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Summary: Theresa forces Ethan to let go.
AN: Just a quick vignette. Not for Ethan/Theresa fans.
He hadn't noticed that she had not jumped to defend herself or her choices during his diatribe that went on for better than ten minutes. As he wound down, she looked at him, eyes searching his for—something.
"Are you finished?" she quietly asked.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm finished," he bit out, frustrated; flexing his shoulders in irritation.
"Good. Because I'm done."
"Theresa—"
"Ethan, please. You've had your say, and you've said more than enough. It's my turn now."
"Sure. Sure, go ahead, whatever," Ethan muttered.
Ethan and Theresa were so focused on each other that they didn't see that they had acquired an audience. Jared and Gwen were standing outside of Theresa's office, having arrived within minutes of the other, each searching for their respective partner.
"I'm done Ethan. And have been done since that night in Rome when I told you that I was letting go of you. Of us."
"Theresa this isn't about …"
"It is about that Ethan. It's exactly about that. And you need to stop. You just need to stop."
"Theresa, this isn't about us, this is about Jared, he's not the right guy for you…"
"Ethan. Just stop. Please." Theresa barely whispered, but the urgency in her voice silenced him. "Ethan, it's been seven years, and you have never chosen me. Never really chosen me; and while I've never doubted that you loved me, I can't really say that I've ever trusted your brand of love. And the further I move on from us, the cleared I see what we were."
Holding up a hand to forestall his interruption, Theresa went on, "When we were together I was always terrified that Gwen would get to you, convince you to leave me for her somehow, even though I knew in my soul that you loved me. The ground was never sure underneath my feet. And living like that brought out the worst in me. And I never what to be that person again; I never want to return to that desperate, needy creature that thought nothing of throwing down her dignity and self-respect in the name of your "love"," she said, making air quotes.
"Theresa, what we were to each other was real, it was beautiful—"
"It was selfish. It was greedy. And it was destructive," she said, talking over him. "Dysfunctional is too kind a word for what we were to each other, to those around us. How many times did you kiss me, hold me, declare your love for me, make love to me, then return to Gwen's bed? How many times did I lie and cheat and destroy in my quest for our great and fate blessed love? How many others have been sacrificed at the altar of that"love"?" Theresa bit off a harsh bitter laugh.
"Gwen lost a child. Jane was taken away from me. We've been in and out of wedding chapels, courtrooms, operating rooms and jail cells from one end of this county to the other, not to mention a few unfortunate European capitals. Our sanity has suffered and God knows our families have suffered. And I. Am. Done. I'm tired Ethan, I can't—I won't keep doing this. My children deserve better, I deserve better, hell Gwen deserves better!"
"Theresa, you know how important my marriage is to me. Gwen is my wife—"
Weary to her soul, Theresa covered her face with both hands and exhaled years of frustration and impotence. "Yes. Yes Ethan, I know. You've told me. Usually after you've taken me into your arms and made love to me while telling me how much you love me how much you want me; yeah you've then told me how important your marriage is to you. And you'd always leave my bed and return to hers. Until the next time, and the next and the next."
"Theresa, it wasn't like that, it wasn't cheap and dirty like you're making it sound. It was beautiful. We love each other, but Gwen—"
"I'm not doing this anymore Ethan. I want to be happy. I'm determined to be happy. And you've made it quite clear that I will never be happy with you. So my choices were these: to be your piece on the side or to move on. Believe it or not, I somehow rediscovered my self-respect and I've chosen to move on. How and with whom I do so is none of your business."
"This isn't about your moving on Theresa, I want you to, I told you to. But not with Jared Casey!" Ethan bellowed.
"Then who Ethan? Name one man with whom I should be with, any man!"
"Well, I can't think of anyone right off," Ethan stammered.
"Ethan, you have made your decision, and I will no longer make it okay for you to have your cake and your Theresa too. You made a decision out of a guilty conscience, paying lip service to duty, denying your heart. And that decision wasn't fair to anyone because you broke not only your heart but my heart too; and you cheat Gwen everyday you hold her wishing that it were me."
"I don't…,"Ethan fumbled. "I love Gwen, she's… she's my… wife."
"So she is." Theresa's voice grew cold, "Go home Ethan. Go home to your wife and live the life that you've chosen. Just stay out of mine or the next time we have to have this conversation you'll have to explain to your wife why I was forced to have a restraining order sworn out against you," Turning her back on him, Theresa went to stand behind her desk.
"Theresa, don't do this. We love each other—you love me," Ethan offered, reaching out his hand for her.
Looking from his out stretched hand to his eyes, she calmly and clearly rang the death knoll, "Less and less every day Ethan and I thank a merciful God for that, because loving you nearly destroyed me."
Looking as if he'd been pole axed, Ethan went a little unsteady on his feet. "Theresa, please, give me time, I can make it right."
"But I survived," she went on as if Ethan hadn't spoken, "And Jared is a wonderful man, a man that is offering me his whole heart, and one day very soon I have every confidence that I can reciprocate."
"And no Ethan, I'll not give you one more minute of my time or one more ounce of my love. You've proven to be a very careless steward of both. Now if you'll excuse me," she gestured to the phone as she began to dial.
Just then, Jared entered the room, flipping through a contract he was holding, giving no indication that he had been privy to their conversation, "Tess, legal has made the revisions and the Billings contract is ready for your signature." He stopped when he spotted an ashen Ethan, "I'm sorry, did I interrupt…"
"Not at all, we're finally done here. Ethan was just leaving, weren't you Ethan?"
Clearing his throat, Ethan made noncommittal noises of agreement and left Theresa's office.
Getting up to embrace Jared, Theresa held onto him fiercely. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing is wrong. Everything is just right, for the first time in a longtime. Everything is just right. You holding me like this, loving me like you do. It's incredibly right and I'm so incredibly grateful for having you in my life." Pulling back to look him in the eyes, "I love you Jared."
"Tess, you don't have to say that, I know you're still trying to resolve your feelings—" Jared began.
"No, that was true before, but now I see everything so clearly. It's as if the blinders have fallen away. And right now, right here in your arms, I know my heart—and whatever went before pales in comparison to what I feel for you. Because you gave me what no one else would—you freely gave me home and a love that was solely mine. A love that I didn't have to scheme for, to compete for, or prove that I was worthy of; you put no conditions on it, you simply gave it," Theresa was sobbing in earnest now, unable to control the floodgates that burst forth.
"Hey, hey, Tess. It's okay," Jared soothed, holding her close.
"Thank you Jared, thank you for being so patient with me; it wasn't for nothing because I get it now. I get that this is home, a home built of truth and a steadfast love; you've been here waiting for me to realize what I needed most, and to come home to you. Thank you for allowing me to come home to your arms Jared and to know that I can relax here, knowing that you see me, the good and the bad and that you accept all that I am and that love remains. I love you Jared. I love you."
"I love you Tess," bending down Jared kissed her and it felt like a benediction.
Eavesdropping in the outer office a despondent Ethan passed a hand across his wet face and exited the office, never having seen a devastated Gwen standing in the shadows, the sole witness to the death of his dream — and hers.
The End.