Rose Dawson sighed as she wiped her final table for the night. She was a waitress at a diner, and it was pretty much empty by now. A waitress wasn't the most exciting job, but it paid the rent for her apartment. Besides, she had no real talent, at least not that she had discovered yet.
"Rose, dear!" called Tessa, the lead waitress. She was a good friend of Rose's, she was the one who suggested that Rose would be the best fit for this job when she had applied a year ago.
Rose stood up straight and wiped her hands off in her towel. "Yes?"
"You're free to go, it's after ten," Tessa said, pointing at the grimy clock in the corner of the diner.
"Okay, just let me finish this table," Rose said, turning back to her work.
"Rose, dear..." Tessa repeated.
"What is it, Tess?" Rose asked, not turning away from the table she was wiping down.
"I'm sorry for bugging, hon, but you look distant today," Tessa said, walking up behind her.
"Distant? What do you mean?" Rose asked. She hadn't thought she had seemed different today...
"Well, normally you're perky with the customers, but today you seemed lost in thought, and almost...sad, or sorrowful," Tessa told her.
"I'm sorry, I just...I was thinking of someone I used to know," Rose said, sighing. "Today is the anniversary..."
"Anniversary?" Tessa asked, confused. "Anniversary of what?"
Rose flopped onto the chair at one of the booths. "Of...when he...died."
Tessa's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh, Rose, I'm sorry, I didn't–"
Rose shook her head. "No one does...I'm not exactly open about it."
Tessa sat down across from her, and placed her hand on Rose's.
"I'm so sorry, hon," she said, concerned. "Do you want to...talk about it?"
Rose glanced up, eyes dejected.
"We don't have to–" Tessa said quickly.
"No, it's okay. You're my good friend, you deserve to know," Rose said sadly. "He was...a man like no other. I had been engaged to...someone I did not love, but I had been first class, and my mother had taught me that we don't marry for love."
"That's horrible!" Tessa said. She was a big supporter of the Women's Suffrage Movement.
"It was," Rose agreed. "Anyway, me and this man...we met on the grandest ship in the world."
"The grandest? Sorry hon, but no ship was grander than Titanic," Tessa said, then gasped. "Was that the ship you were on?"
"It sure was."
"Oh my goodness," Tessa gushed. "I am so sorry again–"
"It's okay, Tess," Rose said, giving her a weak smile. "Anyway, we met that first night on the ship, because I had been severely depressed...and I had wanted to jump off the ship."
"Rose..." Tessa said, shocked.
"He convinced me to go back over the rail and that was only the beginning," and Rose continued to tell Tessa all abot how this man had spoken with her and dined with her and danced with her, and freed her in every way possible.
"Good lord, Rose," Tessa said when she finished. Both women had tears streaming down their faces.
"He...he just died, right there in the water, right in front of me," Rose sniffed. "And today is the one year anniversary of the sinking and I've been thinking all day, what if I had never let him go? We could've taken turns on that door, I could've saved him."
"Rose, no, it's not your fault," Tessa said.
"I know, I just wish I could go back and do something differently and save him somehow," Rose said, sorrowful. "But I guess...I'll never know."
"Oh, Rose," Tessa said, feeling horrible about the way her friend's life had been changed the previous year. She had gone through such tragedy and had no one to talk to about it. She had met the love of her life and lost him in a matter of days.
"And I honestly don't think I'll ever get over him," Rose confessed. "Being with any other man...it just doesn't seem right."
Tessa stood up, sad that Rose would never experience that type of love again. "Well, it's gotten really late, and maybe we should sleep on this conversation. Should I walk you home?"
Rose stood up shakily. "Thanks, Tess, but I think I'll be alright. I a live a few blocks away."
"Alright, hon, you take care now," Tessa said, hugging Rose tightly. Rose hugged her back, appreciative of her support. She walked to the kitchen and hung up her apron. Then, waving to Tessa one last time, she turned an walked out the door.
Walking into the night, Rose turned towards the direction of her apartment, but changed her mind and slowly headed the opposite direction, to the pier on the beach.
She had taken the train to Santa Monica soon after the sinking, to feel closer to Jack, to see if it would help with the pain. The first time she had gone to the pier, she had been overwhelmed with emotion at the thought that Jack had been to this very place.
Rose had done everything she and Jack had talked about. She had tried cheap beer, she had ridden the roller coaster and hadn't had any trouble throwing up her beer. When she had ridden her horse, the instructor had been very scandalized when she had gone onemleg on each side. Even without Jack there to help her, she had gotten the hang of it, and laughed the entire time.
Of course, that night she had cried herself to sleep, just like every other night before then. Slowly, Rose had been able to calm the waves of grief that still rippled over her every once in a while. They still hurt, but it was getting better.
Rose finally made it to the beach. She stood at the edge of the sand and slowly slipped her shoes off. She felt the sand between her toes and walked to the water.
When she reached the edge of the beach, she stuck her foot in the pitch black silky water. Lifting her skirt up, she waded in knee deep, feeling the cool waves lap against her skin.
She thought back a to a year ago this day, when Jack's short life had ended to save hers. She let the tears fall as she thought of all he had done to make sure her life would continue.
"I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered at the stars. Rose had promised to move on and die warm in her bed as an old lady, but she didn't want...she didn't want to live her entire life without Jack.
"What if I had never let you go, Jack?" she continued, her tears growing. "Would...you be the man I knew a year ago? What if I had never walked away from you? Because...I still love you,Jack...more than I can say..."
She laughed a little hysterically. "In love with a dead guy. What have I come to?"
She threw her head up. "Jack! I need you! I can't do this without you!" She slowly lowered her skirts down and slipped into the water, her waist and beneath soaking wet.
"Jack..." Rose whispered. "What if there was a way I could come back and save you? Would you still love me? I need you, Jack..."
Her hands gripped the sand between her fingers and she fell back in the water, allowing herself to fall unconscious in the water.
A/N The story just popped into my head, I'm basing it off of Kate Winslet's "What If" because the lyrics are so perfect.
Here I stand alone
with this weight upon my heart
and it will not go away
in my head I keep on looking back
right back to the start
wondering what it was that made you change
Well I tried, but I had to draw the line
and still this question keeps on spinning in my mind
What if I had never let you go
would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stay If you'd tried, if we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know...
Many roads to take
some to joy, some to heart-ache
any one can move away
and if I said that we could turn back
right back to the start
would you take the chance and make it change?
Do you think, how it would have been sometimes?
do you pray that I'd never left your side?
What if I had never let you go
would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stay. If you'd tried, if we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know...
If you want me to turn the hands of time
If I could turn it back would you stay as mine?
'coz I tried, but I had to draw the line
and still this question keeps on spinning in my mind
What if I had never let you go
would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'coz I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stay. If you'd tried, if we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know...
we'll never know...