explained pushing himself off the door ledge.

"Should I?" she asked stepping aside inviting him into the house. She began to fidget with her necklace as she watched him take off his shoes.

He turned around to look at her and smiled. Almost as if his body was moving on his own, he stepped to her and embraced her in a hug. "Thank you."

She stood still her nose digging into his shoulder. Taking in his scent her eyes slowly looked up at him and she loosened up. "F-for what?"

He moved to look her in the eyes and couldn't help but smile. He glanced at the pink fluster that painted her cheeks and nodded. "I..." He then felt a sharp pain in the back of his head. "Ow..." was all he could say before turning around seeing a rather large shoe behind him. "What the-"

"So Kudo, the first thing you do when you return to my house in...what? Years? And after practically humiliating me during MY case last night. Is try to cuddle up to my precious daughter?"

"Uh oh," was all Shinichi could say as he looked up.

Kogoro was standing there looking down at the two with a very unpleasant look on his face. He scrunched his nose causing his mustache to wrinkle.

Shinichi quickly turned around and smiled. "Ah Mouri-san. Konnichiwa. Uh..um..Ran and I were..."

"Just about to start studying for those university entrance exams," she said walking towards the kitchen.

Kogoro finger combed his messy hair back and looked to Shinichi. "I see. But he's a genius right? He doesn't need to study."

Shinichi laughed nervously and began walking into the TV room. "Wha-what ever gave you that idea?"

Kogoro grinned and followed after him. "You try to act modest...and yet."

"Otou-san please. Shinichi is our guest so...try to be nice will you?" Ran asked from the kitchen.

Kogoro mumbled something under his breath and pulled on his trench coat. "In any case I'm going to go meet a client. So I will let you know if I am going to be home for dinner or not."

Ran nodded and sighed. "Yes, yes. My phone is on," she assured seeing him to the door.

Shinichi watched as they walked away realizing that they were having a small conversation, probably about him, though he couldn't make out the words. Pretending not to be listening he stood near the book shelf looking it over.

"Otou-san I promise. We are just going to study. And possibly get dinner if you are out later than planned."

"Humph. I can't help but worry about you Ran. He disappears and barely attempts to contact you. And then shows up out of no where as if everything is alright?" he sighed watching her as she straightened his tie. "I just don't know why you put up with it."

Ran kept a smile on her face as she patted his shoulders. "Because...that's what friends do. Stick by each other...no matter what."

Hearing this, Shinichi stopped and stared at a particular spot on the mantle. His old glasses were sitting there next to a photo frame collage of him as Conan and Ran. Just seeing this made him doubt a lot of things.

"I kind of miss him you know?" she said walking up behind Shinichi seeing what he was looking at.

He turned around and nodded. "Yeah...I hear he is doing well. I bet he misses you like crazy though."

She couldn't help but laugh. "Not as much as he misses his friends though," she said setting the snacks on the table and sitting down.

He looked at the glasses one more time before sitting across from her taking off his jacket. "Well...maybe," he said and looked over to her. "So what is the real reason you called me over here. Or do you really intend to study for university exams six months early."

She laughed and poured him a glass of juice. "Well..." she started and set the pitcher down softly. "I want to talk...to you."

He looked to her a bit surprised. She sounded as if this was something important or at the very least serious. "About what?"

She squirmed a little in her seat and stared down into her lap. "Well..." she started and then looked up at him. "You aren't going to disappear again are you? And...I just really wanted to know...where you've been this whole time."

He stopped mid sip and held his cup in his hand. He knew this topic was going to come up eventually. He had been actually dreading it the whole two months he had been back. And in all honestly he didn't want to lie to her. Not anymore. "What do you mean? I haven't been anywhere," he explained. "I was just doing my jo...cases you know that."

"But...why did you have to disappear the way you did? Couldn't you have come back for school at least? Now you're behind and...I'm worried about you."

He looked to her and set his glass down. "But my dream is to become the world's greatest detective."

She looked to him and nodded. "I..."

He looked to her as her smile began to fade. "Ran..." he started and bit his lip. Should he really tell her? Then again she kept no secrets from him. So how fair would it be if he asked her to start a relationship with such a lie on his chest? "I should tell you the truth..."

She looked to him and then back to her lap. This is what she's been waiting for. But she couldn't help but think...did she really want to know the truth? "T-truth?" she asked nervously.

He nodded getting comfortable in his seat. "Yes. I-I don't want to lie to you anymore."

"Lie?" she said shaking her head. "Shinichi what are you talking about?"

