As much as I hadn't wanted to move from my hometown of nearly eighteen years now, Mae had decided it was probably best for me if I didn't have so many memories surrounding me every day. To be honest though, the move wasn't for me; it was for her. I understood where she was coming from though. It was hard to walk down the street and think that my mother used to take me to get coffee at that small shop or that me and my dad used to go into that small corner store and buy penny candies every so often.
Although it was hard their memories were still there, and there was sort of comfort in the idea that they weren't completely gone if I could still remember.
But when Mae had decided we were packing up and heading to New England to "start off fresh" I had just smiled and agreed. My aunt wasn't much to make roots anywhere, and I knew that after my senior year here she'd probably pack up and move again. It didn't bother me too much though. After what had happened that past year and a half I had sheltered myself away. Instead of going out and having fun with everyone else in my class I had hid in my room and worked on getting into a good college and making my parents proud.
Mae stepped out of her little black sports car and smiled at me as I stood leaning against the red pickup my dad had bought for me when I turned sixteen. The summer air was heavy and humid and it almost felt as if I couldn't breathe. My white camisole stuck to the sweat that beaded on my skin and I could feel the sticky contact every time my legs brushed one another.
"Well now," Mae had a bright jingle in her voice, "We're finally home."
We spent the rest of the day unpacking the two cars and the moving van. Most of the furniture had already been brought in earlier that week and we rearranged and set up our new house. By the time we had finished it was nearly eight at night and we were both exhausted from trying to decide where everything belonged and how we should create what would be our new home.
I slumped down onto the couch. My hair was still wet from the shower I took to finally clean off that sticky feeling from the hot air. The night had cooled down the house a lot more and Mae was busy in the kitchen unpacking the Chinese food we had ordered for dinner since our fridge was still empty.
Looking around the living room I caught sight of my favorite picture. It was me standing in the middle of my parents. I was only seven, missing my two front teeth, my now auburn hair had been much lighter then and my smile was bright and wide with my one sided dimple. My mom was looking down at me with her hand holding onto the back of my head, running her fingers through my hair like she always had. My father and I were looking up at one another. His hair was so bright blonde compared to me and my mother and he had a wide grin on his face as he was in the middle of saying something. We had been at the beach that day. Mae had taken that picture of us.
It used to sit on our fireplace mantel at home, now it sat in the corner on the table. I sighed and picked up the remote and flipped through the channels.
"Jilly, food's ready!" Mae called from the kitchen.
I turned the television off and stood up and made my way into our new, clean, white kitchen. I picked through the food and sat down next to my aunt on our table that seemed out place in such new surroundings. Almost like how I felt in this town far away from home.
"So, how do you like our new home?"
"It's nice, Mae. I told you that before."
"Maybe tomorrow we can go into town and see what's around, would you like that? I saw a nice little bookstore you'd enjoy when we were driving in."
"Yeah," I faked enthusiasm for my new town, "sounds like a good plan."
"Okay, good, and I can do some food shopping tomorrow so we actually have full cabinets and a fridge, and I'll pick up a few other things for around the house. This will be nice, Jilly. We'll start off new. A fresh start to make ourselves who ever we want to be and in the fall you can start your senior year as whoever you want to be. You don't have to worry about any reputations from your old school. Won't that be nice?"
Mae was being genuinely nice even though it was slowly breaking me. I liked back home. Although their memories were there, it made it easier to remember, and even though I didn't leave my room often my friends never gave up on me. I doubted that they would call much now that I was gone though. I ate my food and smiled and agreed with what Mae said. I knew she was trying and that was all that mattered to me.
I curled into my bed later that night after channel surfing with Mae for a few hours. I tossed and turned and finally after a while of not being able to sleep the dark cloud of drowsiness came over me. It was the doorbell that had finally woke me up. I rolled over and looked at my alarm clock, it was already ten.
The morning light had flooded my room and lit up the new space nicely. I sat up and stretched out arching my back and then letting my arms fall to my sides. I could hear Mae talking down the hall to whoever our new guests were. I slid out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweat pants. My hair was knotted and tangled in every direction and my face looked tired and beat. I opened the door and scurried into the bathroom so no one could see me.
