Author Note: This is a quick oneshot that I worte because I needed to get some more oneshots for VA up. Its not going to be continued. Its just a quick look at a short period of time in Blood Promise that we didn't see, when Rose was hunting Dimitri. Its her thoughts and feelings and the inner turmoil that she felt along with the conflicting emotions of anger, sadness and fear.
I looked at him for a long moment before I staked him, wondering as I did so, if staking Dimitri would be as easy. Not physically of course, he had always been slightly better than me and with his newly improved Strigoi reflexes he really would be like a god. But mentally. Would I be able to look at him and just see a monster, a Strigoi that needed to be killed, or would I still see Dimitri? Would I hesitate or would I be as cold and unfeeling as a Strigoi when it came to staking him? I honestly didn't know.
In theory I should be able to drive the stake in clean and fast, knowing as I did so that I was simply killing a Strigoi, that Dimitri had died the moment he was attacked in the caves. The only problem I didn't think it would be quite that simple. Somewhere in the back of my mind a cold little voice whispered to me that I would be killing Dimitri, my one true love, and that I would be ruining everything, that I wouldn't be able to do it because it wasn't right, it wasn't good. I hated that little voice, but I knew what it was saying was true. It wouldn't be easy to kill him and I didn't know that even if I miraculously managed to get in position to do it, the mental hurdle might just make me fall.
But of course all of this speculating was useless because even if Dimitri didn't kill me, I would only have one shot. I hesitated, or missed, or wasn't fully committed to it then it was all over and I had left Lissa unguarded for nothing.
I smashed my fist against the wall of the alleyway where I was standing. I hated this. It wasn't fair. We had just found a way to be happy, we were going to live. It was going to be ok. And then this happened.
I leaned my forehead against the cool bricks and let the rain soak me through, disguising my tears. My shoulders racked with sobs as I fought with myself for a moment, trying to regain the small amount of composure I had managed to find in my time in Novosibirsk. I finally dragged a hand across my face and looked down at the body below me. It was a young Strigoi, only turned a few months ago. It was out hunting tonight and had never left Novosibirsk. It didn't know Dimitri and had never heard of him. I had made sure of that before I killed it. I had tortured him for about 20 minutes before realiseing he didn't know anything. It made me sad not to have found any new leads on Dimitri's whereabouts, but more determined too. And then there was that tiny little tortuous little piece of happiness that it wasn't Dimitri I had killed, not today.
I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I had kept it long, the way Dimitri liked it, but it hadn't been intentional. More subconsciously. I closed my eyes for a second before deciding to leave the body here in the middle of the alleyway. With ay luck the sun should be up in an hour or so and then the Strigoi would be burnt up, leaving no trace it was ever here except for the splashes of blood on the alley walls that I made with one of my silver knives. I picked up the rest of my weapons from the ground and put them back into their various hidden holsters. Then I carefully tucked my stake into my belt and walked off, back to the car I had parked 3 blocks away.