He took in a deep breath and crossed his hands on the table. "You see...the night I ran off after that case involving the roller coaster. I found out about an organization that was...well killing people. And I was trying to figure out a way to stop them. The only problem was...they had seen my face before and...tried to kill me once."

She gasped putting her hand to her mouth. "But why didn't you ask for help? I mean that sounds like a big job to try and handle on your own."

"I wasn't alone the entire time..." he said softly. "But I couldn't ask the agency or police for help because I myself didn't know who these people's identities were. Or where to start looking for them. Until I found out more information. I had to keep a low profile. They thought they had succeeded in killing me for a while. So I couldn't just freely walk around town. Especially since I didn't want them finding anything out about me. Where I lived or who I associated with, because then everyone connected to me would have been in danger. Especially...you."

She listened quietly taking it all in. "But...why didn't you just tell me this from the beginning."

He sighed. "I couldn't. And I apologize for making you worry so much this whole time. But..." he paused. So far he has been telling the truth. But the whole shrinking thing. How could he possibly tell her that?

"But?" she asked seeing he was lost in his own thoughts.

"About Conan..." he started. "You see...he and I.." before he could finish his sentence his cell phone rang in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked to her.

She looked away from him not wanting to really give her opinion.

"Moshi mosh?"

"Kudo you dog! Where are you? I've been messaging you all day!"

"Heiji?" he laughed scratching the back of his head. "Ah well...I'm just," he started.

"Never mind that. I'm in Tokyo for about a week for holiday. And I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get together?" he asked geeky.

"This isn't about that bet you lost last month is it?" he laughed.

"No no of course not. I mean hanging out. No business involved," he assured.

"You sure you can do that?" Shinichi asked raising an eyebrow.

"It's you I doubt that can stop. You're like a work-a-holic and you aren't even official yet!" he teased. "But tell Ran I'm not stealing you from her. Kazuha wanted to come as well," he said as if he was rolling his eyes.

"Well she is your girlfriend. I mean you two are practically marr..."

"Don't even say it," he warned. "Besides you have no room to talk. Oh wait that's right. You still haven't even asked her out. Let alone told her you LOVE her."

"You know what you're a real..." he then looked over to see Ran playing with her cup. "I gotta go," he said quickly hanging up the phone. "Ah...sorry about that."

"No it's okay," she said standing up smiling as she collected the dishes. "I know how close you and Heiji are. And you don't get to see him as..."

"Ran...wait," he said placing his hands over hers. "I..."

"It's fine Shinichi. I understand really. You don't have to worry about me. Just seeing that you are here and safe...is.."

He held onto her hands tighter shaking his head. No. He wouldn't make her cry. Not again. Every time he tried to tell her something important. It just ended with her in tears. He couldn't have that happen. Not again. "If there is one thing I know in this world Ran. Is that you are the only person that I can say that I lo-" he stopped seeing his phone lighting up again. Letting her hands go slowly he reached to pick it up.

She wanted so desperately to hear what he was going to say. But could what her father said be right? Was she just settling...for him? She shook her head trying to shake the thoughts out of her head.

He felt like a complete and utter asshole. Here she was being the best friend he could ask for. And he was constantly putting her second. Heiji was right. He had to do something before it was to late. "Ran...will you go out...on a da-"

She looked down as now her phone was ringing. "Moshi? Ah...Sonoko? Are you okay? What? Calm down you..." she then paused and nodded. "Yes of course...if I can do anything for you then...I see...yes I will be there as soon as I can," she said before slowly closing the phone back.

Shinichi sighed. "Is she alright?"

She shrugged and stood up. "I don't know but she sounded really upset. So I'm going to go see if she is okay," she explained grabbing her jacket off the chair.

"I see..." he said following after her. "Though if you I may ask. Could you call me when she is better? I want to continue this conversation."

She looked to him as she slipped her sandals on. "I will," she promised and opened the door.

Walking out in front of her, he waited for her to lock the door. He watched her and sighed. "Be safe alright."

She nodded and waved to him walking in the opposite direction towards the cross walk.

Pulling out his phone he dialed Heiji's number again. "Yeah? It's me. Sorry about that."

Heiji laughed. "I assume you blew it again?"

Shinichi sighed and began walking towards his house. "Shut up. You know we all can't have it as easy as you do you know."

Heiji scoffed. "Trust me. You aren't the only one. Look if you need my help I'll drop by in the morning. We can schedule a date through Kazuha and then you can owe me big time."