The steam was just what I needed to wake up. After my shower I slipped out in just my towel. I could hear Mae on the phone laughing with someone telling them about our move in. I made my way into my room where I put on a tank top and shorts and ran a brush through my hair. It was too hot to dry it and I put on a bare minimum of make up because the air was too sticky for anything else. I picked up my book and snuck out into the backyard.
The pool was sparkling and crystal clear I laid out on the warm concrete and started to read. It became too bright for me to focus on my reading but the heat of the sun had drained me of any energy I'd needed to go back in and grab my glasses. Instead I pulled up my shirt exposing my stomach and let the warmth of the sun do its tanning tricks.
"I suggest a bikini," a bubbly voice called over, "Less tan lines."
I sat up but the blinding affects of the sun caused me to see only a bright white light glow. I squinted and put my hand up to block out the light and then I saw where the voice came from. She had tan skin, long, straight black hair, and dark eyes. Her smile lit up when I looked her way.
"I'm Laura."
"Jillian," I said standing up, "You live next door?"
"Yeah, I didn't think anyone our age was moving in. You going to be a senior next year?"
"Yeah," I leaned against the fence next to her.
"Damn, changing school senior year? That must suck."
"It's not that big of a deal," I shrugged it off.
"Hey, well if you're done napping I'm heading out with some of my girls. We're just going to get some coffee. You should come with us. It'll be a lot of fun, and you'll get to meet some of the people in town," her smile was bright and she ran her fingers through her long dark hair.
I wasn't really sure what it was about her, maybe it was that seemed so genuine like my aunt that I agreed for the trip. "Yeah, I'll go. I just have to put some shoes on," I smiled back.
"Okay, cool," her face lit up, "Just meet me on my porch. I have to change out of my suit and into some clothes."
"Okay," I called as she skipped towards her house.
I walked back over to where I had fallen asleep and picked up my book and made my way into the cool house. Mae was leaning against the counter with a glass of iced tea sitting next to her. She smiled at me as I walked in.
"Making friends?" she cocked her head.
"Yes. Her name is Laura. I'm going out with her to get some coffee and meet a few other girls from town."
"Good. You need to go out more. Change will be good for you," she said decisively, as if she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince me.
I think she had been trying to convince herself that this move would be beneficial to me, although she probably knew it wouldn't be. Not that I'd ever say that to her, but every time I looked around our new home, seeing Mom's furniture in a room it didn't belong in, my heart dropped.
I strapped my sandals on and ran a brush through my hair before pulling it into a low ponytail that draped across my shoulder. I picked up my phone and wallet and stuffed both into my back pocket and slid on a pair of aviators before heading into the kitchen. I picked up my keys and put them in my front pocket just in case Mae decided to leave and I had to get back into the house.
Mae had moved outside and I waved to her through the glass door before leaving the cool, dry house for the humid, hot air outside. I felt like my whole body was going to melt under the blaring light of the sun. Just as I had walked across the lawn Laura was leaving her house. She had on a pair of shorts and a tank top; her big black sunglasses engulfed her face.
"Hey! Perfect timing," she smiled brightly.
"Ha, yeah, perfect," I agreed.
We stepped into her shiny black Audi and drove off down the street. She already had the AC blasting and she cranked the radio on what I assumed was the popular pop station in the area.
"God this weather is miserable isn't it," she groaned.
"Yeah, it's definitely brutal."
"Well this place we're going to is wicked good, you'll love it. They have the best coffee and all the girls are really sweet. You'll like them. It'll be so nice to have a new face around too."
There was something comforting in the way she talked like she had known me forever. We finally pulled up towards a small bakery. She parked the car and stepped out and I followed like a little puppy as we walked in. A group of about five girls waved as we walked in, then all got a strange look when they saw me.
"Hey girls, this is Jillian. She moved in next door to me. You know how I was telling you we were getting new neighbors?" Laura cocked her head a little at the end of the sentence.
The girls agreed and all smiled politely.
