Talan-raas, at the moment, wanted to die. Why? Because Josephine had once asked her a question about what she thought of the Qun and she'd just said it was something she knew quite a bit about. It was months later before they returned to the discussion and by then Talan-raas had forgotten that their resident ambassador had read into the practice and was no longer a good person to unload hidden feelings onto; like a temporarily deaf person suddenly regaining their hearing just as you tell them you once considered jumping off a cliff to save your favourite sheath (the look she'd gotten was horrible). It hadn't even occurred to the Qunari mage that she knew what joining meant for someone like her and it soon transformed from an old chat subject that had left the woman begging her to not be outwardly about her intrigue; it had only been the very beginning of the Inquisition after all. Now she was sitting in her loft and regretting the openness she'd always had with her friends and attempting to rein in her distaste for Solas outting her right after they'd met (though if she was honest, someone was going to find out eventually considering she'd woken up in new clothes).

Valo-Kas just hadn't been fulfilling to her and left her without any real thought when it came to her purpose besides to being present as Arvaarad breathed down her and the others' necks. Depression had loomed over her and held fast like chains, choking out any and all attempts at conversation as she didn't move away, instead simply ignoring what was around her in favour of watching the sea. They'd moved away from the cliffs after that but it had only made it worse, she didn't talk and felt tired often but was always refused easy slumber; spending most nights just sitting in silence as she watched the others breath and snore within or just outside their shared tent. The fun was leached out of any and all tasks, bridges blowing up without her even stopping to look as she once had with a marvelled gaze that appeared without fail at every occasion. If interventions had a smell as they were brewing then it would be permeating throughout the camp as they set it up; they were just a day's walk from their next job at the Conclave and, ironically enough, the worst time in recent history; though for Talan-raas that night was her worst time. As it turns out, sleep deprivation and prolonged disuse of one's magic was not a good combination as that night she'd been awoken by the heat of her own body and a terrible bile in her throat.

Talan-raas had sat that night out of the tent, throwing up suspiciously hot fluids into a bucket and keeping up quite a few with her wet coughs and the implication of a wakeful mage. Arvaarad had sat with her that night in a show of trust to the other mages but a show of reassurance to her; he'd noticed her recent behaviour and simply waited for her to talk; which she did, albeit slowly and with many rasping breaths in between.

"The others are scared of me," Her companion nodded, knowing that lies would do her no good, nor would interjecting with the people that were proved false to that statement, "...I'm scared of me." She whimpered before pulling back her long hair (which was held up by Arvaarad) and giving the bucket another go.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, it just feels like- ugh- like everything's falling apart; I'm not happy anymore and I don't know why and it's just too much to ignore!" She whispered, voice wavering as her volume increased, "I'm losing control and- I'm afraid…"

"That is why I am here, imekari." He says in a calm tone, slowly prying Talan-raas's hands from her throat and holding them in his palms.

"I'm just tired...tired of everything. Of dreaming, of demons, and...feeling like I'm a risk."

"They tempt you-?"

"No! No. It's just- whispers...little words that wear you down, they're meant to hurt and they do and I want, so badly, to feel calm and safe; not one or the other."

"Is that why you were curious of Tranquil and Saarebas?"

"I was desperate, the other can't understand...not even the other mages."

"That is correct, they are unlike you. You have more to hold and do not release enough." He pauses, "It is fire." She nods solemnly and he does in turn, they both know what it means and that it would not be easily reined in; she was a danger, one the others would fear if they knew of. Even now Talan-raas's skin seemed to glow with a soft candle light, brow letting out beads of sweat as heat radiated from her skin; it was no wonder she spent so much time by the shore but insisted on staying far from the water.

"Imekari."

"Hm?"

"Is there another weapon you'd like to learn?"

"I suppose something with a better blade could be nice...where were you going with this?"

"Just come up with a weapon."

"If I ever replaced my staff I'd want something longer, I suppose. Maybe a curved blade like a scythe!"

Snap!

She'd looked over in horror to see her staff was in pieces with the crystal crushed into powder the blowing away with the wind from beneath his foot. She said nothing, mouth merely hanging open in shock as he chucked the pieces of wood into the sea, turned on his heel, and left without another word. Talan-raas had never remembered a time that she'd ever been that angry, the record stuck firmly to that very day. A week later he'd taken the stick she'd been using as a substitute and chucked it into the sea as well (though she was sure that was just for his own amusement) as he handed her a few new toys. A scythe, some short blades the resembled one called katas, and a bunch of runes, she looked over them in confused bemusement before she felt a weight on her neck and heard the subtle sound of a clasp. Talan-raas had looked back with a questioning gaze, only to meet the smug smile of her watcher.

"That should help, imekari." He said simply before walking away as she ran her hand over the collar in confusion, both at his lack of supervision and whatever he'd just attached to her. By nightfall she knew what it did and how freezing she felt as she lay tucked into her friend's side, whispering her thanks as she slept soundly inside the tent for the first time in years. The smile shone through on her face even now as she lay on the loft with her fingers touched the material and her body stayed cool. Talan-raas sighed, stretching as she finally got up from her perch and settled in for a long lecture as she grudgingly made the trip downstairs but smiled regardless at the nice memories that she would share; one hand holding the other to keep from pulling up her collar out of habit to hide the collar.