I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry…
-Stacy Ann Ferguson and Toby Gad
Something had changed. Something about Leah had changed. It wasn't anything physical, wasn't something that could be really be described. She had grown quiet, introverted. She kept to herself as much as she could, apparently reading. When anyone asked her what was wrong she would roll her eyes.
"Nothing's wrong," She would snap. "Well, a lot of things are wrong but everyone already knows about them."
She would never say any more.
"She's up to something." Her mother would sigh. "She's not telling me what she's doing. It's this big secret and I don't like it."
She wouldn't return any of Sam's calls. She wouldn't go out with Jacob and the others. She would only help if Jacob asked her directly.
She had taken a job at a coffee shop in town and was volunteering at the hospital. Actually working with Dr. Cullen. She was taking yoga classes and teaching herself meditation. Other than that she worked on her secret project, usually in the coffee shop after her shift was over.
Then, almost out of nowhere, the announcement came. Leah had been accepted with almost full scholarship to the University of Denver.
"I didn't even know she was applying to school." her mother told everyone. "She never asked for any help."
Leah was not only was receiving help from the school, but held a scholarship from the American Indian College Fund.
Seth was they only on who had known and he was sworn to secrecy. He was the one who had been covering for her the whole time.
"She was afraid, if anyone else knew, they would just try to stop her." Seth said, looking down. "I just want her to be happy again. I think this will help."
Leah was visibly excited about it all. She told anyone who would listen about the campus and her courses and all there was to do in Denver. She sounded like any small town girl who was longing to escape. Everyone knew what she was doing though. That she was changing the course her life herself, essentially giving fate the finger.
Jacob went to the coffee shop one day, to confront her about her choice.
"I'm going to College." She said bluntly. "I have the scholarships and money I saved from working so I don't need any help, financially. And I'm nineteen, a legal adult, so to hell with anyone if they try to stop me. This is what I want. And if you think it's selfish, fine, think that. I don't give a damn."
She left on a bright August morning. Charlie Swan, of all people, gave her a ride to the airport. Her brother came too. "I don't quite understand what's with all your buddies," he said. "But I'm really impressed by what you're doing. I think your dad would be really proud."
"That means a lot to me" she replied. "Thank you." She had actually smiled.
Charlie took a picture of Leah, hugging Seth goodbye. "For your mother." He had said. "I bet she'll want it someday."
And Leah was gone. No one heard her thoughts or felt her presence.
Then, the e-mails and attached photos started to come. Leah at a party, dressed like it was the 1980s. Leah as a pirate for Halloween. Leah skiing. (A friend had taught her, she wrote. And after all, this is Colorado.) Emily kept a photo of Leah, in full ski gear, on her dresser. She just looks so happy, Emily had said. Leah wrote of her classes. She liked Art History and Chemistry. She liked her roommate, a blonde from Denver who had never met a Native American before. She's a sweet girl, but sometimes I feel like she wants to apologize to me for the Louisiana Purchase,Leah wrote.
Leah never asked about things that would seem, to anyone outside the pack, unordinary. She never brought up anything unpleasant. She even disregarded some of her old taboos. One day, Bella received a phone call from Leah, asking to speak with Edward. He wondered out loud about what she could want but took the phone. After a look of confusion, he seemed amused. He answered all her questions and said goodbye politely.
"What was that about?" Bella asked.
"She's writing a paper on the turn of the century urban life. She wanted to ask me about Chicago in the 1900s." He laughed. "I told her I would help only if she's didn't cite me as a primary source."
In the e-mails Leah had talked a lot her new good friend Janice, a curly haired brunette from modern Chicago. She's obsessed with music. Leah wrote. Her whole family is, her mother named her Janice Joan after Janice Joplin and Joan Baez. She's teaching me to play the guitar.
There were others, friends like Dani from Austin and Mary from Cleveland, but Janice was the one they heard most about. Leah spent two weeks with Janice in Chicago the summer after her freshman year. Edward received a gift from Leah that summer, a Cubs baseball cap. A thank you, for help with the paper. The attached note had read. She also sent a new leather wallet to Seth. She spent the rest of the summer in Denver.
Later that summer Jacob recieved a postcard with a photo of the Rocky Mountains. Please don't hate me. It read. I needed this more than you can imagine. If you ever really need me, I'll come back, but please only if you really need it. I'm happy. There are days when I never think about anything in the past, just what can happen in the future. Please don't take that away.
Other than that note, she acted like none of what happened in the past ever occurred. It was like she had amnesia. But everyone knew she remembered. She still wouldn't return Sam's calls. She only left him a direct message once, on Emily's machine.
"I just wanted to ask you to please stop harassing Janice when you can't get a hold of me. I gave that number to my mother for emergencies only. You don't need to worry. Nothing I do here will put your family in danger. I promise. What you can do for me is to stop leaving messages on Janice's cell phone. Thanks, and say hello to everyone for me."
What hurt him the most was that she thought his only concern was for himself and Emily. That he didn't worry about her, all alone hundreds of miles away from her own family.
He soon found his concerns were misplaced.
"I went to visit her one weekend." Her mother told Sam. "I was wonderful; It was like I had my old Leah back. She was so happy, so excited by school."
"She really likes it there." Seth had said. "At first, I thought she went to just get away but, well, you should see her." He smiled. "She really just loves school."
Seth had returned from the visit with a course catalog and a pile of brochures. "I'm just checking it out." He would say.