"Jillian, this is Sarah, Ray, Becca, Nikki, and Taylor," she pointed around to each of the girls.
"Hi you guys," I smiled uncomfortably.
"Hey, sit down, we were all just talking about this weekend," Nikki said while running her fingers through her pixie short blonde hair.
I sat down and listened.
"So I was thinking we all meet up at my house," Ray said with a big smile, "Get ready there since my parents won't be around. Pregame? And then just walk down the street to Matt's. We can come back to my place too if we decide not to spend the night there."
"Sounds like fun if you ask me," Laura smiled.
"Guys, don't be so rude," Becca chirped up, "Jillian, there's going to be a huge party at our friends house. You should come. Do you want to?"
"Oh," I could feel a little blush come to my face as the six strangers stared at me, "I'm not too much of a partier."
"No come!" Ray said. "Plus, neither is Sarah. It's still a lot of fun. We'd really like to have you there."
"Um," the blush rose higher in my cheeks as all the girls stared, "Okay. Sure."
"Yay!" they squealed in unison.
I knew Mae would be okay with it. She had tried to get me to go to a kegger at one point last year, but I wasn't so sure if I had actually wanted to go to this one. Me and Laura finally went up and ordered our coffees and then it was back to the table where the girls swarmed me with questions about my old school and why I had moved. I answered politely and told them about my aunt's need to move around.
"You're aunt seems like a lot of fun," Taylor smiled.
"Yeah well she's definitely something all right," I smiled back.
"Oh crap!" Becca jumped up, "I have to head out to field hockey practice. These damn summer practices are going to kill me. I'll catch you girls later!"
Becca ran out the door waving before she took off out of sight. The other girls all started to shift about in their chairs.
"Yeah, we've been here for over an hour we should probably get going," Nikki said.
"Mmm, yeah I'm supposed to meet up with John today," Ray said, "You guys know how those boys can get sometimes," she stood up. "Plus with all the work Dylan has them doing I never get a chance to see him anymore."
"Tell me about it. It's like Cole is on another planet some days," Laura said standing up too.
I followed her lead. We said our goodbyes and made our way back to the car. Laura gushed about how much fun it would be to have another girl around and proceeded to tell me about how cool all the boys were and how much I would enjoy them. She told me typical stories about the parties that had gone down there; the kind of stories that nearly every party has about something ridiculous going down and how it had almost been busted before but people hid all around the house where the cops couldn't find them.
I smiled and listened to most of them but stared out the window looking around at my new town. I turned my head when it was appropriate to show I was still focused on her, although my mind was somewhere else completely. I noticed a small bookstore as we drove through town. I decided I'd go in tomorrow.
Although I enjoyed the company of my new friends, reading had been there for me when I refused to have any one else around after their death.
Laura dropped me off and I made an excuse about dinner with my aunt when she invited me over for some more girl time.
"Okay, well come by sometime tomorrow. I'll send you a text!" she smiled.
"Okay, I will," I said knowing I would keep this promise.
Mae was out by the pool and I could see another figure near her. He had dark hair and wore a black shirt and jeans. He must be dying in this weather, I thought. His shoulders were broad and his arms looked strong. Only my aunt could have moved in less than forty-eight hours ago and already have a man chasing after her.
I poured myself a glass of lemonade and my aunt caught me looking through the window. She smiled and waved me out. As she did so the man turned around and I realized he wasn't my aunt's age. He couldn't have been any older than me. His green eyes caught mine and smile turned up in his cheeks. To say he was good looking would have been an understatement. I held up one finger to her and then put the pitcher back in the fridge before going back out into the humid air.
"Luke, this is my niece Jillian," she introduced us.
"Hi," his voice was deep and had a little rasp to it, the kind of voices you'd hear on television or in movies that would make your knees go weak.
"Hi," I smiled back unsure of what to say next.
"Luke came by saying he does a lot of the landscaping for the neighbors around here and that used to do it for the family that lived in the house before us. You'll probably be seeing him around a lot more now with his friends."
"Ha yeah, well it gives us a summer job and something to spend our days doing," he kept his eyes on me.
