Based on a Milady/Milord Ficcy Sunday prompt from crittab
Annie had experimented with going to bars by herself lately. Now that she was legal, it was nice to come here, kick back and not pose as anyone from Corpus Christi. So she went to a bar that had never heard of Caroline Decker, and prepared to hang around until she got mildly drunk. Unlike the oddly tall man who looked like he'd fall off his stool any minute.
"Score! Three more and I break my record, keep them coming!" said the oddly tall man with a somewhat familiar voice – albeit a slurred version of it. The hair looked familiar, but unlike the hair Annie was thinking of, this guy's hair wasn't messy for fashion reasons.
But when he showed his face, there was no mistaking who it was.
"Annie!" Jeff called out. "Now you're here! Perfect end to a perfect Saturday!' he yelled in his most drunken voice.
"Jeff?" Annie croaked out, before seeing him almost fall. "Jeff! Stay still!" she demanded as she rushed over. He fell to his feet, but by some miracle, Anne stopped him from falling to the floor. She had to hold her breath while being this close to him, but she did that too.
"Okay, come on, let's go somewhere not so wobbly," Annie said while trying not to breathe.
"Wobble, wobble, wobble, wobble, yeah! I'm something and I know it! You know it, I know it, he doesn't and I don't want him to! Not no more!" Jeff jabbered on. Annie was too busy to decipher it, yet by some miracle, she got him to a booth without falling.
Jeff finally sat on one end before Annie made it to the other. When they were composed, Annie asked, "Jeff, what the hell are you doing here? Are you trying to out drink Britta again?"
"No wordies about Britta, k?" Jeff slurred. "This is her fault! She wanted me to do this last year and look what happened! Look at me! Everyone's gotta look at me and see how great I am! Cancels out the one son of a bitch who doesn't, right?" he asked as if Annie could answer.
"Jeff, you're not making any sense. And that just worries me," Annie admitted.
"Ah, Annie. So worried about stupid me," Jeff forced out. "Typical Annie! Annie fanny!" he hacked out a laugh. "Who sang about you moving your luscious Annie all night long? Some third rate Jack Black wannabe, I'll bet! Try not to sexualize you indeed!"
"Jeff, I think I should call you a cab and get you home," Annie offered.
"Yeah, good idea, abandon me! Forget about me with no regrets, like the rest of them! Well, tell them they suck!" Jeff demanded. "Tell them that like they care! And why the FRAK should they care about me anyway?!" Jeff paused and muttered, "God, thank you, Abed's Battlestar marathons. Thanks SO much."
Jeff laid his head on the table, out of drunken ramblings for now. Annie should have called that cab by now, but she'd never seen him that angry and drunk before. This was near angry Jeff on monkey gas levels, even.
When that happened, Annie threatened to stop being his friend, so the same standards should apply here. Yet she made that threat when they weren't on good terms and she was about out of patience with him. Things weren't that bad now, as they had actually been much better until today.
That's why Annie couldn't hand him off to a cab. Not when he was obviously angry and hurt about something. Or maybe she was reading into things again. If sober Jeff could accuse her of that so easily, imagine what drunk Jeff could do.
But Annie still reached out to touch Jeff, although she was hesitant. Jeff glanced up to see Annie's hand frozen in place, unsure of whether to touch him or how. He then saw her uncertain face, and his own started to collapse as well. Angry drunk Jeff was giving way to sad drunk Jeff – but at least Annie might reason with that version.
"Jeff? Please tell me what's wrong. I can't really leave you like this," she admitted. "I'm all talk when it comes to abandoning you, you know that," she added with a little smile.
"You're not, are you? You never do," Jeff said quietly. He groaned and put his head down again, then revealed, "I saw dear old Dad today."
Annie looked pretty shocked, until she remembered Jeff's earlier words and realized it was pretty obvious. "My God, Jeff," she started out. "Wow….oh God, it went that bad?"
"I'm the idiot who looked for him for weeks and wanted to see him. So how else could it go?" Jeff slurred again. "I was ready to tear him all kinds of ones. But I saw him and I just stood there. Like I stood there when he made me sad and lonely as a kid. When I got something for him, it was too late."
