For the purposes of my story, the FE universe will have modern unisex washrooms. Please review (or not) as you see fit. Oh, and yes, this is an extremely short story.

PS: Rated T just in case the suggestiveness comes out a little strong.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Fire Emblem

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Lute was waiting by the side of a door. Every few seconds she'd be up on her toes trying to get a glimpse through a large frosted window that was about a metre away from the door. After a while, a flushing sound could heard. As the door opened the mage quickly intercepted the potty-goer before he had the chance to step out of the bathroom.

"Er, hi," said a nervous Artur. "Do you... need to go?"

He was ignored. Lute nudged him back into the bathroom and went in after him. She looked long and hard at the interior. It was pretty fancy. There were ceramic tiles on the floor, a flushing toilet (quite the rarity), sink, bathtub, shower stall, welcome mat, and the frosted windows through which she had been looking only moments before. Artur felt flustered at being pushed back into the bathroom. It reminded him of how a cat would corner a mouse.

"Did you know that frosted windows are used for privacy?" said Lute matter-of-factedly. "I tried to look through one but I couldn't see you."

"I see... Wait, what?!" exclaimed the monk. He was now blushing and backed away from her.

"They serve their purpose well," she continued. "I wonder how they're made?" The mage walked to the other end of the room and started to examine the material of the shower curtains. Artur discreetly made his way to the door but unfortunately for him, it was locked.

"I have the key with me," said Lute casually while checking the bathtub for dust. "I don't want anyone to bother me while I do my research."

He started to panic and rattled the doorknob furiously. "It's no use," she said as she moved on to inspecting the quality of the toilet paper. "You can't open a locked door without a key."

Artur put his hands together and begged (more like grovelled, really), "Could you please unlock the-"

"No."

"But-"

"No."

The monk sighed in defeat and slumped to the ground. She was always stubborn like this. Oh well. At least there aren't any spiders that she could sic on him. At least, he hoped not... Artur shuddered. All those... legs... long, hairy, segmented legs... and those fangs... sucking out other bugs' body fluids and leaving behind withered husks...

Suddenly, Lute's face materialized very close to his. She was leaning towards him on all fours with an all too familiar glint in her eye. He gulped. There was a nervous pause before he asked, "You... you don't have any spiders, do you?"

"No."

Artur was relieved. That was a huge load off his chest. But she was still uncomfortably close to him. Personal space was never one of her concerns, he noticed. As a matter of fact, her lips were a twitch away from touching his at that very moment.

"Let's make out."

He went into shock. The monk tried to recoil away from her when he realized his back was against the wall. Lute was just joking. She always jokes around. She's not actually going to do that, right?!

"No one will see through the frosted windows."

She stayed in her very close and intimate position and stared and stared and stared and stared until he just couldn't take it anymore and scrambled away! Poor Artur stumbled about as he desperately searched for an exit.

Door's locked! AH! WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO?... Window! WINDOOOOOOW!

A frosted window was quickly opened. Artur scrambled out and a 'thud' could be heard as he landed on the other side. Frenzied footsteps echoed in the hall as he hurried away. "It's not you, it's me!" he yelled back towards his mage friend without slowing down.

Lute was still her calm old self. She pulled out a book that had the words "Monk Watching" on the cover and began to write.

My theory about contact with the opposite gender was correct, of course. Artur, when cornered by a female seeking mouth-to-mouth contact, fled. He escaped in 6.8 seconds which is only 0.67 seconds more quickly than my hypothesis. The rather undignified route of crawling out a window was chosen. This proves my earlier theory that monks value chastity over dignity. Tomorrow, I will experiment to see what his favourite colour is by showing him differently coloured spiders and noting which spider he shows the least fear of. My hypothesis is that it will be red since his name has two R's and he's a redhead.

PS: It appears that he left the toilet seat up. How inconsiderate.

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