"Oh well it'll be nice to see you around," I blushed and the heat on my face only made the heat of the air worse.
"Well I have to get going, but I'll see you ladies tomorrow," he smiled at me, "It was nice to meet you Jillian."
"Nice to meet you too," I smiled and looked away. I could barely handle the intensity of those green eyes.
"I'll show you out Luke," my aunt offered.
As they walked around front I made my way back into the house where the cool air helped take the heat away from my face. I guzzled the cold liquid in my hand and tossed the glass into the washer as my aunt came in through the front door.
"He was pretty cute," she nudged me with her elbow.
"Ha yeah," I smiled and made my way to the couch.
"How were the girls? You have fun?
"They were really nice," I called into the kitchen, "They invited me out to a party on Friday. What do you think I should wear?"
My aunt had tried to get me to go out to parties all last year. As long as we were safe and not stupid about it she didn't mind that I went out and drank. She would always be our designated driver, not that I really drank any ways.
"A party? You're going?" She stepped into the room and leaned on the couch next to me. "I thought you didn't party?"
"Yeah, well, I figured I should go and meet some people. How else am I going to make friends during this summer?"
Her face lit up. "Do you want to go out to the mall later? Or even now? I just need to take a quick shower."
"Yeah, we can do that," I half smiled.
"Okay, let me shower," she ran off down the hall.
I knew my efforts to fit in and be normal were pleasing her, so as much as I'd rather hide under a rock and just go down to the bookstore I saw I knew I should go with her. I couldn't tell her no now. I flipped through the channels on the television sighed and eventually left it for my room.
I still had a few unpacked boxes. I began to unpack them and stumbled across a lot of pictures. I searched my room and finally decided my mirror would be the best spot. I taped them up. The smiling faces of my parents and old friends stared back at me. Old memories of dances, parties, late nights, bowling, and everything else were caught in those photos.
A knock on the door startled me.
"Oh, sorry," Mae stepped in, "You okay Jilly?"
"Yeah, Mae, you ready to go?"
"Yes," she smiled sweetly at me.
The mall was crowded but similar to every other mall I had been to. My aunt had a habit of showering me with gifts. She had done it since I was younger. Now that I was older, and now technically I was her legal responsibility, she liked to take me shopping often. She bought me shirts, jeans, shoes, dresses, jewelry, make-up, and whatever else it was that any normal teenage girl could possibly want.
We hadn't gone on one of Mae's shopping binges in a while. It had been nearly a month, which for her was a very long time. I sat with the bags as she grabbed us some frozen lemonades to help reboot us from the tiring shopping.
A small family caught my eye. There was a mother, father, and a young girl. The little girl had her doll in her lap and she was playing with her. Something tugged in my heart. My throat tightened and I couldn't speak. The little girl was showing her dad something about the doll. He smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head. The girl just lit up with joy.
"Ta-Da!" Mae snapped me out of my staring.
She placed one of the frozen lemonades in front of me. I sipped down the sweet slush. She picked through some of the bags looking at what she had just bought. I looked back to the small family but they were already gone.
"Jillian?" a deep voice said.
I spun around and caught those green eyes I had witnessed earlier. His tight black shirt clung to his arms and chest and I swear he had become more good looking since earlier today.
"Oh Luke!" Mae squealed like a teenage girl meeting Justin Beieber, "How are you?"
"I'm very good, ma'am. How are you two?" He said in a very respectable tone.
"Oh we are just wonderful," Mae kept talking.
I could feel my cheeks grow warm and I turned away from him to sip away at my lemonade. Mae looked at me and saw the heat in my cheeks and smiled even wider. Once the coolness of the drink settled my cheeks down I turned back.
"I was here with my brother and some friends and I thought you'd like to meet some of the other boys who would be helping with the lawn," he smiled letting his eyes turn slightly from my aunt out of the corners to look towards me.
The flush I had just managed to get rid of quickly found itself back on my face. I tried to relax myself but it was to no avail so I just looked quickly at my aunt and hoped she would help me.