Annie kept quiet as Jeff admitted, "I didn't trash him like I should have, and I got no closure or nothing! Hell, I probably gotta see him again to get the rest out, in case my next four bottles don't do it! Where's bottles five and six, man?" Jeff called to the bartender.
"He's canceling that order, thank you!" Annie covered up. She went back to Jeff and ordered, "Jeff, drinking clearly hasn't worked for you. So just keep talking, okay?"
"What for? Talking didn't work with him!" Jeff got upset again. "Why did I think it would? Old me wasn't this dumb! Old me knew to shut up and keep this crap to himself, where it couldn't hurt him! Why am I dumb enough to get hurt now, Annie?" he asked in a more pleading tone than Annie had ever heard.
Yet despite her surprise and sorrow, Annie answered, "Because if you really thought it was stupid, you'd have never seen him." When Jeff kept silent, Annie took advantage and continued, "So it didn't work the way you wanted. The big thing is you tried! Now you don't have to be afraid of facing him or the past anymore! I wish I was that brave!" she let out before understanding why.
"You? Not you. You're the bravest person on Earth," Jeff complimented even while drunk. Annie indulged in that for just a second before correcting him.
"If I was, I'd have seen my parents by now. I'm still too scared to face them one more time. Maybe I'm afraid I'm still so fragile, I'd be their mindless drone again if I saw them. I love who I've become without them, and I'm too scared to have it go away," Annie admitted, then stopped making this about her. "But you weren't scared, Jeff. At least you weren't scared to take a shot."
"And look what it got me," Jeff countered.
"Then you'll pick yourself up again!" Annie predicted. "In a weird way, it's good you're ranting! At least you're not bottling it up, to coin a phrase!" Annie realized her mistake when Jeff laughed at her saying "bottling" in a bar. But when he stopped hacking and laughing, she tried again.
"Jeff, it's no big deal how it went. Not in the big picture. You know how I know that? You didn't have anyone to go to when he hurt you before. Now you have six of them," she counted. "Come Monday, a whole group of crazy friends will remind you how loved you are now, not about who didn't love you then. I promise they will, even if I have to Disney the lot of them!" Annie vowed.
Jeff was either too drink or overwhelmed to answer Annie. She hoped it was the latter, but didn't get her hopes up. Yet Jeff responded, "You would, wouldn't you?" so that was better than nothing.
"Of course I would. You deserve it," Annie promised again. "I am so sorry you got hurt today. But I'm still really, really proud of you."
Jeff put his head down again, but he wasn't making drunk or sad noises. In fact, he looked shy or nervous now. Finally he spoke, "You shoulda been there."
"What? No, Jeff, I couldn't have," Annie started. "That's your dad and your personal issues. I couldn't have intruded on that."
"You wouldn't have….whatever that word is," Jeff insisted. "You'd have made it better. You always make things so better. Even when I say you don't."
Oh God, Annie had to be careful now. She knew that drunk people could be more open – and that Jeff would never say this if he was sober. Drunk people also said things they took back or denied when they got sober – so Annie had to remember this meant nothing.
Yet if this was the only time he'd ever say this stuff, maybe Annie could get a taste while she could. Just to hear what it was like. Just one little time. "Jeff, you're exaggerating a little," Annie offered to set him up.
"No I'm not," Jeff said like a child – an adorably drunk child. "You do, you really do. You make….you make me feel like I can do anything. If you didn't, I'd never be ready to see my dad ever. And I wouldn't have felt brave and stupid enough to do it without ya! But I shouldn't have. I should have told you and taken you with me, then I'd feel better before I got drunk!"
"Well, that's debatable," Annie tried to reason.
"No it's not," Jeff countered. "No one's ever done what you do for me. Not even my mom. She tried, but if she pulled it off, I'd never meet you at all, would I?" he figured out. "So I gotta thank my dad after all, cause he helped bring me to you! Thanks Dad, you did something right by accident! Other than me!"
Now Annie was getting scared again for different reasons. "Jeff, where are you going with this?" she dared to ask.
"I don't know. But I don't know a buncha stuff," Jeff admitted. "Why didn't I tell you about dad? Why do I gotta not tell you a buncha things? Why don't I let you help me better than anybody?" He gasped and answered, "Wait, I do know! Because I love you and that scares the fuck outta me! Sorry, forgot!"
Annie had to be the drunk one. Yes, that was it.
