She talks to him, but he didn't talk back. Not that she expected him to. He never did even when he was alive and they were dating. She'd blab on, even though she knew he was only hearing bits and pieces. If she needed to vent, she would, so whether he was listening or not really never made that much of a difference. It's still the same.
When Rachel was younger, she often found that she had a weird habit of talk to herself. She'd be standing in front of the bathroom mirror, combing her hair and just talking to herself. Sometimes she'd be reciting lines or practicing her Tony award speech or simply planning a future conversation with a talk show host. So while she always had the habit of talking, at least now she knows someone important was (hopefully) listening.
But after a while, just talking wasn't enough. Lying in bed, softly crying herself to sleep and trying to talk to him gave her no comfort. Although she felt slightly less alone, it didn't heal the wound. Because even when Finn was there, there would come times where she'd demand his response, even if it was a nod of the head or a "yeah." She can't demand that now.
It took her almost two months to regaining a normal routine. After two months she finally went a day without crying. And it was that next day that she realized that maybe he did talk back.
Rachel had woken up before Kurt and Santana because she had to get to school early. Normally she wasn't a big morning eater, but the night before she hadn't eaten a lot so she was hungry now. As she sat on Kurt's vintage flea market chairs, she waited for her toast to pop up from the rusty old toaster that Santana had 'found'. Only moments later did the toast pop up, but both slices were burnt. Quickly Rachel turned on the range hood fan so the smoke detector wouldn't sound. She threw out the black toast with a frown.
"You always could make toast better than me," Rachel said to Finn with a quick glance upwards. "Don't be smirking! It's the only thing you can cook better. While I will admit that your culinary skills are decent, mine are better. Only toast and grilled cheese are your specialty. How you can get the toast so perfectly toasted is a mystery. I wish you had taught me the secrets to toast."
By now she was running late and didn't have time to try again, so she grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and got ready to leave.
Her stomach rumbled as she stood on the platform waiting for the subway, and she was surprised to find the dirty old place suddenly smelling good. As she turned to her left, she saw a cart being pushed by a few people around her age. On the cart were stacks of warm, perfectly golden toast.
"Miss! Care for some toast?" a cheery girl asked, offering Rachel a napkin with some buttered toast on it.
Rachel cautiously took it. "Why are you giving me this?" It could be poisoned or have been dropped on the nasty floor or something.
"We're in a marketing class and we're giving out free toast to early morning subway riders. It's part of a project," the girl explained with a half smile.
Rachel smiled, thanked the girl and stepped into the subway as its doors opened.
She sat down in a free seat and nibbled on the toast. "Thanks, Finn."
A few days later, the sky looked okay. A bit on the darker side, but okay. It was a sweater day, a day that Rachel has come to love ever since Kurt gifted her with a few of Finn's old sweaters. Rachel loved wearing them even if they had lost the smell of Finn from the washes. They still felt like him and that's what mattered.
That okay sky, however, turned not being okay throughout the course of the day, and when Rachel got out of school, she was annoyed to see that it was pouring rain. Especially today for she didn't have money for the subway and lent her pass card to Santana for the day. She had planned to get some good old and well needed excersise and she was not about to do that in the rain.
"Ugh, Finn, I know you're behind this," she said out loud. Finn had loved rain, particularly light drizzles. His face would light up as soon as he heard the first few drops on the roof of his house. Rachel despised rain. After all, she's spent years singing about not raining on her parade; it's become habit.
"Come on, Finn, can't you lighten up for just a few hours? I need to go back...to the house."
She stood under a tree, keeping as dry as possible, staring up at the angry clouds.
"Finn!" Rachel shouted, as a gust of wind shook the tree and thick drops of rain landed on her, both chilling her and wetting her hair.
As she tried to shake the water off her hair, she accidentally dropped her bag. It was a large, fashionable black bag that Kurt had picked out. It held all her things. All the things that now, were on the wet ground. Rachel bent down and hurried to pick up her belongings. And that's when she saw it: a small, black, travel-sized umbrella. She didn't own one and definitely didn't put one in her bag. For a second she thought she had someone else's bag, but everything else was definitely hers. As she picked the umbrella up, she smiled.
Standing up and opening it so it gave her shelter, she looked up at the sky.
"It's the least you could do," she said with a slow smile. "But thank you. Although next time, just end the monsoon."
Nights were the hardest. Even when they had been broken up, Rachel could always count on happy memories of Finn to help pull her into a deep sleep. But now, no matter how many happy memories she thinks of, she can't help but let the facts sink in a bit more than those. It's hard to think pretty when reality is ugly. Most nights, she'll lie in bed and just talk to him, and often cry. And when she's wore herself out, she'll drift into a normally restless sleep. Though she's found that the more she talks to Finn, the easier sleeping gets.
"Hey Finn. How's it going up there?" her night conversations normally started like that, making it seem like a regular phone call.
"Today was busy. I wasn't at school because I had a day off. Yay. But I was at work. You know, this is the first job I've ever had and I don't know why people complain about going to work. I like my job. The people are nice, I get to sing, and I'm with Kurt and Santana and Dani. I wish you had met Dani, she's a blast. The best thing about her is that even though she's dating Santana, she's still friends with Kurt and I. Like we'll be on break and we'll be joking about Santana behind her back. Dani's cool. Anyways, after work, Dani came back her with us and we made pizzas. She's a pretty good cook. I think Kurt had a problem with that, but he can get over it. After pizzas we played Pictionary, which was hilarious. We're all pretty sucky artists so it was quite a challenge. Kurt was probably the best of of us all because he draws clothes and stuff. Speaking of Kurt, I think he's doing okay. He's not as emotional anymore. If you have the chance, maybe give him a sign or something like I know you do for me. He is your brother, after all. Today I caught him looking at a picture of you two on his phone. He doesn't know I saw, though. We all miss you, Finn." Rachel almost began crying.
She rolled over onto her side and took deep breaths. Although she had think comforters over her, she was still cold.
"I miss you here with me," Rachel said quietly. "Anyways, I have dance class tomorrow so I'm going to need my beauty sleep. I'm falling asleep here. Goodnight, Finn."
Sighing, she curled up a bit more and closed her eyes. She said a few quick prayers and tried to sleep, but she wasn't dozing off as fast as she normally was. Then, though at first she thought she was imagining it, she was sure the bed dipped just a bit as if Finn's body was there next to her. Suddenly the comforter got warmer and she felt a whole lot safer. As she felt herself fall into sleep's hands, she smiled.
"I love you," she whispered.
And that's when she knew that Finn would always be with her. He was up there somewhere, watching over her and, as she happily came to learn, talking back to her in ways that Rachel will always love and never cease to enjoy. So she got a few odd looks from random people in public who overheard her talking to Finn. That was meaningless because she only cares about the one who she was talking with: Finn.
She talks to him. And in his own special way, he now talks back.
A/N
Hi! I don't know why, but what Rachel said in 5x03 about talking to Finn still was really interesting because, to be honest, I can't see Rachel doing so. But at the same time, maybe Rachel has been changed so much that she does. Either way, it's canon now and so I wrote this, hoping that maybe after doing so it'll feel more canon. I don't know about you, but I think I succeeded. This story was also my coping mechanism. 'The Quarterback' was a sad episode with an unhappy ending and that's why I gave this a bit of a happier ending. My intention her isn't to hurt, it's so attempt at healing.
Anyways, thanks for reading! *internet hugs*