Mae was too busy listening to Luke introduced the other four boys that were there. His brother was Dylan, the one that the girls had been talking about overworking them, along with Cole, John, and the last one was Ian. I tried to pull the flush away from my cheeks and I felt it slowly start to fade as I turned to look.
Mae was happily saying how nice it was to meet them as she shook their hands, "Oh," she quickly sputtered out, "How rude of me. This is my niece Jillian."
"Hi," I smiled as I turned to them.
"Oh," Cole smiled, "You're the new girl right? Laura was telling me about you. You're coming out with us this weekend?" as soon as he said it he looked towards Mae. Ian hit him.
"No, its okay, Mae knows," I smiled, "And yeah I am."
"Actually," Mae quickly picked up, "We're shopping for a new outfit for her."
I knew she was trying to be nice, but for whatever reason it made that red hot feeling climb up my cheeks again.
"Well that sounds like a fun day," Luke responded.
"Yeah," Mae's face brightened, "It is," she looked at me and smiled.
"Well, we'll leave you two ladies alone. It was nice to see you," he smiled.
Everyone said their goodbyes and Mae and I were left alone with our half melted lemonades.
"They were all really cute," Mae whispered as soon as they were out of earshot.
"Yeah, some of them are dating the girls I met today," I responded.
"Well then, hopefully you'll get the single one's numbers," she winked.
The next few days I either spent at Laura's or with Laura. The two of us were nearly inseparable. She spent most of the time going on and on about anything and everything, which was fine with me as I enjoyed listening to her tell me about her life and everything else that came to mind.
Finally Friday rolled around and Laura and I were resting out in the sun enjoying the poolside. She was talking about tonight, trying to decide to wear as she asked my opinion about the decision to wear either red or black. I was in the middle of saying red would make her tan look better as the gate opened up.
"Oh looks like the guys are here," she said so nonchalantly.
Suddenly I felt very exposed. Sitting with Laura wearing only my bikini and the book I was thumbing through was fine, but with the guys moving in, their shirts sticking to them in the humid summer air and sweat already showing on their tanned faces, I felt like I was sitting here naked.
I started to pick up my tank top that was sitting next to me but Laura smacked it out of my hand.
I looked at her dumbly as she responded, "No, I heard the guys thought you were hot. Cole mentioned it."
"I'm naked," I said shifting awkwardly in the chair.
"No you're not," Laura rolled her eyes, "That bathing suit covers more than the dress I'm going to wear tonight," she winked.
She reached her arm out and squeezed my shoulder a little bit and that tiny comfort seemed to calm my nerves. That was until Luke started pulling the mower in. He was shirtless wearing a pair of khaki shorts and grass stained white sneakers. My breath seemed to catch in my throat. His skin was so pale in the light but it didn't turn red as I would have assumed. It still seemed to catch like a golden tint to it without looking like the tan I would have assumed would come from working in the sun all day.
"Hey, Jill," Laura used the name that I never let anyone back home call me, but hearing it from her voice seemed okay, "Want me to paint your nails?"
"Uh," I said pulling my eyes from Luke, "Sure."
"Awesome!" she cheered.
She stood up and gave Cole a kiss as she ran in nothing but her bikini over to her house. I couldn't help but smile at her. I looked back down at A Separate Peace, which was assigned for our summer reading. Although it had been assigned, I couldn't help but enjoy the story of Gene and Finny.
"This is my favorite book," a deep voice said over my shoulder.
I quickly turned and caught the emerald eyes that had made me weak before.
"It's based around here you know," Luke smiled.
"Yeah?" I asked dumbly.
"Yeah, the swing they talk about, it's up at Exeter Academy. We go there every now and then."
"Oh," I responded.
He smiled and went back to moving the mower. Mae suddenly came out with a pitcher of iced tea and a bunch of glasses. She put it down on the table and told the boys if it ran out to tell me and I'd come and get her to refill it.
Before she made her way inside, Laura came trotting back over with a clear pouch full of colorful nail polish. Mae stopped her to ask her about tonight and the party we were going to attend, but before she could get too much out of Laura, who incidentally loved to talk to Mae, the boys started up the different machines to help clear up the lawn.