She was so drunk she was imagining Jeff in the booth, saying what he'd never say. She pinched herself to prove it, but Jeff still wouldn't go away. In fact, he asked, "Why are you hitting yourself?" before laughing again.
"Because you can't be real!" Annie snapped. "I know people open up when they're drunk, but….you can't! You're Jeff Winger! The real Jeff Winger never tells people how he feels! Especially me!"
Instead of arguing, Jeff looked more dejected and revealed, "I kinda hate sober Jeff right now."
"Well, don't be too hard on him," Annie defended in case this was Jeff.
"Why not? Sober Jeff makes you cry! I hate that!" drunk Jeff groaned. "You're so bright and happy and sweet and freaking sexy, so why'd I want that to cry? Sober Jeff does it cause he's scared and stupid! If he wasn't, you'd have been with us today and you'd be with us all the time! I wish you were, I really do," Jeff confessed.
"Jeff, you, you don't know what you're saying," Annie attempted to excuse.
"Yeah I do," Jeff kept going. "I probably knew since Annie of it All Day! I guess I knew when we kissed both times! I love you cause you can love me…..but I love you too much to let you. But if you don't love me, who will? I don't want anyone else to try! Not Britta, Slater, brunettes I pretend are you, nobody!"
Annie briefly forgot why he really said this. For a while, she let herself focus on the words – words she only dreamed of hearing from Jeff. Words she still occasionally wished from him even now, after she vowed to be over him. But here he was, telling her he loved her and wanted her – all the things she always knew/hoped he felt but couldn't say.
Things he couldn't say because he was too sober. Which he wasn't now. But when he was….
This brought Annie's little reverie to a screeching halt. And at that moment when she took the big picture in, she almost wished she was drunk herself. Maybe she would get drunk later to forget all this. But for now, she just sat there and nearly cried.
Of course, drunk Jeff noticed this and actually wanted to address it. God, this really was a cruel joke. "You're crying again. I don't like it. Tell me how to stop Annie tears, please," Jeff asked.
"You can't. By this time tomorrow, you won't remember a thing. Or you won't want to remember. Then I'll just cry anyway, so what's the point?" Annie spat.
"There's one somewhere. I know you can find it, you're so smart. That's why I-" Jeff started before Annie shot him down.
"Don't say it, please! Even though you'll never say it to me again!" Annie yelled, then slightly composed herself. "God, I thought it'd be easier to hear it once, but it's not. It'll just make it worse when you get sober tomorrow and deny everything! And then….then I have to be around you every day, know you love me and know you'll never tell me unless you're drunk! Of course that's how it all turns out!" she lamented.
"Annie, I don't….I don't want…." Jeff couldn't finish.
"See, it's starting already! Now it hurts more because I know and it still means nothing, so thanks!" Annie nearly sobbed.
"You're so sad. I don't wanna make you sad anymore, I wanna make you happy," Jeff admitted.
"Well, tell that to sober Jeff," Annie bitterly joked. "Like he'd ever listen."
"Yeah, I hate that jackass. Especially when he makes you cry," Jeff confessed.
"Please, Jeff. Don't make it harder, okay?" Annie pleaded. "Let's just get you home and we'll both forget these last few minutes."
Annie willed herself to carry on, like she always did, and got out her phone to call that cab. While she looked for a number, she didn't notice Jeff's eyes widen to Annie-levels. But she noticed when he pulled out his phone and loudly put it on the table. "Take my phone, now!" he insisted.
"Wait, you want me to touch your phone? God, you really are drunk," Annie tried to joke.
"Yeah, so we gotta move before that bastard Jeff gets sober!" Jeff ordered. "Take my phone, I got an idea! Please!" Although she should have called the cab like she wanted, Annie sighed, put away her phone and took away Jeff's. After all, what more damage could one final moment with honest Jeff do?
The next morning, that honest Jeff woke up to one of his better hangovers. He was so wasted, he thought he saw food, juice, aspirin, his cell phone and an envelope on a tray next to his bed.
Yet when he rubbed his eyes and pinched himself, that tray didn't go away. So he resorted to touching it and feeling it was real – then had to figure out how it got there.
