Shawn had never been the world's greatest hospital fan if you'd ask him. There was something so dreadful and sterile about the whole thing: the white walls, the white ceilings, the white hospital beds. Plus all those long hours getting bored to death with almost nothing to do except sleep, eat, watch a bit of TV or even read if by luck you or someone else had brought a book. Nope, Shawn thought as he looked up at the hole-covered ceiling and sighing for what might have been the hundredth time, this is really not my kind of place. And of course, as luck would have it, here he was once again. He had been in this environment many times before to treat different places of his body: knees, back, shoulder and now thanks to a certain gentleman by the name of Brock Lesnar, he was holed up in an hospital bed nursing a broken arm.
Shawn closed his eyes. He was afraid something like would happen the moment he had been threatened by the big man the week before. All day he had been nervous, a bit scared of what just exactly Brock might do to him if they met face to face without some backup of some sorts. Thankfully, Hunter had arrived just before Brock could do any damage and the contract signing had gone on without a hitch. If only he had thought about what would happen after the singing, then maybe he wouldn't be in this situation right now. He should have stuck close to Hunter instead of leaving on his own, but nooo, Shawn thought bitterly as he lay his head on the pillow under him, he just had to be stupid and wonder off without any kind of protection. That's when Lesnar had struck, pulling Shawn out of his car and into the ring, gave him a devastating finishing move and then put him in a hold that would make most UFC fighters give up, so how could an ordinary wrestler fare in this kind of situation? And Hunter had been too late to save him, the damage already done, with only a guilt-ridden face and the words "I'm sorry" on his lips left to make it up to him...
Shawn smiled, it really wasn't Hunter's fault that this had happened. He had been the one that had suggested being in his corner to see their fight at Summerslam. He had been the one to arrive early just to see the ring and the show being set up and not wait for Hunter. He had been the one that decided to leave the arena alone and get into his car without waiting for the other. This was his fault and his alone. But now at least he understood how Hunter felt a couple of months ago, when he himself had been in the same situation, holed up in a hospital room nursing also a broken arm. He had visited Hunter countless times, trying to cheer him up and pass the time and while it had mostly worked, sometimes when Hunter wasn't looking or too tired and slept, Shawn would just stay in the room and stare at him. And he would see the worry-lines on his face, as if he felt back then just Shawn felt right now, that the whole situation could have been avoided if he had been more careful, if he had made different decisions, if he had...
Shawn stopped himself. He shouldn't be thinking about ifs and would haves, because that would make him think about...
Hunter kept pacing back and forth in front of the red and white door with a silver 405 imprinted on it. He looked at the makeshift bouquet of dried flowers in his hands and sighed, dropping them in a trashcan nearby. Such a crappy gift from a crappy friend. He couldn't stop feeling guilty for everything that had happened. It had been his fault he was running late for the show, causing Shawn to worry. It had been his fault he hadn't followed Shawn to the parking lot when he had been done talking to him and left him on his own. And it had been his fault that he had arrived too late to save his best friend and could only survey the damage made in the ring, feeling lost and sorry, while the other was whirling back in forth in agony.
Hunter looked up at the hallway clock: 7:45 PM. Only one hour until visits were over. Well, Hunter thought, now was the time or never. But what could he say, what could he do? He had never experienced so much fear and so much guilt in this short amount of time. How could he look at the other man without all those feelings coming back at once? If only he had been with Shawn earlier, if only he had protected him more, if only...Hunter stopped himself. Now was not the time to think about if-onlys, that would be walking in a dangerous territory. There was a best friend on the other side of that door that needed cheering up and that was exactly what he was going to do. So Hunter swallowed thickly, put all those feelings in his back pocket and knocked gently on Shawn's hospital door. When no answer came, he opened the door quietly.
"Shawn?" he whispered, afraid to bother the other man. But then he looked at the other side of the room and couldn't help but smile: Shawn was sleeping soundly, his chest slowly going up and down and his body twisted and turned in a way that indicated that he had tried to make himself comfortable despite his right arm that was propped up in a sling close to his side. After debating with himself whether to stay and wait until Shawn woke up and leaving him be, Hunter decided to do the one thing the other man didn't know about him: he advanced quietly next to Shawn's bed, delicately dropped himself on the edge of it and did what he had done numerous times before when the other wasn't aware: he watched Shawn sleep. He could watch Shawn for hours and had done so before. He had always love how the other man looked so peaceful, so angelic when he slept. Hunter smiled once more and put a lost strand of Shawn's hair delicately behind his ear. These were the moments he cherished most with the other, besides all the kidding around and the good times they shared and this was when he let his mind go and went through that dangerous territory he forbade himself to go most of the time, just like he was doing right now. Somehow all of a sudden, a mixture of feelings overcame him and he tried to calm himself down. The feelings of the past somehow mixed with the feelings of the present and almost knocked him down for the count. Having to let the pressure out so he wouldn't lose his mind, Hunter did what he thought was best, he began to talk to Shawn.