I was putting a few different outfits into a bag as Mae sat on my bed telling me what to grab. She was insistent on a few pieces of jewelry along with picking out my shoes. I let her put what she wanted into the bag, knowing that whether or not I wore them that she was happy to be helping me pick out my outfit for the night.
"You know if you need me tonight you can always call?" she said so quickly I almost didn't catch it all.
It took me a moment to fully understand what it was that she was saying. I know she had meant not only if I needed her because I drank too much, which both of us knew was unlikely to happen, but if I also needed her because not only was moving hard, but losing my parents was devastating.
"Yeah, Auntie," a name I barely called her anymore, "I know. I'll be fine though."
"You always are," she stood up.
Her steps towards me were so fluid and quick I almost didn't realize what she was doing until she embraced me. The hug was just what I needed. It seemed to end as quickly as it started though and suddenly Mae was folding the last of the few clothes we had picked out before zipping up the duffel bag and sliding it onto my shoulder.
"You're mom would've killed me if she had been here to see me wishing you off to a party," her smiled seemed kind of sad knowing that her older sister wasn't there to reprimand her.
"Yeah, if she could've gotten over the shock of me leaving for a party," I smiled trying to ease my aunt's pain.
My aunt ran her fingers through her auburn hair before sighing and responding, "Yeah, I'm sure that in itself would've been quite the shock for her."
Suddenly we were holding on to one another tightly. There were very few times where I felt vulnerable, but holding onto Mae like we were I felt like I couldn't breathe suddenly. Although everything seemed to flood into me I couldn't cry. Mae stiffened up and looked at me. Her face seemed moments from breaking into tears.
"I'm sorry, Jilly," she sighed, "I know I'm a mess. You've been so strong through all of this. Losing both of your parents and not the littlest bit of trauma in you, I wish I had your strength," she said.
I didn't know what to respond with. Maybe I seemed like a rock on the outside, but my insides felt like they were going to jumble and spill out any moment of any day.
Mae kissed my cheek. "Okay, well can I at least walk you out onto the porch? I feel like this prom," she turned our sadness into a quick joke to cover up her pain.
"Of course, Mae," I smiled.
She did just that and waited until Laura and I were in the car and driving away before she inside and pulled out the scrap that my mother made her the Christmas before she died that she hid away in her closet. In the past year and a half I still managed to figure out where she hid it and what would set her off enough to make her pull it out and look through the loving photos my mother had put in there of our family. I knew because every now and then I'd pull it out too.
Laura was busy talking about Cole and how it had been nearly four years since they'd been together, well on a completely technical stand point it would be four years in two days, but since they wouldn't have another chance to hang out until next weekend, it was understandable that she counted today s their four year anniversary.
"Wait until I show you what I bought for him," she turned to me then quickly back at the road, "It's the most seductive piece of lingerie I've ever bought."
"Yeah?" I prompted her so she wouldn't think that I didn't feel awkward about the conversation.
"Yeah," she winked at my quickly, "Crap, I forgot to ask, sometimes we play spin the bottle. I know Sarah doesn't play, but then again she doesn't do much of anything. Will you play?"
"Uh, not unless I'm drunk."
Sadly did I know that these would be defining words.
We started off simply enough. It was girls being girls. I listened to the six of them talk about the boys. Clearly they had known them their whole lives. It was mostly Laura, who seemed to be the talker and the most open of the group, ask about what she was supposed to do for her and Cole's anniversary. The other girls were more help than me. It wasn't that I never had a boyfriend, I actually dated a boy named Adam since we were in eighth grade, but when my parents died I became a lot less fun and he decided I wasn't worth the work anymore.
We passed around a bottle of wine as we got dressed and did make up. I was helping Sarah learn how to do a smoky eye and the two of us were enjoying the quietness in our corner. Sarah was gorgeous with long jet black hair and almond shaped eyes. I finished up doing her makeup and she looked into the mirror and smiled brightly.
"Oh, Jill! It's beautiful!"
"Here," I turned her face back to me, "Just needs a little lip gloss."