Leah decided to room with Janice their sophomore year, which was accompanied by more photos and stories than they could imagine. The summer after sophomore year, Leah brought Janice for a visit. She was talkative and very friendly, making a lot of jokes.
They went over to Charlie Swan's with Leah's mom, not expecting to find Bella and Edward also visiting.
"Hey you're the one from Chicago!" Janice had said to Edward as he introduced himself, "Leah bought that hat for you!"
"It's been a while since I have been there." He replied.
"Well you've got to visit soon!" she said. "Gotta stay loyal to The Chi right?"
She actually gave him a fist bump.
As they left she called, "It was nice to meet you, Mr. Swan. See you later, Bella, Ed." She waved.
Later Edward would laugh. "That Janice, I like her. I liked being in her head. It's just music. She constantly had a song in her head; it's like listening to an iPod on shuffle."
Leah and Janice went to the hospital, to visit the staff Leah used to volunteer for. Leah introduced Janice to Carlisle who, from then on Janice referred to as Dr. McDreamy.
In her junior year, Leah went to Chili, studying in Valparaiso. There was a study abroad option that was recommended to her and she just did it. She has been taking Spanish classes and was to stay with a host family, a retired Chilean couple.
She sent home all sorts of pictures, of riding horses and visiting cities and country wineries. She took side trip to Buenos Aries and the Argentinean countryside. She even got to see Easter Island.
Are you studying? Her mother wrote back. Or are you just traveling around everywhere?
And finally, one warm spring day, Leah graduated. Her mother wept openly during the ceremony, saying she had never see Leah look so beautiful.
Leah came home with her diploma framed, and placed it on the mantel next to the photo of her father. By then, Seth had finished his freshman year at the University of Seattle.
Leah was always smiling now. Always willing to cheerfully show anyone her photo albums or tell her stories. She liked to tell jokes and play her guitar. She would make tapas and guacamole for her mother, singing songs in Spanish. It was like having the old Leah, but instead they had a new Leah. A Leah with a lot of her old traits, but who now wanted to travel the world and worried about third world poverty and global warming.
At her graduation party Leah announced that she had a job offer in Arizona, as a teacher.
"They need someone who speaks Spanish." She said. "This is a great opportunity and my friend Sara is going there too, well she's from there so it won't be a huge deal, but we're getting a place together."
"You're really doing this?" Jacob has asked, "We all thought after school you would just…"
"Remember that card I sent you, from Chicago?" Leah asked him.
He nodded.
"It's all still true." She said. "I don't know if you'll ever believe me, but it is. I want this so much Jacob. It's something I earned on my own and something I chose. This is my life."
She spoke with a maturity Jacob had never seen before, a maturity he could not argue with.
And with that, she was gone.
Time passed, as it does. Months turned into years.
Leah turned 32. She acted 32. She looked 32. And finally she came home. She even brought her boyfriend John, a tall Cherokee man from Oklahoma, to meet her family. They brought gifts for her whole family, even a very special present for Sam and Emily's daughter Liza, who was now 10.
"She's an American girl doll, her name is Kaya. She comes with stories of how our people lived hundreds of years ago. She's a Nez Perce girl, from the other side of Washington State." Leah had explained as Liza hugged the doll.
As the welcome party continued, Leah slipped out the back door.
Sam found her staring out into the dark woods.
"Looking for uninvited guests?" he asked.
"No." she smiled. "I just needed some air."
"Thank you for the gifts, the doll especially, Liza loves it." He said
"That was John's idea, actually." Leah told him. "His little nice has one too."
"Leah, you're aging."
The statement caught her completely off guard.
"You're aging." Sam repeated. "You look like a…"
"Are you suggesting I start using night cream?" She laughed.
"You know what I mean." He said. "When did you stop?"
"I was 20. The fall I went to Denver was my last time. "
"But you…"
"I guess I was enjoying myself to much to care. Selfish I know, but I have always been a little selfish."
"You would have come back, if we really needed you."
"You think so?" she asked.
"It's just something Jacob always said." He replied.
This made her smile so wide that it made him remember why he had once thought she was beautiful.
"So will you be around for a while or…"
"John and I are getting married. In Oklahoma" She interrupted him. "We were going to tell everyone tonight. It's going to be a small ceremony, only immediate family and very few friends. Janice is going to be my maid of honor, no other bride's maids. My mother knows. So does Seth. John wanted to ask his permission, since he couldn't ask my father. Very Edward Cullen of him." She laughed.
"On John, is he, I mean, did you impri…"
"No." she said, cutting him off.
"Did you ever?"
"No." she said.
"Leah…."
"John loves me." She said. "There's too many people in this world who never get even that. Too many people whose lives are filled with so much loss and pain; I wouldn't dare ask for more"
"Leah…"
"Like you said," she replied. "I guess I'm getting old."
And with that, she smiled at him and walked into the house.
After the visit, she hugged Emily goodbye, telling her she and Sam had a beautiful family and apologizing for not visiting sooner.
"Come visit us in Arizona any time." John had told them.
And she was gone again.
And life went on. And in the new generation, the old legends remained. To watch out for cold strangers and to trust in guardian wolf spirits.
But, despite this, a new legend emerged. Holding up her new doll, Liza told the story of her pretty Aunt Leah, who went to South America. This started whispers among the girls of who would go where and what they would see and do. We can go, and come back if they need us, they would say.
And the school yard whispers became stories, of a sad young girl who went off on her own adventure and got her very own happy ending.
"What is it?" the listening girl would ask.
"That's the best part." Her mother would say. "You get to choose. You tell me the happy ending."