The envelope likely had some clues, so he opened it and read, "Get all this in your system, sober Jeff. Then play the video drunk Jeff made on your phone. I'll be outside when you're finished. Annie." Oh God, Annie was out there? And she saw drunk Jeff?!
Regular Jeff had to get her out and make her forget everything now –whatever she had to forget. But when he got up, he realized he was in no condition to rush anything out. He had no choice but to eat, get rid of this headache, then make her brush this aside.
Jeff devoured his mini-breakfast and juice, surprised how Annie made it just right. Drunk Jeff must have given her instructions or something. Along with some damaging video he was now sober enough – if nothing else – to watch. He took the phone, made sure Annie didn't damage it's precious contents, then searched until he found what she and drunk Jeff wanted him to see.
From the looks of it, Annie had filmed his drunken self at a bar booth last night. And Jeff was not only letting her touch his phone, he was encouraging her to ask questions. Like, "Okay, now do it! Ask me what I feel about you. Go on, get it for the camera!"
"Jeff…." Annie said in the background. Yet to drunk Jeff's encouragement, and sober Jeff's panic, Annie's voice was captured asking, "Okay. How do you feel about me?"
"I love ya," drunk Jeff said on film without a second thought. Or any other concerns about how he'd just destroyed them both. "I know you think it'd ruin her life if she knew that, Jeff! Or ruin yours once you suck as a boyfriend and lose her! But it's too late, the secret's out! Like you did such a good job keeping it!"
Jeff nearly dropped the phone and ran out to tell Annie it meant nothing. But before he moved, drunk Jeff demanded, "Now don't you run away and tell Annie I'm lying, Jeff! You stay right there until we're finished, that's an order! Annie, ask me why I'm this drunk! Do it now before I run away!"
"All right. Jeff, why are you so drunk?" Annie's voice rang out.
"Because seeing my dad sucked more than I thought. And that's saying something," Jeff said on the phone, as the regular Jeff remembered how much it sucked. Drunk Jeff continued with, "Because Annie should have been there to make it better. Then I drank to forget him and her, and here we three are now!"
Jeff remembered how right his drunk self really was – about Annie, his dad and all of it. Once that registered, he focused back on video Jeff asking, "Now ask me why we're filming this!"
"That's a good question. Why?" asked Annie's voice over.
"Because you need to see and hear this, Jeff! Because I can't let you ignore this like always!" Jeff told himself. "Annie was proud of me today. Proud of us. I'm drunk and miserable and our dad still hates us, and she's still making me happy! You can't ruin that for us!"
Jeff nearly voiced his usual denials, then saw the folly in debating a video of his drunk self – who then demanded, "Annie, tell him! Turn the camera around and tell him!"
Jeff breathlessly watched the video show a close up shot of Annie. Something besides his heart tightened to see her face in such a close up, and to see it look so uncertain. Yet she still said, "Jeff, this wasn't my idea. It was his – well, yours actually. You wanted me to film this and get your feelings for me on video. And it's not just because you're drunk….I hope."
"It's not, I know it, and he'd better know it by now," drunk Jeff's voiceover said. "Now after we finish here, what are we gonna do like we planned?"
"I'm gonna get you home, get you to bed, sleep on the couch, then make breakfast and leave you this video," Annie explained. "Then when you come out and see me after watching this….we'll see how it goes."
"And don't pull a Jeff by saying nice stuff so she won't cry! Okay, Jeff?" the video Jeff demanded. "You say those things because you mean them! Because you do mean them! You can't hide it from me, and Annie's sick of you trying! Right, Annie?"
"Yeah, but…." Annie trailed off and looked sadder, which was even more devastating up close. "Jeff, I'm so confused. I'm more confused than him and he's drunk! You're drunk! I mean….I don't know." She still kept the camera phone on her as she wiped a tear with her free hand.
"I was finally done pining over you. Then you told me all this, and I don't know how real it is, or if I should hope it's real…." Now she sniffled as she continued, "This isn't how I thought tonight was gonna go. Or how you confessing was gonna go too…."
Annie took a few breaths and composed herself, then Jeff took the phone and put it back on him. "You see that, Jeff? Are you tired of making her do that? I know I am. But you can't stop by pushing her away like she's nothing. You say this stuff yourself, then it can stop! You can start right now!"
