Save You
Clare's eyes snapped open only to see a faint light shining through the curtains of the hospital room she had been stuck in for the past week. It was day seven of her chemotherapy, and the exhaustion being placed on her body was starting to set in. Eli was by her side constantly throughout the treatment, and she leaned on him for complete and total love and support.
"How are you feeling?" his voice muttered, startling her but coaxing a smile onto her face with his adorable morning voice she so loved to hear.
Clare stretched ever so slightly, careful not to disturb the drip line in her chest. "I've been better." Her tone was cold, slicing through the air and urging a pang within Eli's heart.
"Do you want me to…get you anything? Water? Some breakfast?" Eli asked quickly, wanting nothing more than to make her feel better.
She shook her head stubbornly. "I don't want anything."
He didn't look convinced. "Clare," he said gently, reaching for her hand, "There must be something I can do."
"It's fine," she fired back, irritated and angry with the situation she was involuntarily placed in. Why did this have to happen to her? She was all packed and ready to go with her class to Paris, France, and now she was missing out on all the fun due to cancer.
"Cla-," he began, but she angrily cut him off.
"Eli, I'm fine. Just leave me alone!"
He stood up from the bed slowly, clearing his throat and awkwardly looking around the room uncomfortably. Surely she didn't mean that. When he looked back at her, her blue eyes were giving him an ice cold glare, a stolid expression on her face. "Well, um, okay. I guess I'll just come back later. You know, give you some…space," he murmured, feeling his heart break into two jagged pieces. The word space sounded a lot like the words 'we need time apart' which just about ruined their relationship for good up until prom night.
Clare huffed and crossed her arms over her chest indignantly, hating the feel of the papery gown that she absolutely hated wearing every day. She just wanted to be normal. As he sadly left the room with his shoulders hunched, she narrowed her eyes at his retreating form and reached for her phone as it let out a tiny vibration. A new text appeared on the front lock screen.
JENNA MIDDLETON: Hey, ClareBear! We miss you in Paris! Sending lots of love your way! Love you BFF!
Attached to the message was a photo of Jenna and Alli standing in front of the Eiffel tower, each holding armfuls of shopping bags from French boutiques.
Tears pricked at the corners of Clare's eyes as the reality finally set in: they were having the time of their lives, and she might be losing hers. The confrontation with Eli wasn't the only one she'd had either, and she knew it. The irritating beep of the heart rate monitor she was connected to remained beeping periodically, being the only sound she heard in the room.
With shaking fingers, Clare pressed DELETE and sunk down deeper under the thin blanket the hospital supplied her with.
"Clare?" Helen called from the doorway, wandering inside carefully.
Clare wasn't surprised that her mom was wary of entering this particular room. Helen had taken off work that entire week, missing what Clare was sure was massive amounts of office work that needed to be done. Countless fights had occurred between her and her mother, and the tension was all she could feel.
"Hi, mom," she said softly, casting her eyes to the side table which was overflowing with flowers and get well soon cards from various family members and Eli.
"How are you feeling, love?" she asked kindly, placing her hand over Clare's and giving it a gentle squeeze. Her big brown eyes shone with worry, gazing into Clare's scared looking blue orbs.
Clare sighed. "Just fabulous, mom, really. I'm having a blast!" Immediately she regretted the sarcastic tone of voice she used when Helen was just trying to comfort her.
"Honey, please don't use that tone of voice with me. I'm only trying to help." When Clare didn't respond, Helen gently ran her hands through Clare's thinning light brown hair. "Oh, Clare, you know it'll get better. The doctor says you're responding quite well to the treatment. She says you're a real trooper," she finished the statement with an encouraging smile and tried not to look at the drip line inserted in her daughter's chest. It just about snapped her heart into two that her youngest was suffering so greatly.
A sardonic, bitter laugh sounded from Clare's pursed lips. "That's crap, mom. I am not responding well! I feel disgusting. My hair is going to fall out any day now, and I'm going to be ugly. I'm not a trooper, mom. I'm sick."
"Clare, the doctor says we need to stay positive in order for you to get better. This illness does not define you. You are my sweet, beautiful, intelligent daughter who is bravely battling cancer. We are going to continue the treatment, and everything will be okay!" Helen desperately tried to console Clare, feeling a bit hopeless in that moment. She adjusted the blanket and softly caressed her daughter's cheek. "How about I get you some breakfast from the cafeteria? How do eggs and pancakes sound?"
Clare rolled her eyes. "I don't want anything, and you don't know that everything will be okay. You don't. You just hope it will be okay, but what if I die? What if I can't make it through this?"
"I know because we have God on our side, Clare. We always have. Please, please eat something within the hour. You need to keep your strength up," her mother shakily gathered her purse and stood up, pausing at the doorway. "I'm going to go speak to your doctor. I love you," With that, Helen walked out of the room and briskly strode down the hallway towards the doctor's main office.
Anger flared inside of Clare as she angrily balled her hands into fists. "This is so STUPID!" She pressed the nurse button on her bed so that she could be disconnected from the drip long enough to use the bathroom. Where was Eli anyway? He's probably not coming back after what I said to him, she thought with deep sadness.
As she stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, her eyes stung with tears that she refused to let fall. She had to "stay strong." She couldn't cry. Nothing was okay, but she couldn't let it ruin her life. Only, hadn't it already done so? She was missing out on a trip to Paris with her best friends, on which she could have learned so much about French culture and the language itself. It was supposed to be life-changing.
Except, she had received something life-changing: Cancer.
A soft knock sounded at the door, and Clare whipped around in alarm. "Who is it?" she asked, hating how frail her voice was.
"It's me. Can I please come in?" Eli pleaded, patiently waiting outside the door.
Without hesitance, she bounded over to the door, opened it, and wrapped her arms around his waist tightly. "Eli, I'm so glad you came," she whispered, meaning every word.
"Whoa," he said gently, wrapping his arms around her waist tightly. "I thought you were mad at me."
"I'm not," Clare cried, sobbing into his shoulder. This only caused him to pull her into his embrace even tighter. "I'm really glad you're here; I'm so sorry for the way I treated you. I love you so much," her voice broke at the end of that sentence.
He guided her back to her bed, keeping her in his arms the whole time and laying down beside her. "I'm never going to leave your side during this, Clare. Never. You're going to be alright, as long as I'm with you. I'll never let anything happen to you."
"How can you be so sure, Eli? How? I might only get sicker!" Clare whimpered, burying her face into his blue Bench hoodie.
"Because I love you, and you love me. That's enough. I know it is. Together, we can conquer anything." Eli said with such conviction.
She slowly raised her face to his, looking deep into his eyes. "Really?"
Smiling and nodding, he leaned forward ever-so-slightly, asking for permission with no words. When she nodded, he gently touched his lips to hers and stroked her back. As they pulled apart, he leaned his forehead on hers. "You're my strong girl,"
It took only about two hours for her to fall asleep after that, and Eli never left her side. Not once. Cancer would never overpower this girl, and Eli knew that to the very core of his being.