"Hey, he began. I know you can't hear me, being asleep and all, but I just need to talk to you for a bit, if you don't mind." Seeing Shawn unresponsive, he continued: "Good. Look, I know I probably said it a thousand times just in the last 3 hours or so, but you have no idea how deeply sorry I am for what happened to you. It's my fault you're in here. It's my fault your arm's broken. If I'd just come a couple of second earlier, all of this crap could have been avoided. We would be at your hotel room and be laughing, just like we always do instead of being here, with you in pain and me talking to a wall." he tried at cracking a joke. This was his defense-mechanism, when he didn't want his true feelings to show up. Most of the times it worked and what he truly felt would just go back down his throat and into his heart like it always did, but now, with Shawn unable to laugh at his jokes and move along, his attempt at humor stuck in the air, and his feelings didn't come down like they should be. And so, for the first time in his life, with no other defenses to protect him, Hunter began to crack:
"God, do you have any idea how scared I was? When I heard the commotion in the parking lot and saw your car all smashed up, I thought for sure something bad had happened to you."
He took Shawn with him.
"But not this, it would have been better if you had been in a car accident than this. Not in his hands. Not for him to hurt you like he wanted. If you'd been in an accident, it would just a been that, an accident and nobody's fault. But the moment I ran down and saw you with him..."
Take one more step and he's going to break his arm!
"I wanted to go over there so badly, you know I did, but I couldn't because I was so scared about what he was going to do to you. But he did it anyway and there was nothing I could do and I'm so sorry Shawn, you gotta believe me!" he whispered harshly trying to hold back to tears that wanted to fall. "All this time, all I was thinking about was how this is all my fault, how this could just have all been prevented. I was just thinking about all those good times we've had and how much I could lose because of him. There is so much I haven't said and so much we haven't done. And now all I can think about is all those times I could have said something but I didn't because I've been so stupid and just so scared about how you might react. If you only knew how many times I wanted to tell you but I couldn't, how much I wanted to talk to you about this since the beginning but I didn't. There was always just something or someone in the way, I just wanted to make you understand Shawn, to make you see, that I...that I..." his voice quivered. He stopped and took a deep breath. "That I'm in love with you and I've been feeling like this for a really long time." The moment he said it out loud, it was like a huge burden that had been in his heart for the longest time disappeared and Hunter suddenly felt lighter, better.
"I'm sorry I never told you this, and with you being asleep like this you'll probably never realize I said it anyways. But it's true. You have no idea how much I admire you, respect you, adore you. How I've seen you with other guys and other girls and how just jealous I really was. Because I was jealous of them, I wanted to be them. I wanted you to look at me just like you looked at them. But I knew it would never be like this. I know how you've never seen me more as your old buddy Hunter and nothing more. And maybe it's better this way. At least if you never know you can never hate me for loving you the way I do and I can still be your best friend, just like always. But anyways, I better go, it's probably getting late and I'm getting tired talking to myself." Hunter said turning himself around to get off the hospital bed.
A small hand suddenly grabbed his elbow.
"Who said you were talking to yourself?"
Hunter suddenly froze. "How long have you been awake?" he asked shakily. "Oh, right about the part about the hotel room and the laughing." Shawn spoke, his eyes still closed. "Listen, Shawn, about what I said..." Hunter began.
"Sshh..." Shawn put a finger on Hunter's lip and opened his eyes; eyes that were sparkling, shining, happy. "How did you know to say everything I ever wanted to you but couldn't back to me?" he said, a soft smile on his face. Understanding now and his soul at peace for the first time in a long time, Hunter smiled back, closed his eyes at the hand that cupped his cheek and he and Shawn, in the middle of a sterile hospital bed, shared their first kiss.
It was with that time in mind that Hunter found himself, two years later, in another bed. Only this one was more welcoming and less sterile and just like that first time, he was there kissing Shawn. But instead of kissing a best-friend-turned-lover, he was now kissing a lover-turned-husband. And instead of him being all clothed and the other with an arm in a sling, they were both naked with both of their arms around the other. He had just come from the highest of highs with the love of his life and they were now just coming down to Earth.
"I love you, you know that right?" Hunter said smiling as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind Shawn's ear just like that time two years ago. Shawn smiled back at his husband and just like then, cupped the other's cheek, his wedding ring shining in the moonlight. "I know and I love you too." the other replied, bringing Hunter's lips back to his in a passionate and loving kiss, ready for round two. And so it continued on and on, until the both of them were completely exhausted and then they snuggled together and watched one another, touching and caressing and kissing, happy that a broken arm had somehow mended both of their hearts.