Well 'ello again, this came to while listening to music, as usual, hope you enjoy it cause I enjoyed writing it.
I own nothing, the song belong to Staind and The Red Jumsuit Apparatus and the characters belong to J.K Rowling, the plot it mine thought, HANDS OFF... umm yeah...
Thoughts
Song lyrics
Read on...
"You stupid, pathetic, Gryffindor. I don't want you here right now, so go take you fucking Golden Self and leave me the hell alone. I need to talk to Severus and Blaise, alone."
Harry held the tears in, the words stung, they always stung. But he bared them, like he always did. He loved Draco, always, and if that meant taking every insult thrown at him, every hit then he would do it, if only to hear him say I love you in the end. Because somehow that was worth it.
"Well what are you standing there for, go and whore yourself off, Potter."
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face
Harry ran out of the room with sob, why did he have to bring that up. WHY? He ran all the way into his own private quarters and threw himself on the bed. He had decided to keep the room just in case he needed to get away, because even back then he knew that their relationship wouldn't work. But he chose to ignore it in favor of the sweeter side of Draco, the one that whispered sweet nothings to him every night.
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
He always wanted to believe that Draco would never change; he would never be like his father. He had hoped his love would save him, his kisses would keep him home, but hopes were meant to be diminished and kisses were meant to be forgotten.
I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
He waited every night for his lover to return home, to smile again, to smell of vanilla and rain. But he never came home, instead came Draconis Lucious Malfoy, head of the Aurora Department, Head of the Board of Government and spouse to Harry James Potter. Not lover, not husband and defiantly not partner, just… spouse. He didn't know why Draco enjoyed tormenting him, just like back in school. Where petty rivalries were what they lived for, something to bring them back from fantasy land, to make them understand that there was a war outside the safety of Hogwarts. To make them realize Slytherin and Gryffindor don't ever stay friends, ever.
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you
And yet, they found each other. Their differences didn't bring them together, neither did their sames. What brought them together understanding, each understood how much of a burden the other was carrying. One to save the world with a joyful smile on his lips as he maimed and killed; the other to be the Heir to the Darkness to smirk as he raped and killed without mercy.
Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
After all these years Harry still let him do this, let him remind him of all the horrors of battle, all the loses and all the deaths. He made sure Harry understood it was his entire fault, all his fault. And Harry believed him, because he loved Draco and what Draco said had to be true, at least most of the time. After all he had killed his lover, he had killed the old one and the new one came. He told himself that.
Draco watched as Harry fled the room with a sob, he heard the door slam and knew he was going to his own quarters, a place where even Draco didn't know how to enter. He sighed, he didn't know why he said the things he said, but he knew in the moment he said them he loved how Harry's eyes would remain dead and cold but at some point he saw the pain and ache underneath and he knew he caused this. He saw the broken man Harry had become.
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you
He heard Harry cry the night away almost every time he came home, he never mentioned it, never used it against him because him crying hurt more then anything.
Face down in the dirt, he said,
"This doesn't hurt", he said
Draco had heard the lies that had been told, the treacherous lies, the ones where they were the happy couple, the insults were a simple little game. Sometimes Draco felt like yelling at Harry, to tell them the truth, that they were unhappy and wanted a divorce but they didn't, they wanted to be together, they needed it.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
He never understood why Harry stayed around, he insulted him, hit him, sometimes beat him, but he stayed. He stayed willingly and took the pain easily, like everything else he took. And sometimes Draco wanted Harry to strike back, to say some thing he wasn't supposed to mention, something that Draco would hit him for. But he never did, and Draco hated him for that.
Do you feel better now as he falls to the ground?
He didn't feel better, sometimes he did, sometimes he felt some satisfaction when he felt Harry fall deeper and deeper into depression, deeper then he already was. He knew Harry cut, he knew he was suicidal but he did nothing, believing he would climb back again, like a good little golden boy. Sometimes worried that he took it too far, especially today. He had promised to never mention what his uncle had done to him, because his father had done the same thing. He never said anything about it when they fought, ever. But today he did and maybe… maybe, he should apologize. But he wouldn't, he was too proud for that; he was a powerful wizard in the eyes of the public, powerful in magic and powerful in sex. He would never apologize, ever.
Tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again
Sometimes Draco tells himself that he's going to stop, that he's going to appreciate his husband and not be like his father. But those promises never held because he was his father, his hair was the same length, his eyes were the same icy blue and whenever he looked into the mirror he saw his father there, not himself. And that scared him. So he took it out on Harry, the only person who reminded him that he wasn't Mr. Malfoy, but Draco Malfoy, spouse of Harry James Potter. Just spouse.
Harry took the knife in his hands and thought, he shouldn't be doing this, he should be apologizing to Draco for disturbing him.
But he doesn't even care
The voice whispered and Harry agreed, Draco wouldn't care, he never did, never. He brought down the knife onto his arm, right where the vein was. He knew Draco knew he was cutting, he knew about it all along but never stopped him, not like he did before. Before he would rip the knife out of his hands and blow it up with a Reducto before yelling at him and then healing him. But now all he did was smirk coldly and stare, he would taunt him about it when they fucked. It wasn't even sex, it was fucking. He dominated and abused him while Harry took it.
Not anymore, not anymore
He slashed his wrists, and winced at the slight pain, but he had felt worse, always felt worse. He enjoyed the feeling of numbness that came with this, he enjoyed how to the blood just flowed around him, he enjoyed it all because he hadn't enjoyed anything for a long time. He whispered a spell that would let the door open to anyone who wished it too and then let the darkness consume him…
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
No, he wouldn't…
Well, what do you think? Like it, hate it? Depressing enough???? During Harry's POV the song is Right Here by Staind and during Draco's it's Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, both totally awesome songs, although I changed some words in Face Down. Please R&R
Warmest regards,
TheSlytherinMuggle