"You just want me to be in your debt for once," he laughed. "But fine...I will be at my parent's house."

Heiji nodded. "Alright. See you then."

Ran knocked on Sonoko's door and smiled as she saw her best friend open the door. "Sonoko...are you okay?"

Sonoko practically glomped Ran and laughed. "Oh my god! Am I glad you're here! Come in! Quick!" She said grabbing her wrist and pulling her inside.

Ran looked around confused and sighed shaking her head. "Sonoko! You had me worried that you were hurt or something."

Sonoko let her go once they entered her room and shook her head. "Hurt? No! Just the opposite!"

Ran sat down on the bed seeing all of the various clothes scattered around the room. "Well...then what's going on?"

Sonoko smiled and looked to Ran and then turned around lifting her leg behind her, that dreamy look in her eyes. "Makoto is coming into town this weekend. And...I have a feeling that something magical is going to happen."

Ran looked to her a bit wide eyes. "Magical?" she asked. "What do you mean by that?"

Sonoko looked to her and grinned. "Oh like you don't know."

Ran blushed a little and shook her head. "No I don't..."

Sonoko giggled and hopped on the bed next to her. "I think that...Makoto will...propose to me!"

Ran looked to her and gasped. "What? But...but Sonoko don't you think that's a bit...much?"

Sonoko looked to her and shook her head. "What? Of course not! I can just tell he loves me as much as I do him. Maybe even more." She said hugging herself and laying back on the bed. "Which is why I need you to help me pick out the perfect outfit. And I need to practice my surprise face."

Ran looked to Sonoko and began bursting out laughing.

Sonoko looked to her and sat up slowly. "Ran...what's so funny?"

Ran shook her head and wiped a tear from her eye while her other hand held her stomach. "Nothing...nothing at all," she said softly and nodded standing up. "I'm just happy...for you is all." She said placing her hands on her hips and looking back at her. "So if we really want to make this happen. You must have the perfect outfit," she said going along with this plan.

Sonoko nodded and jumped off the bed running over to her closet. "Alright! I knew I could count on you Ran," she smiled and continued throwing things over her shoulders.

Ran nodded and then sat down on the bed slowly her smile fading a little. "Of course you can..."

Sonoko could hear the tone in her voice but didn't turn around. "So...what about you and lover boy?" she teased. "Has he asked you out yet?"

Ran looked over to the closet and then began picking through the clothes on the bed. "No...why do you ask?"

Sonoko shrugged. "I just thought that's what he came over today for."

Ran sighed. "I don't know. I mean...I think he was trying to but..."

Sonoko rolled her eyes. "Ran I'm telling you. You could have any guy you want and yet you want to be with the show offy know it all? I don't get it? I mean what is so special about him anyways?"

Ran didn't answer but continued to pick through the clothes.

Sonoko turned around to look at her friend and smiled. "How about...I help you."

Ran looked up at her surprised. "Help me? But you hate Shinichi. Why would you..."

Sonoko shook her head. "It doesn't matter if I hate him or not. If you love him, and he could make you happy. Then that's all I really care about," she admitted. "But to do it. You have to get him to ask you out first."

Ran sighed. "But how do I do that? I mean...I thought I made it apparent how I felt about him."

Sonoko laughed. "Well as smart as the boy is I swear sometimes he doesn't have any common sense," she said. "But the way I think you get a boy's attention. Is by seeming happy with another boy."

Ran looked to her confused. "What? I...I don't understand. How does that work?"

Sonoko placed her hands on her hips. "Ran you really don't know anything about how this works do you," she grinned. "I'm talking about making him jealous."

"Jealous?" she shook her head. "No...that wouldn't work. I mean Shinichi is too smart for that. He wouldn't fall for it."

"Are you sure about that?" she asked raising her eyebrow and holding a dress up to herself looking in the mirror.

"Well...not really but..." she said standing up and picking up some of the clothes to tidy up a bit.

"Then what do you have to lose?" she asked walking over to Ran and holding a dress up to her. "Besides. I have the perfect guy."

The rest of the day dragged by and still no call from Ran. He sighed from boredom walking around the large estate. Finally midnight struck while he was lying in bed. He frowned and closed the mystery book he had been reading. Setting it on his night stand, he reached over and turned the lights off.

"Shinichi..."

He opened his eyes and looked around even though the whole room was in darkness. Turning on his side he closed his eyes again shaking off the weird feeling.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. It slowly moved down his chest and across his stomach. He opened his eyes slowly though still unable to see. "Hello?" he whispered. His throat was so dry that he couldn't even swallow.

