Title: Breathe
Author: xorangeskittlesx
Rating: pg/13 for cutting and Angst
Paring: Chris/Darren Darren/Ashley friendship
Summary: Darren doesn't know why he blurted this out. He just needed someone to know, someone to understand he wasn't as perfect as everyone thought. Needed it like his lungs needed air.
Authors note: so, I was it was like 4 in the morning and storming when I wrote this. Lol. I normally come up with random stories in my head as Im trying to sleep, and this started as Chris dating a backup dancer on tour, and the day he gets asked out is the day Darren decides to tell Chris he loves him. Chris choices James (the backup dancer) and that is why Darren starts cutting. But, as I wrote this the plot changed totally, and Im actually pretty happy with how this turned out. Lol of course I do NOT own Chris, Darren, Riker, Ashley or anyone from Glee. I am NOT subjecting that Darren is depressed or cuts himself, it's just an angsty story I came up with during a storm. Ha-ha. This is not beta'd so sorry if it seems rushed, nor has horrible grammar. Lol
Breathe
Darren sat sobbing on the bathroom floor, a fresh cut on his upper arm dripping crisp, red blood onto the white tile floor. Darren's been a cutter since he was a teen, a way to relieve stress. Not many know that the reason he went to The University of Michigan was because his parents sent him there to "start fresh" after a too deep cut, resulting in a night full of panic, tears, and an overnight visit in the emergency room. Once Darren met the Starkids, he did get better, but being in LA and dealing with the hustle and bustle of stardom brought out the worst in him. The day he realized 'he thought straight male' was in love with his gay costar was the day he begin cutting again. That was three months ago the scars running up and down his upper arms proof.
Darren heard rather then saw Ashley enter his and Riker's hotel room, ( Riker's key clutched in her hand) but it was too late, the damage was done by the time she poked her head into the open doorway of the bathroom, midway in her speech:
"Riker sent me in here to check on…" she paused eyeing the blood, the wound and more importantly the still clutched razor blade, her face paling as the Sean involved in her head. Everyone knew Darren wasn't acting like himself lately, but no one was expected he was this deep, this in trouble.
"ohh Darren…" Darren continued to sob harder, hiding his head in his drawn up knees while Ashley sunk to the floor by his side. Her blurted out words wasn't out of pity but more sadness seeing her coworker and more importantly friend this broken.
"P please doesn't tell anyone" Darren sobbed, his face still hidden in his knees as Ashley examined his wound. It wasn't too deep and almost wasn't bleeding anymore; but still he did it, along with countless other times, ghosting his arms like silent memories of the pain and sorrow he's been through.
"You need to tell someone, Chris or…"
"No!" Darren screamed instantly, raising his head at Chris's name. Ashley's eyes widened at Darren's sudden outburst and Darren whimpered, his eyes pleading Ashley not to prod any further (ask why he felt so against Chris knowing, why he was cutting in the first place). Before neither could say a word more, Chris burst through the left open door.
"Ashley, what's taking you so long we…" eyeing the two on the floor, Chris paused mid rant noticing all the blood now covering the floor and the tears in both eyes.
"Ohmygod Darren!" Chris instantly sunk to his knee's eyeing the wound warily with wide eyes. Suddenly he noticed the blade and it all clicked in his head at once, just like it did with Ashley a few moments before. The room was suddenly dead silent. The white elephant in the room hanging over all three heads as they sat in silence; one too ashamed to speak, two looking on ashamed (Not at Darren's actions, but that they didn't see the signs sooner, that they couldn't stop what has happened). Laughter could be heard down the hall, all three ears recognizing the sound as Lea, Probably laughing at something Cory or Mark said. The silence was straining, all too quiet and choking the air, regardless of the laughter. Soon, the silence was too much and someone; Chris, spoke, his voice barley above a whisper.
"H how long has this been going on?" Darren (surprised at Chris's sudden words) dropped the blade onto the floor, it clanking loudly (or rather not that loudly) onto the tile floor (the sound echoed in six pairs of ears like a gunshot).
"S since I was thirteen. I cut myself too deep one day and my parents sent me to Michigan to get better soon after I graduated High school. It stopped for a few years, but since I've been in LA I started again." Darren doesn't know why he blurted this out. He just needed someone to know, someone to understand he wasn't as perfect as everyone thought. Needed it like his lungs needed air. A deep invisible weight lifted from his chest as his words hung heavily in the air. Lost in his own thoughts, he was startled as a pair of arms raped tightly around his body and his shirt was drenched in tears.
"It's okay; it's going to be okay!" Chris sobbed as Darren clung to him like his life depended on it. His shirt soon drenched with Chris and his own tears as they both held each other and rocked back and forth (broken) on the hard tile floor.
"It'll be okay; we will find you help" it wasn't a plea, a question or a statement. It was a promise. Darren continued to sob and clutch at Chris, his pain and sorrow leaving his body like his tears. The love Darren is absorbing from Chris giving him the strength he needed, always needed; and he knew instantly that it was going to be okay. That like the Starkids helped him in Michigan; Chris, Ashley, Riker, the Warblers and all his Glee Family were going to help him in LA. Darren pledged right then and there that tonight was the last time a blade would pierce his skin. (With Chris in his arms) he knew his pledge would be kept. For the first time in months; years; Darren could finally breathe.