00:00 Monday I'm bored. And it is too early for someone as awesome as me to go to bed. So what should I do? Mmmmm... I got it! Now where the fuck did I put my phone...
00:10 Monday Found it. It was in my porn closet. (And yes I have a porn closet. It's filled with incredible amounts of boobs) Just gotta find my little black book...
00:45 Monday Why in the fuck would my little black book be in the freezer? Now to call my best friend in the universe: Domino. Aww yes, that hottie will do. Dialing her number, I wait until that shorty picks up. "Hello" Domino says, sounding sleepy. "Whatcha doing? Who you with? Whatcha wearing? Can I come over and make pancakes in the nude?" We say without taking a breath. "Wade, it is one in the morning, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" she screams into the phone. "I just wanna spend the night with you" I say in my best hurt voice. I am sleeping." Domino says bluntly. "How about this: I round up Storm, then me and you and our special friend Storm can have a three way and... Hello? Hello?" Damn that bitch hung up...
01:00 Monday Dialing Emma's number, I wait until she picks up. "Hello" a sleepy sounding Emma says. Oh, the ideas in our head. (mostly naked Emma one s mind you) I put on my best hurt puppy sounding voice "Emma, I have to tell you something and you are not going to be happy about it" "What is it Wade? It is one in the morning..." Emma trails off. At this point I can barely contain myself. "Emma, remember that time you came over to mi casa and molested me?" "Wade, that never happened. You are crazier then I thought if you think that I would have anything to do with you." "But Emma" I said in my hurt puppy voice "I am pregnant and the kid is yours. You have to make me an honest ma-" "Listen here Wade, it is one in the morning, I have classes in less then six hours and I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH YOUR BULLSHIT TOINGHT!" And with that she hangs up on me. I can't stop laughing. This is the funniest thing ever.
01:25 Monday I wanna see Logan. It has been a few months, he can't still be mad over the whole crashing his hog and blaming the Hulk thing can he? So we need to go to the store for some cabbage, pinto beans and chimichangas.
01:45 Monday Mmmmm these chimi's are da bomb y'all! The cabbage and beans, eh, not so much. After I choke them down, I hop into my car, turn on some metal and drive to the X-mansion.
02:20 Monday I just got to the mansion. DAMMMNNN! I forgot how big this place is (you know what they say: Big house, small car) Silently picking the lock, I make my way through the darkened mansion. Now, where the hell does Logan sleep?
02:38 Monday Found it. Why is his room near Jean Gray's room? (Oh, nookie on the down low. Great idea. Hope Ol' One Eye doesn t ruin it.) Creeping into his room, I make my way over to his bed. There he is. Aww, look at him, sleeping like he don't know that I am gonna rip a huge fart on him. That's right, he doesn t. We silently walk over to where he is, hover over his head, drop my pants and hover my bare ass right above his nose. Simultaneously, I rip the most awesomely massive fart that I have ever ripped, as I punch Logan in the gut. Logan jerks awake and sits up. BINGO! His nose is in my butt crack as I blow another fart, only this one is wet. Logan punches his claws through my gut. Sooo worth it, just to see the look on his face. As I was running, I could hear Logan exclaim as I ran outta sight: "I'm gonna get you, you little fucker!" Not taking the time to look back, I take off like a redneck going to a monster truck rally.
03:05 Monday Not feelin' sleepy yet... Mmmmm what to do... Ah, Yes! I wonder if Rouge and Gambit are up? I just need a boombox and a cassette tape of the Glory Of Love...
03:46 Monday Why in the hell don't Wal-Mart sell big boom boxes from the 1980's? I had to break into Goodwill to buy one. (Don't worry dead reader, I left the money and a autographed picture on the counter) Now to find out where they live.
4:00 Monday Jubilee was actuly helpful once I gave her $20.00. I did not think that I would ever get the address out of her. Pulling up outside of their house, I get out of the car and make sure the batteries and cassette are both inside the boombox. Turning the volume up to max, I press play and hold the boombox above my head. ~I am a man who will fight for your honor I'll be the hero you're dreaming of We'll live forever Knowing together That we did it all for the glory of love~ "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING OFF HERE?!" screams Gumbohead as he and Rogue look out their bedroom window. "Rogue, I am in love with you and I am carrying your baby. Every since that night in Monte Carlo, I can't get you outta my head!" Both Gambit and Rogue stand there dumbfounded. Aww man, I wish I remembered to bring my camera with me, their faces are priceless. "You idiot, there was never a night in Monte Carlo, you can't be carrying my child, Ah never slept with you and it is 4:00 IN THE FUCKING MORNING! Get out of here before Ah come down there." Rogue said with a snarl. Man, some people are grumpy with us this fine morning.
05:00 Monday I'mma feelin' sleepy. I'mma heading to bed. Goodnight sweet diary of mine.