"Shinichi..."

The voice. So faint and yet so familiar sounding. He turned over on his back to get a better view. His heart was pounding so loud. It was the only thing he could hear in the dead of the night. He wondered, for some reason, if this was the feeling a person got before they died "Yes?" he finally answered.

He waited patiently for a response but instead felt a pair of warm lips press against his. His body went numb. Almost as if the kiss was some sort of poison. He could feel his shirt being lifted above his head. The more his shirt came off, the more he could see this mysterious person. A petite figure, tiny waist, womanly structure, seemingly long hair.

Turning his head he moved his eyes only to get a better look at the face. But all he could make out was large purple eyes. Almost as if a shadow was purposely covering the rest. "Who...who are you?"

The pair of eyes moved to look at him and squinted. "I'm your inner desire," the voice spoke simply. "You called me here. Did you not?"

He looked into the eyes and grinned a little. "Subconsciously maybe. But if that is true. Then logically speaking this is just a dream."

Sitting up slowly the figure laughed a little, caressing his cheek with a soft finger. "But you aren't sleeping."

He reached his arm over to the night stand to turn the light on. But felt his hand being stopped.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the voice threatened.

He then felt his pajama pants slowly sliding off. "If I may ask. Why are you undressing me?"

"I'm not. You're undressing yourself."

He looked down to see his other hand moving his pants down on its own. "Wha-.." he tried to stop himself but his hand just continued to remove them.

"Look if this is a bad time for you I'll leave," the voice said as the figure began climbing off him.

"Wait..." he said softly and sat up slowly leaning on his elbows for support. He looked down at himself as he was now only wearing his underwear. "Tell me. What is...my inner desire?"

"You of all people should know Shinichi," the voice said shaping more into the figure of a person. "But you had better figure it out before it's too late."

He then looked over over to see the outlining of Ran walking away. "Ran...Ran! Wait!"

Shinichi quickly woke up hearing his cell phone buzz on the side table. Looking around the now lit room, he took a deep breath. "So...it was just a dream," he concluded and grabbed the phone picking it up. "Yeah?"

"Are you not psychotic now?" Heiji's voice asked from the other side.

"What? What are you talking about?" he asked pulling the covers off of him and stretching.

"I came to your house an hour ago. Last night you told me to let myself if you didn't answer and wake you up. I went into your room and tried to shake you and wake you up but," he paused. "Dude you started acting weird."

Shinichi felt his face warm up extremely quick. "W-what do you mean by...by weird?" he asked nervously.

"You started talking to me at first. And then it just turned into mumbles. For some reason though...you felt the need to get naked and..."

"WHAT!" he yelled jumping up and pulled his pants on quickly. "You mean that voice that was answering my questions was..."

"Well who the hell did you think it was?" Heiji asked confused and then began laughing. "Well at least I know you weren't stripping for me on purpose. I don't think Ran...no Kazuha would be to happy about that idea."

Shinichi pushed his bangs back with his palms and sighed. "Where are you?"

"In your kitchen. You don't eat in very often do you?" he teased opening and closing the refrigerator.

"You are alone aren't you?" he prayed.

"Yes. And be lucky I am," he said hanging up the phone.

Shinichi let out a sigh of relief and went into the bathroom to take a shower.

"Oh come on Ran. I mean it can't be that hard," Kazuha assured as she continued brushing her friend's hair.

"If it isn't that Kazuha...then why hasn't he asked me out yet?" Ran asked worried.

Kazuha shrugged. "Well he has only been back for a little while...maybe he's waiting for the right moment. I mean it took Heiji ages for him to finally realize how he felt about me."

Ran sighed. "Or maybe I am just a friend to him. Maybe what Heiji said was wrong."

Kazuha shook her head. "I don't think so. Heiji seems to know him on another level. And you know how boys are. Despite how much they deny it, they talk about their feelings to each other as much as us girls do."

Ran looked to her and turned around a little. "So you mean...Shinichi told him that he did like me?"

Kazuha shrugged. "I don't know if he said that exactly. But I think Heiji was hinting at something when we were on our way here."

Ran thought for a minute and nodded. "Hm. Maybe Sonoko was right. Maybe he does need a little push."

Kazuha looked to her a little confused and then shook her head. "Oh...Ran what...what are you planning?"

Ran smiled and picked up her phone. "Oh nothing. Just putting operation 'Make Shinichi Jealous' in motion."

Hope you enjoyed! Please read and review! Look out for Chapter 2 coming soon! :D