Present day Jeff stayed glued to his bed, listening to past Jeff keep rambling. "Jeff, she's not your dad. She won't leave you and be happy about it like he was. Not unless you make her, and you don't wanna do that," he pointed out, as he looked as pleading as Annie.
"Please just talk to her, okay? You feel so safe and accepted and better when you do. I don't want to keep pushing that away, Jeff. I don't want to be you anymore." He let that sink in – or just got too drunk again – then finished, "I just wanna go away, okay? Annie, can we go away now?"
"Okay, I'll take your word for it," Annie voiced. "Come on, let's go." That still painful reluctance hung over her, yet Annie still helped Jeff up, led him out of the bar, then remembered to turn the phone off and end the video.
Jeff felt like taking another aspirin, but it only helped with physical head pain. Even if he had heartburn medicine, it wouldn't help – plus he'd have to go through Annie to get it outside. Oh God, she really was right outside. She must have slept on that lumpy, Chang-poisoned couch and everything.
Thinking about her being that uncomfortable made Jeff rise up. Yet he opened his door and saw Annie wide awake, sitting up and turning to see him. She looked nervous at first, but Jeff saw her will herself to smile. Despite what she'd been through and what she was waiting for, she still put on her sweet, welcoming smile to greet, "Good morning, Jeff. Are you okay?"
"I've probably been better, but I'll be fine. Thank you," Jeff teased and complimented her out of habit, in spite of everything. Then he felt the need to add, "No, really. Thank you."
"Of course," Annie said like it was no big deal. It was something, they both knew that. But the act of helping him through something was no big deal, because it was so normal to her. He was oblivious and stupid so often, she had more than enough practice in bailing him out. She took care of him and comforted him in ways she didn't even realize – even if drunk Jeff gave her an idea.
Oh God, what to do about drunk Jeff? Well he could blame his dad to stall, since that son of a bitch made the drunk son of a bitch have so much fun. But then again, if Annie had been there at his dad's, drunk Jeff would never have shown up. Then drunk Jeff wouldn't have put Annie through so much last night.
And yet she stayed. Through all of that, she stayed and she was here. He briefly remembered she wanted to leave at some point, but she didn't. Because he needed her and she stayed anyway, no matter what he did or said. In the past, Jeff thought she was naïve and stupid for doing that and feeling anything for him. But if she hadn't felt and done that last night…..
Another brief memory came back where Annie said she wasn't as brave as Jeff. That may have been the stupidest thing she ever said. Hopefully drunk Jeff set her straight on that too. She was so brave even now, all for him.
And instead of scaring Jeff like usual, it inspired him. Maybe he was still too hung over to think straight – but he seemed to be better off that way around her. Perhaps it was time to be that brave for her, and remember it without someone touching his phone.
Jeff sat down next to her before he knew it, then came up blank. It was the second time in two days he couldn't speak in front of someone. Yet his nerves and leftover fear of his father kept him from rising above it yesterday. Today he was with someone who made him nervous and fearful in a different, but maybe better, way. And that finally made him open his mouth.
"I'll say one thing about drunk Jeff," slightly sober but a bit wiser Jeff started. "He may be the second smartest person I've ever met."
If he was more clear headed, he would have had a great Winger speech for Annie, but that was all he had right now. Yet Jeff tried to make his intentions clear by hesitantly placing his hand on top of Annie's. He then remembered Annie doing the same last night and not backing down, so he wouldn't either.
Finally Annie smiled and squeezed his hand back, though she looked as tired as he did. Jeff would have to apologize for that – that and other stuff. He'd have to apologize, admit a few things, and show her he wanted her by his side in a crisis all the time.
But as much good as drunk Jeff did, he still left him with a bad headache, even after that meal. So the rest of his words would have to come later.
For the first time in maybe two and a half years, Annie dared to hope those words would come. Maybe she had slipped back into naivety, or perhaps a night on that lumpy couch messed her up. Technically, sober Jeff hadn't even come back yet, as hungover Jeff was making this leap.
Yet if two Jeffs were making a leap, maybe it was time that one Annie dared to jump one last time.
She started the leap by smiling, holding onto Jeff's hand, and leading him to the kitchen to get more food, so more words could come.
And Jeff then swore anew to make them come, so that drunk Jeff, or bad adventures without Annie, never had to set him straight again. Or let anyone else touch his phone.